Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Not much to add on this perfectly stated comment.  Dr. Phil, what do you have to say for yourself?!

Jay, baby, you are hot.  But , I have to agree on this one.  Try to convince us that you didn't see looks first on her!  Really, If she was just 30 pounds heavier, would you have struck up a conversation with her? 

  

That being said, I was a little angry with the woman who made the looks crack at Dr. Phil.  He is a very handsome man, lady.  He is funny and very smart.  Sure he is lucky to find Robin...but she is lucky to find him too.  They both are total winners.  You watch the show and you can just imagine that they are really that nice off-camera too.  You can't say that for a lot of celebrities. 

My mother, bless her, is 86, & she always taught us, all TEN of us, that how we behaved was the acid test of who we were. We learned to be open to others, whatever differences there were in social status, education, attitude, anything! (That did not mean we were to agree with everyone, but to keep an open mind about diverse views.) For Debi & Michelle, & many others, I assume, to believe appearance is so indicative of "success", saddens me. I know many people with perfect hair, gorgeous faces & physiques, ideal houses, affluent lifestyles, financial independence. I would not trade places with them for a minute, for they often lack what I consider true "success": loving families & friends, a true and honorable, purposeful life. Does Debi have a clue that her grammar alone would label HER with a much less than "successful" profile in educated circles? What do these women think they are doing to their children? Preparing them for the REAL world, with all of its challenges and choices? Good grief, is this what kind of society we are cultivating?

I watched Friday's show on Monday (thank goodness for TIVO!) and was shocked by both of those mothers.  The first one was the WORST!  She is a horrible mom, treating her youngest daughter like she is worthless and totally spoiling the oldest one, and making poor Victoria sleep on the floor.  She doesn't deserve to have her kids until she learns how to be good mom to BOTH of her daughters.  I have two biological sons and one step son and I treat all three of my sons equally!   

  

At least the second mom was a little better but still prejucicial against "ugly", "imperfect" people.   

  

And Bravo to Jay for having the guts to be made up to look "ugly" to see how people reacted!  That was a great thing!   

I have friends of all shapes and sizes and all different looks, even a very dear friend with the same skin disorder that little Victoria has, and I don't treat any of the any differently.  My thin friends get the same treatment as my heavy friends (and I do have a friend who is close to 300# and I am 130#).  I truly am of the belief that it's whats on the inside that counts. 

Great job Dr. Phil.  I hope you can get those mothers to see what they are doing is wrong and they take you up on of the offer of help.  

  

  

 Dr. Phil,

Try sending your son to a newsroom in NYC....he will get eaten alive based on his looks alone.  For all the times that a person receives preferencial treatment b/c he/she is good-looking, there are just as many times that men/women are discriminated against b/c he/she is good-looking.  For your next show, send an attractive person to a truckers, builders or stock brokers convention.  Better yet, try sending a model to the floor of the NY stock exchange or the Chicago board of trade.  The traders on the floor will discredit and malign a person's work performance based solely on his/her looks. 

Show both sides of the story Dr. Phil.  Objective journalism is key.

Best,

Dr. Phil, 

My daily routine includes watching  YOU and Oprah.  That will not change because you BLEW IT!!   Honestly, this show was quite enlightening, until you made the last statement of the show.  You became judgmental, immediately,  when you commented on Jay looking "perverted and scary!"  How could you say that!  I would hope you would admit to this error on National TV on a follow up show!   Everyone makes mistakes, you included!   

  

Keep up the good work.  The world needs more caring, intelligent, and funny people like you!   

  

Your loyal and devoted fan,   

Liz  from Van Etten, NY 

It became quite apparent from your segment on Debbie, that she has outer beauty but not inner beauty and her insecurities and emphasis on beauty stand to destroy her daughter, who she makes to feel inferior.  My first reaction is...please someone take this beautiful child away from this unworthy mother - but then what would this mother learn from that.  She obviously is the one with the problem and deep inside I think she realizes that and wants to correct it - let's hope that is why she wanted to be on the Dr. Phil show.  I am sure what most Americans were thinking about this mother was not good - her inner beauty was showing through as pretty ugly - it did seem that Dr. Phil was having trouble getting through to her - she always wanted to bring it back to the daughter - put blame on her seven year old instead of looking at herself.  I am hopeful that Dr. Phil's offer of help will somehow change Debbie's self-absorbed thinking and through that change, her daughter can find self-worth and feel loved and secure.  Not all children are born perfect, and then we have disease, car accidents, etc., that can leave children looking less than perfect - they still need unconditional love in order to succeed in life.  Beauty is vain and fleeting - even Debbie will get old one day and not be too pretty, but if she is pretty on the inside, that will shine through.  Without the unconditional love from Debbie - her daughter is being set-up for failure in all that life has to offer - such a shame when parents can't seem to see their own destructive ways!

Dear Debi - watching you on the show brought back so many memories from childhood.  I, like your girls, was raised in a house where one of us was the good one, one "lazy and good for nothing" just like your father. 

  

I was the good one, the one that got better attention, the one that got more love, the smart and pretty one that got more praise.  But that didn't help.  It was not fun.  I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  And the guilt I felt about my sibling getting in all the trouble, getting all of the bad, was horrible.  And I never really felt like my mom really loved me because of course I was not quite as great as she thought and when she figured that out I would get treated badly too. 

  

So now in my thirties I look back and cry over my childhood.  It was not fun being number 1 because it was an abusive home - even if only one child is getting that abuse.  Of course my sibling is living out my mothers prophecy of being worthless.  And I live with guilt.  And it is difficult to love my mother. 

  

My mother now is in her 70's and wonders how my sibling and I have turned out so different being raised in the same house, and wonders why no one wants to be around her.  She wants me to be her best friend and I cannot do that.  She is sad and lonely. 

  

Please do not continue to do this to your family.  You really are hurting both of your daughters - and yourself. 

  I am so sad for those little girls that they have a mother like Debi. I would love to adopt Victoria.  My heart aches for her.  For years I was told I was beautiful and told it often as a young girl and woman however my mother always said "Beauty is as beauty does".  I have never forgotten those words.  

  

 At 46 years old I prefer to be acknowledged for who I am no matter if I am all dolled up and looking fine or in my sweats doing yard work.  I am me, period.  Every woman deserve that serenity. 

Debi --  

  

Do you know how many people cannot have children, but want one to love unconditionally? 

Why don't you put her up for adoption? She'd be better off. 

But, no, you WANT to keep her so you can make her PAY.  

I look at this child -- there is nothing wrong with this child. Except for the fact that she has you as her mother. 

You don't know how ugly YOU look, saying you dislike your child because she's not attractive to you.  

  

Good looks are only skin deep. You know something could happen tomorrow to take all those so-called good looks you have and remove them from you.  

  

I love children. LOVE them! I have my own daughter and she's beautiful now (she's a baby, whaddarya gonna do?). But if she grows older, gains weight, has issues with pimples and things, if she falls alot and gets scars all over -- she's still MY beautiful little darling. I would love her MORE because of her imperfections because I know this world will not be so kind.  

  

You should be ashamed of yourself. Heh, I'm suprised you had the chutzpah to go on the show!  

  

You need a LOT of prayer. I wish we could take your daughter from you so she can get the love and happiness she deserves as a human being.  

  

If you gave her to me, right now, I can assure you she'd have a wonderful life full of love and acceptance.  And, because of the love WE'd give her, here, she'd grow to be confident in herself, and one day, regardless of what YOU think is attractive, a man would come to love her for who she is, as the beauty of mind and personality stay LONG after the skin-beauty fades away... 

  

Remember that. Becuase you're going to be one old, wrinkled up, ugly acting woman who is alone because her kids want nothing to do with such a shallow, selfish person.  

  

Good luck. I pray that your daughter grows past you in all ways.