Topic : 09/19 "Afraid of My Mom"

I am not a therapist, but I can not believe she was allowed to go home to those children . 

I am so sick in my stomach; this was my life for 19 years. My mother said that same type of things to me. She screamed at me, hit me at times drawing blood, I feared for my safety to the point I would lock my bedroom door. She told me I was a mistake, said I was taking my father love away from her. The things she called me effected me for years.  

The little girls said some thing very interesting that they just had to endure for a few more years. I said the same thing. I moved 600 miles away at 19 to get away from her (my mother) and for the next 13 years I never lived with 400 miles of them. 

PLEASE get these children out of the environment or get that beast out of it. They will have years were they will have to work to repair themselves. It took me years, I dont even raise my voice any more, or say things in anger - I walk away calm down then address the situation.  

For years I said I didn't want children because I didn't want my children to hate me as much as I hated her. I remember saying that at 13 when I was lying on the floor after she had hit me.  

Now at 32  I realize I would never be like her and I would be a kind, loving parent. I have never treated my husband the way my mother and this women treated their husbands so I am secure in my feelings about my children (if I ever have any) 

I am so disappointed that she wasn’t sent to treatment right away and not allowed to see those girls. She might have realized just how close she was/is to losing them. 

Hi Dr Phil, 

I've been waiting to see this episode since I saw the previews. I live in a house like that and now that I am 20 years old, I am getting help with dealing with my father's anger for the last 20 years. It isn't easy and it's really tough. I feel so bad for those children, I would never ever wish that kind of stuff on anyone. Dr. Phil help the kids too...  

Jen 

I have been in a home with stress and trauma and can tell you that as a child and a young adult, I suffered.  I suffered from physical, emotional, sexual abuse, and neglect.  Unfortunately, I did not start to receive help until I was 25.  My father was a deadbeat and we saw him once in awhile.  My mother was the dominating parent.   She called me dummy, told me I could not be that stupid, and was neglectful to my needs.  I was also abused by my brother (who is mentally ill).   

I see those children and see me.   I am on medication for the rest of my life, in long term counseling, and suffer from permanent brain damage.  A child should have a stable, secure upbringing.  A child should not have to suffer.  Also it is revealed that Michelle was abused as I was.  This seems more about mental illness and less like discipline problems.  From what was said in the show, Michelle did not get the resources that she needed as a child and grew up to be the way she is.  She can not be faulted totally, but she does need to take control of the situation and receive help so that her family can resolve their issues.   I have a son and do not want him to suffer the way I did. 

As a mother watching this show & then seeing all the posters here in shock & horror of this womans behavior & then to see you defend her or relate in a way where you are justifying her (&your behavior) it means you're in troube too.  Not only are you in trouble but so are your KIDS.  While everyone is sitting here wondering why the father didn't truely come to the rescue of his daughters (frankly I thought he was at a loss of what to do) you're wondering why he didn't come to the rescue of his wife?!  I'm a mom too & I understand how difficult it can be when we're raising kids & they don't always do the right thing & they don't always listen & they can have selective hearing, but they're not doing this to be mean to mom & mom doesn't need protection.  They're the kids & SHE'S the adult.  If she needs a time out then she should be grown up enough to realize it & take it period.  She shouldn't be waiting for anything.  When you said "look who's left behind" I thought you were going to say "the kids" but you're still seeing the mother in need.  The kids have been traumatized by this woman & yes he's walking away because that's how he DOES CONTROL himself.  That was his time out he gave himself.  An adult has to recognize it & then take it.  & in reality what I heard him say was "I can not deal with *you* right now".  He was not speaking of the situation with the kids he was talking about dealing with his wife's her of control anger.  With that said it wasn't her that was left with the kids & cleaning it was the KIDS that were left with HER & the CLEANING.  You didn't see that?  

I watched this father kooooo to his daughter to pry her out of a closet where she was sitting hyperventilating & then proceeding to toss her cookies & you think it isn't her complete fault or that she has no control?  Certainly she does but first she has to see she's got a problem & if your view is this distorted I believe you've got to see this too.  If social services are at your house perhaps it's a distorted view that prevents you from seeing that it isn't just because of a "lack of money & such"  Unless the such is you screaming & brow beating the kids.  I think what you need is to RUN not walk to the first therapist you can find & help sort out your problems.  If it's not really a anger management problem then you'll at least have someone to talk out what's on your mind.   & all that stuff about you protecting your kids from society I do understand, but if you're verbally & emotionally abusing them they need protection from you!