Topic : 12/22 Little Mean Girls

....................to both of you.  The more I read the more I find on this board can make sense of the discipline problem in this world.  Start young.  We are so concerned about teaching kids the ABCs, numbers, how to read, and to make sure we put them into the right school at the right time.  Well doesn't dicsipline at a young age make the same sense?   

Well it does -  to most intelligent and reasonable people.  I applaud you both. 

......................too.  It's about time someone is "horrified".  Bravo for you.  More people should be horrified - but this is the age of moral decay where children are not taught to have a sense of shame, but rather to pass the buck, cheat, lie, then deny, or simply blame someone else.   

I see it everyday - way too often if you ask me.   

It is a little sad I had to resort to an anaolgy just to make my point, but I agree that anyone with that view point is apparently not living in the real world. I also agree with your reply about parents trying  to be a friend to their children. I am a  mom in my 20's and I have no desire to be my child's friend. 

they have enough "friends" what they need is a parent. You made a good point - BRAVO!!! 

That is a scary place to be for a child.  They don't know how to be a leader but at a very early age recognize that SOMEBODY has to take that role.  If the parents don't do it then they try - usually without sucess.  I say usually because there are circumstances where the child is forced to take care of themselves and younger children to simply survive.  (For instance those with drug addicted parents.)  Parents need to understand it is their responsibility to parent their children.  It isn't a parent's job to be their child's pal.  It works out that parents who are able to be their child's leader, behave responsiblly and lovingly turn out to be the best friend their child ever had.   

Of course we all make mistakes as parents.  We just need to recognize our mistakes, apologize when needed, and continue loving and parenting our children to the best of our ability.  Believe me, children are ALWAYS ready to forgive us.    

You are very right, and it annoys me when I read more posts with people saying that spanking is wrong. Beating your child is wrong, not spanking. Spanking could just be a little tap on the butt or hand. I was spanked when I was a child and now that i'm 18 i'm glad I got spankings when I was younger and I told my friends the other day that I wish I had received more spankings. The majority of parents these days seem to be blind to the fact that discipline is needed to keep order. Each situation has its own discipline. Time out for taking someone else's candy, taking toys away if they refuse to share, spanking for hitting someone, maybe even a spanking for telling your own mother to shut up. I just don't see how parents tolerate that. What has happened to the world?? The kids that aren't disciplined with some kind of "force" are the ones that grow up to be b*tches,bullies,punks, kids on drugs, etc...I seen it in high school even, the kids that were on drugs were the ones whose parents gave them what they wanted. I wish the parents of these kids could look through the eyes of everyone else having to put up with it.  

I couldn't agree with you more... however, one needs to be careful.  If you have an ex spouse like my fiancé does, they can use that to take children away from you! 

He had custody of his children up until April of 2004.  He hasn't seen them since.  She manipulated the system to make him out to be some horrible monster when in fact; he is the most wonderful dad that I have ever seen. 

The courts agreed that spanking is child abuse and that it just should not be done.  Not only can you not spank your children, you cannot talk to them about the punishment.  They do say it is ok to mentally abuse your child and go out and get drunk and then pass out so they are running all over the street!  They do say it is ok to let them be out of school all the time because they are sick all the time (all of a sudden), they do say it is ok that mom abuses alcohol and drugs because she is entitled. 

I was spanked and thank god I was, I can't and don't want to imagine what his kids are going to be like in a couple of years.  They get no discipline.  They are only taught that music and friends are important, oh, and how to get away with murder by manipulating! 

Hi 

Now that is some real information that a parent can use. My 3-1/2 year old is in pre-school but is on the verg of being asked to leave. Last week she was suspended for a day. We met with her teacher and staff including the principal of the school. Now my wife and i have issues with the turn over of the staff at the school but for the most part are happy with it. My daugher has a strong teacher now and she is less likely to run her over. My daugher has been biting other studeant about once a month, scatching,hitting and being mean to her friends. She has also kicked at the teacher and spit at them over the course of the last year and a half. Now this is not all the time. She is very smart and social. It seems sometimes she just lashes out with no regaurd to consiquence.  I have 2 older sons from a previous marrige 17 and 19 and had none of these signs or problems I have with my daugher.  We also have a 1- 1/2 yr old son and he is about the same temperment as my older sons.  So I thought she would grow out of it and things have gotten better but not to the extent to which she can remain in school at her current pace of notices from the school.  So in closing I would like to thank you for the information as it does seem extreme but I feel its necessary to start over with her. To let her know good behavior will be rewarded and bad will not be acceptible and has a consequence. soap, spanking and getting angry have only incouraged and reinfoced the behavior. Its time to take another direction. 

Thank you 

I just had to pipe up on this one because I am the mother of an 11-year-old autistic son.  There have been occasions a few years ago when I had to pick him at school because his behavior was out of control.  There are moments when you can't control a child that has a special problem.   His worker's at school have been wonderful and have worked with my husband and myself  through the years.    

I would like to caution any parent before putting their child on any drugs.  This should not be the first thing you do with any child without exercising careful consideration.  ABA therapy has benefited many autistic children without the use of meds.  I do realize that sometimes medications are necessary.  It was not necessary to put my son on medications for his autism.  Consistency and structure has worked wonders for him.   

If he keeps doing something he is not supposed to he is told not to do that behavior and if the behavior persists then some form of punishment does follow (ie: he loves to play on the computer, but if he doesn't listen or stop the behavior the computer is off limits to him for the rest of the day) 

I use these techniques on my son when I need him to listen or behave and these techniques are taught in a lot of parenting classes: 

• Make sure he is looking directly into my eyes (and yes I do bend down to his eye level)
• Use as few words as possible to tell him what he can or can't do (ie: "No running" or "Stay next to Mom" when we are shopping) (Most small children will respond better to short sentences as opposed to a long dragged out "mini" lecture)
• Give him one instruction/task at a time and let him respond before giving him another instruction/task
• If he is behaving then I remember to praise several times

The fact is I can take my son shopping or to a restaurant with him because we have taught him what is proper behavior and what is not.  BTW he loves "shopping" and it is used as a reward when he behaves or he is "punished" for misbehaving when I go shopping without him. 

Your Tip is 100% right on.  Good behavior needs to be acknowledge just as much (or more than) bad behavior with all children.