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Topic : 11/24 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

Number of Replies: 120
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Created on : Friday, September 16, 2005, 04:31:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original airdate: 09/21/05) Imagine that you've finally found your soul mate and are about to walk down the aisle, but there's one thing holding you back - the voice of your future mother-in-law! While Dr. Phil and Robin are excited about their soon-to-be daughter-in-law, not all parents are as lucky. Carla says that her future mother-in-law, Christine, hates her so much that she tried to run her over with a truck. Christine claims she is being pushed out of her son's life. Can Dr. Phil help them each see both side of the story? And, Donna insists that her daughter Nikki have a big church wedding, but Nikki's fiance, Tommy, wants to escape to Jamaica for their big day. Nikki is caught in the middle and trying to please both. Can you relate?

 

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November 24, 2005, 3:20 pm CST

Future Mother-in-Law

After watching your program on mother-in-laws I'm going to tell mine how lucky they are. Grin. I have 3 son-in-laws and get along with all of them. BECAUSE, I mind my own business and NEVER get in the way of them and my daughters.  

 

One of my daughters eloped and asked me if I was angry. How could I be!!! They are happy and in love. That's what's important to me. My other daughters had a wedding and never got in the way of what they wanted. It was their wedding, not mine!!!! If they need me I'm there for them. If you've done a good job with your children and have a mutual respect your relationships will always be good. It's so nice when everyone is happy and you can all get together in a family of love. .
 
November 24, 2005, 3:45 pm CST

this woman on the show makes me crazy!!!!

    This woman on the show is obviously jealous of her son's future wife because she can't control him any more and if you can't tell that she is flat out lying about everything that she is saying she can't even answer a simple question yes or no. I think she went on the show for sympathy and I don't feel sorry for her I feel sorry for her son and girlfriend for having to put up with the stuff that she pulls and then she says poor me, If my mother-in-law came to my house at 6:30 in the morning (which she would never do because she has respect for us) I would tell to hit the road and come back when she gained for us. I might sound mean but this subject makes me crazy there are alto of over barring mothers out there and I think they need to step in there child's shoes for a while and see how they feel at the end of it  
 
November 24, 2005, 4:58 pm CST

Wow

Quote From: r_u_4real

MOTHER INLAWS>GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINKS>PROTECT YOUR KIDS>FROM THE OUTLAWS" My son met his girlfriend when she was on a weekend pass from a home for troubled teens. Her family move and they lost touch. In 1998 they got back in touch only she was datin someone else. She left him for my son. Her, sister, mom, stepdad were all in to drugs, in trouble with the law. Her mom was divorced several times and cheated on each one. Her last husband she met in a bar got married 2 wks later the day before he got sent to prison for 1 yr. over drugs. She cheated on him during that time. My sons girlfriend & her mother have been diagnoised with Bipolar Disorder. So needless to say when he brings her home to meet us "We werent to happy". Of course I tried talkin him out of "But he didnt listen". Anyone that has that kind of a troubled histroy and the way she was brought up and having mental problems etc. then leaving a guy she was dating for my son "IT DIDNT SET TO WELL WITH US". We told him shell do you the same way. So then we thought "Well maybe shell grow up and change". They had a baby in 2001. In 2002 My son came to our house 12pm askin if weve seen them. All there clothes etc. was there. So we drove and called places lookin for them all night. Morning came and we called her family they said "They had seen or heard from them". They Said "Call the police maybe theyve been kidnapped, wrecked or killed" So we did. Her sister & mom came to the house all upset cryin. Her sister almost fainted.  We had a computer and they wanted us to make "MISSING PERSONS FLYERS". My husband and I called our families and we assigned each member a town to distribute the flyers and we also broadcasted it on our local tv station. My husband & son was so upset that they took off 1 week from work. We all were upset worried and couldnt hardly eat or sleep.  The next day a electric bill came in with a shut off notice. We went to the bank and there were alot of ATM withdrawls. The police told us that it could be a kidnapper forcing her to make withdrawls. The next day my son gets  a statement from his loan company that his house is being forclosed on in 2wks. The next day he gets a shut office notice on the phone. The he calls a friend of our where my son bought a car on payments and come to find out there wasnt a payment on it made in 1 yr. My son worked and she took care of the bills. Several days later we get a phone call from the police saying "They found her & baby and they were fine and that shes just where she wants to be". Come to find out her, sister, and mom had this kiddnapping staged they knew where her & baby was all the time. That baby was our 1st. and only grandchild. What they did to my son and my family was "SELFISH, CRUEL, HATEFUL, CRAZY, MEAN SPIRITED". Several days later she comes with a gang of guys with trucks & cars. A few minutes later the police comes and arrest my son for domestic violance. "He never touched her". They all lied and since there was 5 of them and 2 of us they took him to jail and she didnt even have a mark on her. Then the police ordered us off the property and she cleaned him out and took everything. She had the only form of transportation which was 1 car. She took all his clothes and work uniforms. My husband and I bailed him out the next day and all he had to his name was the clothes on his back. She had the electric shut off and it was still winter. "He had no heat". To get it turned back on it was going to cost him 400.00. His phone got shut off. She filed expartas on him. We thought he needed to file for a divorce. He needed a car & clothes. To keep from losing his house we got into our 401k retirement money. We spent over 10,000.00 in 3 mths over all this "BULL CRAP". Come her sister & mom set her up with a mexican. She was cheating on my son while living with my son. The mexican was drinker & druggy & partier. My sons lawyer needed a address to serve her to get the divorce started. It took us 2 mths. to find her. My son missed his very 1st. fathers day. He missed her sayin DADA. She said DADA to the mexican. She then left the mexican for another guy. Same thing drinker & druggy & partier. She came to court with a hicky on her neck. She left him and went back to the mexican. She left him and went back to my son. My son really loved her. My husband and I only accepted her back into the family for our granddaughters sake. She brought back with her more bills & hot checks that she needed to get paid or else she was goin to jail. She and I went to go get her stuff from the mexican. I stayed in the car the whole time with my grandbaby. Few minutes later the police shows up. The police arrest her for stabbing the mexican with a knife. She said she didnt do it that he did. The police arrests him. In jail he addmitted that he did. Then he goes and put a exparta on her. They ended up stayin with us, because her family stole some of there furniture, etc. and her mom & stepdads friend had a owned a storage rental place and they sold some of the stuff. The kids went to counsling. The theraphist told my daughter inlaw "That she needed to stay away from her family". We told my son make sure she pays the bills especially the house payment. Sometimes he would sometimes he wouldnt. Well here we go again. This time she has me arrested and thrown in jail for tresspassing. Hes waitin for her to pick him up at work and she never shows up. We have no idea where her & baby are livin. So my son calls her work. She doesnt want to come back home. He asked her to go to counsling and she didnt want to. So he want to make arrangements to see his daughter and she says no. We told him the only way your going to see the baby is if you file for a divorce, cause weve been through this once before. So he filed in feb 2005 and she was served at work. There were times we or family members would see her and the baby wouldnt be with her. "We found out here recently the reason the baby wasnt with her was because the baby was with her mom & stepdad". They live 4 hrs. away. Come to find out she was living with this gay guy and this other guy. Come to find out she was dating this gay guys friend in dec. 2004 while she was still living with my son. Her boyfriend like her others drinks, druggy, party and dont hold down a job, didnt own a car, house and lived with and off of people. I thought it was funny that she was "Working to support him". She got drunk or was high and they got into it. She left him for his brother. They did drugs for 4 days. Then she left him and went back to his brother. Then she left the him for another guy. Again, her family set her up with this older guy whos best friends with her mom & stepdad. This guy is a drinker, druggy, partier. Hes on a disabilty and draws a check. She works and he stays home with our 4 yr. old granddaughter.  Shes moved from 1 home and town to the next. Shes went from1 job to the next. She lives up there with her family which is 4 hrs. away  from us. Theres so much more stuff that her and her family has done to us that I havent even mentioned here. The divorce was finally final in october. Her & her family lied to the judge. The judge caught them at it. They addmitted to drinkin & doing drugs & cheating, her stepdad is a fellon and a repeat drug offender, her mom has been in trouble with the law etc. The judge still gave her custody. Shes a "DEVIL" in sheeps clothing. Shes not commited to any guy and has cheated on all them. "MY SON DERSEVES BETTER". He doesnt smoke or drink or do drugs. Hes had the same good paying job since hes graduated. He never had any behavorial problems at work or in school from k-12. Hes always been a nice good honest kid. Nice new house & car. He doesnt flirt or cheat. My son has been so upset depressed hurt and confused for the last 9 mths. Hes lives in fear of her & her family. She was the one who wore the pants of the family. "SHES A BULLY". "THEY DONT SCARE ME NONE". Hes afraid of dating again. Hes afraid hell get another nut like her. He cant seem to move on. On visitations or phone contact with his daughter she gets on the phone and plays head & mind games with him and try to upset him. I will not support him in ever gettin back with her again. When shes with are family she loves us and were better to her than her own family. Everythings her families fault. She blames her family for her cheatin on my son in 2002. When she with her family she blames us. She blames my son & my husband and I for her cheating on my son in 2004 & 2005.  "I HOPE GOD MAKES HER & HER SISTER & HER MOM & STEPDAD  DIE OF HEART FAILURE BECAUSE OF A DRUG OVERDOSE VERY SOON AND THEY ALL SUFFER AND BURN IN HELL FOR WHAT THEY PUT ME & MY FAMILY THROUGH".  

Your posting is very saddening to me, but on the other hand the anger and bitterness that you are feeling and sharing is doing no one in your family any good...I am not sure what religion you are or what god you worship, but the God I worship would never want me to ask him to make bad things happen to people who have wronged me as you were asking for.  What would be really sad is that you or a member of your family is the one that something bad happens to concerning your health due to all the stress from anger and resentment you carry around.  You and your family are not the only ones who have been through situations like this, so let others help you when they can and maybe talk to a preacher or counselor and begin going on with a productive life with less anger and bitterness.,..Thats the way My God wants us all to live, even those of us who have been wronged by others in really bad ways...God luck and be blessed,,,,
 
November 24, 2005, 6:03 pm CST

In def. of mom-n-laws

Quote From: r_u_4real

MOTHER INLAWS>GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINKS>PROTECT YOUR KIDS>FROM THE OUTLAWS" My son met his girlfriend when she was on a weekend pass from a home for troubled teens. Her family move and they lost touch. In 1998 they got back in touch only she was datin someone else. She left him for my son. Her, sister, mom, stepdad were all in to drugs, in trouble with the law. Her mom was divorced several times and cheated on each one. Her last husband she met in a bar got married 2 wks later the day before he got sent to prison for 1 yr. over drugs. She cheated on him during that time. My sons girlfriend & her mother have been diagnoised with Bipolar Disorder. So needless to say when he brings her home to meet us "We werent to happy". Of course I tried talkin him out of "But he didnt listen". Anyone that has that kind of a troubled histroy and the way she was brought up and having mental problems etc. then leaving a guy she was dating for my son "IT DIDNT SET TO WELL WITH US". We told him shell do you the same way. So then we thought "Well maybe shell grow up and change". They had a baby in 2001. In 2002 My son came to our house 12pm askin if weve seen them. All there clothes etc. was there. So we drove and called places lookin for them all night. Morning came and we called her family they said "They had seen or heard from them". They Said "Call the police maybe theyve been kidnapped, wrecked or killed" So we did. Her sister & mom came to the house all upset cryin. Her sister almost fainted.  We had a computer and they wanted us to make "MISSING PERSONS FLYERS". My husband and I called our families and we assigned each member a town to distribute the flyers and we also broadcasted it on our local tv station. My husband & son was so upset that they took off 1 week from work. We all were upset worried and couldnt hardly eat or sleep.  The next day a electric bill came in with a shut off notice. We went to the bank and there were alot of ATM withdrawls. The police told us that it could be a kidnapper forcing her to make withdrawls. The next day my son gets  a statement from his loan company that his house is being forclosed on in 2wks. The next day he gets a shut office notice on the phone. The he calls a friend of our where my son bought a car on payments and come to find out there wasnt a payment on it made in 1 yr. My son worked and she took care of the bills. Several days later we get a phone call from the police saying "They found her & baby and they were fine and that shes just where she wants to be". Come to find out her, sister, and mom had this kiddnapping staged they knew where her & baby was all the time. That baby was our 1st. and only grandchild. What they did to my son and my family was "SELFISH, CRUEL, HATEFUL, CRAZY, MEAN SPIRITED". Several days later she comes with a gang of guys with trucks & cars. A few minutes later the police comes and arrest my son for domestic violance. "He never touched her". They all lied and since there was 5 of them and 2 of us they took him to jail and she didnt even have a mark on her. Then the police ordered us off the property and she cleaned him out and took everything. She had the only form of transportation which was 1 car. She took all his clothes and work uniforms. My husband and I bailed him out the next day and all he had to his name was the clothes on his back. She had the electric shut off and it was still winter. "He had no heat". To get it turned back on it was going to cost him 400.00. His phone got shut off. She filed expartas on him. We thought he needed to file for a divorce. He needed a car & clothes. To keep from losing his house we got into our 401k retirement money. We spent over 10,000.00 in 3 mths over all this "BULL CRAP". Come her sister & mom set her up with a mexican. She was cheating on my son while living with my son. The mexican was drinker & druggy & partier. My sons lawyer needed a address to serve her to get the divorce started. It took us 2 mths. to find her. My son missed his very 1st. fathers day. He missed her sayin DADA. She said DADA to the mexican. She then left the mexican for another guy. Same thing drinker & druggy & partier. She came to court with a hicky on her neck. She left him and went back to the mexican. She left him and went back to my son. My son really loved her. My husband and I only accepted her back into the family for our granddaughters sake. She brought back with her more bills & hot checks that she needed to get paid or else she was goin to jail. She and I went to go get her stuff from the mexican. I stayed in the car the whole time with my grandbaby. Few minutes later the police shows up. The police arrest her for stabbing the mexican with a knife. She said she didnt do it that he did. The police arrests him. In jail he addmitted that he did. Then he goes and put a exparta on her. They ended up stayin with us, because her family stole some of there furniture, etc. and her mom & stepdads friend had a owned a storage rental place and they sold some of the stuff. The kids went to counsling. The theraphist told my daughter inlaw "That she needed to stay away from her family". We told my son make sure she pays the bills especially the house payment. Sometimes he would sometimes he wouldnt. Well here we go again. This time she has me arrested and thrown in jail for tresspassing. Hes waitin for her to pick him up at work and she never shows up. We have no idea where her & baby are livin. So my son calls her work. She doesnt want to come back home. He asked her to go to counsling and she didnt want to. So he want to make arrangements to see his daughter and she says no. We told him the only way your going to see the baby is if you file for a divorce, cause weve been through this once before. So he filed in feb 2005 and she was served at work. There were times we or family members would see her and the baby wouldnt be with her. "We found out here recently the reason the baby wasnt with her was because the baby was with her mom & stepdad". They live 4 hrs. away. Come to find out she was living with this gay guy and this other guy. Come to find out she was dating this gay guys friend in dec. 2004 while she was still living with my son. Her boyfriend like her others drinks, druggy, party and dont hold down a job, didnt own a car, house and lived with and off of people. I thought it was funny that she was "Working to support him". She got drunk or was high and they got into it. She left him for his brother. They did drugs for 4 days. Then she left him and went back to his brother. Then she left the him for another guy. Again, her family set her up with this older guy whos best friends with her mom & stepdad. This guy is a drinker, druggy, partier. Hes on a disabilty and draws a check. She works and he stays home with our 4 yr. old granddaughter.  Shes moved from 1 home and town to the next. Shes went from1 job to the next. She lives up there with her family which is 4 hrs. away  from us. Theres so much more stuff that her and her family has done to us that I havent even mentioned here. The divorce was finally final in october. Her & her family lied to the judge. The judge caught them at it. They addmitted to drinkin & doing drugs & cheating, her stepdad is a fellon and a repeat drug offender, her mom has been in trouble with the law etc. The judge still gave her custody. Shes a "DEVIL" in sheeps clothing. Shes not commited to any guy and has cheated on all them. "MY SON DERSEVES BETTER". He doesnt smoke or drink or do drugs. Hes had the same good paying job since hes graduated. He never had any behavorial problems at work or in school from k-12. Hes always been a nice good honest kid. Nice new house & car. He doesnt flirt or cheat. My son has been so upset depressed hurt and confused for the last 9 mths. Hes lives in fear of her & her family. She was the one who wore the pants of the family. "SHES A BULLY". "THEY DONT SCARE ME NONE". Hes afraid of dating again. Hes afraid hell get another nut like her. He cant seem to move on. On visitations or phone contact with his daughter she gets on the phone and plays head & mind games with him and try to upset him. I will not support him in ever gettin back with her again. When shes with are family she loves us and were better to her than her own family. Everythings her families fault. She blames her family for her cheatin on my son in 2002. When she with her family she blames us. She blames my son & my husband and I for her cheating on my son in 2004 & 2005.  "I HOPE GOD MAKES HER & HER SISTER & HER MOM & STEPDAD  DIE OF HEART FAILURE BECAUSE OF A DRUG OVERDOSE VERY SOON AND THEY ALL SUFFER AND BURN IN HELL FOR WHAT THEY PUT ME & MY FAMILY THROUGH".  

Wow... what a trip.  Asking God to  have a family die.  This woman clearly has issues.... put her on the show...  Clearly living in only anger.  Clearly clouded by what has happened.  Clearly no spirituality in her life.  This woman needs help.  And of course, it's always easier to state the negative when one's expectations of life does not go one's way.  I'm a recovering addict... I have a hard time pointing fingers at someone who has not met my expectations... it's called playing the victim.  I for one saw right thru Christine on the show... she can't control her son and needs to  blame it on Carla.  And saying on the show, 'oh I don't know, do I do that?'... you're kidding... right?  She wanted sympathy for her silly actions... most of us saw right thru it.  But I don't want to ask God to have her die either.
 
November 24, 2005, 9:02 pm CST

When a mother-in-law should visit

I am responding to a message that at this moment I am unable to find again.  The message was in regards to a Mother/Mother-in-law asking how many uninvited visits are acceptable.  Since in your message you did say your son did tell you to ALWAYS call first.  That should be your HINT.  It depends on the individual family.  If your son told you to call first you need to respect his wishes.  That tends to make everything go a little smoother.
 
November 24, 2005, 9:42 pm CST

nutty mother-in-law

My mother in law was so nice at first! she introduced my husband and I.  However, it wasnt till we got married (4 years ago) that the truth came out.  She has 3 other under age kids and all she does is party, make money, cosmetic surgery and shop!  My husbands sister and brother lived with us for 7months till their father got back from overseas, now they live with him because she abuses the hell out of them verbally and emotionally.  Her own sisters dont associate with her shes a selfish, greedy, home recking BITCH!  she has done nothing but try cause problems for me and my husband and the only thing that gets me is that no matter what she does to him or anybody, its all forgotten in a few months.  Since my daughter was born and she tried another game of hers i put a stop to it.  Its been a year since we have spoken and its heaven.  The only problem is, its effecting my husband, because he got over it after 5 months.  Its hard but i have to sick to my word, because everyone knows that she will never change. 

                                               Tired daughter in law 

  

 
November 25, 2005, 12:16 pm CST

It can get better

I know exactly how you feel. I was in your shoes not too long ago. My future mother-in-law caused a lot of problems for my fiance and I, before we got engaged. I tried breaking up with him on a few occasions, but he would not let that happen. The only way I would stay with him was if he promised to go to couple's counseling. See, I knew that the problem was not solely his mother. I knew that he was not helping the situation because he had no backbone. He let her boss him around, and let he treat him like a child. I knew that if a neutral source could read the nasty emails and hear some of the stories that he or she would tell my then boyfriend, that he was a big part of the problem. My assumptions were true; After a handful of sessions, my fiance realized who held the key to solving this problem. Of course it isn't easy for any grown child to realize that he or she must stand up to their parents and set boundaries, but he had to in order to salvage our relationship. It has been about 3 years since those sessions and we are now engaged to be married. Things have improved with his mother, but things are not perfect. You need to realize that things may never be "perfect" but at least you have your man and you are happy. Also, think about your role too. I realized that I was a small part of the problem. I was too sensitive and I was always expecting the worst from her, so inevitably it always happened. Like me, you may have to just let somethings go. If your man sets boundaries and you both strive to make things better and his Mom doesn't put any effort in, then you know that she has a really problem and that should also be obvious to your man. He may need to put some distance between himself and his Mom, to get the message through to her. He may have to decide if he wants a wife and a family or if he wants to allow his Mom to stomp all over his happiness and be single for the rest of his life. Remember this is an issue between him and his Mom. There is nothing wrong with him loving her to pieces, but there is something wrong with him if he will allow her to prevent others from loving him. Give it time and give it your all. Things can get better. Good Luck!   

 
November 25, 2005, 3:28 pm CST

Wedding solution

Mom - you've got to step away from this or your daughter will resent you forever.  Future son-in-law - good for you for not giving in to you future mother-in-law's wishes.  I think you realize that your future wife is not standing her ground (whatever that is).  Daughter - in addition to Dr Phil's advice, I have a suggestion that might make everyone happy.  My son-in-law was petrified of the spectacle of a big wedding.  My daughter is pretty flexible so it wasn't any big deal to her although she was sure she wanted me, her father and her brother there.  Her fiance wanted to get married with just a few close friends/family on the beach.  She is a Disney fanatic.  He agreed to go on a Disney Cruise for their honeymoon.  The first stop was Key West.  So 30 of their closest friends and family met them when they got off the ship in Key West.  They got married on the beach (she in a traditional wedding gown, he in a hawaiian shirt), we partied for several hours and then they got back on the ship and continued their honeymoon!  Everyone loved it!  Everyone made their own lodging arrangements.  It was a low-cost solution for me (although I paid for the cruise since I didn't have to pay for a big wedding), we made our own favors, bought 2 rounds of drinks for everyone and then everyone was on their own.  We got great feedback on what a great time everyone had.  Each person turned it into a mini vacation for themselves since the wedding couple was only on shore for 12 hours.  My point is - there is a compromise to be had if everyone is willing to work at it. 

 
December 5, 2005, 9:49 pm CST

Seen It All

I have stood by and watched my own mother try to wreak havoc on my brother's marriage for over 20 yrs and now is starting in on my brother's kids (her grandchildren).    While that suggests that I'm a bystander, I've endured this torment throughout my own life and (short) marriage as have her own sibling's.   I admit that my mother and I have had horrendous battles over her behaviour, whether it involved me or not.   But sometimes the outrageousness of it all overwhelmed me and I felt compelled to say or do something.   And I take full ownership for the outcomes - it was my choice to venture into that minefield and unreasonable to expect I'd emerge unscathed.   

  

I really believe that this has nothing to do with the prospective boyfriend/girlfriend/in-laws and everything to do with the mother/mother-in-law (or father/father-in-law).   They  seem to harbour issues with control, manipulation or judgement and their children or siblings, either consciously or unconsciously, gravitate towards individuals that bring those issues to a head.   And yet, these parents take no responsibility or have any accountability for their part in it.  In the name of love and experience, they profess to "know what's best" or "right' and feel at liberty to express those opinions whenever and wherever they choose.   I suspect they fear themselves being judged as bad parents when their own children don't meet their expectations of success.  And being that you're the only one who can truly define your own success or lack thereof, that could be a tough definition to agree on, much less follow. 

  

The first MIL on the show has serious control issues and a genuine reluctance to allow her son to grow up.    And he hasn't helped by accommodating her behaviour but then again, he's never been taught the skills to do that.   I really hope that through Dr. Phil, this woman will come to realize the destructiveness of her behaviour and the need for change. 

 
May 15, 2006, 4:20 pm CDT

This mother is toxic!

We've all known someone we could say is beautiful both on the inside and the outside.  Today we saw Michael's mother-in-law who is ugly on the inside and the out.  She is creating her legacy every day she behaves this way.  When she's ten feet under, her family will not remember the good times.  They'll remember that she was a trouble maker and hateful.
 
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