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Topic : 11/24 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

Number of Replies: 120
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Created on : Friday, September 16, 2005, 04:31:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original airdate: 09/21/05) Imagine that you've finally found your soul mate and are about to walk down the aisle, but there's one thing holding you back - the voice of your future mother-in-law! While Dr. Phil and Robin are excited about their soon-to-be daughter-in-law, not all parents are as lucky. Carla says that her future mother-in-law, Christine, hates her so much that she tried to run her over with a truck. Christine claims she is being pushed out of her son's life. Can Dr. Phil help them each see both side of the story? And, Donna insists that her daughter Nikki have a big church wedding, but Nikki's fiance, Tommy, wants to escape to Jamaica for their big day. Nikki is caught in the middle and trying to please both. Can you relate?

 

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September 21, 2005, 2:00 pm CDT

Blame the son to!

I like my MIL fine. I don’t hate her at all. 

That doesn't mean that don't disagree with her a lot. 

My husband is the only good one out of "her boys" she reared them to be dependent on her. 

One them calls her at least five times a day. If he calls her and can’t get a answer. He then will call me husband looking for her. 

My husband will then say something like "How would I know where Mom is?" And hang up. 

My point is, you can’t put all the blame on the Mom, the husband is the one that should stand up for his woman. 

  

 
September 21, 2005, 2:05 pm CDT

It is if your son told you to always call

Quote From: jennypp

From the show, I gathered that this lady was visiting "uninvited" on a pretty regular basis.  However, I was wondering what is considered a "pretty regular basis" and what would be an acceptable basis?  Does anyone have any ideas on this?  I am a mother/mother-in-law who visits "uninvited" maybe once or twice a month.  Is that unreasonable?  My son has made it very clear that he expects me to ALWAYS call before I visit. 

You son has told you as you say "very clearly" that he always wants you to call before a visit. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks is an "acceptable basis" because he finds it acceptable for you to ALWAYS CALL.  I don't think that's too big of a thing for you to do & if he's made this clear why would you continue to question it?  This is where in-laws create a rift & then can't understand why their in-laws don't want to visit at all.  Your son has set a boundry & you shouldn't question any boundries at all & you should just respect it period.   

  

just my opinion    

 
September 21, 2005, 2:12 pm CDT

09/21 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

 I feel everyones pain with the MNL thing. I have a MNL from HELL!!. She always thinks that she is helping but all she does is hurt. My husband and I are now married after being together for 7 years before we tied the knot. I was six months pregnant and we decided to go to the justice of peace. Well there was no peace that day. Granted it was a very simple and romantic ceromony that was only suppose to be me my husband and his grandfather who we decided to have marry us on the way to Gatlinberg at my husbands parents house. It was all so exciting because it was spontanous and last minute. When we showed up to his parents house to my dismay his whole family was there and not one of my family members where there because it was not suppose to be anyone. My mom missed my very special day and I was pregnant so it was even more emotional. My MNL didn't even think anything was wrong. She said it was not suppose to be everyone but she called the whole family and told them to be there. They even had cake and stuff for a small reception. I still am very angry at her for this
 
September 21, 2005, 2:16 pm CDT

meddling in laws

Quote From: momakababe

You son has told you as you say "very clearly" that he always wants you to call before a visit. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks is an "acceptable basis" because he finds it acceptable for you to ALWAYS CALL.  I don't think that's too big of a thing for you to do & if he's made this clear why would you continue to question it?  This is where in-laws create a rift & then can't understand why their in-laws don't want to visit at all.  Your son has set a boundry & you shouldn't question any boundries at all & you should just respect it period.   

  

just my opinion    

My mother-in-law used to come over un-announced all the time and it got to the point where we had to say something. She is always welcome at our house, but just needs to call first in case I am in a t-shirt and panties or in case we are getting ready to go out. In no way does this mean I don't like my mother-in-law, I love her dearly. She is welcome anytime. There are still times she pops over, but most of the time she had given me a general idea of when she would be there. In-laws, friends and other family should respect you...even if that means a call ahead first! 

  

 
September 21, 2005, 2:22 pm CDT

Never ever

Quote From: momakababe

You son has told you as you say "very clearly" that he always wants you to call before a visit. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks is an "acceptable basis" because he finds it acceptable for you to ALWAYS CALL.  I don't think that's too big of a thing for you to do & if he's made this clear why would you continue to question it?  This is where in-laws create a rift & then can't understand why their in-laws don't want to visit at all.  Your son has set a boundry & you shouldn't question any boundries at all & you should just respect it period.   

  

just my opinion    

It is never appropriate to visit anyone, regardless of the relationship, without prior notice.  This is a matter of common manners and common sense.  Also, you do not call to say that you are coming over - you ask permission!!!!!
 
September 21, 2005, 2:27 pm CDT

Tired of Conflict

What a great reinforcement, I have always had to deal with my father in-law. I have just had another conflict come up and I was just gearing up to deal with it again!!!!!!! ( Over 27 years of it)  I'm glad I waited, now the balls in my partners corner. Glad to wash my hands of the stress of always being understanding. Thanks Dr.Phil
 
September 21, 2005, 3:03 pm CDT

MIL FROM HELL

Let me tell you...I wish I could get some counseling for my mother-in-law!!! For me, this show only touched the tip of the iceberg with all the problems with my mother-in-law.  

In my opinion, she destoyed my husband's first marriage. They ended up divorced. His first wife strayed away and cheated on him. I totally believe it was her escape from his mother. 

Anyways, this woman (my MIL) has tried, said, and done everything under the sun you can imagine to break us up and cause us hardship in our relationship..before and after we were married. 

I had 2 children from a previous marriage. They were not considered to be grandkids unless there was something she could gain from it. When she was broke, she called and told me I should get a job so she could watch her "grandkids" because she could really use the extra money for daycare. She didn't want to watch them to spend time with them. They were nothing more then a paycheck. 

She does not agree with my religion (Wiccan) and told everyone in the small town where we all lived at the time, that I was a witch, that everyone should stay away from me or I'd cast a bad spell on them, that I was going to raise my husband's dead child from the grave, and that my husband was only with me because I had cast a spell on him (since I was reportedly a lesbain). She made it impossible for us to have a good relationship with my husband's extended family because she told them all the same lies. She even went so far as to say that before and during my pregnancy with our first child as a couple, that my husband was buying me cocaine at work and bringing it home for me to do. She paid women to try and get him to sleep with them. She would set up dates for him with other women before we were married. We had lost a bay together due to miscarriage. She told me it was the best thing that could have happened because I didn't deserve to carry her grandchild. These are all things she told me directly..NONE of them are heresay. 

My husband has a child from a previous relationship and his mother contacted the courts and told them all about the whole drug thing while I was pregnant and also that he was an unfit, and abusive father to his stepchildren (my 2 from my first marriage). So, the courts decided that he should not have any visitation or custody rights to this child beacuse of what she had said. Its been three years and we are still fighting that battle. 

She has even said that as long as he is married to me, he will not be considered a member of her family. She says he has made his choice. We have no contact with her now at all. We even moved 1400 miles away from her. We moved from living 10 miles from her in Florida alll the way to South Dakota where I am from to get away from her. It was all we could do to preserve our life together. 

 
September 21, 2005, 3:19 pm CDT

Jay is engaged !!!!

i've had the biggest crush on Jay ever since i started reading his books and i was upset when i found out he was engaged (but i am happy for him) and when i watched the show today i couldn't stop crying and i don't know what to do !!!!!!! can someone please help me get over these feelings i would really appreciate it ! *Christina*  

 
September 21, 2005, 3:21 pm CDT

YAY JAY AND ERICA

CONGRATULATIONS JAY AND ERICA I WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD
 
September 21, 2005, 3:45 pm CDT

09/21 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

Maudie- 

  

I can only say that our MILs are cut from the same mold. She threatens to call social services and report us as busive if we "cross her", which entails various sins, according to her. She has initiated a car chase with me, her son and our unborn child in the car, she lies to our kids and tells them she loves them much more than we do and at their age her reasoning of "i never punish you...blah bla blah" causes problems for them. She tells lies to my husband, knowing hell come home nad confront me and it will cause a fight. She cuts my kids off when they speak of their other grandparents, she holds things over our heads making it impossible to be grateful or thankful for anything because with every breath you are reminded you SHOULD BE. 

  

I must admit its better now, my husband finally decided enough was enough, after she called me a W**** in a restaurant in front of a full house, and picked a huge fight. He told her on the phone later to go easy on my ID had a rough day. That was the last straw. I spent the night somewhere else. That was his wakeup call. ITs been better. There are still days and this message doesnt cover a drop in the bucket of what shes pulled, done and said, but I had to let you know you are not alone. I am praying she never actually makes the call to social services...they take kids first, ask questions later and she is under the mistaken notion that SS will just deposit the boys to her and they will be forever hers. She cant be convinced theyll wind up in a foster home until things are sorted out, if ever and that she will lose ALL of us, even after we get the kids back. You cant reason with the woman. Ive never met anyone so selfish, needy, short sighted and downright wicked. She tries to be a good person, but purely for the recognition. THere are ALWAYS ulterior motives with her. It may take months for them to be apparent to others, sometimes even me, but they are always there, and always just around the corner.  

 
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