Topic : 11/24 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

In my first marriage, the only thing wrong was my mother in law.  She felt she had to control everything we did and me!!  First off I don't like anyone trying to control me.  She would also lay guilt trips on her son and he just didn't want to get her upset so he always gave into her.  This upset me because I was the wife not just some g/f...we deserved the respect of being a  married couple. 

  

Unfortuntely, she would never change but my husband at the time could not stand up to her or face her.  He wanted her acceptance so bad that he just let her walk all over him.  I didn't know how to handle that...so we would always argue and then it wound up so bad that that was the main reason we divorced.  She was a total B*TCH!!  It's like she thought I was trying to take her son away and I wasn't.  I always made sure when we came home that he had time with his family.  He was just too much of a mama's boy in that sense. 

  

I am currently engaged and luckily my fiance has stood up in some situations that have occurred and that makes me feel a whole lot better. 

  

So for all the meddling mother in laws...you need to BUTT out of your GROWN CHILD'S relationships!!!!   I know there are very extenuating circumstances but for the most part there aren't.  Your child made a decision to be with someone, and you may not agree with it, but you better respect it.  Just think of your own mother was like that with you...would you have liked that??? If she was, did you like it??  Put yourself in the other person's shoes and walk a mile before making others feel uncomfortable or not welcomed in your home. 

Wow...I am impressed about how much you share online. 

  

 It is so shamed that mothers and mother in law being soo selfish can they see themselves act like kid dont trust son s gf or daughter s bf? We cannot run family sitution. But I do understand about father in law been there.. not easy. Very discussting, hes  alcholic and put my husband  through this been married for years we  were getting along prety much but the lack of commication  wasnt very easy because of english and french.I m english. Poor my man was caught in the middle between me and him. I know he put him first before me I could have left him along ago to show that he s not given dam about me. But its all in the past since father in law  got stroke.. we were to be forgiven each other  he told my husband that beside two other son s daughter laws arent like me he adores me so much and he knows I do care and want to be the best for him as he was widow for years and his son was his last baby that I m with  now. He s deased  now May God Rest In Peace. Thank God that we are forigven before he goes or can be feeling guilt hurting  reject. Hope this future on Dr.Phil show please have FATHER IN LAW THIS TIME  NEXT SHOW see how it goes. Why does it have to be mom all the time. MOmma s boy yah but where is Daddy s girl there must be alike mother in law and dad in law.  

I'm from a large family-7 kids. I've been married to my husband my whole adult life and we plan to stay together forever.  None of my brothers and sisters have separated or been divorced.  All of us are over or pushing up to 50.   

  

My parents did one simple thing-they treated us like friends once we grew up, not like they owned us.  They came when they were invited and stayed away when they weren't.  They always invited everyone to all family functions and never expressed displeasure if someone didn't come. They graciously accepted and gave gifts (no one in our family ever "loans").  Once a gift was given, neither us kids or our parents felt that the gift gave the giver any control. My in laws are much the same-no expectations and no demands (and all of my husband's siblings have been successfully married too).  I think that is the recipe for allowing your children to have a successful marriage. 

  

I was married twice and have three mother-in-laws. Two of them from my first marriage. One was my husband's biological mother and the other was his step-mother. I had wonderful relationships with both. We did many things together. As far as I am concern, they were as close to me as my own mother. I have one mother-in-law from my second marriage. Even though the marriage didn't work out. My mother-in-law and I are good to each other. Because my second husband is a single child, I wish that I can keep the relationship to be like a sister (good friend) to my husband. That way, I can continue to be like a daughter to my mother-in-law. Even now, when I go shopping and see something she likes, I have the urge to buy it for her. But because of the delicate relationship betweem me and my ex-husband, I have to hold back. 

  

To me, the secret to have a good relationship with a mother-in-law are: 

a. Genuine love. Call her "Mom" even before getting married. Bring a small gift on the first visit and give her a hug.  

b. When visit her house, respect her house rules and be helpful. 

c. Regardless of background or common interest, always respect the person as the elder. 

d. Never say anything bad about your husband in front of his mother. 

e. Never say anything bad about his mother or step-mother in front of your husband, even if he initiates the conversation.  

f. Love her as if she is your own mother.  

g. Cook the food she likes to eat and take her places. Have time to be with her alone and listen to her stories. Get excited when she tells you how your husband grows up and the sharing of childhood pictures. 

  

Those actions can melt a person's heart. In return, you get more gifts, more hugs and smiles from her. Good luck everyone and God bless you.   

I am the person who should have nosy in-laws if there ever was one. Well to be accurate they are ex-inlaws now due to a divorce after I assaulted my ex-wife. I didn't know it at the time but my ex's mom didn't ever like me even when we were just friends, in fact the only member of her whole family who did like me was her dad I think. To this day I wish they had all stepped in the way to stop us because although we are friends again, me and the ex now have all of the bad history between us that sometimes gets in the way. When we were just friends before there were undercurrents of  

desire on both sides and as we explored those we found we were incompatible but we also were hooked on eachother and I thought I could change her and she thought I would change so we tripped off too wedded hell. To add to the problem we had kids too. Now they are the best kids in the world and I can't think of a life without them do not mistake me, I love them more than life but 

I messed up their lives along with my ex's and none of them deserved to be the butt of my problems. So take a good honest look at what your partner is like and what your parents say about them,or even more importantly what they don't say. You just might save yourself a truckload of grief 

To those of you who have a loving & caring mother-in-law,GOD BLESS YOU. I don't. I think her behavior started to change around the time of my brother-in-laws wedding. His wife just says and does what she wants and doesn't care about how anyone is affected by her actions. I think dealing with not being treated fairly from her caused her too much emotional stress. She would call on my husband and I to talk about her future daughter-in-law and sons behaviors like not being included in the wedding plans, etc. I was always supportive each time she would call to "vent". The wedding day was a big disaster for me. After the ceremony, I didn't feel the need to congradulate them on the wedding as my sister-in-law was totally ignoring us the night before her wedding. We didn't get a chance to visit with my brother-in-law as he had a pedicure appointment. Anyway, my brother & sister-in-law totally ignored me and my husband during the reception as well which emotionally upset me. I was trying to pull myself togetherso my husband didn't see me like that. (we drove 12 hours to the wedding) Well, he saw how upset I was and wanted to leave. My mother-in-law made everyone from his side of the family come outside to try to stop us from leaving. After a 1/2 hour of failed persuasion, we left. The next day was the gift opening and we didn't want to go. I told my husband that his brother and sister-in-law made a good job of not making us feel welcome and now I didn't feel comfortable around his mom as she wasn't pleased by us leaving the reception. We had some shopping to do as we were right in the middle of renovations and I thought that I should stay out of their way so she could calm down. My husband told her that we weren't going to the gift opening and she asked why he couldn't make me go. I was so stressed and uncomfortable so we went our own way. My sister-in-law stated that we didn't have to go out of our way to go to the gift opening anyway. We got back from shopping and my husband's cousin wanted to go and grab a few items at the drugstore and asked me to go along. I went as supper was just being prepared. I knew not to dwell as mother-in-law would be upset if we were late. I don't have my licence and I was reminding husband's cousin that we were going to be in trouble. Well she made us late and by the time we got to the house supper was on the table and cold. My mother-in-law started freaking out saying that the supper is ruined and that people are going to have to start BLEEPING listening to her.I thought her anger was towards husbands cousin but I gathered from the phone call from brother-in-law that she was trying to gather everyone together and it wasn't working like she wanted. I recieved a call from my mom to see how everything was during this time and it was hard for me to not break down. I went back to the table and I told my husband that I wasn't going and she flipped out at me and said yes you are. I said yes we're going, HOME! We packed our stuff and drove home that night without finishing supper. She left me 2 days after I got home from having my daughter and didn't explain why then she does this. She was bad-mouthing brother-in-laws wife from day one and i defended her,but because we didn't do what she wanted and I felt uncomfortable, she got mad. She has since moved and we don't have a number to call. She is now best buddies with sister-in-law even though she was treated poorly by her. She has been in contact with a sister she hasn't spoken to for 12 years just to get information about us. We haven't spoken to my mother-in-law now for a year and a half. Now mother-in-law is getting sister-in-law to e-mail us asking about our lives and these aren't very nice emails. I am very angry by this and want them to leave us alone but if I respond in any way towards this, we will keep getting emails thrown our way. How do I go on with this ???? Anyone with advice???????

My husband and I have been married for 81/2 years and have 2 children together and I had 2 children from a previous marriage.  The problem we are having is that my husbands mother is very needy and has alot of accidents. She has been in a geri-psych ward before for emotional troubles (this was the day after we announced our 2nd pregnancy). I have had my own share of emotional problems but this specific problem is that the mother "reports" her "injuries" to her grown daughter (husbands sister) and the sister will call him and complain about how poorly she is being treated by him or me. It has gotten so bad that we are not seeing them at all, if possible.  It feels to us like they are our parents and the love is definitely conditional.  We are talking about moving to a different school district, we have a 7 year old daughter in the same grade and school as the sisters daughter and my daughter said to us today...."****** told me she's not allowed at our house anymore". Why put 7 year olds into this mess? It seems they have decided to "fight dirty". 

Before we were married they acted all sweet and light so I guess it was unpredictable to know how bad this could get.  I forgot to mention, when i married my husband, he was 30 and still living with his mother....perhaps that should have been my first clue at trouble to follow??