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Topic : 11/24 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

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Created on : Friday, September 16, 2005, 04:31:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original airdate: 09/21/05) Imagine that you've finally found your soul mate and are about to walk down the aisle, but there's one thing holding you back - the voice of your future mother-in-law! While Dr. Phil and Robin are excited about their soon-to-be daughter-in-law, not all parents are as lucky. Carla says that her future mother-in-law, Christine, hates her so much that she tried to run her over with a truck. Christine claims she is being pushed out of her son's life. Can Dr. Phil help them each see both side of the story? And, Donna insists that her daughter Nikki have a big church wedding, but Nikki's fiance, Tommy, wants to escape to Jamaica for their big day. Nikki is caught in the middle and trying to please both. Can you relate?

 

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September 18, 2005, 11:19 pm CDT

09/21 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

I dont know if any one can beat the step mother in law I have. she lied to the entire family instigates fights and tape records conversations 

 
September 19, 2005, 9:40 am CDT

Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

Quote From: emquiltin

I dont know if any one can beat the step mother in law I have. she lied to the entire family instigates fights and tape records conversations 

 Im getting married to a wonderful guy in a few months but what is supposed to be an exiciting time with all the planning and preparation, is spoiled by my MIL and SIL.  They have both spent years voicing their opinions and saying exactly what they think whether the other person likes it or not, well I had gotten to the point where enough was enough and I decided to voice my opinion and how they were making me feel.  Needless to say the MIL and SIL are now playing the victim and creating merry hell and how they are not coming to the wedding etc etc.  My partner has been extremely supportive towards me but I hate seeing him upset by it all but I refuse to apologise because I didnt say anything that was not true.  I did however stress the point that there are only two people in a marriage not three and that unless we want advise dont give it as more often than not it becomes destructive and not constructive, I did finish off by saying I have to set boundaries for both sets of families and hope we can move forward from here, but my MIL said it felt like someone had stepped on her neck, is it more like I stepped on her toes??, has she met someone that will not take their bullying and put up with their interference maybe?  what do you think I would be interested in your comments
 
September 19, 2005, 4:37 pm CDT

09/21 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

I am Donna's (the woman in the above pic.) future daughter in law and i have never had any problems with her she's been like a mother to me so far. Also she has made me feel part of the family.I think she is great. I know she is as equally great to her older son's wife and Tommy, Nikki's fiance. 

                Destiny 

 
September 21, 2005, 8:35 am CDT

right on girl!

Quote From: mirrywood

 Im getting married to a wonderful guy in a few months but what is supposed to be an exiciting time with all the planning and preparation, is spoiled by my MIL and SIL.  They have both spent years voicing their opinions and saying exactly what they think whether the other person likes it or not, well I had gotten to the point where enough was enough and I decided to voice my opinion and how they were making me feel.  Needless to say the MIL and SIL are now playing the victim and creating merry hell and how they are not coming to the wedding etc etc.  My partner has been extremely supportive towards me but I hate seeing him upset by it all but I refuse to apologise because I didnt say anything that was not true.  I did however stress the point that there are only two people in a marriage not three and that unless we want advise dont give it as more often than not it becomes destructive and not constructive, I did finish off by saying I have to set boundaries for both sets of families and hope we can move forward from here, but my MIL said it felt like someone had stepped on her neck, is it more like I stepped on her toes??, has she met someone that will not take their bullying and put up with their interference maybe?  what do you think I would be interested in your comments

I think you did exactly what you should have done. You have to put your foot down early or no one takes you seriously. Also, it doesn't sound like your fiance was stepping in so maybe you set a great example for him in the meantime.  

  

You were not in the wrong by any means. If you're telling it like it is then you have no reason to feel bad because you were totally civil. Your MIL sounds like a drama queen "stepped on her neck"???? come on now...you hit it on the head when you said "more like I stepped on her toes". 

  

  

 
September 21, 2005, 9:39 am CDT

09/21 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

  

I think the most important thing to remember when you're getting married and in turn getting a MIL is to focus on your relationship with your partner and not on the behaviour of your MIL. I know it can be extremely difficult, but not matter who it is, you have to remember that your actions or reactions to other people's behaviour teach them how they're able to treat you. On the first occasion of your new MIL being rude, overbearing or disrespectful you have to confront her, as calmly as possible, letting her know that her actions are hurting you regardless if she is intending to hurt you or not. If discussing the situations and your hurt feelings with your MIL doesn't work than it's time to take a break from her and remove her and her negativity from your life. Hopefully most MIL who have been overbearing or rude will realize that unless they change their behaviour and become  positive and respectful of their child's new spouse than they are the ones who are going to lose in the end.    

 
September 21, 2005, 9:50 am CDT

Wedding Decisions

Nikki, 

The choice between a church wedding and Jamaica is one I made just a couple years ago.  I was torn because I wanted our families to be involved, but I wanted to go away.  We ended up with a compromise that worked out perfectly.  I got married in Jamaica in a wedding dress.  The groom wore dress clothes (lightweight black pants and short sleeved cream silk shirt).  I had flowers and wedding pictures and a video of the whole thing.  Instead of spending 10-20 thousand on a one-day traditional wedding we spent far less at a resort.  My parents, my grandparents, his parents, his close aunt and uncle, and our close friends made the trip down about 3 days before we arrived.  Our wedding took place the day before our guests left for home.  After the ceremony we all had dinner at the resort and danced and partied with the local entertainment.  The next day, our guests checked out and my husband and I stayed for several more days, alone, as our honeymoon.  There are TONS of resorts in Jamaica (and other destinations) who have wedding coordinators on site to help you make your wedding dreams happen. 

  

All our guests paid their own way, as we didn't have the money to pay for them, however, if you plan to spend tens of thousands on a traditional wedding, you may be able to afford to pay for some guests who can't afford it themselves.  Some people may not be able to go, and you will have to be prepared for that.  ( My sister could not make it).  But to include everyone who couldn't go, when we got back, we had a large, casual party with beer and pizza, invited all our extended family and had a DJ.  You could even wear your dress again for additional pictures (get your money's worth!) 

  

Good luck with which ever choice you make! 

  

Crystal, a viewer 

 
September 21, 2005, 10:14 am CDT

I dunno I think we might be tied!!

Quote From: emquiltin

I dont know if any one can beat the step mother in law I have. she lied to the entire family instigates fights and tape records conversations 

My mother in law is constantly in our business telling us how marriages are supposed to be and im doing this wrong and doing that wrong. Shes gone as far as to start fights between my husband and I telling me one thing that he supposibly said vise versa cause a HUGE fight between us. It got to the point where I was about to divorce my husband cause I couldnt take the stress anymore. Our marriage wasnt a marriage with her around we never had alone time cause she was always over. Always picking at me saying I need to clean more, and i keep a clean house. Now I was grown up to respect my elders but this woman I have given my mind to more times than I like to admit. Imagine being told u dont like ur nieces and nephews ALL because u just had a healthy little baby in dead winter and their all sick and I "hate" them all because I didnt want sick kids coming to see my baby right after we got home from delivering her! Needless to say we had to move because I honestly wouldnt still be married to my husband if we had stayed in the same town as her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
September 21, 2005, 10:36 am CDT

Mothers-in-Law

   

   I feel for the woman who is having problems with her soon to be MIL.  I ended up marrying my highschool sweetheart and I absolutely loved his mother.  She was always like a mom to me.  From the very beginning.  My husband says how he remembers looking back...and thinking..it's usually the girl trying hard to get her mother-in-law to like her..when all his mom ever wanted was for me to like her.  I was extremely close to her all through out our relationship in highschool, and unfortunately before we were married she passed away from cancer.  I was devastated.  So now I don't have a MIL.  Just in spirit and in memories.  I hope that Dr. Phil is able to give advice to both of these women and make them realize that a very special bond can come out of this.  I know that my MIL never felt that I was trying to take her 'baby' away from her..(my husband is the youngest) and I never had intentions of taking him away or of coming between them.  I loved seeing them together and seeing the love that they obviously had for eachother.  I'm very happy that I was able to witness it.  Instead of my MIL pushing me out of the picture, she welcomed me into her family and into her heart with open arms.  She seen me as just another one of her children that she loved so very much.  I hope and pray that this will happen for these two.  Not only will it make this marriage better but it will make family function more pleasurable.  Im sure that this girl has no intentions of taking her husband away from his mother.  Im sure his mother is having problems letting go and hopefully with Dr. Phil's help and our prayers they will become a happy family and build a lot of memories to block out all that has happened thus far. 

 
September 21, 2005, 11:55 am CDT

congradulatons Jay!!!!

I just wanted to congradulate Jay on his engagement.   I wish you all the happiness in the world.  I have been married for five years now now  and even though it can get hard at times I wouldn't change a thing because it's in the hard times that I can really appriate the good times.   It's really nice to know that I will have someone on my side no matter what for the rest of my life.    You have great parrents so I know you will be ok.    

Tracy from toronto canada 

   

 
September 21, 2005, 12:24 pm CDT

Not only mothers but fathers do this too

The lady on the first part of the show sounds just like my dad. 

How many times in the first segmant did she remind SHE GOT THEM THE HOUSE. 

My dad is like this. If he buys something you  "owe" him. 

It got so bad after my hubby and I married that my dad told me I had finally earned my new last name as I had picked sides. How childish. 

I stopped talking to my parents for over a year and now when we talk it is strictly weather and they NEVER come to my house anymore. 

  

My dad is very controlling and was an abusive father so I have plenty of reasons for not having them fully in my life BUT what started out as a great relationship between my husband while he was boyfriend turned sour shortly after we married. It was because my dad could no longer control me. 

  

My 2 cents now back to the show
Tammy 

 
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