Quote From: dede7007
I was a little frustrated with the people who wrote in with the attitude of "do it or die". Also, again with the Anti-American, "throw everything away" attitude. People outside this country need to stop listening to our biased press, and visit some of our states, and hometowns, but really get involved with some of our "too quiet vast majority" who have strong family values, and are not "throw away everything people". Many of us are getting SICK of the rest of the world judging us, when their own countries have horrible atrocities too numerous to mention.
With THAT said, this is there is NO reason whatsoever to stay in a marriage that has abuse written all over it. The first couple in this show seems to fit in this category. The wife is definetely abusing her husband. They need some serious counseling, but it's obvious that she does NOT love her husband. This couple never HAD a honeymoon. It was over before the honeymoon began. They need to re-evaluate their situation, and maybe starting over with other people is a better choice. There has been a lot of hurt here, and the wife doesn't really care how much hurt she is causing.
My honeymoon was over as well, before it began. I married a workaholic. He took ONE day off of work so that we could go away. (which was spent driving to and from our honeymoon suite in the Poconos Mountains) It was not a fun time. Plus, since he was so pre-occupied with work, he couldn't focus on the reason WHY we were there. DUH! I spent several hours just waching TV, while he worked on papers.
I am not a "throw away" person, and have tried to stick this thing out. But, after 23 years of a husband who cannot and will not put anything into this relationship, I have decided to call it quits.
It's hard to try to give love and attention to someone who will not return it, and who has dozens of "excuses" why he can't do whatever.
But, yet he INSISTS that he loves me, and does not want a divorce. How can you believe that someone loves you when they will not touch you, hug or kiss you, or even make time on a holiday for your family?
My husband's problem of workaholism, (which goes deeper than just work), has caused major problems in our entire family. Our two grown children have never known what it is like to spend an entire day with their Daddy. He never went to any of their school functions, or took them any place special. Also, he "forgot" most of my birthdays, and anniversaries. Holidays, were a total chore, because he would constantly complain about money, would grouch all day long, eat dinner and then dissapear to his office for the rest of the day. I would have to spend the rest of the day entertaining our children and guests. I did all of the decorating, cooking, and housework, as well as work, and he still complained about "his work". It is awful being married to a person who is unhappy ALL the time, and cannot find happiness in any part of life. Especially, when there is so much to be thankful for.
I feel guilty now, for staying in this marriage for so long. The hurt that has been done is so deep, and though I have tried anything and everything that I could to make things better, nothing worked.
I tried reading books, getting therapy, treating him special, trying special intimate things, and he always pushed me away.
Now, that I want out, he is begging me to stay. But, there is again, no action on his part that says that he is trying to change. I am 49 years old, and I feel that half of my life has been wasted on someone who is unable to get past his own issues to give to me as well as others.
Sometimes the honeymoon is over, and this one is, sorry to say.
Dede7007
I find what you are saying to be true. I am not a throw away person either, but at the age of 19 I had already been married, had a child, and gotten divorced. The man I thought I had married changed so drastically after the birth of our child. He went from a loving responsible man to a over grown, abusive child. Not only had he been abusive to me but also to our newborn who was born 8 weeks early. I had to have an emergency surgery after her birth leaving him to provide most her care while I was on pain meds. I was so out of it that I would wake up in the night and hear things such as him spanking her and yelling at her. I thought I was going crazy because of the meds, after all, who would spank a 4 lbs newborn? I stopped taking my meds all together and didnt tell him. I heard for myself what would be any mothers worst nightmare. I took over her care that night and waited for him to leave in the morning. I packed all of her things, leaving mine behind and went straight to the doctor. I had been out of it for over a week, I had no idea what might have happened during the time that I was unaware. I never went back to that man and I have been fighting every day since then to keep him away from my now 6 year old daughter. He contributes occasionally finacially whenever they can track him down by his ss number and hasnt seen her since she was 6 weeks old. He was court ordered to have supervised visitation because of the abuse but he has never chosen to see her. Some would say that it is such a shame that she doesnt see her biological father but I think it is a blessing. I know that I will be left to answer all of the hard questions as she gets older, and the only answer I have for her is that I dont know. I dont know why all of this has happened but that she deserves so much more. So I thank you Dede, I thank you for saying what I have felt for all of those years when people think of me as an irresponsible person who just got out of a marriage because I was bored. I got out to save myself and my daughter. Your are right, when it is over, it is over, and we shouldnt be told we are wrong for knowing it in our hearts and wanting better for ourselves. Thank you!
(Original Airdate: 09/26/05) One in 12 couples call it quits within 24 months of tying the knot. Dr. Phil's guests haven't even been married a year, and they already want to pull off their wedding bands and end their marriage! Did they know each other well enough before they said "I do"? Shamika says she wants to be treated like a southern belle, but her husband, Marlon, says she needs to get off her pedestal. Is Shamika asking too much? Plus, Miranda and Donny say the honeymoon was over before their suitcases were unpacked. So why is Miranda desperate to get pregnant, and should they have gotten married in the first place? Tune in for what you need to consider before making a lifetime commitment. Share your thoughts here.
