Message Boards

Topic : 12/19 The Honeymoon's Over!

Number of Replies: 244
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 23, 2005, 04:41:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 09/26/05) One in 12 couples call it quits within 24 months of tying the knot. Dr. Phil's guests haven't even been married a year, and they already want to pull off their wedding bands and end their marriage! Did they know each other well enough before they said "I do"? Shamika says she wants to be treated like a southern belle, but her husband, Marlon, says she needs to get off her pedestal. Is Shamika asking too much? Plus, Miranda and Donny say the honeymoon was over before their suitcases were unpacked. So why is Miranda desperate to get pregnant, and should they have gotten married in the first place? Tune in for what you need to consider before making a lifetime commitment. Share your thoughts here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More December 2005 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 26, 2005, 7:13 am CDT

Marriage

I can understand where these people are coming from....the transition from being responsible only for yourself to responsibility for another is a big jump. I got married for the first time at 37- (I'd had a few trial runs before, thank heavens they were just live in situations..) what a shock! I went from being carefree to maintaining another person! And then, the kids started arriving. My husband is in the military stationed about 350 miles away. I chose to remain in my home state because I believe its a great place to raise kids. He understands, and as a result, we see each other every couple of weeks for the weekend. I take care of the house, the finances, the kids, the lawn, the activities, the home mainentance, scheduling, and my own business. He goes to work. When he comes home, we play. (On this schedule, its amazing how we managed to have 2 kids in 5 years...:) Marriage is different for everyone, and if you think because you landed the fish, you are set for life, YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!!! Its give and take, communication, and keeping other people out of your private lives. All of these young wives call me and tell me the horror stories about their marriages and lives.  Tell your husband if you don't like what hes doing, not your neighbor! And not your former boyfriend who snoops around with a sympathetic shoulder, waiting to save you! Those white knights never arrive on time!  My marriage is getting better with time- hang in there! (Unless there is substance abuse or emoitional/physiacl abuse- then RUN!)
 
September 26, 2005, 7:20 am CDT

It's not always about ME ME ME

I've been married for two years now, and no, every day is not a bed of roses. That's real life. But I do love my husband and my husband is great about letting me know how much he loves and cares for me. It's a road with ups and downs, no doubt about it. But it has been mostly ups. 

  

The business of having these unspoken expectations (Marlon wanting a birthday breakfast and Shamika wanting to be spoiled) really baffles me at times. I'm not saying you shouldn't treat your spouse well. But sometimes it isn't all about ME ME ME. It's about asking yourself, "Hey, what can I do to make his/her day better?" Sometimes it means not dwelling on what you want but giving of yourself with no expectation of getting something in return. 

  

Also, it means a lot to say thanks for the little things. My husband does not like taking out the trash at all. But he knows that I work hard to keep the house clean and his clothes clean. So he takes it out, even when he doesn't want to. I always try to thank him when he comes back, and give him a hug or kiss. I don't want him to think I take it for granted that he does it. 

 
September 26, 2005, 7:23 am CDT

wow

I just watched a male version of myself and a female version of my husband today.  It was pretty much the same story with a few exceptions.  We've been married now, for a little over two years is one of the exceptions.  My husband is still lieing and still trying to pursuit artificial relationships with random promiscuous women.  Well as of now he isn't, or I think he's not.  I wouldn't think he would have the time to.  He's deployed to Iraq at this time.  It's really frustrating trying to work on a marriage that you have to put on hold for a year, or two, or even just six months.  It seems as if it just gets worse.  I have been trying anything and everything I know to work on my marriage.  Even with knowing that the person that I thought I married does not exist.  That was just someone he pretended to be....The question that was asked at the end of the show was "If you knew then what you knew now, would you have still married him/her?"  My answer is NO.
 
September 26, 2005, 9:18 am CDT

The Honeymoon's Over

These stories are interesting. I must say that relationships do take hard work for both people involved. In my opinion, both individuals should talk things out and come to a solution for what they want or do not want. Meeting each others needs is important too. Everything is important. Being in the dating scenario, I have learned a lot about the other person and what he wants and he has learned about what I want and everything else that comes with dating and that goes into a marriage, future marriage.
 
September 26, 2005, 10:08 am CDT

The honeymoon is over

I don't no why I am amazed by this episode, but I am.  

  

It never ceases to amaze me why people even choose to get married .... At least shamika & her husband have a shot at something real as both of them appear to be willing spirits.  But Miranda & her husband ..... jeeeeeez I ask myself why? they supposedly knew each other 1 1/2 years before???? uh? I don't get it. .....I truely don't believe they should have EVER gotton married. And to introduce children into this union???? She has a lot to work through before she is even ready for a relationship let alone to be a mother IMO. I know a lot of those women in that audience may have been saying just dump her & take me. Her husband came off looking pretty good, but then again you have to wonder about a person that accepts & continues with a problematic relationship.  

  

I simply will never get it..... no wonder the divorce rate is so high. 

  

I know not everyone has dated a loving boyfriend for 12 1/2 years like myself & has been happily married for 7 years.  

  

But  I'll settle for people just dating & being happy & content for atleast a year  before they tie the knot. 

 
September 26, 2005, 10:50 am CDT

marriage is harder, i'd think!

I think it is crazy that people think that, once they get married, life will be peaches and cream. I have always thought of marriage as a somewhat looming, and potentially dangerous thing. If you end up with the wrong person, or make hasty decisions then you will be stuck with those for life. I don't think anyone plans on getting divorced before they even marry - but my parents were miserable in many ways as I was growing up. I always promised myself that, although I respected their staying together, I would NOT end up unhappy and not caring!  

  

Marriage is harder because you can't just move out or break up at the drop of a hat. You can, but there are legal issues and money issues - all too messy. I look forward to overcoming the mountain of difficulties that awaits my own marriage, if only to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and after the rainstorm when we are both too old to argue any longer. . .  

 
September 26, 2005, 12:59 pm CDT

not sanctimonious but snobby

Quote From: tasquith

I apologize if I sound sanctimonious, but why is this even up for discussion. 

RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK

MY QUESTION IS ...ARE AMERICANS INCREDIBLY NAIVE OR ARE THEY SPOILT BEYOND RECOGNITION.  IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT THEN WORK HARDER, TRY DIFFERENT THINGS BUT QUITTING SHOULDN'T BE THE FIRST OPTION YOU THINK OF.
 

 

 

IS THIS MENTALITY A PRODUCT OF THE NEW INSTANT LIFESTYLE,  

TELEVISION'S 30 SECOND ADVERTISING BITE, 

 FAST FOOD, 

 FAST CARS, 

 FAST TRACKING CAREERS, 

 INSTANT MESSAGING, 

 FAST BANKING.   

 

 

YOU GIVE THE REST OF THE WORLD THE IMPRESSION, THAT YOU HAVE NO PATIENCE AND WILL NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR CHOICES. 

 

 

IS MATURITY AND DEVELOPMENT OF ETHICS, INTEGRITY AND COMMITMENT NOW BEYOND YOUR REACH IN YOUR NEW MTV SOCIETY? 

 

 

IT IS A SAD INDICTMENT ON A NATION WITH AN IMPRESSIVE HISTORY OF STRUGGLE AGAINST THE ODDS AT YOUR INCEPTION THAT YOU NOW HAVE THE WORST DIVORCE RATE. 

  

 

CONFUSED AUSTRALIAN.   

Saying " 

"IS MATURITY AND DEVELOPMENT OF ETHICS, INTEGRITY AND COMMITMENT NOW BEYOND YOUR REACH IN YOUR NEW MTV SOCIETY? "   

to me says you feel somehow superior & yes snobby.  This is usually from people who are jealous & yes to live in American a womanis the luckiest in the world!   

  

I'm not sure how did this become "Americans"?  I wouldn't begin to know nor would I pretend to know the first thing about the Australian way of life and I'm curious to know what makes you think from a television show you've a clear picture of the "American way of life" or anything about being an American?  It's true we're on a fast pace here but that isn't just the US & there's Fast food, fast cars & there's certainly instant messaging every where.  And where are you getting this impression that we're all spoiled & neive?  You'd said " 

"YOU GIVE THE REST OF THE WORLD THE IMPRESSION, THAT YOU HAVE NO PATIENCE AND WILL NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR CHOICES. "   

  

Where are you getting your statistics from & what are you basing these statements on?  I mean how can you speak for the "rest of the world"?  Have you done any research on this or are you watching Dr. Phil, Oprah, Sex in the City & Desperate Houswives and drawing conclusions from that?  I heard that there were several countries that actually believe that the average woman was just like the women on "Sex and the City" & I can tell you right now that while there are many women like them I'm not sure I'd call them "average" in America.  This is television & you're not going to see the people that are happily married with no problems & there is no marriage that is problem free.   But I am someone in a long term marriage that's happy & we come from a long long line of long term marriages.   

  

  

  

  

  

 
September 26, 2005, 1:00 pm CDT

There has to be give and take in a Marriage

In the case of the two newlywed couples on the Dr. Phil show today.  Shamika and her husband need to realize there has to be give and take in a marriage. I know that Shamika's husband's thirtieth birthday was important to him, but he needs to get over it. It's obvious that both Shamika and her husband right now are doing more taking than giving. I hope they will take Dr. Phil's advice. Donny and Miranda in my opinion should have never been married. She can't be trusted, and he is not trusting of her. One of the most important characteristics of a  happy marriage is trust. If Donny and Miranda can't work it out in my opinion they need to divorce. Whatever they do they definitely do not need to have children right now.
 
September 26, 2005, 1:21 pm CDT

09/26 The Honeymoon's Over!

This is a really interesting topic.  I have been married for a year and almost 7 months now, and my husband is active duty in the marines and we are having a really tough time right now.  My husband has some serious issues after being deployed twice now to Iraq and were just not getting along........ he seems to be emotionless............ I don't know what to do.  Were seeing a counselor but he lies to me and the counselor about things and hes doing things behind my back, I cant believe anything he says either.  I feel like my relationship is over!!!!!!!!!!!
 
September 26, 2005, 1:23 pm CDT

Hang in there!

The hardest things in life are also the most rewarding.  I definitely believe that to be true in my marriage, that's for sure.  In less than a month, my hubby and I will celebrate our 5 year anniversary.  When I look back, I saw so many times I wanted to give up, and I'm so glad I didn't.  Hang in there, everyone!  Your relationship IS worth it! 

  

Krista 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last