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Topic : 12/19 The Honeymoon's Over!

Number of Replies: 244
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Created on : Friday, September 23, 2005, 04:41:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 09/26/05) One in 12 couples call it quits within 24 months of tying the knot. Dr. Phil's guests haven't even been married a year, and they already want to pull off their wedding bands and end their marriage! Did they know each other well enough before they said "I do"? Shamika says she wants to be treated like a southern belle, but her husband, Marlon, says she needs to get off her pedestal. Is Shamika asking too much? Plus, Miranda and Donny say the honeymoon was over before their suitcases were unpacked. So why is Miranda desperate to get pregnant, and should they have gotten married in the first place? Tune in for what you need to consider before making a lifetime commitment. Share your thoughts here.

 

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January 26, 2006, 10:56 am CST

12/19 The Honeymoon's Over!

Quote From: allsoapers

Shamika definitely has issues but it's not just about what can Marlon do.  Dr. Phil should have asked her "Shamika, are you so used to doing and being everything for yourself that you just don't know how to let someone else in to share your load?"  See, I used to be Shamika, single mom, earning 6 figures, doing it all on my own.  BUT I wanted love and a relationship.  And when I found love (twice) I proceeded to then keep doing everything like I was alone/independent.  And criticizing my husband(s) for not automatically doing things to take the load from me (even though I wouldn't let them anyways).

Dr. Phil, check Shamika on her attitudes of independence and whether she can truly let herself be dependent as part of a team.  Her criticism of Marlon is probably more about herself, that she's not letting herself be as open and free as she had dreamt she would be.  She has to lose the "I can do this better myself by myself" attitude.

I've finally gotten this right...but hindsight is 20/20 and I see myself in Shamika very clearly.

allsoapers

Were we watching the same show?? I didn't see that Shamika had ANY trouble accepting help...in fact she is a taker, even when it isn't offered.  When Marlon got her a car, she took it without a blink but then bitched that he didn't get a good enough one.  All she yammers is that he didn't do enough!  

  

I didn't see any hint that Shamika was independant. She wants to be served. 

 
January 30, 2006, 10:40 am CST

Marlon can't MAKE Chamika happy

Poor Marlon is SO setting himself up for frustration and disappointment by believing that his actions can make his wife happy.  He could turn himself inside out trying to MAKE her happy, and she could decide it's still not enough.  Wasn't it Abraham Lincoln who said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"?  I got the impression that Chamika has issued the challenge to Marlon, "Go ahead, just try to make me happy; I dare you!" and Marlon doesn't even know about the challenge!  Marlon and Chamika both need to go about making themselves happy (as two interdependent individuals within their definition of a happy marriage, of course; no hedonism intended!).
 
February 21, 2006, 3:24 pm CST

Is the honeymoon really over?

Quote From: maggeemay

Well,  you asked someone to share so I will,  they say if they are not getting some at home,  then they will get it outside of the home and I hate to say it but it sure sounds like that to me...same sort of thing happened to me and  the best advice I can give you is do something for yourself.  Please don't be angry with me, ....but I am also on meds for depression and I can tell you what I did,  find a hobby, something that you like, get busy doing anything that you can.  If you can't go for a walk because you are afraid to go outside, then buy yourself a treadmill and walk inside.....phone a friend and try to start feeling better about you.  there is no better feeling in the world then making yourself feel better,  maybe if your husband sees you starting to do something to improve yourself and your mood maybe he will show more enthusiasm in you......this is what I did.  I started eating better, getting busier, dressing a little better, singing in the shower, learning healthy delicious new recipes, reading really happy things and just trying to change my overall surroundings.  Wake up everyday and just try to do one thing that makes you feel better.  Once you feel a little better you can do one more thing and so on...and so on.  I don't mean to downsize your depression but just try it. 

It worked for me.....I hope it helps you too.    

I appreciate your reply and apologize for not getting back to you sooner.  I haven't been on the message boards for awhile.  You made some very good points especially the one about if they don't get it at home, they will get it somewhere else.  That's the weird part, though, because I have almost reached the point of begging him to make love to me.  I have certainly let him know that I am very interested many times...one of which was the time he made the comment about my weight.  He's coming home tomorrow after being out of town for almost 6 weeks.  I'm not sure how long he will be here and he may not know either.  My psych asked why I couldn't go with him for a week or so.  The main reason is financial...we just bought a house and don't have the extra money for the airfare.  Plus, what would I do while he's working at the office?  I guess I could go to the Dr. Phil show a couple of times...;-)  I'm not sure how far it is from where he's working but I could probably find it! LOL  Anyway...thanks again for your reply...I'm going to stick around and see how this plays out...I won't give him the satisfaction of being the first to leave...
 
November 20, 2008, 11:03 am CST

12/19 The Honeymoon's Over!

I wonder what happens to people.
 
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