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Topic : 12/19 The Honeymoon's Over!

Number of Replies: 244
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 23, 2005, 04:41:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 09/26/05) One in 12 couples call it quits within 24 months of tying the knot. Dr. Phil's guests haven't even been married a year, and they already want to pull off their wedding bands and end their marriage! Did they know each other well enough before they said "I do"? Shamika says she wants to be treated like a southern belle, but her husband, Marlon, says she needs to get off her pedestal. Is Shamika asking too much? Plus, Miranda and Donny say the honeymoon was over before their suitcases were unpacked. So why is Miranda desperate to get pregnant, and should they have gotten married in the first place? Tune in for what you need to consider before making a lifetime commitment. Share your thoughts here.

 

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September 26, 2005, 1:45 pm CDT

Run Donny Run!!

The only good thing I noticed about Donny's wife was her shoes! Poor man, run darlin', as fast as you can! He seemed like a genuine guy, and deserves so much better than what he got stuck with. Thank goodness for ANNULMENT!! Hope he can make it out of that toxic dump and get a woman who will appreciate his sensitive side and charming smile. Good luck Donny!
 
September 26, 2005, 1:48 pm CDT

What's wrong

  I feel so bad for Donny.  His wife should have been totally honest with him before they married.  He was treated totally wrong by his wife.  I feel so bad for him.
 
September 26, 2005, 1:50 pm CDT

I'm sorry this is so long winded & I hope it helps

Quote From: auburnjenn

Thanks - I have heard of this book in the past week actually, and am interested in getting it. I have read "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" - is this like that (if you've read that)?
We have just been through some crazy times for newlyweds. He got transferred across the country; we get there and he then travels for work non-stop and I am left alone for weeks at a time in a strange state. Three months into it, he gets laid off. We used all our savings to move back "home" and have been unable to find decent jobs since then. It truly has just been one thing after another - NOTHING like I thought it would be! Thanks for the reply - I appreciate it -

auburnjenn you have been through a lot for a newly wed couple.  It's said that the first year is the most difficult & really the first 5 years are the most likely for a marriage to fail.  What happens right now in your marriage will set the tone for your marriage in the future.  I'm not sure what you'd thought when you got married & I do believe that being alone for a long period of time is a hardship on a set of newlyweds.  With that sai I want you to think about what you're saying.  You'd said in another post something to the effect that it would all be easier if you'd split.  Well you wouldn't have to deal with the lost of jobs & the problems with money but then you wouldn't be with your husband.  Stop & think of not just the problems going away but not being with him any more.  This isn't really what you want is it?   

  

You see for me & my husband it doesn't matter what happens outside of us fame & fortune or broke & just getting by as long as we've got each other it's all ok.  The rest of anything that comes to us is icing on the cake.  For us to start with just "us" is a good place because we are grateful to have each other & that makes us each feel valued & loved.   

  

When I say we have us this is not to say we're attached at the hip 24/7 or that we do not argue.  But you see prior to marriage & at the start where you are in your marriage is were we come to learn exactly what it is we have in our marriage (trust, respect & how we can depend on each other).   Life can be great and sometimes it can stink.  Sometimes I need to lean on hubby & then sometimes I have to be ok without him.  Again I think at the start of a marriage it's a hardship that you had to spend so much time apart but crap happens & we do have to do what we have to with work, family etc.  The glory in a relationship that is futioning & that is secure is that when life is really sumping on you & the world is going to hell in a hand basket you know that at the end of the day it's still "us" & you're not alone & that's really even if you're miles apart.  If we're on different coasts we're still "us" & in this life we share together.   

  

I'm not sure if any of this makes any sense to you.  But I will say that Dr. Phil had tried to impress this on 1 of the couples today.  For me & my husband what works is that we're each others best friend & lovers.  He is the one I go to with a problem & I look for him to tell me his &/or we're just sharing it all.  If he & I were arguing & we're just getting upset & not getting anywhere I would just call a truce.  It makes no sense to continue because you're just becoming advisaries& that makes him the "enemy" & that's not what you wanted to marry right?  It's amazing how if you call the truce & just say "Hey I love you & I don't want to fight.  Rather than fight lets try to work on this together as a team & figure out a compromise."  If you can become & impress on him to become each other's confidant & friend the idea of not being together you'll no longer see as being "easier".  There isn't anything that comes at us that we're not really facing together & that's security.  And if you feel that you're far away from this approach then the answer is to approach him & give him the new game plan you'd heard & start sharing with him.  tell him what your fears are & how you want to create a closer relationship.   

  

I've been married for 23 yrs.  and we've had some pretty difficult times together as far as personal growth, finances, family deaths, physical health & the list goes on & on.  We both know that the other always has our back .  If we disagree on somethin & we're arguing over it I know with certainty that this man is going to just turn & walk.  That's because it just means we don't agree it doesn't mean we don't love each other etc. we just haven't found our common ground. We both know in time we will & we're both willing to compromise & again no one is just gonna walk out etc.  It's like Dr. Phil said You can be right & be divorced or you can relax a bit & know that you don't have to make the other say "You're right" all the time.   And yes to a degree we are co-dependents now because we've had each other to relize on for so long emotionally the idea of experiencing life alone is a bit scary.  As someone else said I can't imagine my life without my husband.  Us spliting would not make any thing easier it would just hurt an awful lot & we would have lost it ALL if we lost each other.  If all we have is "us" then that's ok & a great place to start.   

 
September 26, 2005, 1:58 pm CDT

Some encouragement for Donny

Quote From: animalcat

These stories are interesting. I must say that relationships do take hard work for both people involved. In my opinion, both individuals should talk things out and come to a solution for what they want or do not want. Meeting each others needs is important too. Everything is important. Being in the dating scenario, I have learned a lot about the other person and what he wants and he has learned about what I want and everything else that comes with dating and that goes into a marriage, future marriage.

   

  

 I was very touched today at Donny's sincereity and how he cares for his wife. I felt awful that someone as loving and devoted as he seems to be, is beening tested in this way. I believe his wife is with him because he is safe and she is now resentful of her chioce to marry. I hope Donny knows he is worthy to receive the love and attention he deserves. There are many women out there that would love to be with a guy as handsome and emotionally intelligent as he is. I hope his wife gets some help before she pushes a very good thing away. 

 
September 26, 2005, 2:05 pm CDT

Donny Married the Wrong Woman

I can't believe that Donny would even consider staying with this woman, but I guess he loves her. The things she can't stand about her husband are the same things that I love about mine. My husband has been overseas for 3 years and it sucks. There is someone out there that would love him the same way he loves, but she ain't it.
 
September 26, 2005, 2:05 pm CDT

you shouldn't want to just move out

Quote From: planetjliz

I think it is crazy that people think that, once they get married, life will be peaches and cream. I have always thought of marriage as a somewhat looming, and potentially dangerous thing. If you end up with the wrong person, or make hasty decisions then you will be stuck with those for life. I don't think anyone plans on getting divorced before they even marry - but my parents were miserable in many ways as I was growing up. I always promised myself that, although I respected their staying together, I would NOT end up unhappy and not caring!  

  

Marriage is harder because you can't just move out or break up at the drop of a hat. You can, but there are legal issues and money issues - all too messy. I look forward to overcoming the mountain of difficulties that awaits my own marriage, if only to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and after the rainstorm when we are both too old to argue any longer. . .  

The last thought in my mind would be that I'm 'stuck" or how to get out of here.  It shouldn't be the "legal & money issues" that makes marriage harder to just walk away but the idea tha marriage is a verbal commitment that you will not just "move our or break up at the drop of a hat".   Marriage is commiting to another person for life & not just a way of making it too messy to get away.  It's a commitment that you're going to try to work on things & you're not going to walk away.  The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is the 2 people who still think in terms of "us" & are happy with that not 2 people too old to argue any longer.  :)  My in-laws just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last year & they really argue now because they're at home all the time together.  But they ARE happy & love each other in every way you can imagine.  They've shared everything life had to offer & while they didn't always agree on things & had to compromise or turn another cheek sometimes they didn't consider it a mountain of difficulties from their marriage.  There are the mid life crisis' & sometimes if we're restless with ourself, have PMS etc. it can be difficult but loving someone I'd put up with those character things of hubby's that make me nuts.  It's been worth it to me & really when I think back I'm always so happy I had my husband to go through this life with.  

 
September 26, 2005, 2:16 pm CDT

She seemed very cold to me

Quote From: ladypink

The only good thing I noticed about Donny's wife was her shoes! Poor man, run darlin', as fast as you can! He seemed like a genuine guy, and deserves so much better than what he got stuck with. Thank goodness for ANNULMENT!! Hope he can make it out of that toxic dump and get a woman who will appreciate his sensitive side and charming smile. Good luck Donny!

He was so upset at one point when the truth was coming out & she just seemed so indiffernt to hi pain.  I couldn't imagine hearing my husband break into tears & knowing I'd caused that emotional pain & just sit there so cool as a cucumber like her.  She should not EVER have children.  And yes I agree He should seek an annulment because she doesn't seem like she even really cares for him never mind love him.  

 
September 26, 2005, 2:27 pm CDT

Thoughts on the couples

I enjoyed this show today - the first couple was so strikingly like my husband and me that it was unbelievable. I can't believe I forgot to tape it - I would like for him to watch it too. I got a lot out of what Dr. Phil said and will try to implement them into our lives from now on. Being from the South, I totally understand the "Southern Gentleman" thing Shamika was talking about - but Dr. Phil is right - her husband is from Detroit! There truly are cultural differences throughout different parts of the country. No one is better than anyone else, but it can be surprising to see some of the differences. My husband spent a lot of his life in the MidWest, and there are many things that he does differently than men down here. That's just how it goes. He finds unusual things about Southern women that he never noticed growing up in Nebraska!

The second couple doesn't stand a chance. I hate to sound cruel, but I believe that. Crying on your honeymoon? I bet you she wasn't crying because she "missed her family" - she was crying because she knew she had made a big mistake! I know women like her - they go through man after man who treats them badly, and when they finally find a nice guy, they push him just to see how far he'll go before he treats her badly too. It's like a game and once she wins, it gets boring and she wants to move on. For both of their mental and physical well-being, I think they need to part ways.
 
September 26, 2005, 2:40 pm CDT

Donny (THIS IS 4 U)

    Donny,  WAKE UP!  If only you realized that you are way out of Miranda'a league!!!!  You seem to be more sincere, more compassionate. and ALOT MORE better looking then she is.  Leave her now before she gets pregnant.  she will only cheat on u,  then she will leave you and take your child away to live with the (50th) guy she slept with.   I couldnt belive how much you were in love with her.  It's so sad!  You are a gorgeous guy!  There are alot of women who are BEAUTIFUL inside and out who would love to date you!  It was so obvious that your wife is not Beautiful both inside and out. 

She is going to cheat on you again, and again!  Think about your future kids, and their health!  AIDS is alive and well, and her history with sleeping around is very scary!   

 
September 26, 2005, 2:49 pm CDT

R U single yet Donny?

  

By staying with your wife, you are missing out!  I promise you, there are so many women who watched this show, and would love to date you.   You are georgous!  You deserve alot more then she could ever dream of giving you!  Once you leave her, i am sure you will find alot better!   

 
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