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Topic : 12/19 The Honeymoon's Over!

Number of Replies: 244
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 23, 2005, 04:41:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 09/26/05) One in 12 couples call it quits within 24 months of tying the knot. Dr. Phil's guests haven't even been married a year, and they already want to pull off their wedding bands and end their marriage! Did they know each other well enough before they said "I do"? Shamika says she wants to be treated like a southern belle, but her husband, Marlon, says she needs to get off her pedestal. Is Shamika asking too much? Plus, Miranda and Donny say the honeymoon was over before their suitcases were unpacked. So why is Miranda desperate to get pregnant, and should they have gotten married in the first place? Tune in for what you need to consider before making a lifetime commitment. Share your thoughts here.

 

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September 26, 2005, 2:52 pm CDT

Donny Run Like hell

Donny you need to get out of this situation before it turns ugly or Marissa gets pregnant.  It is very clear that this girl does not want to be married.  The whole basis of marriage should be based on trust, you finding out she has slept with 40 men on the show and emailing the exboyfriends is all to bizzare for a newlywed couple.  You deserve better.  Stop being the door mat.
 
September 26, 2005, 2:59 pm CDT

been there done that

Quote From: krista77

The hardest things in life are also the most rewarding.  I definitely believe that to be true in my marriage, that's for sure.  In less than a month, my hubby and I will celebrate our 5 year anniversary.  When I look back, I saw so many times I wanted to give up, and I'm so glad I didn't.  Hang in there, everyone!  Your relationship IS worth it! 

  

Krista 

While i do agree that her dishonasty is surely a huge factor in the math of this union. I have to say I have been married to one like donny. My husband when we meet did not have the same experences as i did. I had alot in my past such as drug abuse, physical abuse,different partners ect. It was hard for me to come into a realationship with this history. I found it difficult to tell him everything because of his reaction like "oh my god you did that ?" or the " you liked doing drugs?" well I did once I'd seen how those things or those kinds of people effected me and got away only to a man who would judge me for doing them in the first place. Then I felt smothered because of a number of things.He would get made if i ever talked about anything in my past even good times like as if to say , with a past like yours how could you have any good memories, I also wasn't use to someone being so kind to me,I actually thought it made him look wimpy. He would write 4-5 page letters on how he loved me and couldn't do without me, oh my i wanted to stamp desperate on every page. No matter what I did or said he'd take it. A far cry from anyone I dated before. I had become my ex's and he was me. He'd say things like your my best friend my whole life, i'd think things like sappy sappy sappy. Yet when I'd open up to him at times very few times he'd attack my views or thoughts saying things like thats because you only dated jackasses before me. I found it hard to talk without judgement yet felt smoothered by his kindness. We since then have found a common ground. I know now that he does love me thats just his way of showing me. He knows now I'm not trying to live in my past when I talk about it and that i don't long for the yesterdays. I hope she'll see that she does deserve to be treated good. And he finds a way not to make her feel so ashamed because where she has been has brought her to him and made her the person he says he loves.
 
September 26, 2005, 3:16 pm CDT

I Completely Understand, Donny!

This situation hit so close to home for me, it's not even funny!!  My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 years.  The first 2 years of our marriage was a complete lie, on his end.  He lied not only about how many women he had been with, but also about ex-wives (how many there were), also about kids (how many he had), and also everything else about his past...jobs, family, growing up, school, etc...  Unfortunately when my world came crashing down on me, I was 8 months pregnant with our 1st son, which made it hard for me to leave.  Our marriage was absolute HELL!!  I then got pregnant with our 2nd son, which made my own life better, but not my life with my husband.  When Dr.Phil asked Donny if he would have known then what he knew now, would he of married her....I just wanted to scream NO!!  At least that's the way I feel!!  We did the marriage counseling thing, which seemed to help out, and after everything and no matter what happens in the future, I have 2 little angels who will always be with me...my 2 sons.  I'm hoping that the lies are gone forever, and that we can be the happy little family I would like to be.
 
September 26, 2005, 3:19 pm CDT

Recent got married

I recent got married and I love today show and I am only 7 months in the marriage I am tried hard to keep in the marrige sense it is my first and his third I am adjusting to the marriage it is very hard. For Donny I think he need to get out of the marriage I thought to myself she does not love you. I think you are a very kind an handsome guy you can have anyone lady. I am going to make this married work!  We have issued but we are working them out.  

  

 
September 26, 2005, 3:24 pm CDT

the honeymoon's over

I only caught the last couple.  I was astounded that she was on the show, when it seemed obvious that she did not want to be married.  Her husband seemed like a loving man, who could do a lot better.  Thank you Dr. Phil for strongly suggesting to this couple NOT to get pregnant now.  Raising children is a difficult job, and that child deserves a set of loving parents who are on the same page 

  

 
September 26, 2005, 3:25 pm CDT

Hang in there

I thought my story may help.  My husband and I got married because I got pregnant six months into our relationship.  Our child was born in December of 1994.  We got married in May of 1995.  At the time, we couldn't afford child care, so I worked during the day and my husband worked at night.  We never saw each other.  Then in Septmeber of 1995 our child died.  More than 95 percent of marriages that suffer this kind if loss end in divorce.  I'm not sure why to this day, but we did not get divorced.  It took us years of counseling to have a happy marriage.  This past May we celebrated our tenth wedding addiversary and we now have three children.  We are both very happy now.  I really don't know how else to end this except to say that, if you are determined, you can make it.  Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
 
September 26, 2005, 3:59 pm CDT

Hang in there

 I am looking foward to this show also. I have been married for 3 years and 8 months. My husband was in the air force, and we had two children at the time,  a daughter who was 2 years old, and a baby boy, but when my son was 2 months old he got medially discharged from the service, and we moved back to Oregon where we were both born and raised. It was really hard trying to get back on our feet with him finding a job, and with me taking care of our two children who at the time were 2 and 2 months old. It took about 8 months for him to get a job, so we were being supported by his parents. Which made for lots of frustration for the both of us, and some pretty intense arguments.But we stuck in there and are really happy now. He loves his job, and we now have another baby boy. So, I stay home and take care of our three children ages 3, 17months, and 3 months. We are doing great now, and always go to bed without being mad or angry with eachother. Our marriage is strong, and wonderful, and we both try to really hard to be opened and honest with eachother, and be there for eachother when the other one needs it.
 
September 26, 2005, 6:21 pm CDT

Hi, atlswan

Quote From: atlswan

I've been married for two years now, and no, every day is not a bed of roses. That's real life. But I do love my husband and my husband is great about letting me know how much he loves and cares for me. It's a road with ups and downs, no doubt about it. But it has been mostly ups. 

  

The business of having these unspoken expectations (Marlon wanting a birthday breakfast and Shamika wanting to be spoiled) really baffles me at times. I'm not saying you shouldn't treat your spouse well. But sometimes it isn't all about ME ME ME. It's about asking yourself, "Hey, what can I do to make his/her day better?" Sometimes it means not dwelling on what you want but giving of yourself with no expectation of getting something in return. 

  

Also, it means a lot to say thanks for the little things. My husband does not like taking out the trash at all. But he knows that I work hard to keep the house clean and his clothes clean. So he takes it out, even when he doesn't want to. I always try to thank him when he comes back, and give him a hug or kiss. I don't want him to think I take it for granted that he does it. 

Glad to see you again.  This is golfallday; had to change unernames cause of problems with this new board, but I am here.  How are you?  I hope you have not been effected by any of the bad storms. 

  

Good comment.  Too many people are only interested in what their spouse can do for them instead of putting their spouse before themselves.   If you're both treating each other with respect and communicating well then things will work out.    

 
September 26, 2005, 6:56 pm CDT

Miranda and Donny: IT HAPPENED TO ME

I hope Dr. Phil reads my post because I think is 99% similar to the Miranda and Donny case.

The only difference I think I have with Donny is that I think (never confirmed but I have many facts that tells me I'm right) my ex-wife was a Lesbian.
She told me 6 years inside our marriage that she was abuse by a neighbor when she was young. She indicate to me that there was no penetration, but I have my doubts.
Same facts as in the Donny case: no sex before marriage, incredible pain during intercourse (that I thought was cause by a physical problem, but I have concluded that it was mentally because of the abuse), sex once a month (during ovulation) and no desire the rest of the month.
What I think Miranda is hidding (even during the show) is the same thing my ex-wife hide from me until this day: that she married me just to have a baby. She always told a friend that she wanted a baby to show everybody how good a mother she was going to be. The friend tried to warn me but I didn't listen. 

Miranda thought that a bad boy might have sex with her and get her pregnant right away, and that Donny would be the father (because he is a good guy and was going to do the right "thing" and support the child).


 
September 26, 2005, 7:59 pm CDT

Is The Honeymoon Over

I taped the show today and just finished watching it.  Miranda and her husband have a chance at making their marriage work - just don't give up so easily because anything of value takes WORK!  Put your faith in practice and go from there.  Any Therapist who is worth their salt will tell you, no faith no peace, no peace no faith.  Any part of healing is going to take belief in a higher power and it is Him who sustains us.  I know Jesus will bring people into your lives at the right time and right place. 

Miranda, even with the problems the two of you face - you have a good man (one who did not abandon you at the first sign of trouble in the marriage).  We need more African-American men to stand up and say I need help for me and my family!  My prayer for the two of you is that your life flourishes! 

 
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