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Topic : 12/19 The Honeymoon's Over!

Number of Replies: 244
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 23, 2005, 04:41:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 09/26/05) One in 12 couples call it quits within 24 months of tying the knot. Dr. Phil's guests haven't even been married a year, and they already want to pull off their wedding bands and end their marriage! Did they know each other well enough before they said "I do"? Shamika says she wants to be treated like a southern belle, but her husband, Marlon, says she needs to get off her pedestal. Is Shamika asking too much? Plus, Miranda and Donny say the honeymoon was over before their suitcases were unpacked. So why is Miranda desperate to get pregnant, and should they have gotten married in the first place? Tune in for what you need to consider before making a lifetime commitment. Share your thoughts here.

 

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September 26, 2005, 8:17 pm CDT

Donny, you can do so much better

The reason I was so compelled to write, is that Donny, you remind me so much of my own husband and I just LOVE HIM  to death. And watching the show, I just wanted to reach through the T.V. and give you a hug, walk you off the stage and introdce you to all of my super HOT, MODEL FRIENDS that are single and would love to go our with a guy like you!! You have no idea just how good you can have it, if you find the right woman who appreciates you. I am not trying to suggest that you should get divorced and jump right into the next relationship, but sometimes a person's judgement can get clouded when that person is in a bad situation. and they don't know how to get out, or if they should. Sometimes it just takes a jolt or a reality check or to see how green that grass is over there. Always, after we leave a difficult situation, its just a matter of time, before we realize "wow, I'm so much better off, what was i thinking" in hindsight 

I have the most AWESOME husband that I appreciate so much and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. There is nothing like a great marriage, a loving partner for life to share everything.  

Your wife not only doesn't deserve you, you deserve someone who appreciates the sweet and sensitive guy you are and someone who will spoil the crap out of you!! You'll see!!  

Don't waste your time with her, she needs personal counseling. If the answer to the  question is "Would you do it again, had you known everything? No, definately, leave, it's not your fault, nor is it your responsibility to save and build your marriage that was based on lies from the beginning, 

 
September 26, 2005, 8:23 pm CDT

What were you thinkin'??

I'm commenting on the second couple who have been married just 3 months and they want a baby to "fix" their marriage. What were you thinkin'? I'm the second wife to a man who did the same in his first marriage. Yeah, they had the kid all right -- and they had a divorce 18 months later. BABIES DO NOT FIX BAD MARRIAGES, they just make bad marriages worse. So, from the man's perspective, this is what he'll end up with: • Astronomical child support • The joy of being a 'weekend dad' • The joy of bowing down to 'her highness' when she demands something • Living in fear that she'll leave the state and take the kid with her (and you'll never see either one again) My two cents: The guy needs to use birth control and not rely on the wife. She's already proven that she's untrustworthy.
 
September 26, 2005, 8:29 pm CDT

So Cold

Quote From: momakababe

He was so upset at one point when the truth was coming out & she just seemed so indiffernt to hi pain.  I couldn't imagine hearing my husband break into tears & knowing I'd caused that emotional pain & just sit there so cool as a cucumber like her.  She should not EVER have children.  And yes I agree He should seek an annulment because she doesn't seem like she even really cares for him never mind love him.  

I couldn't have said it better.. She was totally cold as ice, and you are totally right, if I had made my husband break down like that in pain, I would have felt like crap, and I would have started crying myself, I would never hurt my husband intentionally and would never be able to talk in that manner with no remorse or sincerity (however, not hurting your husband in the first place is a much better plan! It takes God, love, true devotion, respect and honesty and usually no one gets hurt! 

 
September 26, 2005, 9:40 pm CDT

Leave her!

 Donny-
This girl is hurting you. There are better women out there and you're such a nice guy. I'm a 31 yr old guy who has been through his share of addicted relationships and now find myself in something totally different -- just smooth and nice and relaxing. I'm not saying that what I have is for everyone, but I really felt so sad for you and angry at her on your behalf. I hope when you see the show air you will see this too. Good luck to you brother.
 
September 27, 2005, 6:00 am CDT

Donny and Miranda

I found their segment so incredibly sad.  I think there is so very much going on behind the scenes with Miranda and it has absolutley NOTHING to do with Donny!  I think in one way or the other this girl has been hurt to her core.  I think she has very serious issues and it comes out as searching for affection from males(hence the 40 prior partners that once she slept with <because she felt it was the only way to get their love> she ran from)the not being capable of honesty, the way she feels true caring and affection is "smothering", the way she continues to push him away... All of that is her past issues that again, have NOTHING to do with Donny.  Which he probably doesent understand at all.  To him, it probably seems like a cop out and a real easy thing to say.  But I think its truth and the doc was dead on that she needs to be in counseling.   Big time! 

  

I think for her to allow herself to be vulnerable in any way shape or form is gonna take a whole heck of alot of work on her part.  You could almost visably see the walls she put up with her husband as they were speaking.  Her little smiles at the most inopportune time spoke volumes to me.  I think alot of people see that as her just being a witch but I see it as her being scared to death and putting up those walls for self preservation.  That girl is TERRIFIED!  She must get to the root of her fears.  She needs to addres them.  If she doesent and continues running, she will never have peace.  I found it all very very sad.   

  

I completley understand Donnys pain.  However, I think he should hang in for a while longer.  See if she is willing to go through with the work she needs to do.  Give her the chance to try and solve her problems.  She pushes him away because she dosent think he really loves her.  She doesent think ANYone would ever really love her, because she doesent love herself.  I hope he can find a way to try and stand by her while she works out all her issues.  Course, if he cant do that, one couldnt hardly balme him.  But I do think in time he may end up blaming himself for not sticking it out just a little longer to see if she couldnt get the help she needs.  And im telling you, that girl NEEDS help in the WORSE way!   

  

Donny, it is NOT about you!  Has NOTHING to do with you!  Its all her.  Something has happened to her in the past and what you are dealing with is the after effects of whatever she has gone through.  Its not fair, but thats life.  All you can do is try to continue to support her.  Its up to her if she is willing to do the work required to solve this.  Give her the chance.  If she refuses, then imo you are free to walk with clean hands. 

 
September 27, 2005, 6:39 am CDT

09/26 The Honeymoon's Over!

Quote From: bzbluiii

Glad to see you again.  This is golfallday; had to change unernames cause of problems with this new board, but I am here.  How are you?  I hope you have not been effected by any of the bad storms. 

  

Good comment.  Too many people are only interested in what their spouse can do for them instead of putting their spouse before themselves.   If you're both treating each other with respect and communicating well then things will work out.    

Hey, lady! I kind of took a Dr. Phil break for a while since I was working in the office again. Now I'm a full-time freelance writer and back at home. So I was naturally pulled back into the Dr. Phil show! 

  

I hope you're doing well, too. Anything new? We had no hurricane problems here at all. A lot of Katrina evacuees are now making Atlanta their home since there was so much damage to New Orleans.  

  

Last night I told my husband that I didn't expect him to make me breakfast on my birthday and he told me he wasn't expecting it on his birthday either. It was kind of funny, actually. We're not really morning people so breakfast is no big deal to either one of us. For my birthday this year, among my gifts he surprised me with a "Vote for Pedro" t-shirt since we both love the movie "Napoleon Dynamite" and that really limpressed me that he thought of it. 

  

I think that at least Shamika and Marlon are willing to work on their issues to make things better. That's half the battle. But that other couple...I just don't know. 

 
September 27, 2005, 7:20 am CDT

09/26 The Honeymoon's Over!

Quote From: atlswan

Hey, lady! I kind of took a Dr. Phil break for a while since I was working in the office again. Now I'm a full-time freelance writer and back at home. So I was naturally pulled back into the Dr. Phil show! 

  

I hope you're doing well, too. Anything new? We had no hurricane problems here at all. A lot of Katrina evacuees are now making Atlanta their home since there was so much damage to New Orleans.  

  

Last night I told my husband that I didn't expect him to make me breakfast on my birthday and he told me he wasn't expecting it on his birthday either. It was kind of funny, actually. We're not really morning people so breakfast is no big deal to either one of us. For my birthday this year, among my gifts he surprised me with a "Vote for Pedro" t-shirt since we both love the movie "Napoleon Dynamite" and that really limpressed me that he thought of it. 

  

I think that at least Shamika and Marlon are willing to work on their issues to make things better. That's half the battle. But that other couple...I just don't know. 

Gifts like that have so much more meaning because there was some thought put into it.  Much better than the old flowers or candy routine which are a last resort.   

Glad to know all is well with you, and glad to see you on the boards. 

 
September 27, 2005, 8:30 am CDT

Marlon and Shamika

I know you can make your marriage work if you put in the effort.  I know from experience.  I met my husband on June 16, 1990 and we were married on July 13, 1990.  No that is not a typo or a mistake.  We were wed just shy of knowing each other for one month.  This past July we celebrated our 15th anniversary.   

  

Everyone said we wouldn't last a year.  It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been that bad either.  Our worst times were the first 7 years.  In those years we dealt with: our daughter being born (she was a honeymoon baby!), gettting evidect from the apartment we were in because the landlord sold the building but didn't tell anyone, living with his mom and stepdad, my parents, his dad and step mom, dealing with the molestation I went through as a child, me moving 1000 miles away from my family to live closer to his, both getting two year degrees and working full time. 

  

Marriage it's a cake walk, but it's not that hard either.  My most important advise it that you have to respect each other, even more than love.   Good luck to you in the future. 

  

  

 
September 27, 2005, 9:54 am CDT

09/26 The Honeymoon's Over!

My heart broke for Donny.  How sad for him!!!  You can tell that he really loves his wife and wants to be connected to her.  Yet she sits there all cold and heartless.  He deserves better. 
 
September 27, 2005, 11:37 am CDT

People Dumbfound Me

Ironically, I missed this episode live because my husband and I were traveling back from a friend's wedding.  But, my trusty Tivo managed to record it and I watched it yesterday while folding laundry w/ my DH. 

  

I was absolutely dumbfounded.  Are these people just stupid or off in la-la-land??? 

  

What part of "LIFE LONG COMMITMENT" do they not get?  'Cause that's what marriage is, folks.  A life long commitment.  And when you talk about something that long term, how can you possibly EXPECT that there won't be any potholes along the way???  Who EVER said that marriage is fairy tale???  **looking around** Anyone?  I didn't think so. 

  

My DH & I have been together for 6 years, married for almost 2.  As much as I loved him, I was never so blind as to NOT have absorb what the term "LIFE LONG COMMITMENT" was actually going to mean in my life.  I wasn't so obliviously that I didn't recognize that MARRIAGE is suppose to be UNTIL DEATH DO YOU PART. 

  

And because of that, I can't imagine having entered into that kind of agreement without making darn sure that I knew exactly what I was getting into.  And my DH felt the same.  Regardless of how much we loved each other, we were cautious.  Neither one of us wanted to be one of those people that jumps into something we didn't understand, only to fail.  Just thinking of what the wedding alone was going to cost, the cost for our guests to attend, the cost of gifts, showers, etc.  Neither one of us was willing to put our families through that unless we knew darn well that we were a successful match. 

  

We talked about EVERYTHING.  Our expectations, what we envisioned our roles being in our marriage, where we wanted to live, whether or not we were both willing to relocate for career advancement, how we would handle inlaws, how many children we wanted, WHEN we would both be comfortable bringing children into this world, our financial status, how we wanted to handle our finances, the division of labor in the home, the personal dreams we each still wanted to fulfill, EVERYTHING.  And when all those talks were concluded and we found that we were on the same page then and ONLY then did we decide that we were right for each other and right for marriage. 

  

'Cause at the end of the day, love isn't enough.  Not in marriage.  No way, no how.  It takes more than that.  It takes hanging on when the going gets tough, KNOWING how to work as a TEAM, putting your spouse (sometimes) before yourself, respect, and commitment. 

  

I love my DH more than anything in the entire world.  We have our ups and downs but 95% of the time, we have a great relationship and a peaceful household.  Yet, as much as I love him.  As much as I would do anything for him, there is no way in heck I would've walked down that aisle not really knowing who he was as a person and what our life would be like. 

  

No wonder the divorce rate is so high in this country.  Those had to be the 4 most clueless people I've ever witnessed on tv.  I wish them all the best and hope things work out for them.  But for God's sake, slow the heck down and think things through before you go jumping into life changing decisions! 

 
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