Topic : 12/23 "Get a Backbone!"

I am 42 years old and have not had a backbone with my mother as well.  She is controlling, manipulative, mean and vindictive.  I do not want to be like her.  I work hard not to.   

I have only come to this realization about her recently. When i watched the Dr. Phil show, i related to what you go through. It is hard to understand unless you have such a controlling mother.  I hide my realtionship with my ex-husband from my mother.  She hates my ex husband and i do not understand her level of hate towards him.  They say the things people hate the most about others is what they are seeing that they do not like about themself.  I have a three year old son so trying to figure out how to handle that relationship is difficult, as my son't father does not want my son to have anything to do with my mother.  This is tough.  The only person that brings the most agony to my life is my mother, she is the one who causes my pain.  I am just rambling as i feel very angry and sad today.  I want you to know i understand how hard it can be.  

Beth I hope you read this I also was keept at home but it was not a basement it was a motor home we traveled I only went to the 5th grade we never stayed in a town over two months sometimes only weeks I only meet kids  long enough to like them and leave I was home schooled after the 5th grade but my mom did not make me study .When I was 16 I took my GED and barelly passed then I moved out when I was 17 I got married to first man I found so I could get out  which ended in divorce 2 months later. I was unpreparred for the real world I had no idea I still have a very hard time I aviod any kind of confrontation and I feel totally ignorant but your story gave me hope the ignorant people are the people like the ones who work for you and take advantage of peolpe who they fell are weaker than they are stand up for all us who have yet to find the strenth to stand up for ourselfs.

sometimes it is okay with him, but I fear when he becomes irritated and angry.  I don't know why.  I know that I do the best I can for him but I see that he is older now and gets lonely.  I avoid him at all costs when he is this way.  There is nothing I can do for him now but I won't put up with any b.s. from him either.  All my life my Dad has been hard on me.  I am an only child but I left home when I was young.  I don't intend to carry on his tradition because he pushes people away from him.  That is the lesson I have learned. 

  

From Ontario, Canada 

Whatever happened to the salon owner who had such bitches for employees.  I think of her often and would of loved for you to of worn those employees down.  Talk about juvenile and sticking with the group.  Those girls have no backbone when standing alone.  I only wish I could of been on the stage with you that day so I could of given them a piece of my mind. 

Trisha 

Whatever happened to the salon owner who had such bitches for employees.  I think of her often and would of loved for you to of worn those employees down.  Talk about juvenile and sticking with the group.  Those girls have no backbone when standing alone.  I only wish I could of been on the stage with you that day so I could of given them a piece of my mind. 

Trisha 

Beth you are amazing woman. There is nothing to be ashame of. Many could not read or write. In my country, many are unable to go to school due to poverty.

 

And of them can do what you have achieved. Be proud of what you have done. You really amazing.

 

Peace,

 

Anna

It's not as simple as not letting what people think of you get to you, it goes much  deeper than that.  If someone has never had these experiences, it's hard for them to understand what it is like.  You have to experience it for yourself before you can really understand what these people are going through. If someone hasn't had a baby, it's hard for them to comment on what that experience is like or if they have never walked in space, how can they comment on what that is like.  This mobbing that goes on is a horrible thing.  It's not a matter of not letting it get to you.  If only it was that simple.  What happens to us is very devastating.  Would you tell someone who found out they have cancer to just not let it get to them, ignore it, don't let it bother you? Or if they found out they are pregnant, would the advice be to just ignore it, don't let it bother you?  This mobbing is a very serious issue and not to be taken lightly.  It causes depression, constant abuse, coworkers lying about you, blaming everything on you, messing up a job and saying you did it and they all stick together and you look guilty even though you did not do it.  I had to work to support myself and my two children and pay rent and buy food, etc, and I had to go to work crying and come home crying and always upset, and some of the victims of this abuse actually did sabotage the work, cause things to break or not work right, in the case of assembling electronics, when they saw something wrong with a unit, even though the inspector did not catch it, when they used to point out there was something wrong with the unit, they instead kept their mouth shut and let the tester plug it in and watch it go poof, all that work put into it for nothing and it had to be scrapped, so it affects a lot of people and causes more problems than you can imagine. An employee constantly being abused by coworkers and bosses sometimes finds a way to get even. It might not be right but neither is what they are doing to them. Harassing them day after day, blaming them for things, making them do jobs they are not supposed to be doing according to the contract, the union not helping them, making them do the job anyway even though it is against policy, etc, etc , and the person losing job after job because of this, and not from what they did to get even since no one knew they saw something wrong with a particular unit, how could anyone know that, the units came down a rack on a set of rollers toward the inspector and tester and we were just supposed to build our units and not be looking at anyone else's units that they built but some of us would notice a wire in the wrong place and we used to tell them and they would thank us that we told them and they could get the wire put in the right place before it got plugged in, but after they started abusing us, why would we tell them what we saw, let them plug it in and let it blow up, and let them scrap it and build another, so this type of abuse just expands and grows like a pebble tossed into a pond, the ripples work their way outward and affect a lot of things, and no one could tell any of this was being done on purpose.  Sometimes we would get a bad set of wire harnesses mixed in with good ones, so some of us had the sequence of wires memorized even though there were a lot of them, so they would check the wire harness they were going to use ahead of time and if it was ok, they used it, if it was messed up and all wrong, they wouldn't go tell and turn it in like they would have wanted us to do, they would thow it back into the box and the others assembling the units didn't have enough brains to check their wire harness so they would pick it up and start using it to assemble their unit and would not notice it til they got to the end of the assembly process and spent a half a day putting it together and then at the end, would have to spend more time taking it all apart again because the harness would not be right and so waste a lot of time, and cost the company a lot of money but then they figured they got what they deserved for abusing them all the time and no one even knew they were checking the wires first and putting the harness back in the box for the others to use and waste all their time and get nothing done that day or very little compared to what they would have accomplished if they hadn't abused the other employee who did nothing wrong to deserve the abuse in the first place, they did their job and did it well and reported a bad harness or a bad unit until all the abuse started and then they found ways to get even and screw them all up. But they asked for it. Just like some people say the guys who teased and taunted the tiger in the San Franciso zoo got what they deserved when the tiger got out and attacked them.  I'm not saying they did or didn't but just making a comparison of whether someone gets what they deserve when they start abusing someone, teasing and taunting them like they did to that tiger. Maybe we were like the tiger, we got out of our cage and got even, I don't know. Well, this is all in the past, but just to show that maybe employees shoud not be abused or there could be consequences.