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Topic : 12/23 "Get a Backbone!"

Number of Replies: 137
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 23, 2005, 04:48:51 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 09/30/05) If you're the type who gets bullied by your boss, stepped on by your co-workers or manipulated by your mother, Dr. Phil shows you how to stand up for yourself! Beth owns a beauty salon, but says she'd rather hide in her office than confront her disrespectful employees. Find out the deep, dark childhood secret that's affecting her ability to take control of her life and her business. Plus, Amanda was so intimidated by her own mother, she kept her wedding a secret! What does Amanda have to do to bridge the gap and reconnect with her mom? Share your own advice and talk about the show here.

 

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September 30, 2005, 1:03 pm CDT

09/30 "Get a Backbone!"

Quote From: usmcwyfe

First of all, I think Beth is soemone to be admired. It seems to take little more than money in some cases to get a degree now, but it takes intelligence, hard work, and determination for someone in Beth's situation to get to where she is. If you are rading this, Beth, I want you to know I think you are amazingly strong (now get that backbone, girl!) and do not even see that. 

  

As for UoP giving her a scholarship, I think that only reiterates the idea taht degrees hold less value than they did 10 years ago. I worked hard to earn mine, and I was a HS graduate, in honors classes, had a 2 yr degree behind me....there was a lot of reading, writing, and research involved in earning that degree. Now I am not meaning to say that Beth is not smart enough to get a degree! But if she has a first grade education (although based upon what she has accomplished, I think experience puts her at a higher level), why not test her and set up a private tutor or soemthing - start w/ a GED or HS diploma, then college. I am concerned she is either going to be overwhelmed by it all (the expectancy, format, curriculum she missed in school) or be given a degree w/o really earning it, which is a diservice to everyojne involved. It seems education does not hold the value and honor it once did. Beth was courteous and thankful for the award, but she could have been given something more realistic and practical for her life right now. Sorry, Dr. Phil, but I have to give you a thumbs down on this one. 

I really think Beth is smarter than what she is giving her self credit for.  Anyone who can buy a beauty shop and not have an education ie: reading and writing.  I think you misunderstood what Dr. Phil and The President of Phoenix University said.  They are going to help her get to the college level by teaching her to read and write and then she will be able to enroll in the university.  It will be a challenge for her to do this but, I think if she does do it she will be more confident with herself and her decisions and she will not have to worry about not having a backbone anymore.  She seems to be a very nice genuine person, there are not many people like her in this world.  I hope she gets her education and becomes even more successful in her business.  I wish I had a friend like her, and anyone who would leave a friend after she gets her education and starts running her business like she wants it run, is not a very good friend. 
 
September 30, 2005, 1:21 pm CDT

09/30 "Get a Backbone!"

 Beth, Congrats on your accomplishments!
I have seen this type of thing happen over and over. You are the owner and boss. I am in the same industry, as a booth renter.
Just remember, that there are many people in the industry that are good, hard working, responsible, respectful individules out there but there are also bad apples that spoil the rest. What does one do with rotten fruit? Get rid of it!
Your Friend and co-worker is not a true friend if she takes advantage of the friendship.
Stand firm in your very own beliefs. You will be more respected when others see that you can't be walked over! Your core values will shie through!
I make daily attempts to "treat others as I desire to be treated" but there are poeple who don't think same. No matter how we act/think, we are only in control of ourselves and our actions, as are others. We can never change anyone but ourself.
Hang in there and stand firm in your self and your beliefs!

 
September 30, 2005, 1:22 pm CDT

got a back bone?

Hello everyone. I really enjoyed today's show. However I may be in need for a backbone my self.  For the past 10 years or more my mother has been overly controlling in my life.  After I had my son at 20 I decided to finally stand up for myself and in doing so my mother faught back with totally irrational behavior.  It got scary enough for me to say "THAT'S ENOUGH".  I cut off all ties with her and after a few months she decided to take me to court.  I am now 26 and she hasn't seen my son or myself for 3 years.  We go to court in 2 weeks and I'm scared to death that the court may grant her visitation, because I don't have the guts to say exactly how i feel, especially in front of her, and her lawyer, and a judge.  Help me please.  I actually think we would be good candiates for the show.
 
September 30, 2005, 1:24 pm CDT

Sorry Dr. Phil, you missed the point

Sorry Dr. Phil, you missed a big point on this one.  Why is daughter content to take Mom's money, and go running to her every time she doesn't get her own way, but not Mom's advise? 

  

Why didn't you take this husband to task for supposedly throwing family out of the home? Why is it OK for Mom to pay the bills, and then when hubby moves back in, they keep it a secret, maybe because they don't want to stop the money train?  

  

Why is husband there and the bills still aren't getting paid? Maybe if husband had been a man, and taken care of his family, mother-in-law, would have seen by now she was wrong. At 28 it is past time to start playing the adult, and NOT got back to Mommy, because she and her husband can't make their lives work. It is time to stop making excuses for the past, and except responsibility for their actions.....and then they won't have to worry about what Mom says. 

 
September 30, 2005, 1:37 pm CDT

Get A Backbone

  I use to let people walk all over me. I had one co-worker who use to always touch me and I let her do it and I can never forgive myself for letting this person do that to me.   She would rub me and then spread lies about me because she was jealous of me because the boss showed me attention . SHe used to always come in the club everytime I worked and watched my every move One time my boss came up to me and put his arm around me when she saw that she started touching me and then she would tell people to call me nicknames like Baby, Sweetie, Little One while everyone else was called by their proper names. If I ever see that woman again and she tries to touch me she will see backbone because I will not take it. Then I worked at this hotel. I was the night auditor the other night auditor started badmouthing me to the managers. If the other night auditor needed a day off to go to a party that her brother is having she was allowed to have the day off. I needed a day off because my dad was in the hospital the manager said I had to work anyways and that I can learn to make sacrifices. They did not even let me take time off after my dad died so I can grieve. My dad was buried on a Monday I had to go back to work On Wednesday. Never again will I let people take advantage of Me NEVER!
 
September 30, 2005, 1:43 pm CDT

I can relate!

Wow this is a topic worth discussing more then once.  Especially when the problem is with familty members.  I grew up with a very controlling father and altough I always knew that he loved me I felt that if I didn't do things his way he stopped loving me.   As an adult I soon dealt with this and found a way to make the relationship work...it's always easier with a parent because they do love you differently then a sibling does.    My problem is with my older brother who tries to control everything around him including his siblings.  I worked with him in a family business for 15 years and finally figured out that I was not going to ever be able to have a healthy relationship with him.  I gave up my career and my future with this company that I had worked so hard and put everything into.  I can honestly say now I am free from his torture except for when we have to have family functions.  I usually do not go and I know this hurts my parents but I don't know any other way.  Part of me thinks that if I had more skills to deal with this situation I wouldn't be so afraid to be in the same room with him and his wife.  I just don't want them to know about me or my personal life because they will find a way to use it against me.  Is this wrong?  They have been so crew to so many and continue to get away with it.  The rest of my sibllings feel the same way as me so they just avoid them or don't say anything.  

So my life continues on (very happily) without them in my life and I am ok with it....but is this the right thing to do....am I punishing my parents???  Because they had something to do with my brother being the way he is too....should they be taking any responsiblity in this????? 

 
September 30, 2005, 1:58 pm CDT

Out of my league at Walmart Corporate

  

 

 

  

 

I do believe The Walmart Addiction is worse than I originally thought it was.

  

 

Seriously, there is a huge portion of Walmart no one knows about.  The cult, the culture and the corporate offices.  The lies, the associates and "the necessary evil," as Sam Walton called it.

  

 

The seven years our family has worked for the company has brought to my attention so many things that it is difficult, to say the least, to write based on true experience .

  

 

There are many good things along with the bad and when they decide to stall you or to arrange for you to suffer they know how. 

Corporate does not follow Sam Walton's policies or beliefs.  It is all propaganda now and the associate at any level is not respected in any way and can be subject to unbelievable treatment at any time. 

There is no "open door" especially if there is a chance you could be right. 

There is no intergrity as far as how corporate rules. 

There are no real ethical guidelines and as long as the media allows it to continue it will continue. 

 
September 30, 2005, 2:01 pm CDT

09/30 "Get a Backbone!"

Quote From: ldianne

I am not a Dr. Phil junkie like my husband, who must stop everything to watch your show.  By some act of faith I was working on the computer and could hear what was going on today.  Some point while you were talking to Amanda and her mother you said something that struck me like lightening.  I won't try to quote, but the gist was her mother could not make her to do what she thought was right and that she should say well you have chosen this and even though I don't go along with it I will support you in your decision. 

  

Well, I thought about what was said for a while then picked up the phone and called my youngest daughter and told her although I didn't really like the fact she chose a profession I didn't agree with, that I would support her in her decision and she could count on me.   

  

Her reply was,  "Thanks Mom, that means more to me than you know, I think I'm gonna cry". 

  

  

  

  

I think I'm gonna cry now too! Good job Mom! 

                                                                 ~Bonnie~ 

 
September 30, 2005, 2:04 pm CDT

You are Doing Great

The lady on the show has more 'grit' than many people in this world and just doesn't know it. There is a guy that is a world renowned Chef(I can not recall his name at the moment) and he appears frequently on the Jane Pauley(sp) show. He is also quite accomplished for a man who had no education and for the most of his life could not read. These two need to get together and network. I am just hopeful that this lady will take the hand offered by Dr. Phil and real excel. I am full of hope and admiration for her. 

  

BPool 

 
September 30, 2005, 2:07 pm CDT

09/30 "Get a Backbone!"

Dear Beth and Dr. Phil,

  

 

How much I needed this show. Unlike Beth, I did go to school, but as a very overweight child. The teasing and taunting is still burned in my memory, and I'm still overweight at the age of 52. I was continually told by teachers that I was a daydreamer and I had the potential to do better, but in reality no matter how hard I studied, was unable to remember and did poorly in school. 

  

 

 

Even as an adult, my memory stinks.  I was fired this past July being told that I "worked too slow".  When Joan was promoted to my boss, the first thing she told me was that she was a perfectionist and liked being in control. When she asked me to be in charge of my department, she got angry when I discussed things with the girls in my department and reprimanded me in front of them.  However, when I stood up for myself and told her I was only doing what she asked me to do, I feel this was why I was fired. Now I am so scared of having to look for a new job. All I feel is that I'm not good enough, like Beth, and don't see the accomplishments in my adult life, like Beth.  So, Dr. Phil, I did stand up for myself and it got me fired....where does one go from there?? I have lost any self-confidence I had.  How does one apply for a job, stating on their resume' that they were terminated from their last job? Days are filled with nothing but tears and self loath.

  

 

 

Please continue the good work you are doing Dr. Phil and Beth.....there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I only wish I had the courage to start my own business.  At my age and weight…jobs are few and far between.  God Bless you Beth, you are an encouragement. Thank you Dr. Phil, you are a God sent.

  

 

Friendless in PA

  

 

 
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