Topic : 12/23 "Get a Backbone!"

I did do this.   We used to talk all the time as long as I did what she wanted.  Since the show we dont talk but maybe 1 time a week, if that.   

Besides that she was not "welcoming him with open arms " day one.  She said that on the show. 

I can really relate to this show! After what Dr. Phil said, I feel I must do something about my need to please others. I am so tired of always being afraid to disagree. It is time I trust my opinions! I am 34, I think it is time.  

I know how she can feel, as I was rased by my Mother I was put down all the time.     As of today I have a very hard time standing up to anyone.     I feel like a failer all the time.    I don't stand up to my wife when I think she is wrong and this has gotten into even more trouble.     But  when you are put down for so long you don't know how to look up or to even stand up for your self.      

I found when my in-laws started their "normal" control habits and my husbands reply to the situation remaind "that's just how they are", I would seeth inside...for weeks. 

Now I started writing "letters", after I put the kids to bed and finish the chores I'll sit at the computer and compose a letter not withstanding any of my true feelings and also including the diaolgue I'd like to say to them.  The next morning, if I have time, I re-read the letter, not only do I sleep better by "getting it off my chest and on paper" I feel like I've kept my power and not let my in-laws "into my marriage".  There is a book called the "Artists Way" and it talks about "morning pages" , basically you write out your feelings every morning to help cleanse your emotional baggage and start fresh each day. A form of learning to let go on your terms, not your husbands, and not your in-laws or other family or friends terms.  

You keep "yourself" and you "validate" yourself, you'll find after awhile you'll find their anticts amusing and realize how insecure and scared they really are of you, after all your now going to be the number one woman in your "husband to be" life not his mother, and that never seems to go over very well when the "other woman"  is you in his mothers eyes! yikes lets hope we don't do this to our children and learn from others repression. 

Remember who you are and give yourself the self respect you deserve, you are not being too sensitive, just try and shut down the buttons they have found on you and soon they will realize that your not playing into their childish school yard behaviour. You are the better person for it and you'll feel better once you shut down their games. Be strong and excersise your self-respect, the rest will fall into place.   

Cause and Effect...If you stop rolling the ball back to them they will have no one to play with and will move on....:-)  

Miss, 

You have worked so hard to get were you are now, please be proud of yourself. 

Your an amazing powerful, lovely devine woman, stand up to your mirror and smile to yourself, you've done something so positive for yourself...carry on and your new strength will become apart of you naturely.  You've given yourself a second chance when you seeked help, celebrate your new self respect, you've set an amazing life changing experience in motion. 

Good Luck 

I could be wrong but I kind of got the feeling that they were going to work with her to get her to the level of education that she would need in order to start college. She seemed a little suprised and overwhelmed by it as well, I'm guessing because she can't even read, but it seemed like they were going to set her up with some sort of tutoring to get her to college level. She seems to be an intelligent adult, it shouldn't take her nearly as long to get to high school diploma level as it does when you are a kid going through school.  

I agree with you that ecuation in this country is not worth what it once was, but I do not think they are going to allow this woman to fall through the cracks or coast along and get a degree without earning it. I think she is more than willing to put in the work as it seems her level of education is tied very closely to her self worth. Anyway I guess my point is that I believe they intend to start with the basics like you said, testing her, helping her work toward a GED and the like.  

Good luck Beth! I know you have it in you!   

Amanda,  

I know what it's like to feel like you are waiting for parental approval that is never going to come. I really hope you take Dr. Phil's advice. You are a twenty eight year old woman with children of your own. It's time you made your own decisions and owned them, whether your mother likes them or not. I garuntee you she will love you no matter what you choose in life. She may not love your choices, but she will always love you. Your children don't benefit from seeing you acting so timidly around your mother. If for nothing else, do it for them. Show them that you are a grown-up, and you are your own woman. One day your children may make choices that go against what you feel is best for them, just remember how it made you feel to think that you would not have your mother's love because of a choice you made in your life. Also know that this is not something you undertake alone, your husband is there to support you, and you are not the only one to ever feel this way!