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Topic : 08/24 The Family Cult
(Original Air Date: 10/03/05) Imagine growing up in a cult where you are forced to have sex with strangers -- when you’re as young as 5. Dr. Phil talks to people who escaped the group known as the Children of God, and need help moving on. Meet a daughter who says she can’t forgive her father for the years of painful abuse she suffered at the hands of this cult. How can she reconnect with her dad and start trusting again? Plus, China and her husband, John, are building a new life after leaving the group, where they were forced to have sex with strangers when they were both underage. They’ve had a difficult time adjusting to the outside world, and China wonders if she should prosecute her parents for abuse. What does Dr. Phil think? Talk about the show here.
Find out what happened on the show.
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October 19, 2005, 9:03 pm PDT
 PROSECUTING PHILLIP SLOAN In an effort to make the general public aware of this dangerous pedophile, I am providing the following information regarding Phillip Sloan (a.k.a. "Jay," Philip Slown, and Philip Salazar). Mr. Sloan was born 10-13-56. The community where he resides should be well informed of his background and history with The Family International. He has been organizing "Teen Camps" and Bible studies in order to gain access to unsuspecting children. Mr. Slown brutally raped and beat my daughters, nieces, nephews, and several other children while a member in The Family International. I believe that he has access to children and I fear that his pedophilia will drive him to commit more sexual abuse crimes. He has organized a false charity, "From the Heart," and has been collecting donations from unsuspecting donors. He has received funds from FCF (Family Care Foundation), another front for the Family International based in San Diego, and I believe that he is currently a full-time member of that organization.
The San Diego Juvenile court found against Slown in 1993 the following Petition filed on behalf of my niece:
SEXUAL ABUSE (Welfare and Institutions Code 300 (d)) The child has been sexually abused, or there is substantial risk that the child will be sexually abused, as defined in subdivision (b) of section 11165 of the Penal Code by his or her parent or guardian or a member of the child’s household. The parent or guardian has failed to protect the child adequately from sexual abuse and the parent or guardian knew or reasonably should have known that the child was in danger of sexual abuse.
Count 1: On or about and between 1986 to 1990 the child’s stepfather, PHILLIP SLOAN, a member of the child’s household, sexually abused said child, including but not limited to, requiring the child to wash his penis and massage his penis. Mr. Sloan would wash her vagina with his fingers including digital penetration.
Count 2: On or about and between 1986 to September 1997 the child’s mother, DONNA MARCHBANK, a member of the child’s household, sexually abused said child, including but not limited to, having sex with various men in front of the child. Telling the child to show the men God’s love, which the child knows to mean having sex. The mother was told of the sexual abuse by a 17 year old named Sam and her mother said "It’s nothing honey."
Current Statute of Limitations law in prosecuting Mr. Sloan has limited the FBI in handing down an indictment against him. More information is needed from individuals that have lived with, or are currently living with Sloan, in order to proceed. I specifically need information from those in the ex-member communities of The Family International (a.k.a. The Children of God), or the general public who have direct information as to where he is currently residing. With the information provided, I will inform the local authorities, media, and public institutions as to the risk he poses.
Background While a member of The Children of God in 1981, Philip Sloan kidnapped my two daughters, aged four and six, with the aid of my ex-wife, Donna Hathaway Marchbank, and fled to Thailand. Donna Marchbank is a current full-time member of The Family International now residing in Brownsville, Texas. While working for a brothel service by day, Donna Marchbank placed the care and supervision of my daughters into the hands of Mr. Sloan. Under his "care," the girls were brutally raped and beaten by him in accordance to the instructions of the childcare manual of The Family International. A history of The Family’s widespread indoctrination of sexual child abuse is well documented elsewhere on this site. On his return to the United States in the time period from 1989 until 1998, Mr. Sloan also brutally beat several young children in The Family Internationals’ homes.
Donna Marchbank divorced Mr. Sloan in 1992 after complaining to the spiritual leaders of TFI, Karen Zerby Smith and Steven Kelly Smith (a.k.a. "Queen Maria" and "King Peter") about his abuse. TFI has yet to answer what actions they took after being informed of the rapes and beatings of my children. When The Family’s front organization, FCF, was informed of the charges against Sloan in the 1998 juvenile court hearing, they paid Mr. Sloan’s "From the Heart" organization over $20,000. Acting directors of FCF, Grant Montgomery, and Thomas "Abner" Hack, were made aware of the charges against Sloan. They were also aware that Mr. Sloan was working with another full-time member, Daniel Roselle Sr., setting up teen camps in the San Francisco area. TFI and the directors of FCF, did nothing to stop Mr. Sloan’s activities. They also refused to turn him over to the local authorities. FCF has to date contributed large sums of money to Philip Sloan and have kept his whereabouts a secret. Mr. Sloan speaks fluent Spanish and English. He has been known to travel between Juarez, Mexico, and El Paso, Texas. He also visits the San Francisco area frequently. His last known addresses are: P.O. Box 14038 San Francisco CA 94114 182 Concord Street San Francisco CA 94112 401 Rolph St San Francisco CA 94112 2360 Wilbur St Oakland CA 94602 I encourage anyone with information regarding his current residence to contact me immediately at (619) 972-3051 or via email at: jimlamattery@htomail.com. |
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October 20, 2005, 2:52 am PDT
I think something that may be important to inform people of is the psychological scars and pain that you go through just to leave something like this. I was a second generation member of an organisation and when I finally had the courage to say this is not what I want everybody I had ever known didn't want to have anything to do with me. You have to be so strong, please give those people that have that much courage support. Because that is the smallest part of the healing, just imagine the rest.
And Dr Phil is doing such a great job to get that information out there, because with that people can start to come out of the dark. The secrets can come out of hiding. Well done Dr Phil. You can't make people change what they don't know or don't acknowledge. |
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October 20, 2005, 8:30 pm PDT
In 1996 my 12 yo daughter had a friend, Jacob, who had 12 siblings and none really looked related to their father or each other...I thought odd. She spent a lot of time at their house. Later , they invited her to a parking lot to pass out "Christian flyers." They were "flirty fishing" and when I read the flyers, my mother's intuition was heightened, so I made some phone calls. My homeschool group leader thought it odd as I did. Within a few days of my discovery of who they were, a group of men from Chicago came overnight and emptied the 5 BR 2 story house. They vanished as quietly as they had come into our small town, pop 2000. This group of "Children of God" cult had lived overseas in several countries. When a mother feels something isn't just right re: their children...it is mother's intuition that is so often true! |
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October 22, 2005, 12:22 am PDT
Quote From: comeandsee Hello all! I've just read every post on this site, and I wish I could put my arms around everyone who is suffering, and give you a big hug, and that saying "Sorry" could fix it. That can't be, but I promise you my prayers.
I doubt there are many neutral souls left, after 20 pages of this debate! But to the undecided & truth-seekers, let me tell you a bit about the The Family International of 2005. I speak as a member for well over 30 years. My father was a Protestant preacher. As a High School valedictorian, politically alert, and with eyes wide open, I joined the "Children of God", impressed by their missionary dedication. Their zeal looked a lot like what I was reading about in my New Testament, but not seeing in any church I attended.
As a group, we were radical & we were crazy---that's what it took to turn on a dropped-out drugged-out hippie generation to Christianity. Our uncompromising anti-Establishment, anti-war, anti-zombie higher education, anti-Churchianity views made news, endeared us to many of the youth, and earned us some pretty hefty enemies in just about every sphere of society. (But with a surprising number of patient parents, who admired our goals, and recognized we'd found real fulfillment.---Who in turn organized themselves into a support group, "Thank COG".) Still, we were soon being labeled religious fascists by some, communist subversives by others, & a brainwashing cult by others.
Some of this was surely brought on by our own foibles & inexperienced young leadership, full of zeal, lacking wisdom. (---and definitely NOT under
David Berg's control, ha, as some suggest.) On the other hand, when people just plain don't like your message, or don't really understand you, it's amazing what kind of things they'll accuse you of, and actually believe.
But we've learned as we've grown. We started off as a group of largely teens & 20-somethings. Then we began to have our own little families. In our joy & enthusiasm, we felt that all our kids would "of course" want to follow in our footsteps. But lo & behold, somehow they "grew up", and were faced with some of the same choices WE were as teens.—whether to give their life to God in some capacity, or move on to another lifestyle. In our idealism, in some cases, we hadn't given them enough practical training to smoothly make the move to the "big bad world". But that was not across the board by any means. Meanwhile, even in those cases, they often could speak a few different languages & had a good work ethic, were clean & honest. (And may I add, no cavities, nor brain cells full of 1000's of hours of inane TV commercials, obscene cartoons, & senseless violence). Not to speak of those youth who had developed & honed artistic gifts, musical, computer skills, handymen, etc. while in the group.
Several of my own children are no longer in the Family. Their initial transition was not smooth, but having "learned how to learn" at an early age, they soon surpassed their peers in public school. One of my daughters just came out in the top 3 in her university exams, over hundreds of other students. She is guaranteed a lifetime job as an educator, and is now teaching at a prestigious European High School. Another daughter was top in her city's ballet/dance courses, and was offered entrance to a well-known academy in Paris. A son put himself through cooking school & became an in-demand chef in another European capital. Meanwhile, another daughter has continued her missionary work with the Family year upon year in some of the poorest countries in Africa, along with her husband & 4 bright, intelligent, home-schooled little kids---my grandkids, of whom I'm very proud.
For the newbies here, the Family International is not an obscure secret cult. Our work has been well documented by sociologists & academics for decades. The media has had a great time, too, inevitably picking out anything sensational they could find about the group. And admittedly, there's been plenty. We are not your average Sunday-social church on the corner.
In our earlier years, we were small and---not surprisingly---persecuted. Of course, that was also exciting to us young folks, and it did result in a certain amount of "secrecy", or shall we say, caution. This was not due to any wrongdoing or sense of guilt, but rather because much of our preachments were against the evils of the "System", the rich & influential members of which had the ability to wipe us out if they wished.
Later, more & more of our "controversial" beliefs (read: anything that Billy Graham wouldn't preach) began to be publicized in the media. And we began to accept this & get more comfortable with it. And importantly, we realized that throwing the doors open on our beliefs & Homes was the best thing we could do. Nothing to hide & everything to offer. ---A cooperative lifestyle that works, and produces some pretty wonderful & amazing young people in the process.
If that wasn't enough, now just about anything ever published within the Children of God/Family is now available on the Internet. ---Especially with the help of folks like "drcoosa" here on the website, who apparently has more time to read our Family publications than I do. He somehow hijacks this copyrighted Family material & publishes it without authorization. In fact, he pours over 30 years of publications, keeping a concordance of every "inflammatory" quote he can find. His special faculty, like one of the X-Men, is to then interject these tidbits into a discussion in the most negative & odious light possible. (Ha, ha, sorry to flame you there----you are a great debater, I grant.)
I am not defending those who committed abuses. There are sincere individuals who were hurt, obviously; and that is being well-covered in this forum. I believe some of them would be happy if the individual who mistreated them was brought to justice.
However, I must point out to our public that there is a deeper, darker, more far-reaching agenda here. It is not to make reparation & heal hurts of the past, but rather to demonize & bring down one of the most positive & fruitful missionary fellowships of our present day. From a Christian perspective----excuse me for those of you who don't know Jesus at this time---the people who are pushing this larger, more sinister agenda, have little care for God, for the sharing of Jesus' love with millions of hungry souls every year, for the bringing of encouragement & support to the needy in 100 countries around the world, with both tangible aide, as well as the intangible---satisfying that most basic human need for happiness. Not to speak of these folks wishing to terminate an unquestionably fulfilling way of life for thousands of missionaries & their families---now into three generations. No, at whatever the cost to the millions, the whole group must be brought down & disbanded to appease the few. I don't believe this is what China wants. China knows that abuse in any form is non-existent in the Family today, and that's why she was confident to bring her little son & leave him in our care, while she took care of other timely business 2 years ago (I say this by way of confirmation of the earlier post on that subject).
I promise you, David Berg & Maria were/are NOT pedophiles. Some folks here are painting a very perverse picture of two of the most loving, sacrificial, dedicated Christians you could possibly meet. Radical? Yes. Controversial? Absolutely. Weirdos? Nope. Dangerous? Never.
(Sorry, I wasn't going to get into specifics, but I've just got to address this anti-Semite question. David Berg was Jewish by descent, as is a certain percentage of the Family overall. His anger at the "Jews", as brought out in "drcoosa's" favorite quote from an emotional prayer, was as I recall specifically regarding Israeli mistreatment of the Palestinians. With that stance, in a democratic world poll today, Berg would find himself in a very comfortable majority. In spite of his outburst of that moment, did Family members---who you claim were under his "control"---all pick up guns & join Hamas? [BEEP—master say...hate Jew---BEEP---must kill----BEEP... Ha, ha, ha, give me a break! Members understood & took it in perspective & so did you if you were here. Did you go buy a gun? Book your ticket to Jerusalem? Come on! Berg's comment was no more vehement in spirit than Jesus' own proclamation, "Ye are of your father the devil!" in John chapter 8. Did Jesus teach or incite his personal 12 disciples to hatred & violence by thus saying, or by whipping the merchants out of the temple? You know the answer. (No.) So quit plucking these quotes out of context & trying, like some kind of KKK wizard, to rally a lynch mob against the Family. Some folks might actually believe you. Talk about intolerance, Inquisition, Scarlet Letter, demagoguery, etc.----woh, YOU sound dangerous. Everyone acquainted with the Family today is impressed by the impartial love they extend to people of all races & social status. As all Christians should, we oppose what we consider wrongs in society, but this does not overrule love for individuals. )
Someone earlier mentioned why not try a "sting operation" against the Family. Well, they've "been there, done that"! In the early 90's, antagonists duped officials in several countries to "rescue" hundreds of Family children, through violent police raids. Accusation: "child abuse". Never mind that extensive medical & psychological tests turned up not one case of abuse amongst the approx. 700 children taken from their parents. That's OK—the accusers weren't expecting to find abuse, as they knew there was none occurring. It was just an excuse to try & pull down the Family. All children were returned to their parents, and in some cases, damages awarded to Family members.
I read all the same literature & lived in the Homes in the period of the alleged abuse. It never crossed my mind to have sex with a little kid, nor to allow my kids to be abused by others. "Abuse" was never a Family "policy", much less an institutionalized practice, nor will it ever be. I know there WERE cases, and I don't wish to distress those folks as I say the following: Although as the British Judge pointed out, there was an overly-sexualized atmosphere in the Family, the depiction of abuse, (not only sexual, but of child-labor, extreme punishment, etc.), is just not an accurate picture of the overall Family---not in any year you choose. Home videos *, family photo albums, & honest media coverage from the past will bear out again & again, year after year, that our Homes were filled with happy, smiling, loving individuals. (* Re: Home videos: You will of course trot out the example of the notorious "dance" videos, or "nudie cutie" pictures. Those were circulated for a limited amount of time, then withdrawn. For the record, they were neither violent, ugly, nor perverse.---Unlike your favorite primetime TV shows. Indeed people from some cultures would see them & wonder what's the big deal. Anyway, no Family member has seen any of that for about 20 years. But I don't doubt that the hypocrites---who committed felonies in order to steal some of that material from locked storage to "use against" the Family---have been "enjoying" them in private ever since.)
A young man left our fellowship a while back. We're still friends, and he's now a successful businessman. He confided, "I supported those folks (an anti-Family site) for a while after I left. But I soon recognized they were 'losers' & 'complainers'." (end of quote) Please get my drift here, I am NOT saying anyone who chooses to leave the Family is a loser---not by a long-shot! Indeed, many folks who leave soon find themselves favored for their positive attitudes, humility, solution-oriented thinking, ability to build a consensus, to communicate & to handle people, and how to teamwork—simply due to the fact that those are all necessary attributes to live our cooperative missionary lifestyle.
But I am mentioning this because it is a trend of our time---which any "psychologist" should be able to identify---that people will try to blame their problems on anything they can.---They will sue the Army, their employer, their church, their parents, their school---you name it. Their woes are anybody's fault but their own.
Unfortunately in this respect, Dr. Phil may be as duped by the media as everyone else. By the way, Dr. Phil (greetings), your site invited responses from people who feel they've been the subject of rumors, slander, etc. But what recourse is there when your show is the perpetrator? Where do we go from here? The Supreme Court? Ha. Please get your researchers to dig a little deeper next time---not just scrape off the surface scum you find in a quick internet search. Why don't you get some of those employees out the door & to talk to some actual missionaries, people who are walking the walk; or at least talk to the academics who have studied us & documented our lifestyle for years. Better yet, why don't you have a talk with some of our folks, young & old? But please don't ask us to show up in a kangaroo court there, where the deck has been stacked & showbiz/therapy needs to bring in big network bucks. Meet us out on the street or during one of our volunteer activities, or come over for dinner. (But no paparazzi.) Warning: You may be UNDERwhelmed by the lack of sexual atmosphere. On the other hand, you may be impressed by the poise, spontaneity, dedication & maturity of our young people, and the sincerity & lack of guile of all. Have an open-minded talk & make your own judgment. Please don't be found to be unwittingly aiding & abetting a moral "crime" here, lured to carry someone else's unchecked baggage onboard a national TV show---a device wrapped in reasonable & truly pitiful cries for justice & closure from victims of abuse, but designed by others to hide a much more deadly payload of genuine religious persecution & the destruction of a valid & beneficial missionary movement.
I feel a little bad, because after I submit this message, I'm going to leave the forum & not come back. I'm way too busy as a missionary to continue this. But since I paid my dues & read everything up until here, I just thought I'd leave my 2-cents with the public. I will miss the sparks flying from responses to my post & my words probably being picked apart & regurgitated in the most twisted ways. Some of our older detractors (hi guys) have become very professional at this, and can find you something evil in an Easter lily.
I might add that most of our Members probably didn't see the show. Many of them work in poor countries far from Paramount Studios. They won't be writing in to this site. Their sleeves are rolled-up, and they're having a life---one that resembles Mother Teresa's more than Hugh Hefner's, despite what our detractors would have you think. It's a sacrificial life, and we (parents) have understood better now for the last 10 -15 years that not everyone wants to live it. It took us a while to let go, and like doctors wanting their kids to be doctors, give them more space. Now in our young people's training we not only emphasize life skills & attitudes that will be useful whether in or out of the group, but we do what we can to assist those who wish to go & pursue secular vocations. And we continue to support them with our unconditional love & prayers. (Thus, the rate of folks---both young & old----returning to resume missionary service in the Family after months or years of other pursuits has increased. That doesn't tend to validate the image of an abusive cult that people are struggling at every opportunity to "escape", ha.) Meanwhile, those who have stayed & devoted themselves to missionary work are generally VERY fulfilled & happy. If you want challenge, variety, excitement, to live for a cause, and to make your mark in a needy world---the Family International 2005 rocks!
Well, I'd love to rebut all the mistruths, misrepresentations, and outright lies I've read on this forum. But maybe there's no need: Just "come & see". Or contact the group via the Family website. The difference between what you will find & what some of these detractors here are claiming will be so vast that you will be tempted to believe it's a sham. But hang in there, it's as good as it looks. We're not perfect, but we have got the goods, we have the lifestyle, we have the joy, we have the love of God. "An evil tree cannot bear good fruit" (
Matthew 7:18)---we have the "good fruits". I can without hesitation commend any sincere seekers to any of our Homes or centers worldwide. (Disclaimer: This post reflects only my own opinions & is not to be taken as representative of views of other Family members or of official Family publications. SEE the Family's website at: http://www.thefamily.org/)
Hey, thank you for your helpful post. You sound like someone I'd like to meet. You'd have added a good balance to the show if you'd been on.
But I am amazed. Not at the antagonistic ex members ("X-Men"--I like that), but at the Christians who don’t have the gumption to check people out for themselves—you know, like visit them or write them or check their web site (thanks for the URL) out. I mean leader of the X-men, Jim, who was on the show wrote in this forum, “I am Jim, the father who appears in this show. … I did not witness any abuse of children during my tenure with The Family.” (I think he said it was from 1970 until 1975 or so.) Then he goes to all ends to get his daughter out of the sect … and she is still alienated from him because he was once in the group—and lots of other reasons, especially the one mentioned by his daughter that he supposedly was trying to profit from exclusive rights to the wife of the guy (leader's son who left years ago) who brutally stabbed to death another former member (I guess she wasn't anti or anti enough), then shot himself to escape facing his crime.
And it doesn’t sound like anything is going to please these disaffected kids. They mock their former friends who are still in the sect, and one of them who grew up with the girl on the show wrote that their lives were nothing like
China
described. There’s got to be another side (thanks for presenting it!). However, I can see why no one from the sect went on, if they felt it would be so one-sided that they wouldn’t be able to present their side fairly.
Then the girl posts who knew them in Puerto Rico(?) back in 1997(?) and says they were great and very strict with the rules regarding sex. And that some kids were doing things behind the back of the adults. (Which kids these days don’t at least try?) :- )
I mean there could be much more than meets the eye (or ear). That rabbi quoted in the New Testament said regarding the early Christians (who got very bad press—the Bible says they were everywhere spoken against) to “leave them alone. If they’re a work of God, no one can stop them, and if they’re not, God will judge them.” Jesus said that in the last days children would rise up against their parents and cause them to put their parents to death and in another place He said a man’s foes would be they of their own household. How true indeed.
Look, in Dr. Phil’s blurb it says regarding this show that he “talks to people who escaped the group known as the Children of God.” It doesn’t seem that anyone had to escape. The sect made hard to stay in, not leave! It’s certainly not popular and I presume the membership requirements are very tough. From their site (thanks for the URL) I know they are very active and don’t hide from the public and probably a lot of people over the years joined and left—tens of thousands. It’s funny that all former members are not as vocal and anti as these X-Men. Seems there’s more at work here. The kid Ricky that murdered someone is not being condemned, and I find it odd that Dr. Phil didn’t more investigate how much his contact with his fellow X-men perhaps fed his emotions and affected him in a way that may have incited him to do a crime. Isn’t that a crime in itself? Come on people, there's got to be another side and this guy had the guts to present it. Thanks and more power to ya.
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October 22, 2005, 7:36 am PDT
Quote From: wudublieve Hey, thank you for your helpful post. You sound like someone I'd like to meet. You'd have added a good balance to the show if you'd been on.
But I am amazed. Not at the antagonistic ex members ("X-Men"--I like that), but at the Christians who don’t have the gumption to check people out for themselves—you know, like visit them or write them or check their web site (thanks for the URL) out. I mean leader of the X-men, Jim, who was on the show wrote in this forum, “I am Jim, the father who appears in this show. … I did not witness any abuse of children during my tenure with The Family.” (I think he said it was from 1970 until 1975 or so.) Then he goes to all ends to get his daughter out of the sect … and she is still alienated from him because he was once in the group—and lots of other reasons, especially the one mentioned by his daughter that he supposedly was trying to profit from exclusive rights to the wife of the guy (leader's son who left years ago) who brutally stabbed to death another former member (I guess she wasn't anti or anti enough), then shot himself to escape facing his crime.
And it doesn’t sound like anything is going to please these disaffected kids. They mock their former friends who are still in the sect, and one of them who grew up with the girl on the show wrote that their lives were nothing like
China
described. There’s got to be another side (thanks for presenting it!). However, I can see why no one from the sect went on, if they felt it would be so one-sided that they wouldn’t be able to present their side fairly.
Then the girl posts who knew them in Puerto Rico(?) back in 1997(?) and says they were great and very strict with the rules regarding sex. And that some kids were doing things behind the back of the adults. (Which kids these days don’t at least try?) :- )
I mean there could be much more than meets the eye (or ear). That rabbi quoted in the New Testament said regarding the early Christians (who got very bad press—the Bible says they were everywhere spoken against) to “leave them alone. If they’re a work of God, no one can stop them, and if they’re not, God will judge them.” Jesus said that in the last days children would rise up against their parents and cause them to put their parents to death and in another place He said a man’s foes would be they of their own household. How true indeed.
Look, in Dr. Phil’s blurb it says regarding this show that he “talks to people who escaped the group known as the Children of God.” It doesn’t seem that anyone had to escape. The sect made hard to stay in, not leave! It’s certainly not popular and I presume the membership requirements are very tough. From their site (thanks for the URL) I know they are very active and don’t hide from the public and probably a lot of people over the years joined and left—tens of thousands. It’s funny that all former members are not as vocal and anti as these X-Men. Seems there’s more at work here. The kid Ricky that murdered someone is not being condemned, and I find it odd that Dr. Phil didn’t more investigate how much his contact with his fellow X-men perhaps fed his emotions and affected him in a way that may have incited him to do a crime. Isn’t that a crime in itself? Come on people, there's got to be another side and this guy had the guts to present it. Thanks and more power to ya.
Dear Whoever you are, I like the discussion you've brought up about "guts." It took guts for my daugther to identify her abusers, Philip Sloan/Slown and her mother. It took guts for the hundreds of SGAs to write their abuse stories which you can find on Moving.org. It took guts for everyone who has come out in the media to tell their stories of what The Family is really all about. It takes guts to listen to these stories, to watch Ricky's 57 minute video, and to write affidavits for the FBI. It takes guts to see penetratingly through the false image that TFI has perpetuated onto the public. It will take guts for TFI to hold themselves accountable for their actions in the past where crimes were committed against my children and others. It would have taken guts for TFI to appear on the show with me- they flat out refused because they knew I would be on it. It would take guts for Philip Sloan to turn himself over to the authorities. It would take guts for you to adequately read and review all the information that is at your fingertips on the websites: Lamatteryresource.org,, Movingon.org, , Xfamily.org, exfamily.org, and NewDayNews.com. What has appeared to you as a small group of "X-men" is only the tip of the iceberg. I enjoin you to become aware of what you are trying to talk about. But it will take guts to do so. Sincerely, Jim LaMattery PS- The real reason that my daughter is alienated from me will be addressed in the followup show on Dr. Phil- and it will be a surprise to everyone!- But I warn you, it will take guts to watch it! |
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October 23, 2005, 5:11 pm PDT
I seems that most of those still in TF still have a very strong defensive attitude which makes it pretty difficult to rationally discuss things at a mature level. Their posts become prophetic, oracle of God type of messages, they have resorted to a Job 9:20 attitude." If I justify myself my own mouth will condemn me , if I say I am perfect, it will also prove me perverse" This whole thing needs to be settled with the facts. IN any court of law you need undisputable facts. I know this isnt a court of law, but sometimes it seems like it with all the legalisms expressed, as if some want to take the law into their own hands. I lost my first wife and kids because of a Mo Letter instructing members to leave the States and their backsliding mates, which I did, when she put out a warrant for my arrest, or rather her father did, while I was visiting my mother. I was not guilty of breaking any law. The judge owed her father . I could not go back. This , needless to say broke up our family. I lost my second wife because of the teachings in the Mo Letters allowing extra marital sex and relationships. She was a very sexually liberated individual, and feelings were cast aside. I also participated in extra marital relationships. as at one point , it was a required part of the schedule, the sharing schedule , and you had to have regular weekly sharing dates with that person. This resulted in people falling in love with individuals other than their mates, and problems. I just lost my third, due to her undying devotion to MAria and Peter, and me leaving the group. She loves them more than me. So what can be said about The Mo Letters? What has been the fruit of the man called David Berg? What has been the fruit of the woman called MAria, who started out as his secretary, but degenerated into the leader of the present day fiasco , unwilling to even discuss issues directed at her and her consort Peter? I saw many others whose relationships with their mates deterioated because of their "obedience "to the Mo Letters. Sad to say, the young people, the Second Generation, were the ones that felt the grappling , devastaing rippling effect. If this were not so, we would not be having this discussion board here. I think much would be resolved if the persons most responsible at this point, Maria and Peter, would come out from hiding. I rest my case. |
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October 24, 2005, 8:19 am PDT
Quote From: wudublieve Hey, thank you for your helpful post. You sound like someone I'd like to meet. You'd have added a good balance to the show if you'd been on.
But I am amazed. Not at the antagonistic ex members ("X-Men"--I like that), but at the Christians who don’t have the gumption to check people out for themselves—you know, like visit them or write them or check their web site (thanks for the URL) out. I mean leader of the X-men, Jim, who was on the show wrote in this forum, “I am Jim, the father who appears in this show. … I did not witness any abuse of children during my tenure with The Family.” (I think he said it was from 1970 until 1975 or so.) Then he goes to all ends to get his daughter out of the sect … and she is still alienated from him because he was once in the group—and lots of other reasons, especially the one mentioned by his daughter that he supposedly was trying to profit from exclusive rights to the wife of the guy (leader's son who left years ago) who brutally stabbed to death another former member (I guess she wasn't anti or anti enough), then shot himself to escape facing his crime.
And it doesn’t sound like anything is going to please these disaffected kids. They mock their former friends who are still in the sect, and one of them who grew up with the girl on the show wrote that their lives were nothing like
China
described. There’s got to be another side (thanks for presenting it!). However, I can see why no one from the sect went on, if they felt it would be so one-sided that they wouldn’t be able to present their side fairly.
Then the girl posts who knew them in Puerto Rico(?) back in 1997(?) and says they were great and very strict with the rules regarding sex. And that some kids were doing things behind the back of the adults. (Which kids these days don’t at least try?) :- )
I mean there could be much more than meets the eye (or ear). That rabbi quoted in the New Testament said regarding the early Christians (who got very bad press—the Bible says they were everywhere spoken against) to “leave them alone. If they’re a work of God, no one can stop them, and if they’re not, God will judge them.” Jesus said that in the last days children would rise up against their parents and cause them to put their parents to death and in another place He said a man’s foes would be they of their own household. How true indeed.
Look, in Dr. Phil’s blurb it says regarding this show that he “talks to people who escaped the group known as the Children of God.” It doesn’t seem that anyone had to escape. The sect made hard to stay in, not leave! It’s certainly not popular and I presume the membership requirements are very tough. From their site (thanks for the URL) I know they are very active and don’t hide from the public and probably a lot of people over the years joined and left—tens of thousands. It’s funny that all former members are not as vocal and anti as these X-Men. Seems there’s more at work here. The kid Ricky that murdered someone is not being condemned, and I find it odd that Dr. Phil didn’t more investigate how much his contact with his fellow X-men perhaps fed his emotions and affected him in a way that may have incited him to do a crime. Isn’t that a crime in itself? Come on people, there's got to be another side and this guy had the guts to present it. Thanks and more power to ya.
I have checked TF members out for myself, and I find them to be a lot like you--incapable of making a convincing argument based on logic and evidence. For example, you say "It doesn't seem that anyone had to escape. The sect made it hard to stay in, not leave!" Are you basing this conclusion on the experience of people who joined or that of young adults born into the group? What is true for one group--joiners--may not be true for the people born in. The fact that several dozen young adults raised in the group have made public statements about how difficult it was to leave is not evidence that is negated by saying, "It wasn't that way for me." If you had a good experience with TFI, that doesn't mean someone else's story of coersion and abuse is false. It's not "funny" that all former members are not as vocal as the X-men: It's entirely logical. Not everyone in TFI experienced growing up in the group the same way. Simply because there are and were diverse experiences of life in TFI doesn't mean those who claim severe abuse are lying or that those who claim no abuse are lying. Both conditions can be true.
As to why Dr. Phil didn't "investigate how much (Rick's) contact with his fellow X-men perhaps fed his emotions and perhaps affected him in a way that might have incited him to do a crime"--once again, your poor reasoning betrays you as someone caught up in the logical fallacies of TFI rationalization. Anyone--such as Dr. Phil--with a PhD in social psychology will tell you that the social conditions necessary for Rick to have acted under the influence of negative peer influence simply were not present in his case. Rick was living alone at the time of the murder/suicide. He had isolated himself from his friends for months. His fascination with weapons pre-dated his departure from TFI. So did his fantasies of suicide. The reason you don't know this is because his parents controlled everything you might know about him prior to his leaving the group. The truth of the matter is, Rick behaved in ways that are completely consistent with exactly what he claimed to be--a severely abused, enraged young man with suicidal/homicidal ideations dating back to early adolesence.
If you want to believe the clap-trap about how normal Rick was while in TFI, I'm sure that will suit your need to argue he was a good kid gone bad under the influence of demons. Just understand that there is documented evidence of Rick's emotional & psychological disturbances as a child that one bogus examination by an unethical quack psychologist can't cover up. The only people who can't see through that bogus 1993 exam of Rick's psychological health are people who know zero about psychiatric medicine, namely TFI membership. And when you think about it, these are really the only people who have something to loose if they admit that Rick was a very sick, angry person as a result of severe childhood sexual abuse. The rest of us don't stand to loose a way of life and a painful sense of betrayal our spiritual leaders when we let ourselves see Rick and his horrific actions for exactly what they are--a consequence of growing up with grandpa & mama.
By the way, I'm one of those tens of thousands of former members that you never hear from who has no personal axe to grind with TFI. My experience of the group wasn't all bad. Desipite my personal indifference to TFI as a group, I have the ability to objectively examine the evidence, which is available in many places and forms, including the published writings of Berg & Zerby. |
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October 25, 2005, 7:15 am PDT
Quote From: comeandsee Hello all! I've just read every post on this site, and I wish I could put my arms around everyone who is suffering, and give you a big hug, and that saying "Sorry" could fix it. That can't be, but I promise you my prayers.
I doubt there are many neutral souls left, after 20 pages of this debate! But to the undecided & truth-seekers, let me tell you a bit about the The Family International of 2005. I speak as a member for well over 30 years. My father was a Protestant preacher. As a High School valedictorian, politically alert, and with eyes wide open, I joined the "Children of God", impressed by their missionary dedication. Their zeal looked a lot like what I was reading about in my New Testament, but not seeing in any church I attended.
As a group, we were radical & we were crazy---that's what it took to turn on a dropped-out drugged-out hippie generation to Christianity. Our uncompromising anti-Establishment, anti-war, anti-zombie higher education, anti-Churchianity views made news, endeared us to many of the youth, and earned us some pretty hefty enemies in just about every sphere of society. (But with a surprising number of patient parents, who admired our goals, and recognized we'd found real fulfillment.---Who in turn organized themselves into a support group, "Thank COG".) Still, we were soon being labeled religious fascists by some, communist subversives by others, & a brainwashing cult by others.
Some of this was surely brought on by our own foibles & inexperienced young leadership, full of zeal, lacking wisdom. (---and definitely NOT under
David Berg's control, ha, as some suggest.) On the other hand, when people just plain don't like your message, or don't really understand you, it's amazing what kind of things they'll accuse you of, and actually believe.
But we've learned as we've grown. We started off as a group of largely teens & 20-somethings. Then we began to have our own little families. In our joy & enthusiasm, we felt that all our kids would "of course" want to follow in our footsteps. But lo & behold, somehow they "grew up", and were faced with some of the same choices WE were as teens.—whether to give their life to God in some capacity, or move on to another lifestyle. In our idealism, in some cases, we hadn't given them enough practical training to smoothly make the move to the "big bad world". But that was not across the board by any means. Meanwhile, even in those cases, they often could speak a few different languages & had a good work ethic, were clean & honest. (And may I add, no cavities, nor brain cells full of 1000's of hours of inane TV commercials, obscene cartoons, & senseless violence). Not to speak of those youth who had developed & honed artistic gifts, musical, computer skills, handymen, etc. while in the group.
Several of my own children are no longer in the Family. Their initial transition was not smooth, but having "learned how to learn" at an early age, they soon surpassed their peers in public school. One of my daughters just came out in the top 3 in her university exams, over hundreds of other students. She is guaranteed a lifetime job as an educator, and is now teaching at a prestigious European High School. Another daughter was top in her city's ballet/dance courses, and was offered entrance to a well-known academy in Paris. A son put himself through cooking school & became an in-demand chef in another European capital. Meanwhile, another daughter has continued her missionary work with the Family year upon year in some of the poorest countries in Africa, along with her husband & 4 bright, intelligent, home-schooled little kids---my grandkids, of whom I'm very proud.
For the newbies here, the Family International is not an obscure secret cult. Our work has been well documented by sociologists & academics for decades. The media has had a great time, too, inevitably picking out anything sensational they could find about the group. And admittedly, there's been plenty. We are not your average Sunday-social church on the corner.
In our earlier years, we were small and---not surprisingly---persecuted. Of course, that was also exciting to us young folks, and it did result in a certain amount of "secrecy", or shall we say, caution. This was not due to any wrongdoing or sense of guilt, but rather because much of our preachments were against the evils of the "System", the rich & influential members of which had the ability to wipe us out if they wished.
Later, more & more of our "controversial" beliefs (read: anything that Billy Graham wouldn't preach) began to be publicized in the media. And we began to accept this & get more comfortable with it. And importantly, we realized that throwing the doors open on our beliefs & Homes was the best thing we could do. Nothing to hide & everything to offer. ---A cooperative lifestyle that works, and produces some pretty wonderful & amazing young people in the process.
If that wasn't enough, now just about anything ever published within the Children of God/Family is now available on the Internet. ---Especially with the help of folks like "drcoosa" here on the website, who apparently has more time to read our Family publications than I do. He somehow hijacks this copyrighted Family material & publishes it without authorization. In fact, he pours over 30 years of publications, keeping a concordance of every "inflammatory" quote he can find. His special faculty, like one of the X-Men, is to then interject these tidbits into a discussion in the most negative & odious light possible. (Ha, ha, sorry to flame you there----you are a great debater, I grant.)
I am not defending those who committed abuses. There are sincere individuals who were hurt, obviously; and that is being well-covered in this forum. I believe some of them would be happy if the individual who mistreated them was brought to justice.
However, I must point out to our public that there is a deeper, darker, more far-reaching agenda here. It is not to make reparation & heal hurts of the past, but rather to demonize & bring down one of the most positive & fruitful missionary fellowships of our present day. From a Christian perspective----excuse me for those of you who don't know Jesus at this time---the people who are pushing this larger, more sinister agenda, have little care for God, for the sharing of Jesus' love with millions of hungry souls every year, for the bringing of encouragement & support to the needy in 100 countries around the world, with both tangible aide, as well as the intangible---satisfying that most basic human need for happiness. Not to speak of these folks wishing to terminate an unquestionably fulfilling way of life for thousands of missionaries & their families---now into three generations. No, at whatever the cost to the millions, the whole group must be brought down & disbanded to appease the few. I don't believe this is what China wants. China knows that abuse in any form is non-existent in the Family today, and that's why she was confident to bring her little son & leave him in our care, while she took care of other timely business 2 years ago (I say this by way of confirmation of the earlier post on that subject).
I promise you, David Berg & Maria were/are NOT pedophiles. Some folks here are painting a very perverse picture of two of the most loving, sacrificial, dedicated Christians you could possibly meet. Radical? Yes. Controversial? Absolutely. Weirdos? Nope. Dangerous? Never.
(Sorry, I wasn't going to get into specifics, but I've just got to address this anti-Semite question. David Berg was Jewish by descent, as is a certain percentage of the Family overall. His anger at the "Jews", as brought out in "drcoosa's" favorite quote from an emotional prayer, was as I recall specifically regarding Israeli mistreatment of the Palestinians. With that stance, in a democratic world poll today, Berg would find himself in a very comfortable majority. In spite of his outburst of that moment, did Family members---who you claim were under his "control"---all pick up guns & join Hamas? [BEEP—master say...hate Jew---BEEP---must kill----BEEP... Ha, ha, ha, give me a break! Members understood & took it in perspective & so did you if you were here. Did you go buy a gun? Book your ticket to Jerusalem? Come on! Berg's comment was no more vehement in spirit than Jesus' own proclamation, "Ye are of your father the devil!" in John chapter 8. Did Jesus teach or incite his personal 12 disciples to hatred & violence by thus saying, or by whipping the merchants out of the temple? You know the answer. (No.) So quit plucking these quotes out of context & trying, like some kind of KKK wizard, to rally a lynch mob against the Family. Some folks might actually believe you. Talk about intolerance, Inquisition, Scarlet Letter, demagoguery, etc.----woh, YOU sound dangerous. Everyone acquainted with the Family today is impressed by the impartial love they extend to people of all races & social status. As all Christians should, we oppose what we consider wrongs in society, but this does not overrule love for individuals. )
Someone earlier mentioned why not try a "sting operation" against the Family. Well, they've "been there, done that"! In the early 90's, antagonists duped officials in several countries to "rescue" hundreds of Family children, through violent police raids. Accusation: "child abuse". Never mind that extensive medical & psychological tests turned up not one case of abuse amongst the approx. 700 children taken from their parents. That's OK—the accusers weren't expecting to find abuse, as they knew there was none occurring. It was just an excuse to try & pull down the Family. All children were returned to their parents, and in some cases, damages awarded to Family members.
I read all the same literature & lived in the Homes in the period of the alleged abuse. It never crossed my mind to have sex with a little kid, nor to allow my kids to be abused by others. "Abuse" was never a Family "policy", much less an institutionalized practice, nor will it ever be. I know there WERE cases, and I don't wish to distress those folks as I say the following: Although as the British Judge pointed out, there was an overly-sexualized atmosphere in the Family, the depiction of abuse, (not only sexual, but of child-labor, extreme punishment, etc.), is just not an accurate picture of the overall Family---not in any year you choose. Home videos *, family photo albums, & honest media coverage from the past will bear out again & again, year after year, that our Homes were filled with happy, smiling, loving individuals. (* Re: Home videos: You will of course trot out the example of the notorious "dance" videos, or "nudie cutie" pictures. Those were circulated for a limited amount of time, then withdrawn. For the record, they were neither violent, ugly, nor perverse.---Unlike your favorite primetime TV shows. Indeed people from some cultures would see them & wonder what's the big deal. Anyway, no Family member has seen any of that for about 20 years. But I don't doubt that the hypocrites---who committed felonies in order to steal some of that material from locked storage to "use against" the Family---have been "enjoying" them in private ever since.)
A young man left our fellowship a while back. We're still friends, and he's now a successful businessman. He confided, "I supported those folks (an anti-Family site) for a while after I left. But I soon recognized they were 'losers' & 'complainers'." (end of quote) Please get my drift here, I am NOT saying anyone who chooses to leave the Family is a loser---not by a long-shot! Indeed, many folks who leave soon find themselves favored for their positive attitudes, humility, solution-oriented thinking, ability to build a consensus, to communicate & to handle people, and how to teamwork—simply due to the fact that those are all necessary attributes to live our cooperative missionary lifestyle.
But I am mentioning this because it is a trend of our time---which any "psychologist" should be able to identify---that people will try to blame their problems on anything they can.---They will sue the Army, their employer, their church, their parents, their school---you name it. Their woes are anybody's fault but their own.
Unfortunately in this respect, Dr. Phil may be as duped by the media as everyone else. By the way, Dr. Phil (greetings), your site invited responses from people who feel they've been the subject of rumors, slander, etc. But what recourse is there when your show is the perpetrator? Where do we go from here? The Supreme Court? Ha. Please get your researchers to dig a little deeper next time---not just scrape off the surface scum you find in a quick internet search. Why don't you get some of those employees out the door & to talk to some actual missionaries, people who are walking the walk; or at least talk to the academics who have studied us & documented our lifestyle for years. Better yet, why don't you have a talk with some of our folks, young & old? But please don't ask us to show up in a kangaroo court there, where the deck has been stacked & showbiz/therapy needs to bring in big network bucks. Meet us out on the street or during one of our volunteer activities, or come over for dinner. (But no paparazzi.) Warning: You may be UNDERwhelmed by the lack of sexual atmosphere. On the other hand, you may be impressed by the poise, spontaneity, dedication & maturity of our young people, and the sincerity & lack of guile of all. Have an open-minded talk & make your own judgment. Please don't be found to be unwittingly aiding & abetting a moral "crime" here, lured to carry someone else's unchecked baggage onboard a national TV show---a device wrapped in reasonable & truly pitiful cries for justice & closure from victims of abuse, but designed by others to hide a much more deadly payload of genuine religious persecution & the destruction of a valid & beneficial missionary movement.
I feel a little bad, because after I submit this message, I'm going to leave the forum & not come back. I'm way too busy as a missionary to continue this. But since I paid my dues & read everything up until here, I just thought I'd leave my 2-cents with the public. I will miss the sparks flying from responses to my post & my words probably being picked apart & regurgitated in the most twisted ways. Some of our older detractors (hi guys) have become very professional at this, and can find you something evil in an Easter lily.
I might add that most of our Members probably didn't see the show. Many of them work in poor countries far from Paramount Studios. They won't be writing in to this site. Their sleeves are rolled-up, and they're having a life---one that resembles Mother Teresa's more than Hugh Hefner's, despite what our detractors would have you think. It's a sacrificial life, and we (parents) have understood better now for the last 10 -15 years that not everyone wants to live it. It took us a while to let go, and like doctors wanting their kids to be doctors, give them more space. Now in our young people's training we not only emphasize life skills & attitudes that will be useful whether in or out of the group, but we do what we can to assist those who wish to go & pursue secular vocations. And we continue to support them with our unconditional love & prayers. (Thus, the rate of folks---both young & old----returning to resume missionary service in the Family after months or years of other pursuits has increased. That doesn't tend to validate the image of an abusive cult that people are struggling at every opportunity to "escape", ha.) Meanwhile, those who have stayed & devoted themselves to missionary work are generally VERY fulfilled & happy. If you want challenge, variety, excitement, to live for a cause, and to make your mark in a needy world---the Family International 2005 rocks!
Well, I'd love to rebut all the mistruths, misrepresentations, and outright lies I've read on this forum. But maybe there's no need: Just "come & see". Or contact the group via the Family website. The difference between what you will find & what some of these detractors here are claiming will be so vast that you will be tempted to believe it's a sham. But hang in there, it's as good as it looks. We're not perfect, but we have got the goods, we have the lifestyle, we have the joy, we have the love of God. "An evil tree cannot bear good fruit" (
Matthew 7:18)---we have the "good fruits". I can without hesitation commend any sincere seekers to any of our Homes or centers worldwide. (Disclaimer: This post reflects only my own opinions & is not to be taken as representative of views of other Family members or of official Family publications. SEE the Family's website at: http://www.thefamily.org/)
YOU MUST BE ONE OF THE P.R. MEN FOR THE GROUP. WHAT ILKS THE MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY IS WHEN PEOPLE CALL THEM A CULT. THEY DO NOT WANT TO BELIEVE THEY ARE A CULT. THEY WANT TO BELEIVE THEY ARE FULL TIME MISSIONARIES. THEY TEACH THEIR KIDS THEY ARE FULL TIME MISSIONARIES. EVEN IF THEY ONLY GO WITNESSING ON THE WEEKENDS."THATS OK, WE ARE STILL FULL TIME MISSIONARIES" THEY TRY SO HARD TO BELEIVE THIS, BUT THEN THE KIDS SEE THINGS THAT ARE DIFFERENT. SOME ARE TEACHING ENGLISH, SOME ARE DOING WEDDINGS, SOME ARE BALOONING, SOME ARE NIGHT SINGING USING SECULAR SONGS AND GETTING TIPS. IT DOESN;T MATTER WHAT YOU ARE DOING, AND HOW YOU RAISE YOUR SUPPORT, YOU ARE STILL FULL TIME MISSIONARIES. i DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE IS SAYING, WE ARE FULL TIME MISSIONARIES, BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A HOUSE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY OTHER THAN THE ONE WE WERE BORN IN. wE CROSSED THE OCEAN, SO THAT MAKES US MISSIONARIES." THE CHILDREN IN THE FAMILY INTERNATIOINAL Don;t know what is what. All they know is schooling, get out time, meal tine, dish washing schedule, Game night and video night. Oh yes, I almost forgot dress up night where you can dress up as your favorite spirit helper or demon. This is up to you of course as to which one you would like to be like |
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October 25, 2005, 9:51 am PDT
My name is John LaMattery Jr.; I appeared on the Dr. Phil show with my wife, China. The claim of abuse that my wife, hundreds of other second generation members and ex-members, and I suffered under The Family, which we spoke of on Dr. Phil, is factual and valid. The abuse was indoctrinated and sanctioned by The Family’s founder, David Berg, and its current leaders, Zerby and Kelly. The Family would like to think it answered China’s question posed her mother by sending our old friends and peers to answer it; however, I will not accept this response, as it is a very important question that should be answered by the person to whom it was directed. I'm certain China's mother will answer it in good time because although she may now seem conflicted, ultimately she has a good core and I know that she loves her daughter. The Family is embarrassing itself by its refusal to confront the issues of its past. They say that sexual contact with minors became an excommunicable offence in 1986; yet, Zerby wrote in 1993 that sexual fondling of minors, when done in “love”, was appropriate under “god”. How do you police a group whose religion at one point in their history made it clear that sexual contact with minors was appropriate? How do you back peddle now and try to explain to the person who lost their innocence when they were only 5 years old or to the child who got VD at 16 months (which the Australian 60 Minutes revealed in an October show) that it was supposed to be done in love; and that, if is was done in love, then they should be a-okay? Things went terribly too far. Now the children who you abused are smarter and stronger than you would have ever dreamed, and are asking you for answers. It is not the public that deserves an answer; it is your own flesh and blood, your children. Instead of the first generation answering us directly, they have sent our old friends and peers to speak for them. The problem I have with relying on your children who remain in The Family to write statements in your defense is two fold: 1) The sexual abuse we received was not perpetrated by them; it was by their parents. 2) Sending them to your front lines because your cowardice holds you back from answering for your own mistakes exploits them once again. You are hiding behind their innocence and incapacity to think critically No one said that it was your children, our peers, who abused us. We said it was the first generation parents. Why are they not in front of the camera defending their practices? Sending your kids out to do your dirty work by trying to discredit Daniel Roselle, China, and me is not going to get society’s attention or respect. It is so obvious that many of these kids have not been able to distinguish between what does and does not constitute “abuse”. Trends have shown that second generation adults who have left The Family at times suffer from the inability to adapt to the outside world. They often feel lost, alone, angry and upset at their past, on top of having no bona-fide tools or credentials that will help them exist in society at large. These patterns suggest emotional and intellectual abuse, if not also sexual abuse, since it is a parent’s duty to prepare their child to function, and hopefully be happy and productive, in society. Patterns show that The Family’s parents have not provided the necessary tools for their children’s successful existence beyond The Family’s perception of life. This is one form of abuse. Simple. The Family cannot expect everyone of their children to remain members. The parents that remain must therefore put in place a system for preparing those children, who wish to leave, for the outside world. Otherwise, The Family’s idealism, whether intentional or not, functions like a prison: you violate your children’s God-given freedom to choose what lifestyle they deem appropriate, and so limit their potential to excel to the confines of your own system. This subtle form of abuse is possibly more detrimental than the graphic sexual abuse, which has gained so much pubic attention of late. It is something all second generation members, both former and current, have in common. Some of us have fully integrated into society and become successful in our fields, be it business, scholastics, etc. I have read some of your statements on myconclusion.com suggesting that former second generation individuals should attribute these successes to their being raised in The Family. This point is tricky. As for me, a fairly successful businessman, I attribute none of my success to The Family’s indoctrinations. If anything, The Family was strictly a motivator for me to excel in my areas of interest in order to prove to them that one can find happiness outside of their world view. My experience in The Family has thus strengthened my character, like the strength one builds by lifting weights. I feel fortunate that I have become strong enough to place my experiences properly, and thereby, sublimate the negative experiences of my past into my dreams for the future in order to produce a positive outcome. I attribute this ability to transform negative to positive to the support system of friends and family that I have discovered since leaving the family. It is my goal to extend this support to my peers, especially to those who feel alone and perhaps incapable of overcoming the almost insurmountable obstacles we face in adapting to society. I believe that those who are able have the responsibility to support those who need it, and to give voice to those who, for whichever reasons, are not currently able to articulate their past experiences. As for the purported biased presentation of The Family on the Dr. Phil show, which many current Family members are upset and extremely angry about, understand that this is our own experience and we stand by what was presented. The only ones responsible for not defending The Family on the show are The Family’s own leaders. We invited The Family to appear a month before the show was produced. China and I invited people, Jim invited your spokesperson, as did Dr. Phil’s producers. The Family declined all invitations. Members who are upset should focus their grievances over not being represented fairly towards The Family leadership. It is out of their cowardice to face us on the media stage that you feel betrayed. Instead of facing us, they have hid behind their members, encouraging you to spam our emails and write statements of denial on your websites that go unseen and unnoticed by the public, and do nothing to reconcile our differences. They say, “He who has nothing to hide has nothing to fear.” Ask your leaders the difficult questions: what they are afraid of and why they are hiding behind you? I want The Family to rest assured knowing that I will continue to pool my resources available to challenge The Family’s integrity and right to exist as an organization until The Family steps up to the plate and works with all of us to find closure. Here are my demands: 1) Access. Allow any and all bona-fide victims access to their abusers if the victims feel the need to pursue prosecution. This will put boundaries in your ranks and will force the paedophiles to surface, as well as bring an awareness of any sexual predators in your communities. The Family might want to establish a neutral third party to filter any allegations. This will ensure that they are willing to pay for the errors of their past and are trying to protect the children, many of whom are our brothers and sisters, which remain in their care. 2) Renounce its former leader, David Berg, and current leaders, Zerby and Kelly. It is because of these individual’s control and manipulation that my childhood and those of my peers was exploited and destroyed. By renouncing these leaders you will prove to me that you are willing to mature as an organization and are ready to make the many needed changes within your establishment. 3) Ensure that your children have the right to a full education. I support home schooling kids; I do not support The Family home schooling kids because of their inconsistencies and lack of success. The Family needs to prepare their children for life outside of the group at the age of majority, just as much as they are preparing them for life inside. Support higher education and the process of obtaining it. 4) Allow your members to join the secular workforce. Protect your children from being exploited financially and relied upon to bring in income for their homes. I do not have an issue with Boy Scouts selling cookies to raise support on occasion, but to have your children as some of your homes’ sole providers is unethical and inhumane. I will do everything in my power to ensure that you do not establish legitimacy in my country and that any form of legitimacy you now have will be scrutinized until the above is recognized. It is your unwillingness to cooperate with us and your denial that the abuse we suffered was condoned by the top leadership which has made us your enemy. Jesus said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of Heaven.” In your zeal to preach to the world a message of free-sex and salvation, you forgot your own children and now must accept the consequences of your actions. Many of your children are now your worst enemy and will haunt you until you realize that the damage you have inflicted on them is valid, you make sincere steps towards reconciliation, and abolish those forms of tyrannical control within your organization. John Jr. |
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October 26, 2005, 7:06 am PDT
Quote From: johnchina My name is John LaMattery Jr.; I appeared on the Dr. Phil show with my wife, China. The claim of abuse that my wife, hundreds of other second generation members and ex-members, and I suffered under The Family, which we spoke of on Dr. Phil, is factual and valid. The abuse was indoctrinated and sanctioned by The Family’s founder, David Berg, and its current leaders, Zerby and Kelly. The Family would like to think it answered China’s question posed her mother by sending our old friends and peers to answer it; however, I will not accept this response, as it is a very important question that should be answered by the person to whom it was directed. I'm certain China's mother will answer it in good time because although she may now seem conflicted, ultimately she has a good core and I know that she loves her daughter. The Family is embarrassing itself by its refusal to confront the issues of its past. They say that sexual contact with minors became an excommunicable offence in 1986; yet, Zerby wrote in 1993 that sexual fondling of minors, when done in “love”, was appropriate under “god”. How do you police a group whose religion at one point in their history made it clear that sexual contact with minors was appropriate? How do you back peddle now and try to explain to the person who lost their innocence when they were only 5 years old or to the child who got VD at 16 months (which the Australian 60 Minutes revealed in an October show) that it was supposed to be done in love; and that, if is was done in love, then they should be a-okay? Things went terribly too far. Now the children who you abused are smarter and stronger than you would have ever dreamed, and are asking you for answers. It is not the public that deserves an answer; it is your own flesh and blood, your children. Instead of the first generation answering us directly, they have sent our old friends and peers to speak for them. The problem I have with relying on your children who remain in The Family to write statements in your defense is two fold: 1) The sexual abuse we received was not perpetrated by them; it was by their parents. 2) Sending them to your front lines because your cowardice holds you back from answering for your own mistakes exploits them once again. You are hiding behind their innocence and incapacity to think critically No one said that it was your children, our peers, who abused us. We said it was the first generation parents. Why are they not in front of the camera defending their practices? Sending your kids out to do your dirty work by trying to discredit Daniel Roselle, China, and me is not going to get society’s attention or respect. It is so obvious that many of these kids have not been able to distinguish between what does and does not constitute “abuse”. Trends have shown that second generation adults who have left The Family at times suffer from the inability to adapt to the outside world. They often feel lost, alone, angry and upset at their past, on top of having no bona-fide tools or credentials that will help them exist in society at large. These patterns suggest emotional and intellectual abuse, if not also sexual abuse, since it is a parent’s duty to prepare their child to function, and hopefully be happy and productive, in society. Patterns show that The Family’s parents have not provided the necessary tools for their children’s successful existence beyond The Family’s perception of life. This is one form of abuse. Simple. The Family cannot expect everyone of their children to remain members. The parents that remain must therefore put in place a system for preparing those children, who wish to leave, for the outside world. Otherwise, The Family’s idealism, whether intentional or not, functions like a prison: you violate your children’s God-given freedom to choose what lifestyle they deem appropriate, and so limit their potential to excel to the confines of your own system. This subtle form of abuse is possibly more detrimental than the graphic sexual abuse, which has gained so much pubic attention of late. It is something all second generation members, both former and current, have in common. Some of us have fully integrated into society and become successful in our fields, be it business, scholastics, etc. I have read some of your statements on myconclusion.com suggesting that former second generation individuals should attribute these successes to their being raised in The Family. This point is tricky. As for me, a fairly successful businessman, I attribute none of my success to The Family’s indoctrinations. If anything, The Family was strictly a motivator for me to excel in my areas of interest in order to prove to them that one can find happiness outside of their world view. My experience in The Family has thus strengthened my character, like the strength one builds by lifting weights. I feel fortunate that I have become strong enough to place my experiences properly, and thereby, sublimate the negative experiences of my past into my dreams for the future in order to produce a positive outcome. I attribute this ability to transform negative to positive to the support system of friends and family that I have discovered since leaving the family. It is my goal to extend this support to my peers, especially to those who feel alone and perhaps incapable of overcoming the almost insurmountable obstacles we face in adapting to society. I believe that those who are able have the responsibility to support those who need it, and to give voice to those who, for whichever reasons, are not currently able to articulate their past experiences. As for the purported biased presentation of The Family on the Dr. Phil show, which many current Family members are upset and extremely angry about, understand that this is our own experience and we stand by what was presented. The only ones responsible for not defending The Family on the show are The Family’s own leaders. We invited The Family to appear a month before the show was produced. China and I invited people, Jim invited your spokesperson, as did Dr. Phil’s producers. The Family declined all invitations. Members who are upset should focus their grievances over not being represented fairly towards The Family leadership. It is out of their cowardice to face us on the media stage that you feel betrayed. Instead of facing us, they have hid behind their members, encouraging you to spam our emails and write statements of denial on your websites that go unseen and unnoticed by the public, and do nothing to reconcile our differences. They say, “He who has nothing to hide has nothing to fear.” Ask your leaders the difficult questions: what they are afraid of and why they are hiding behind you? I want The Family to rest assured knowing that I will continue to pool my resources available to challenge The Family’s integrity and right to exist as an organization until The Family steps up to the plate and works with all of us to find closure. Here are my demands: 1) Access. Allow any and all bona-fide victims access to their abusers if the victims feel the need to pursue prosecution. This will put boundaries in your ranks and will force the paedophiles to surface, as well as bring an awareness of any sexual predators in your communities. The Family might want to establish a neutral third party to filter any allegations. This will ensure that they are willing to pay for the errors of their past and are trying to protect the children, many of whom are our brothers and sisters, which remain in their care. 2) Renounce its former leader, David Berg, and current leaders, Zerby and Kelly. It is because of these individual’s control and manipulation that my childhood and those of my peers was exploited and destroyed. By renouncing these leaders you will prove to me that you are willing to mature as an organization and are ready to make the many needed changes within your establishment. 3) Ensure that your children have the right to a full education. I support home schooling kids; I do not support The Family home schooling kids because of their inconsistencies and lack of success. The Family needs to prepare their children for life outside of the group at the age of majority, just as much as they are preparing them for life inside. Support higher education and the process of obtaining it. 4) Allow your members to join the secular workforce. Protect your children from being exploited financially and relied upon to bring in income for their homes. I do not have an issue with Boy Scouts selling cookies to raise support on occasion, but to have your children as some of your homes’ sole providers is unethical and inhumane. I will do everything in my power to ensure that you do not establish legitimacy in my country and that any form of legitimacy you now have will be scrutinized until the above is recognized. It is your unwillingness to cooperate with us and your denial that the abuse we suffered was condoned by the top leadership which has made us your enemy. Jesus said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of Heaven.” In your zeal to preach to the world a message of free-sex and salvation, you forgot your own children and now must accept the consequences of your actions. Many of your children are now your worst enemy and will haunt you until you realize that the damage you have inflicted on them is valid, you make sincere steps towards reconciliation, and abolish those forms of tyrannical control within your organization. John Jr. I am very impressed, John. The family may not have properly educated you, but somehow (maybe ater you left?) you learned to form a very logical argument and present it in clear language. You must know how rare an ability that is.
I agree that the family should never be allowed to sink roots anywhere without being exposed for what it is and I thank you and China on behalf of all of the innocents who might have become victims if not for your efforts. |
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