Topic : 08/24 The Family Cult

THis is where they don't get to pull the wool over your eyes: 

http://www.exfamily.org 

  

There were many types of abuses in The Family.  The sexual abuse is only one form of abuse, albeit the most horrific.  The Family had a “Law of Love” developed by Berg that essentially said that anything done in love is of God (since God is love) and cannot be wrong.  This include sex with minors, indeed, Berg considered sex to be one of the ultimate manifestations of love (which is why it was used in the FFing movement).  There are numerous quotes from the “MO Letters” that confirm that Berg thought sex with minors and family members was acceptable – as long as it was done in love.  The differing accounts of abuse largely comes down to definition.  The Family still believes in the Law of Love (although they apparently have set up some boundaries); thus, they do not consider sexual interaction between adults and children that was “done in love” abusive.  For example, Berg had sexual contact with many young girls, including his daughter and granddaughter; however, since it was “done it love” it is not considered abusive by Family standards.  Their definition of sexual abuse is more like violent rape involving kicking and screaming, etc.  While this did occur on a number of occasions, by and large, sexual abuse often occurred other forms, such as molestation, stripping, etc.  In the cult, we were brought up to think that there was nothing wrong with sex between adults and children.  Indeed, in 1986 the “stringent” no child-adult sex policy still allowed sex between 12 year olds and adults since the Family’s official age for adults was 12.  This means that they could be put on “sharing” lists, and drink coffee, wine, etc.  Additionally, the “stringent” ban only really banned actual intercourse, it never explicitly banned sexual contact (such as fondling, which by the Family’s standard was almost by definition “loving” and thus permissible). 

  

 

  

 

That said, not ever adult in the Family was a pedophile.  I think many of the adults perhaps disagreed with these policies; however, if they spoke up against them, they risked being kicked out.  So, they remained silent.  There was essentially a “don’t ask don’t tell” mentality within many of the Family homes when it came to child-adult sexual contact.  The molesters were essentially permitted to molest – usually behind closed doors – and any reports were dismisses largely because the home leadership did not want to deal with it (since technically the molester could simply cite Berg to support his behavior).  In other homes, however, the abuse was in the open (although it was not thought of as abusive).  It seems that the higher you were in the chain, the more rampant the abuse.  Obviously Berg’s home seemed to be the worse (based on both the “MO Letters” and other accounts); but in almost all of the top homes heterosexual sex between everyone was the norm. 

  

 

  

 

For these reasons, the accounts of abuse vary.  That is, current members deny abuse in large part because of their definition of abuse.  There were relatively few reported accounts of violent rape (most instances, however, surely were never reported to top leaders).  This is why they can sit there with a straight face and say “there were isolated instances of abuse, but it was not widespread and was not advocated by leadership.”  The true, however, is that child-adult sex was clearly endorsed by Berg.  The second primary reason for the discrepancy is that is depended where you lived and perhaps more importantly your age (typically the older ones had it the worst – those who are currently close to 30). 

  

 

I was shocked at how Dr. Phil let that father who is writing the book, off the hook repeatedly when his daughter tried to confront her issues with him.  The daughter would ask a good question, like how could you do this or how do you think that made me feel, the father would sit there a moment with a blank look on his face, and Dr. Phil would intervene to announce his next segment.  We never got closure, much less the daughter.  That father is obviously missing the point, still, and we wanted Dr. Phil to confront him and/or stand up for the daughter, but all we got from Dr. Phil was, "Yes, healing is possible in this situation."  I don't think it is at this point because the dad is still in denial.  How about the question "Where were you when all this was happening and what responsibility do you accept for what happened to your children?"

hello - I was in that group for nearly 20 years.  I joined in the early 70s, believing them to be "on-fire, sold-out, witnesses" for Christ.  I knew nothing of the sexual deviations until I had already become married and had children and was totally subservient to my then husband.   

  

Yes, it is possible to have disparities as far as who was abused, how much and how bad.  Although we were able to skip a lot of it due to our family moving around the communes so much and often being the shepherds in our own home due to our large family size, we still saw enough that should be shocking to the normal person. The trouble is, they aren't thinking normally.  If you ask any of them about the past and what was wrong - they will tell you that they don't think it was wrong, it just wasn't accepted by normal society, so they had to stop. They don't think their publications are abusive, even though they had to ban and purge a large percentage of it, including drawing bras and panties on images that were in their Kids comic books and stories.   

  

It doesn't matter if one region didn't get as involved in the sexual deviations as  much as another, we were all reading the same material.  This girl now thinks her upbringing is/was normal and that's scary.  The cycle of abuse will continue.  The difference between the JWs and TFI is that in The Family you have no voice because you are separated from the world completely.  You are only allowed to read F. approved materials and watch F. approved programs, you cannot have outside friends unless they are deemed to be "sheep" or "helpers to the work" i.e.., monetarily or for protection, ie., lawyers, city officials and big VIPs and such.  You have no real friends since you have to move so much and often you are taken from your family and shipped off to some far off place far away from your own nuclear family.  Your new home becomes your family. Familial ties are discouraged, and especially if any of your family resides "in the system" and not in the group. 

  

Another major problem is the fact that they do not allow their children to attend school and must home school them.  I was a teacher in the group and I saw a lot of disparities - lucky for April, she was probably a leader's daughter and got more perks than the hapless peon witnessing on the street for his daily bread all the while tithing to the leaders a hefty 15 percent of his meager income. Does this peon have the time to home-school his children?  Not much, I saw that a lot.  Also, many parents weren't even adept at teaching and couldn't pull it off, consequently, many children grew up with a subpar education.  Yet the leaders have all the best books, the best  materials, and all the time to make sure they are creating their own Einsteins to run their work. Welll, that's ok for the peons, all they do is clowning and singing "This little light of mine" anyway. 

  

You see, they will not think that it was abusive to have their children dancing naked under scarves for their prophet - they will still think this is normal but simply unacceptable by normal society so they had to stop doing it.  They don't know what is abusive and what isn't.  You can't trust them when they say they weren't abuse, they just don't know, as well - they are scripted as to how to talk to the media and the public.  Just look at their robotic answers. I know, I remember having to go over questions and answers with my children when we were in the group in the 80s.  There was a paper telling them what they should say should any authorities question them and trust me, our children were well trained.  I always thought of them as trained monkeys, they had no real lives - it was sad. 

Listen - go to MovingOn.Org and read the testimonials there. They have, I think, something like 2,000 (or maybe 1,000) registered participants, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.  These are the offspring of the movement, the site is specifically for those born in the group - so one or two thousand registered participants is a lot of kids that were abused in some form or fashion.  I know, because it happened to my family.  I know many, many families who don't go on line and post so the numbers are going to be even higher of those that have left who were abused. 

  

Since this happened somewhere around the late 70s and late 80s, even into the 90s - (and don't believe that silly statement that they banned sexual relations in 1986, as someone else explained, 12 year olds were considered adults (according to Berg) and could drink wine, have sex, etc.  They are not telling you everything when they tell you that.  They are adept liars)--  These kids are now either in their late 20s or early 30s.  Those left in the group are often younger or somehow slipped through without being touched - lucky them.  They may even be too young to remember Heaven's Girl  - that's a beauty they all had to read. Go ahead, find that on one of the exmember websites, that'll knock your socks off.  Try xfamily.org for a large selection of those publications read to children. 

  

The problem with The Family International is they will not own up to their past and try to blame "exhuberant" participants on policies that were firmly set in place by their founder, David Berg and his Mistress Maria Karen Zerby, which is evidenced by their very own publication, the Davidito Book.  Until they own up to their past, quit worshipping Berg as their dead prophet and Karen Zerby proclaims to all that these were and are abusive doctrines that are not of God or the bible, Berg was never a prophet, then they will continue on in their denials and abuse their members through high tithes, crazy prophecies, bilking the public and running from their past.  This madness needs to stop, today.  They need to make restitution to these literally thousands of kids that were abused or it will continue to haunt them.  A simple - we are sorry you were hurt - does not cut it.  There are literally thousands of stories of their own offspring who had to leave on their own, sleep on park benches, and try and live in society without any parents or family to  help them, yet they succeeded in spite of their parents who are living somewhere in la-la land. God help them. 

Although I was happy with the expose' done on The Family, I was pretty disappointed that the show was so unfairly biased against Jim especially by his daughter, Kristi.

Kristi, perhaps we should fill the audience in on the real side of your father - the good side - the side who loves you and his family and has done more for you and his nieces and nephews than many (most?) parents who have left that cult.

How about you tell the audience that your father is one of the only first generation members actively bringing attention to the atrocities committed in The Family?  Why don't you tell the audience that your father is actively trying to track down and bring to justice your step father who abused both you and your sisters?  Why did you fail to mention the numerous instances of generosity shown by your father?  Why didn't you tell the audience that he has provided you with multiple cars, or that he fully took care of you so that you could focus on going to a community college and later to a private college - only to have you drop out for questionable reasons. For all the good that your father has done, why is that you chose to paint only a dark picture of him, instead of a more accurate one?

For the record, I would like to make clear that Jim has cared for and showered us, your cousins, with more help and love than our own father. Each of us feel eternally grateful to your father and know that we will never be able to pay him back for what he has done for us - at least not in this lifetime.

Bottom line, Kristi, your father does love you.  Even after what you did to him on the Dr. Phil show, he still loves you and is very optimistic about your relationship with him.  You say he doesn't know what unconditional love is but you are wrong.  Many parents would throw in the towel at this point.  Your father, on the other hand, has chosen to continue trying to reconnect with you some how.

  

 

And to those of you who are reading and think that Jim should have said something on the show about Kristi's allegations, answer me this, was he supposed to argue with his own daughter on national television?  No. This is the Dr. Phil show, not Jerry Springer.

  

 

In closing, Kristi, the aggrandizement of your issues cheapened the goal that everyone had for this show which was to bring awareness of the effects of the group on us second generation members.  I'm sure you had no idea that John was wearing a t-shirt that his deceased brother in law, Abe, gave to him.  He wore it for strength that day, much like the strength both him and China found in the picture of Abe placed on their bedside in their hotel room the night before the show.

  

 

 

  

 

In short, we are all very disappointed with you and hope that some good comes of this show

  

 

Windy - you stated:  How about you tell the audience that your father is one of the only first generation members actively bringing attention to the atrocities committed in The Family?  

  

I just wanted to remind you that there have been quite a few that have been around long before and after your uncle that have tried long and hard to bring to the attention of the authorities and the public at large the truth about The Family International.  People such as Sam Ajemian,  Sword of the Lord Website, Miriam Williams who wrote a book, Ruth Gordon who wrote a book, Una McManus who wrote a book, Not for a Million Dollars, as well as bringing a lawsuit where she won a one million dollar judgment, Deborah Davis, David Berg's daughter, who wrote a book, and countless others who have established websites, written to authorities and done what they are able to do according to their abilities.  I take issue with you minimizing that and speaking as if your uncle is the lone hound on the heels of these perpetrators. 

  

I am sorry for the troubles your family is having. Let's hope that the therapy promised by Dr. Phil will truly make a difference.  We are survivors but we all have huge wounds and scars that need to be delt with.  Someone once said, if you don't deal with the pain, it will meet you later on.  Jim has his pain of losing his daughters and seeing what happened to them later, Kristi has her pain of what happened to her, you have your pain, and it all needs to be delt with accordingly. 

  

We should remind each other that we are all in this together. All the best to you and your family. 

 

In the USA you remain innocent until proven guilty. For being a land of truth and freedom, my personal rights are quickly vanishing, having been stolen from me by media shows like these, spreading untruths about my way of life. If you’re seeking to broadcast truth regarding the group The Family, why don’t you look into all sides, including mine? 

I think if you were to thoroughly investigate you would find that there are many more happy and well adjusted young people, most who are still members of the group, and some who have left to pursue other walks of life, then angry or abused ones. Maybe the “abuse” wasn’t as widespread as its being made out to be.  

And I don’t think it’s fair to say that because I am still a member of the group that I am somehow unable to determine or recognize abuse, or rightly choose between right and wrong. I am responsible for my own choices and decisions in life, just as you are for yours. 

The generalizations about The Family being an abusive cult are simply not true. The whole cult and everyone in it are not abusers; in fact it’s probably a safer environment over all than many other places in the world. Its almost like saying that because you were once in a car accident involving a driver from, say, Wyoming, its highly likely that anyone residing in the state of Wyoming will most likely crash into you. So what are you going to do? Have a show where you will discuss how all people from the state of Wyoming are bad drivers and how we should suspend all drivers’ licenses within that state? Or that any one hoping to be a good driver moves to another state? It’s a bit extreme when seen from that perspective. 

(Note: no offense meant to anyone in Wyoming.) 

  

            I’ve been a member of this missionary group, The Family Int., since I was 3yrs old. I am now 21yrs. I have never been abused in any way. My statement is not an “excuse”, as some have claimed, it’s simply the truth. Thank you for respecting that. 

My mother (my parents are divorced) gave me all the love and care I could ever want or need, and then some. I love you mom. I have a wonderful younger sister and the coolest little brother.  

The people who were my teachers and caretakers gave me the very best in every aspect; the education I received is invaluable, and I know I owe them a great deal of thanks for the positive influence they were in my life. 

The most valuable and treasured gift I was given was my knowledge of God and His Son Jesus. Knowing that I have my Savior forever in my heart is the most important aspect and part of my life. Being raised with the simple truth of God sending His only Son Jesus to die for my sins (Jn. 3:16) so that I could live eternally with Him in Heaven once my life on earth is done, and being given the commission of telling others who have never heard the name Jesus, of His great love for them (Mk. 16:15), has been the most wonderful part of my life. 

I know everyone doesn’t believe the way I do, God created us as individuals and as such we each connect with Him in our own way, and I have a lot of respect for the beliefs and faith of others. I’m glad that our country, the USA, allows us the right and freedom to believe in God, unlike some countries that aren’t as blessed. 

I’m disturbed by the fact that I’m defending my self, my life, and my belief in God as if I were on trial.  

I’m sorry if Jim, Kristi, China, and John, experienced a difficult life, and I truly hope that they are able to find closure for the things they experienced. Maybe they could more directly address the individuals whom they feel they were hurt by instead of targeting a whole group of people. Because all of a sudden this becomes a direct attack against me and my way of life, which is hard for me to understand seeing as I’ve never met any of them. 

But trying to tear down my life and beliefs to somehow help them feel better about theirs doesn’t seem quite right to me. I’m so sorry if to some my post seems “void of emotion” but maybe that’s due to the fact that I am not angry at anybody else. I have a happy and fulfilling life and job, I am blessed to have wonderful friends and family, and I only wish for all you who wonder about our “group” to come out and visit us for yourselves, then you would at least have a fair chance of making up your own mind as far as our “group” is concerned. 

Fair enough.  

  

But tell me this - did we give the aforementioned individuals who wrote books grief for doing so or did we applaud them for bringing exposure to the cult?  Have we wished them well in their endeavors and do we hope that they will profit in some way (financially or otherwise), or do we hope that their books flop?  

  

I believe you know the answer to these questions ...