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Topic : 08/24 The Family Cult

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Created on : Friday, September 30, 2005, 03:30:22 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/03/05) Imagine growing up in a cult where you are forced to have sex with strangers -- when you’re as young as 5. Dr. Phil talks to people who escaped the group known as the Children of God, and need help moving on. Meet a daughter who says she can’t forgive her father for the years of painful abuse she suffered at the hands of this cult. How can she reconnect with her dad and start trusting again? Plus, China and her husband, John, are building a new life after leaving the group, where they were forced to have sex with strangers when they were both underage. They’ve had a difficult time adjusting to the outside world, and China wonders if she should prosecute her parents for abuse. What does Dr. Phil think? Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 31, 2006, 6:25 pm PDT

No Justice?

Quote From: anniewhite2000

This week I watched the episode on the Children of God.  I was shocked to say the least.  I started looking further into this horrendous cult.  I watched the British documentary about Ricky and the cult.  I watched the Anderson Cooper interview, other shows about the cult, and read many articles, including the excellent article in Rolling Stone regarding Ricky.  I have also viewed several websites that contained the vile literature that this group put out.  Having had a normal childhood, I can't begin to imagine the horror these second generation survivors are dealing with, but I can understand why you want justice.  It's almost become an obsession for me, so I can't imagine how you deal with what has happened to you.  My question is why haven't people like Sara Davidito and Karen Zerby been brought to justice?  Are any lawyers trying to go after the cult leaders for a civil lawsuit?  Isn't having the "Book of Davidito" and the other photos and writings enough?  I can't agree that these people will "get their just rewards at the end of their life."  They need to be brought to justice now!!  I know it won't take the pain away from these second generation victims, but it may help them begin healing.  I know it's not just these two women but many others (like "King" Peter).  It sounds like the FBI is investigating, but I can't figure out why they haven't arrested these child rapists.  I would so appreciate hearing from a survivor why justice has evaded you.  Also, I find these second generation survivors to be so articulate and passionate about their cause.  The "movingon.org" website is excellent.  Please know people are listening! 

Many of the crimes against us were committed abroad while we were younger by people with pseudonyms and “bible names”. The FBI is very much ready to prosecute any and all child molesters however they need victims whose statute of limitations period has not expired and they need for the ones who are able to prosecute to be strong enough to testify against their molesters, this type of strength takes years to build due to our unusual upbringing. Generally by the time they are strong enough to confront their molester it’s too late as their turn to prosecute has come and gone. I would love for the statute of limitations on child abuse to be extended until the victim is 30, this would solve our dilemma.

 

Attorneys do not want to take a class action suite on against the group because, unlike the Catholic church, technically they do not exist as an organization and their assets are untraceable. Although we know millions of dollars run through the group, it’s nearly impossible to verify it. Like a terrorist organization, most of the $$ is traded person to person and through “mules” as The Family calls them, not via bank transfer.

 

We are prepared to assist any victim that falls within the statute of limitations to pursue justice, but until someone comes forward with a prosecutable case all we can do is warn others about association and hope that we can move forward into our new lives and careers without too much incident. This is why we appeared on the Dr. Phil show. Moving on has been easier for some, for others this is impossible and many have turned to suicide and a couple, like Ricky, to murder.  

 

Most of the parents or “first generation” who have first hand knowledge of the abuse inflicted on us have done very little to assist the FBI because of their own fears of prosecution. What they stood by and watched was horrific and what they participated in is unfathomable. Unfortunately their own guilty conscience holds them back from doing what’s right.

 

Welcome to our predicament.

 
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September 1, 2006, 8:38 am PDT

08/24 The Family Cult

Quote From: afraid

 and im very glad to hear you have healed and i relly do hope your little sister is able to heal as well, but all i can tell you is if you girls had been my daughters that cult never would have gotton thear sinful hands on you girls, it wouldnt have mattered to me what a court order said, if i knew what thear plans were for all you children as jim knew i would have taken you children and left that state, also i would have gone to the president of this country with my story and the f-b-i as well,even if it ment i was goin to jail, that would have been better for you children than to fall in the hands of a group of sinners such as that cult, if jim would have shown a bit more back bone with the courts order it is very possable the judge would have reversed his or hers desision! you girls would have not been placed with your mother by the court untill a through unvestagion into all the alligations were cheacked out by the court! as i know had they went ahead and placed you children with out cheacking jims story out they the court and state would have been responcible for you girls well being, and thears not a judge in this ciuntry willing to just take a foolish chance like that, all the abuse you and your sister had to indoure  could have been avoided!!! i am glad you girls got away with your lives, and just know your mothers day is coming when she can nolonger avoid ancering for her sins against you girls, and she wont be able to lie, god already knows the truth!!! god bless you and your little sister and i have to tell you your heart is in the right place it takes a very strong and honest person to be able to forgive what you went through and be able to put it behind you,

stay strong for you and your little sister, god bless  you both

Hey this is miriam the forth oldest in the family. i have one comment to your statement about the court system. i myself have taken my mom to court and I won the charge of child abuse against her and my step father jay( He was mentioned in the show). Would you like to know what the court system did for me. The did nothing to my accusers . Even though He was found as a sex offender he is not posted on any goverment sex-offender lists, nor did he ever do jail time, or probation. This man has gotten away scott free to do what he did to me and my sister over and over again. I on the other hand was treated like a nut case they Put on meds, placed in behavoir housing, i was not part of society, I was the problem, not Jay.I never got a explanation on why he was never fully prosecuted.     
 
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September 4, 2006, 8:07 am PDT

PERSONALITY DISORDERS AND PERVERSIONS

Some of my favorite reads on the subject of the dynamics of relationships by narcissism and aggression both "self-directed" as in masochism and "other-directed" as in sadism and the resulting perversions:    

  

Aggression in Personality Disorders and Perversions by Otto Kernberg   

   

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss OR The Narcissistic Family:  Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward   

 

It is disturbing to learn how the roles of hatred, envy and other transformations of aggression play in relationships and in antisocial behavior.  There is a direct path from regressive infantilism to psychosis and sexual deviance.    

  

Hope it helps!   

 

 
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September 4, 2006, 11:05 am PDT

Where The Abuse Came From?

Quote From: idamag

Because your abuse and trauma came from the opposite sex, are  you looking at your father as a member of the opposite sex instead of a parent?
Dear Idamag,
According to my daughter, Kristi's abuse came from her mother as well as her Step-Father, Philip Slown/Sloan.  I was out of the group when Kristi was born, I never abused her, or any other children in the group during my tenure (17-22 years old).  Sexual abuse is repugnant to me.  Abuse also came from her maternal grandfather, "Bud" Hathaway (Donna Marchbanks's father).  Kristi and I reunited in 1993, and by 1995 we visited her grandfather (on the approval of our therapist) where she bravely confronted him with the knowledge of the abuse he inflicted upon her and her siblings.  For years, Kristi's mother stood by and let these children be abused by him.  Donna refused to come with Kristi and I when we confronted the grandfather.  This left a very traumatic scare on my daughter, as her mother went "shopping" the morning that she was to join the two of us and confront her grandfather.  To this day, Kristi has a natural adversion to shopping! 

I am glad that you asked your question.  I don't believe that my daughter Kristi is even aware of this discussion board, or she has chosen to not post on it.  I am glad you asked this question because it brings into play another reality about The Family International.  Because they grew to indoctrinating their sexual deviances (around 1979-1986) into their membership with "flirty fishing" (using sex to lure converts), "sharing" (swapping spouses for sex), and "loving up the children" (stimulating and interrupting their children's normal sexual development), they apparently allowed strangers (and outside family members) to molest their children with their "approval."  My daughters told me that Donna's father (grandpa) was allowed to molest them because Donna was receiving money from him.  When Kristi so bravely confronted this creep, he denied everything and then pulled out a checkbook to pay her off.  My brave and strong daughter slammed the door in his face.  I have never been so proud of Kristi as that day in Texas.

As to your question about whether Kristi looked at her father as a member of the "opposite sex," she would have to answer that question.  But I can tell you that in the thirteen years since Kristi and I reunited, she never seemed to put anyone into such a prejudicial box.  She, like most of the children of the Children of God, has had a hard time establishing trust with adults.  You can imagine the predicament-  all of the so-called "adults" around her were abusing her in one way or the other.  If any prejudice is within her, I would guess it is against anyone who would abuse a child, be it a he or a she.


 
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September 5, 2006, 8:29 am PDT

I see you as a loving, caring father

Quote From: jlamattery

Dear Idamag,
According to my daughter, Kristi's abuse came from her mother as well as her Step-Father, Philip Slown/Sloan.  I was out of the group when Kristi was born, I never abused her, or any other children in the group during my tenure (17-22 years old).  Sexual abuse is repugnant to me.  Abuse also came from her maternal grandfather, "Bud" Hathaway (Donna Marchbanks's father).  Kristi and I reunited in 1993, and by 1995 we visited her grandfather (on the approval of our therapist) where she bravely confronted him with the knowledge of the abuse he inflicted upon her and her siblings.  For years, Kristi's mother stood by and let these children be abused by him.  Donna refused to come with Kristi and I when we confronted the grandfather.  This left a very traumatic scare on my daughter, as her mother went "shopping" the morning that she was to join the two of us and confront her grandfather.  To this day, Kristi has a natural adversion to shopping! 

I am glad that you asked your question.  I don't believe that my daughter Kristi is even aware of this discussion board, or she has chosen to not post on it.  I am glad you asked this question because it brings into play another reality about The Family International.  Because they grew to indoctrinating their sexual deviances (around 1979-1986) into their membership with "flirty fishing" (using sex to lure converts), "sharing" (swapping spouses for sex), and "loving up the children" (stimulating and interrupting their children's normal sexual development), they apparently allowed strangers (and outside family members) to molest their children with their "approval."  My daughters told me that Donna's father (grandpa) was allowed to molest them because Donna was receiving money from him.  When Kristi so bravely confronted this creep, he denied everything and then pulled out a checkbook to pay her off.  My brave and strong daughter slammed the door in his face.  I have never been so proud of Kristi as that day in Texas.

As to your question about whether Kristi looked at her father as a member of the "opposite sex," she would have to answer that question.  But I can tell you that in the thirteen years since Kristi and I reunited, she never seemed to put anyone into such a prejudicial box.  She, like most of the children of the Children of God, has had a hard time establishing trust with adults.  You can imagine the predicament-  all of the so-called "adults" around her were abusing her in one way or the other.  If any prejudice is within her, I would guess it is against anyone who would abuse a child, be it a he or a she.


I watched you on television with that beautiful young woman. I felt so bad that she couldn't see what a wonderful, caring person you were.

 

I know, as a writer, I would think about writing an expose book and so I understood what you were doing.

 

It is probably her distrust after her years of abuse that makes her shy and leery about anything.

 

Yes, the people, who should have been protecting her, were her tormenters. How sad.

 

How fortunate she is to have you.

 
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November 2, 2006, 1:15 pm PST

blessings

Quote From: drcoosa

The Family as per their usual MO is exploiting the Katrina disaster for publicity, funding, and supplies. Here is a link of their so called ministry. http://www.katrinareliefhome.com/ I wonder how the victims and responders would feel if they knew that The Family leader Karen Zerby had the following to say about Katrina: The persecution connection 54. (Mama:) The Lord also brought out the point that one reason for His hand of judgment on the U.S. was because of their vilification and persecution of the Family in the recent news articles, magazine articles, and TV shows. Although there have been articles in other countries, most of the lies and slander have been spread in and from the U.S., and the Lord was not pleased. mises, and alert you that the fulfillment of many more is at the door. 56. This event, and others to come like it, are My hand of judgment on a wicked country that, among its many sins has been the base for those who have rejected you, scorned your work, vilified your messages publicly. The mentality of the American public-hardened, calloused, violent selfish, bitter, "me-first," spoiled and corrupt--has made it easy for your detractors to sow their lies and exaggerations and find a receptive audience with the media. You can see in this storm My hand of vengeance and judgment, for I am not pleased when a nation maligns My prophets. 57. This disaster doesn't just affect those whose lives are immediately touched by it. This disaster will affect the entire U.S. in time and it will shake them up and cause them to take stock. The reasons for which I would have to punish that country are almost without number, but one of their prime sins and most recent transgressions has been their treatment of you, My Family in the media. 58. I have promised vengeance and judgment for those that attack you and thus attack Me, and so I have done it. This is not the only reason for the catastrophe, but it is one of the most pertinent to you. I will take action against a nation that vilifies you in its press and heaps scorn and persecution on you. --Karen Zerby, GN 1147 http://media.xfamily.org/docs/fam/gn/gn_1147.htm ("World Currents!--No.103: Hurricane Katrina", GN 1147, September 2005)
 
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September 6, 2007, 10:36 am PDT

it feels real to me

Quote From: joneses

  Um I hate to break it to you ex cultists but it's just a TV show.  Chill out 

    

I was raised in the family and it 's not just a TV show, it feels very real to me. I was sexually abused from the time I was 6 years old. It may be just a show to you but this stuff is real life to those of us who had it happen to us for years (all in the name of God)
 
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September 6, 2007, 10:47 am PDT

This cult is very real

People don't realize that this is very real. This is not a movie this is our real life experience. I was abused in this group most of my life. The more the media gets involved the more hope there is of it coming to an end one day. The fact that most of this happens overseas is how they can get away with it. US citizens abused us but it was in Japan, India, china etc.
 
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October 17, 2007, 10:39 am PDT

Things are getting better

Quote From: tinione

People don't realize that this is very real. This is not a movie this is our real life experience. I was abused in this group most of my life. The more the media gets involved the more hope there is of it coming to an end one day. The fact that most of this happens overseas is how they can get away with it. US citizens abused us but it was in Japan, India, china etc.
 I was in the Family from the ages of 2 to 14. I'm now in my early thirties with two children of my own. The bad expiriences far outweighed the good. I still have nightmares from some of the awful things I saw and went thru myself. The Family has always been very secretive and can move a "home" in a matter of hours with no trace of their whereabouts. They have a friendly, helpful, religious facade that masks the fact that they are an extremely harmful cult. They rely on guilt and twisted interpertations of the Bible to keep their members in line. The children are the worst to suffer. The children are used to generate income (thru singing, dancing, begging, passing out literature and selling tapes, CD's,DVD's ect.) and have no choice in the matter. School is not encouraged and Homeschooling is the perfered choice. Birth control is against the rules and having children early and frequently is just the norm. The abuses that have happened are inexcusable and it is wrong that the Family covers it up and pretends that nothing happened. When you leave the Family,it's hard to adjust to "regular" life. They keep you ignorant of many basic life skills and the stuff you went thru is hard to talk about. I am thankful for the times I was in regular school and lived in the U.S.A. I saw life didn't have to be that way. I always wanted out. My mother had 7 children ( I am the oldest ) and still supports the Family. They kicked her out a long time ago because after her 5th child, she had a nervous break-down. All the traveling, another baby every 2 years, and the "sharing" finally took it's toll on her. She ended up in a mental hospital. She rejoined and because they don't believe in medication (If you are sick, you are being punished by God for your sins ) it was only a matter of time. Two more children and another break-down and the Family was finished with her. They did want her to send regular donations and in turn, she recieves some publications. My mother loves the Family and will not hear a word against them. She has strained or no relationships with all of her children. She blames them for nothing. We are not close. Having children of my own and being married to a truely good man who loves me dearly has literaly given me a life. I am thankful everyday that my present is so much better than my past. My life is by no means perfect but I can make my own choices and am pretty happy! I tried to forget about all of it but it has shaped me in some ways. I am just recently trying to make sense of it and dealing with some of the things that happened. I have anxiety-attacks, nightmares, and conflicting emotions. But I'm glad to be free of the Family. To those who suffered as well, have hope. Things will get better. There are good people in the world and you are survivors.
 
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October 17, 2007, 4:02 pm PDT

Looking forward

I myself am cult survivor in Sydney Australia.  I grew up in the cult of the Marian Work of Atonement, the leader of which has been incarcerated for child molestation for 3yrs so far and we have just been successful in adding another 10yrs to his sentance.

 

For the parents of such children that grew up or were born in these situations, there is a time when we just want to look forward and are no longer interested in looking back - as a matter of survival.  Focus on the here and now, there must be hope in going forward for us...all of us.

 

There is mending that happens when a person becomes legally accountable for their actions, but we can't allow our hope future life to be conditional on that happening.

 

Joy in going forward and I hope in the long run you are able to see 'your' life clearly and it's not bound and identified solely by your past experiences.

 
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