Topic : 08/24 The Family Cult

BTW, you haven't answered my question: 

  

Do you believe they [the ex-members who are speaking out] were abused or do you not? 

The Family has a very good reason for not reporting abuses to the authorities.  I remember when I was a kid in the cult, it made perfect sense to me why we avoided the "Romans."  The Family has a lot to hide, which is why Berg and now Zerby and Peter have always been in hiding.  Family members know this and they "understand" why.  The reason why is that they fell that the "systemites" can't understand the Family's perspective; that Family doctrine and practices will be misinterpreted and "twisted" into something evil and wrong.  Indeed, how can someone on the outside really understand FFing, or sharing?  To systemites it doesn't make sense because they don't fully understand. 

  

 

However, I urge any current SGAs to step back for a minute and think about it from an objective perspective.  Set aside the "group think" framework and consider the behavior for what it is.  The Bible says that the Truth will set you free.  The truth will stand in the end, it will hold up to any doubts, because it is the truth.  if you truly believe you possess the truth, then you should stand up boldly and lay all your cards on the table.  If you really are in the right, then there is no reason to hide, or -worse yet - lie in order to cover up te past.  We are all familiar with the "deceivers yet true" Family doctrine (i.e., it is okay to lie to systemites to protect the Family from persecution).  Yet, if you really have the Truth on your side, there should be not reason to lie (which is the antithesis of truth).

  

 

I honestly think that many of you do not feel that you are lying to cover up for the Family.  I think that many of you do not believe that you were abused (largely because you have forgotten what happened).   Many of you have children of your own and I know that you would never dream of hurting them.  So step back for a minute and think of how we were raised, think of what we were exposed to, think about how we were sometimes treated by adults (either sexually or otherwise).  Would you put your own child through that?  Honestly?  Would you give them sexually explicit material to read?  Would you send them out to raise money for you?  For those of you who did come into sexual contact with adults (either in a "loving" manner or otherwise), would you want your daughter to go through similar experiences (even if you have moved on and do not consider it abusive)?  Are you comfortable with other adults spanking your children without your explicit knowledge?  Are you comfortable with your children being sent off to a different home?  Or, with you or your spouse being shipped off to another country and "mated" with someone else?  Shall I go on?  Just think of all of the things that were common practice during our childhood (I am primarily speaking to SGAs who are at least in their 20s).  Would you want your child to go through similar experiences? 

  

 

I am not suggesting that similar practices still go on in the Family today.  I am not trying to convince you to leave because your children are in danger.  If, however, you would NOT put your child through similar experiences, then you have to admit that there was something wrong with how we were raised.  If it was all wonderful and perfect than you should have no problem doing the same with your own children.  (Alternatively, if you are willing to put your children through these experiences, then you are not fit to be a parent IMO).  My feeling is that you SGAs are good parents who love your children and would not want them to go through some of the experiences we went through routinely.  Think about it.

  

 

  

 

Ive seen a lot of outrage here.  I can only state to what I saw. 

  

I spent a lot of time with The Family when I lived in PR.  I saw nothing but a loving home, filled to the brim with children.  I taught them, ate and communed with them.  I NEVER saw any instances of abuse.  Physical, emotional or sexual. NEVER. There were rules on punishments for misbehavior.  All of it was extra cleaning time.  If you lived in a house with 80 people.  Youd want to avoid that too!  :)   I spent an enormous amount of time ther and  almost joined in 97.  I got 2/3 of the way there. 

  

What I did see was fellowship, charity and a LOT of prayer.  They had very specific rules regarding age groups and what they were allowed to do.  There was sex going on amoung the young (and by that I mean the teenagers), but as far as I knew (by their OWN admission) it was behind the shepards back.  They werent really allowed to do that.  

  

I have helped several ex-members to establish lives on the outside.  None have voiced any such sexual abuse.  You are free to speak to them if you wish.  They do complain of the lack of education and freedom.  Some of them wanted to date outside the organization.  Men are in short supply there.  Some felt that the lifestyle was "too strict".  They all agree that thery "wanted to be regular young people".  All of them are doing very well. 

  

However, I do believe that the instances of abuse coming to light HAVE happened.  I believe Momma and Peter should be facing the music.  She is not dealing with what happened to her son.  She made BIGGGGGG MISTAKES!   

  

I still have great friends that are in the group.  I recently lost a very good one to Cancer.  I believe with all my heart that they DO NOT engage in any of this so called widespread practices. 

A few things, first when were you in these homes?  You mention 1997.  By that time, much of the sex had been toned down.  So I suspect that you missed out on the Family I am referring to, thus, we are talking about 2 different thing (indeed, Berg was dead by that time). 

  

 

 

  

 

You say that sex between teens was against the rule. Clearly you are not familiar with Family policy (which may be why you were never given full status).  The Basic Training Handbook (published in the late 1980s) set out the "stringent" sex policy that the Family always speaks of.  It had a section called "Questions you always wanted to ask" which was a Q&A session of specific questions and answers regarding child-rearing.  Below is an except from its text (which can be found at http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Basic_Training_Handbook).  I vividly remember reading this when I was a kid.  This is taken word-for-word from that publication (except that I censored some of the language). 

  

 

  

 

Page 293

  

 

Q. What are the rules regarding sex for a 15-year-old, as well as for younger teens?

  

 

  

 

A: Here’s what Dad and Maria say that can help clarify that from the Letter “Teen Sex”, paragraph 36: (Maria: For the sake of potential problems with the System, we’ve set a rule of our girls that they can’t f**k a seminating male after starting their period till they’re 15.)  [Berg speaking]: Yes, now you’re making the qualification, as I said, I think there’s no reason to discourage them from having sex with each other until the girls begin to menstruate and the boys begin to seminate.  Not because there’s any danger in it as far as our Family is concerned, & our ideals & mores & standards & rules, but in order not to horrify the System….So we have to be very careful at early teen ages that the girls don’t start having babies so young that they’re shocking the doctors & authorities…Man’s laws are in violation of God’s laws, & because of this, we just have to be careful with our revolutionary living & our radical ideas & our liberties & freedoms, which the System doesn’t have & sometimes doesn’t tolerate.”

  

 

-- So boys and girls, you can have all the sex you want within the guidelines of counseling with your Shepherds &/or parents, but boys, once you start having semen, you should not f**k any girls who have started their periods & are under the age of 15 years old.  Once a teen girl starts her periods she must refrain from actual f**king with any boys who have any semen, because then you could produce a baby.  Getting your period, of course, happens at different times with different girls, so no particular age can actually be assigned as to when you should stop f**king.  But say if a girl has been having love-up with other teens or pre-teens, & then her period begins when she’s 13-1/2, then from that point on until she is 15 – a total of 1-1/2 years – she should not f**k any boys who are producing semen, or she could get pregnant.  It is okay to f**k boys who do not yet have semen, & girls, once you’ve reached your 15th birth, you can go ahead & f**k.

  

 

I'm not sure what happened with my last post and why it was blank. 

  

The gist of what I intended to post was that 

1) I agree with you. 

2) The reason why you did not witness any abuse could be due to the fact that you met the Family around or after 1994, during which time their large Combos (150+ people), where most of the abuses took place, were disbanding and smaller Homes (50 people or less) were being formed. 

3) While there is no evidence of current widespread physical and sexual abuse, it is a documented fact (confirmed independantly by the Hon. Lord Justice Ward) that it was widespread and promoted by the leadership. 

4) The only point I disagree with you on is that Maria has made a big mistake in regards to Ricky. 

Allowing fellatio to be performed on your 2-year old son by an adult woman, taking photos of said act, and publishing said photos to several thousand of your followers is not a mistake. It is a crime (http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Image:My_flirty_fish_pg_3.jpg). 

  

If the same was done to your son, wouldn't you consider the abuser a criminal even if the abuse took place 30 years ago? 

 I know that they want the legal names to people in The Family!

Can some of you give me the names (Family names) of people whom you feel abused you? But please, just stick to the one/s who were PERSONALLY involved in your case, don't go dabbling on other poeple's affairs!

And to answer another very persistant someone who asked me: " Do you believe they [the ex-members who are speaking out] were abused or do you not?"

I answer: I cannot generalize by saying "yes" or "no" for all of you collectively. Why? Because in some of your cases there have been people (in and/or out of The Family) who have lived with you during the period of time of which you speak of, and they tell the story very differently. At this point it comes down to who can BEST PROVE the validity of THEIR story!

So I will say this:

I believe that SOME were abused, yes. As far as the extent or severity of the abuse is another matter entirely. I believe that it HAS happened and I also know that some of the abusers were brought to justice.

Something I thought I would just pop in here.
You know the other day there was a News clip about this guy who was a pedophile and he was put in jail for 1 year! After that he was released! The residents of the area in which he lived were going crazy at the thought of him living there again, but that was that.....after 1 year in prison he was out!

Now what if you are able to get your abuser in prison for a year for whatever he/she did to you, would THAT REALLY help you find closure? I mean this guy was in for having done this to little girls quite a few times and he only got 1year!!! I just don't see myself finding closure if my daughter was sexually abused by some guy and he was put away for a year and then released.

Hmmm........something to think about, no!?!

 

To whom it may concern, 

I’m writing in regards to the Dr. Phil show about The Family. I am a full-time member of the Family Int. I’m 24, have a wife and two kids and live in Romania. We are busy doing our part to help others and make each day count. It hurts terribly when I think of any child who has suffered abuse, I look at my own kids and I know I would protect them with my very life. Abuse is a horrible fact of life in the world we live in, regardless of being in or out of the Family. I’m not here to say that individuals who say that it happened are lying, how would I have the right to do that? By the same token nobody has the right to say that I am brainwashed or programmed, or any of the terms used to describe me as a member of the Family. I was not abused plain and simple. In other places I know it happened, I personally was never witness to it, in the many countries and homes I grew up in. I can’t say anything but I’m sorry to you who suffered abuse in the Family and any other person in the world who suffers it on a daily basis. I am firmly convinced that the Family, as it is now, with the many guidelines as well as repercussions for stepping over them, is a completely safe environment to raise my children in, and chances for abuse are marginal compared to society at large. I trust the people I work and live with, which include my brother and his wife. If I thought for a moment that my family was at risk, I wouldn’t be here. I grew up in the Family, I was never abused, not to say that some others weren’t, but just to put things into perspective, it wasn’t nearly as rampant as some would claim. I want to ask people looking in from an outside perspective to please realize that in every memory and to every story there are two sides, please don’t fall victim to the sensational media coverage and vilify an entire group of people who you can not possibly know the individual stories of. I know so many awesome people who’ve given their entire lives for helping others and to see all of them smeared as child molesting, perverted, dangerous people is really saddening. I guess that would have to include my own parents, who were the most loving and protecting parents anyone could have, kudos to you Mom and Dad. I’m not surprised at peoples reactions, its natural for people to take what they see on the surface, take it as truth, and make their judgment on us collectively. Being in a controversial new religious movement doesn’t put us in a position to really garner a lot of support, nothing out of the ordinary usually does, but I just want people to know that most of us are decent people trying do a decent thing and wouldn’t dream of harming anyone. I look at the cases of abuse in the Catholic Church and wonder if all Catholics should have to suffer for the sins of some. Please feel free to check out more of my story and hundreds of other current young adults still in our movement at www.myconclusion.com 

Sincerely, Gabriel Yoder

leocon, thank you very much for your offer. Since my close friends read this forum but do not post on it, I've offered to list some of the names of their abusers as well. They seem sceptical that you'll turn up anything, but have given me these people's family names anyway.
 
No remember, we are looking for legal names AND exact locations. I understand a court can't subpoena a person if the only location given is "Texas", for example. They need a full, current address.
Here they are:
 
Steven (last seen in Switzerland in 1992, nationality: not known)
Marc (North American Family spokes person, last seen in Washington DC area, nationality: USA)
Claire (North American Family spokes person, last seen in Washington DC area, nationality: USA)
Matthew (3rd in command in the Family, last known location: Portugal, nationality: not known)
Maria (top leader of the Family, last known location: Portugal, last known nationality: USA) (In case your wondering, yes, she was directly responsible for the sexual abuse of a good friend of mine.)
No name (short, Spanish man, last seen in Germany, 1991)
Gabe: nationality: American (wife was Jenny: Spanish) last seen in Japan 1987 or 1988
Jonathan: nationality: American, last seen in Japan 1987 or 1988 

Amy: nationality: Japanese, last seen in Japan 1987 or 1988
Maggie / Keda last seen in Japan 1987 or 1988
 
There are several other names that I could list here, due to having been a witness, but these are people who directly abused or were responsible for the abuse of me, my immediate family and 3 very good friends who I have contacted about your post.
 
In answer to your question about the pedophile being in jail for 1 year: Something to think about? Perhaps, and I'm glad you have thought about it because it will help you understand where I'm coming from. Let me expound on that:
 
I'm sure you know that not all court sentences are necessarily jail time. An abuser might be sentenced to undergo court-ordered therapy, or the victim may be granted compensation of some sort, which the abuser must provide.
 
I think expecting a 10-year or life-sentence for some of these people is unrealistic in most cases. But depending on the number of abuses that they are proven to have committed, and the age of the accused that kind of sentence might possibly be given. It must be taken on a case-by-case basis, and the judicial system in the developed countries are set up for just that. 

The bottom line, no matter what the verdict or the sentence, is that justice will have been served. Right?
 
You said you believe that SOME people were abused. How many do you think "some" is? A dozen? 50? 100? How many would "some" need to be before the Family's leadership takes the ex-members who claim they were abused seriously? In my mind the answer should be 1. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
 
Let me explain to you why I believe that the number of those claiming they were abused is higher than just, for example, a mere dozen, and why I personally believe it to be as high as 500 to 600:
 
Imagine your daughter is 9 years old. As a responsible adult, would you:
 
... allow your daughter to be placed on silence restriction for 1 week or more? Why not?
... allow your daughter to be out on the streets for 7 to 8 hours every day selling stuff or begging for donations? Why not?
... allow your daughter to be spanked with a 4-foot long, 1-inch thick solid plastic rod? Why not?
... allow your daughter to participate in "Kids Sharing Night", where an adult oversees 20 children aged 5 to 9 as they have sex (or at least pretend to) with each other? Why not?
... allow your daughter to be filmed on video doing a strip-dance? Why not?
... allow your daughter to be groped by an adult man? Why not?
... allow your daughter to have sexual contact with an adult man?  Why not?
 
I guarantee you that you would not allow your daughter to experience any of those. Why? Because those actions are abusive.
  

If you and I as parents can admit that they are abusive, why can't Maria? 

Out of the 11 communal homes (in 3 countries and 2 continents) I lived in between the ages of 7 and 15, I experienced or witnessed some or all of the above abuses in 8 of them.
 
I sincerely hope my point of view is becoming a little clearer to you.