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Topic : 08/24 The Family Cult
(Original Air Date: 10/03/05) Imagine growing up in a cult where you are forced to have sex with strangers -- when you’re as young as 5. Dr. Phil talks to people who escaped the group known as the Children of God, and need help moving on. Meet a daughter who says she can’t forgive her father for the years of painful abuse she suffered at the hands of this cult. How can she reconnect with her dad and start trusting again? Plus, China and her husband, John, are building a new life after leaving the group, where they were forced to have sex with strangers when they were both underage. They’ve had a difficult time adjusting to the outside world, and China wonders if she should prosecute her parents for abuse. What does Dr. Phil think? Talk about the show here.
Find out what happened on the show.
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October 8, 2005, 12:06 pm PDT
 Quote From: badsidhe Dr Phil,
This is the second time (that I know of) that you aired an episode on cults, but in both cases I feel you failed to address the underlying issues. You did an admirable job in offering and supplying help to those who have already "escaped". Beyond that, however, it seems all that happened is that you wagged your finger and said "Bad cult!"
I think that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you are willing and able to describe the psychological underpinnings of this cult behavior, then maybe people who are caught in these cults will be able to discern for themselves the trap they are caught in, rather than just be told so by untrustworthy "outsiders".
To an overwhelming degree, people believe in the religion given to them by their parents and/or local tradition. Children born to Muslim parents, in a Muslim society, are most likely to be Muslim. The same applies to Hindus, Mormons, Christians, and all of the various "cults". As the main determiner of one’s religion is upbringing, not independent verification of the religion’s claims, it is unproductive to simply tell another person that he is in the wrong religion. Logical arguments are moot when the reason for belief is trust in what the parent/local tradition has claimed, and not actual investigation into the religious assertions.
For example, people will believe otherwise absurd or harmful claims based solely on the fact that is simply what they were raised to believe. Talking snakes, donkeys, and eagles are accepted as truth. 77 virgins await warriors who die in service to Allah. Sex with minors, and using sex as a lure to acquire new converts is acceptable because God has decreed it so. Eternal painful torture after death is perfectly acceptable, as is killing heathens in the here and now.
How do you tell a believer that it is wrong to marry off your nine-year-old daughters, when according to their religion, God clearly states this is correct behavior? Who is a mere human to challenge the moral dictates of God? If God says it is proper for the village to stone to the death a woman for not being a virgin upon her wedding, who are we to question? God decides morality, right? You can’t just tell another believer that it his behavior is absurd, morally wrong, or harmful, if his behavior falls in line with his religion that has been ingrained since birth, and reinforced by society and tradition even throughout all of his adult years until death.
All of these ideas share a common trait: they are totally absurd if they are part of somebody else’s religion, but are accepted without question if they are part of your own. None of these ideas can be reasonably, objectively verified, but trust in the parent’s/local tradition’s claims seems to be good enough to accept these otherwise silly ideas as absolute truth.
Perhaps not so amazingly, when people are contacted by "spirits", or have other religious "epiphanies", those spirits or epiphanies again overwhelmingly coincide with what has been taught and reinforced by society since birth. Of equal note, Muslims can pick up the Quran and verify what their parent’s have been telling them, or Christians can pick up the Bible and verify what their parent's have been telling them. Again, the common theme is that it is the local tradition that determines truth, not necessarily the contents of the books, the testimony of the spirits, or the strength of the epiphany.
So I think the problem has to be tackled by accepting and investigating this simple inarguable observation: a person’s religion is determined almost entirely by the dictates of his local tradition, and not by an examination of the religion itself.
Dr Phil, would you be willing and able to address this simple idea, and through your history and training do you have explanation and reasonable advice on how to recognize this behavior, and the reasoning behind it?
Thanks! After reading your message I just have to give an input.
You are sooo right in many ways. Mankind is very often following the pat of their parents or their culture if it comes to religion. Been there and done that myself in my youth.
I came in a period when I started questioning and do research by myself. You are also right that all beliefs have their “holy” books. The question for me came up, which are really “holy” and trustworthy. I had to do a lot of research and studying. It took me years to find my answers.
On the way to my religious understanding I had help, however my fear of getting manipulated prevented me from taking anything with face value, I checked everything for the truth of their statements.
There are many scientific studies done about “holy” books. There is also plenty of historic background information available about the different religions.
I went to go about it like I would investigate everything else. Almost like you would present a religion in court. I checked first the mainstream religion. Many of them proved to be very soon as very unbelievable.
There are a few things I expected of a being, which to common believe is superior to us and created the universe:
The knowledge would be that of a maker.
The facts would be accurate.
The wisdom would be obvious.
During my studies I meditated a lot about the things I had read. I thought myself and didn’t let think by others.
Many religions became untrustworthy, because their religious leaders were not able to answer my questions.
Last not least, I prayed to the highest being in the universe, to help me find and understand what the purpose of live is, and what is expected of me as a human being. There is no short cut to find the answer. You have to do the puzzle yourself and build the house from the foundation to the roof, and it all has to fit together so that you can see clearly what it is. People, who say that there are a lot of interpretations of what the truth is, have no clue what they talk about. And just because someone is famous doesn’t make him/her trustworthy either.
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October 8, 2005, 8:51 pm PDT
Quote From: thinker711 A few things, first when were you in these homes? You mention 1997. By that time, much of the sex had been toned down. So I suspect that you missed out on the Family I am referring to, thus, we are talking about 2 different thing (indeed, Berg was dead by that time).
You say that sex between teens was against the rule. Clearly you are not familiar with Family policy (which may be why you were never given full status). The Basic Training Handbook (published in the late 1980s) set out the "stringent" sex policy that the Family always speaks of. It had a section called "Questions you always wanted to ask" which was a Q&A session of specific questions and answers regarding child-rearing. Below is an except from its text (which can be found at http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Basic_Training_Handbook). I vividly remember reading this when I was a kid. This is taken word-for-word from that publication (except that I censored some of the language).
Page 293
Q. What are the rules regarding sex for a 15-year-old, as well as for younger teens?
A: Here’s what Dad and Maria say that can help clarify that from the Letter “Teen Sex”, paragraph 36: (Maria: For the sake of potential problems with the System, we’ve set a rule of our girls that they can’t f**k a seminating male after starting their period till they’re 15.) [Berg speaking: Yes, now you’re making the qualification, as I said, I think there’s no reason to discourage them from having sex with each other until the girls begin to menstruate and the boys begin to seminate. Not because there’s any danger in it as far as our Family is concerned, & our ideals & mores & standards & rules, but in order not to horrify the System….So we have to be very careful at early teen ages that the girls don’t start having babies so young that they’re shocking the doctors & authorities…Man’s laws are in violation of God’s laws, & because of this, we just have to be careful with our revolutionary living & our radical ideas & our liberties & freedoms, which the System doesn’t have & sometimes doesn’t tolerate.”
-- So boys and girls, you can have all the sex you want within the guidelines of counseling with your Shepherds &/or parents, but boys, once you start having semen, you should not f**k any girls who have started their periods & are under the age of 15 years old. Once a teen girl starts her periods she must refrain from actual f**king with any boys who have any semen, because then you could produce a baby. Getting your period, of course, happens at different times with different girls, so no particular age can actually be assigned as to when you should stop f**king. But say if a girl has been having love-up with other teens or pre-teens, & then her period begins when she’s 13-1/2, then from that point on until she is 15 – a total of 1-1/2 years – she should not f**k any boys who are producing semen, or she could get pregnant. It is okay to f**k boys who do not yet have semen, & girls, once you’ve reached your 15th birth, you can go ahead & f**k.
Well... thank you for all the teachings.. I was well aware of it...so forgive me if I do not read the nitty gritty stuff that you wrote. Just cant bear it. Big clarification here!! I AM NOT DEFENDING ANY OF THE HORRIFIC BEHAVIOR NOW MADE PUBLIC. My intention with the post is to state what I saw. Yes, the sex was toned down by the time I met them. But, in this SPECIFIC home the teens engaged in sex BEHIND the shepards back. They were very liberal in their views regarding sex. That is very true. But I was always told (by the shepards AND the teens) that they could only have sex with their peer group. My good friend was in love with someone 2 years younger than her...(He was 15, she was 17). They were told directly that they had to wait another 2 yrs before they could have sex. They eventually got married and have 3 kids. They are still in the group. This leads me to believe now.. that although the homes were following Mamma and Berg's teachings, the particular shepards ran the day to day show. Which would explain why some were abused.. some weren't.
The shepards were upfront with the Ffing, and told me that it was a thing of the past. Part of the reason I was initially hesitant to joining was the idea that I could not marry my then boyfriend. He wouldnt have joined.
I do know that there were readings that I was not allowed to read until I came close to joining. I was gunho until I read about the "Law of Love". It was right about the time that new charter came out. That freaked me out and I didnt join. Sorry, the thought of sharing my future husband was too much for me.
To clarify...Berg was still alive when I met The Family. He died while I was considering joining. What Mamma and Berg did ARE crimes!! No doubt. I agree. I didnt mean to downplay that. What I meant by "mistakes" is that she isnt facing the music here. She doesnt seem to care much about what has happened...or that her son was in trouble. She is down the rabbit hole, somewhere. Where is her statement??? Where are her words??? Cant she just say: "Im sorry!' Of course, that fixes nothing...but damn.... its a start!
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October 9, 2005, 3:30 am PDT
OK well that list is as good as having nothing on these ppl! I mean you can't expect me to find someone called Steven who lived in Switzerland at such and such time. You know how many Steven's there are in the Family! Other than that I am not going to get "involved" if you can't give me a whole lot MORE to work with. I need to have the following in the following order for each person/case: 1) Name (Legal and past-Family) of abused individual 2) Name (if possible Legal and Family) of abuser (as well as any other information you have of his/her whereabouts) 3) A precise synopsis of what their abuse was AND descriptions of any phisical evidence you have that would stand in a court of law. (If none, just say so) These three things I need on every person you enlist. You see I have a wife and a child, and I am not putting my neck out for just anyone or just anything. If I go down a path I need to know as sure as I am sitting here right now, that there is indeed sense to it. I am not prepared nor willing to go on some wild goose chase right at this present time in my life. So please work with me here! Thanks |
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October 9, 2005, 8:11 am PDT
Quote From: leocon OK well that list is as good as having nothing on these ppl! I mean you can't expect me to find someone called Steven who lived in Switzerland at such and such time. You know how many Steven's there are in the Family! Other than that I am not going to get "involved" if you can't give me a whole lot MORE to work with. I need to have the following in the following order for each person/case: 1) Name (Legal and past-Family) of abused individual 2) Name (if possible Legal and Family) of abuser (as well as any other information you have of his/her whereabouts) 3) A precise synopsis of what their abuse was AND descriptions of any phisical evidence you have that would stand in a court of law. (If none, just say so) These three things I need on every person you enlist. You see I have a wife and a child, and I am not putting my neck out for just anyone or just anything. If I go down a path I need to know as sure as I am sitting here right now, that there is indeed sense to it. I am not prepared nor willing to go on some wild goose chase right at this present time in my life. So please work with me here! Thanks There was a guy named Juan in Obregon, Mexico in the mid 1980s who routinely sexually abused the girls in the home (including my sister). He was known as Big Juan in that home because we had another smaller Juan (who had twins who were deaf and was also abusive but -to my knowledge - not sexually). Big Juan's wife's name was Ester - a very pretty Mexican woman. Big Juan was Mexican and had tatoos on his arm(s). He used to tell us stories of how he used to be in a gang in Mexico before he "got saved" and joined the Family. Thank you for your assistance. |
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October 9, 2005, 10:02 am PDT
Quote From: mryoder To whom it may concern, I’m writing in regards to the Dr. Phil show about The Family. I am a full-time member of the Family Int. I’m 24, have a wife and two kids and live in Romania. We are busy doing our part to help others and make each day count. It hurts terribly when I think of any child who has suffered abuse, I look at my own kids and I know I would protect them with my very life. Abuse is a horrible fact of life in the world we live in, regardless of being in or out of the Family. I’m not here to say that individuals who say that it happened are lying, how would I have the right to do that? By the same token nobody has the right to say that I am brainwashed or programmed, or any of the terms used to describe me as a member of the Family. I was not abused plain and simple. In other places I know it happened, I personally was never witness to it, in the many countries and homes I grew up in. I can’t say anything but I’m sorry to you who suffered abuse in the Family and any other person in the world who suffers it on a daily basis. I am firmly convinced that the Family, as it is now, with the many guidelines as well as repercussions for stepping over them, is a completely safe environment to raise my children in, and chances for abuse are marginal compared to society at large. I trust the people I work and live with, which include my brother and his wife. If I thought for a moment that my family was at risk, I wouldn’t be here. I grew up in the Family, I was never abused, not to say that some others weren’t, but just to put things into perspective, it wasn’t nearly as rampant as some would claim. I want to ask people looking in from an outside perspective to please realize that in every memory and to every story there are two sides, please don’t fall victim to the sensational media coverage and vilify an entire group of people who you can not possibly know the individual stories of. I know so many awesome people who’ve given their entire lives for helping others and to see all of them smeared as child molesting, perverted, dangerous people is really saddening. I guess that would have to include my own parents, who were the most loving and protecting parents anyone could have, kudos to you Mom and Dad. I’m not surprised at peoples reactions, its natural for people to take what they see on the surface, take it as truth, and make their judgment on us collectively. Being in a controversial new religious movement doesn’t put us in a position to really garner a lot of support, nothing out of the ordinary usually does, but I just want people to know that most of us are decent people trying do a decent thing and wouldn’t dream of harming anyone. I look at the cases of abuse in the Catholic Church and wonder if all Catholics should have to suffer for the sins of some. Please feel free to check out more of my story and hundreds of other current young adults still in our movement at www.myconclusion.com Sincerely, Gabriel YoderYou said regarding the abuse... "just to put things into perspective, it wasn’t nearly as rampant as some would claim. " What would you call rampant? For a start, why not check out this link.
http://movingon.org/abuse.asp
There are close to 200 first hand personal accounts from survivors of abuse as children in The Family. And perhaps that is a fraction of those still suffering the fallout of it silently. Check it out. You just might find someone you know there, victim or abuser.
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October 9, 2005, 10:06 am PDT
Quote From: leocon OK well that list is as good as having nothing on these ppl! I mean you can't expect me to find someone called Steven who lived in Switzerland at such and such time. You know how many Steven's there are in the Family! Other than that I am not going to get "involved" if you can't give me a whole lot MORE to work with. I need to have the following in the following order for each person/case: 1) Name (Legal and past-Family) of abused individual 2) Name (if possible Legal and Family) of abuser (as well as any other information you have of his/her whereabouts) 3) A precise synopsis of what their abuse was AND descriptions of any phisical evidence you have that would stand in a court of law. (If none, just say so) These three things I need on every person you enlist. You see I have a wife and a child, and I am not putting my neck out for just anyone or just anything. If I go down a path I need to know as sure as I am sitting here right now, that there is indeed sense to it. I am not prepared nor willing to go on some wild goose chase right at this present time in my life. So please work with me here! Thanks Leo, good on you for making an effort. For a start, you might look here and see if there's anyone you know of. I've been out of the group since 1978 but recognize a few names still, so as a current member, I'm sure your recall is much better.
http://movingon.org/abuse.asp
And please don't give up if your effort to clear this stuff up is sincere. |
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October 9, 2005, 10:07 am PDT
Quote From: mryoder To whom it may concern, I’m writing in regards to the Dr. Phil show about The Family. I am a full-time member of the Family Int. I’m 24, have a wife and two kids and live in Romania. We are busy doing our part to help others and make each day count. It hurts terribly when I think of any child who has suffered abuse, I look at my own kids and I know I would protect them with my very life. Abuse is a horrible fact of life in the world we live in, regardless of being in or out of the Family. I’m not here to say that individuals who say that it happened are lying, how would I have the right to do that? By the same token nobody has the right to say that I am brainwashed or programmed, or any of the terms used to describe me as a member of the Family. I was not abused plain and simple. In other places I know it happened, I personally was never witness to it, in the many countries and homes I grew up in. I can’t say anything but I’m sorry to you who suffered abuse in the Family and any other person in the world who suffers it on a daily basis. I am firmly convinced that the Family, as it is now, with the many guidelines as well as repercussions for stepping over them, is a completely safe environment to raise my children in, and chances for abuse are marginal compared to society at large. I trust the people I work and live with, which include my brother and his wife. If I thought for a moment that my family was at risk, I wouldn’t be here. I grew up in the Family, I was never abused, not to say that some others weren’t, but just to put things into perspective, it wasn’t nearly as rampant as some would claim. I want to ask people looking in from an outside perspective to please realize that in every memory and to every story there are two sides, please don’t fall victim to the sensational media coverage and vilify an entire group of people who you can not possibly know the individual stories of. I know so many awesome people who’ve given their entire lives for helping others and to see all of them smeared as child molesting, perverted, dangerous people is really saddening. I guess that would have to include my own parents, who were the most loving and protecting parents anyone could have, kudos to you Mom and Dad. I’m not surprised at peoples reactions, its natural for people to take what they see on the surface, take it as truth, and make their judgment on us collectively. Being in a controversial new religious movement doesn’t put us in a position to really garner a lot of support, nothing out of the ordinary usually does, but I just want people to know that most of us are decent people trying do a decent thing and wouldn’t dream of harming anyone. I look at the cases of abuse in the Catholic Church and wonder if all Catholics should have to suffer for the sins of some. Please feel free to check out more of my story and hundreds of other current young adults still in our movement at www.myconclusion.com Sincerely, Gabriel Yoder
You said regarding the abuse... "just to put things into perspective, it wasn’t nearly as rampant as some would claim. " What would you call rampant? For a start, why not check out this link.
http://movingon.org/abuse.asp
There are close to 200 first hand personal accounts from survivors of abuse as children in The Family. And perhaps that is a fraction of those still suffering the fallout of it silently. Check it out. You just might find someone you know there, victim or abuser.
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October 9, 2005, 10:34 am PDT
Quote From: leocon OK well that list is as good as having nothing on these ppl! I mean you can't expect me to find someone called Steven who lived in Switzerland at such and such time. You know how many Steven's there are in the Family! Other than that I am not going to get "involved" if you can't give me a whole lot MORE to work with. I need to have the following in the following order for each person/case: 1) Name (Legal and past-Family) of abused individual 2) Name (if possible Legal and Family) of abuser (as well as any other information you have of his/her whereabouts) 3) A precise synopsis of what their abuse was AND descriptions of any phisical evidence you have that would stand in a court of law. (If none, just say so) These three things I need on every person you enlist. You see I have a wife and a child, and I am not putting my neck out for just anyone or just anything. If I go down a path I need to know as sure as I am sitting here right now, that there is indeed sense to it. I am not prepared nor willing to go on some wild goose chase right at this present time in my life. So please work with me here! Thanks Now do you see the dilema we are in? This is why the ex-SGAs have written a letter to Maria and Peter asking them to help us with this. (http://www.movingon.org/article.asp?sID=4&Cat=24&ID=2488). This letter has been signed by over 180 people so far. With all the information that WS collects and archives on the monthly TRFs, they can produce that sort of information easily.
leocon, I understand that you believe that it has only been a small handful of people who suffered abuse while in The Family. I believed that once too because it was what I had been told by Family leadership. I challenge you to read the stories told at http://www.movingon.org/abuse.asp with an open mind, setting aside any preconceived ideas. Yes, there are always two sides to every story, but as a parent you know that an action which you may deem insignificant has a vastly different effect on a child whose amygdala (the part of the brain that processes emotions) has not fully developed yet. Thus the accountability for any action that has a long-lasting negative effect on a child is placed squarely on your shoulders.
I also fully understand your situation. I have a wife and two small daughters. When the question arises of, "Which do I devote my time to; bringing past abusers to justice or providing for my family?", the answer will always be: my family has priority. I'm glad you see it the same way.
To save you some time, I will give you the name of just one person on that list. My email address is stephan_schmidt AT usa DOT com. If you jot me a quick note, I will respond with the information that I have on this person.
I hope you understand my not making this information public on this forum. The information I will be sending you contains the personal history of one of my best friends. It would be irresponsible and negligent of me to post that information on this forum.
Also, so far, it appears that as soon as the Family leadership has gotten wind that one of their members is being looked for by ex-members, they will notify that person and suggest that they leave the country.
When FCF found it was under FBI investigation, and received criticism in the press, every one of their top directors temporarily fled to South America. I understand FCF has since relocated its headquarters as well.
The way I see it, they would only do this if they had something to hide.
If I was tipped off right now that the police was coming to my house to investigate me, I would say, "Let them come. My life is an open book. I have nothing to hide and if they discover that I am doing something illegal, I sure as hell want to know about it and be held accountable for my actions."
Accountability: now there's one concept I was not properly taught in the Family. |
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October 9, 2005, 11:40 am PDT
Quote From: mryoder To whom it may concern, I’m writing in regards to the Dr. Phil show about The Family. I am a full-time member of the Family Int. I’m 24, have a wife and two kids and live in Romania. We are busy doing our part to help others and make each day count. It hurts terribly when I think of any child who has suffered abuse, I look at my own kids and I know I would protect them with my very life. Abuse is a horrible fact of life in the world we live in, regardless of being in or out of the Family. I’m not here to say that individuals who say that it happened are lying, how would I have the right to do that? By the same token nobody has the right to say that I am brainwashed or programmed, or any of the terms used to describe me as a member of the Family. I was not abused plain and simple. In other places I know it happened, I personally was never witness to it, in the many countries and homes I grew up in. I can’t say anything but I’m sorry to you who suffered abuse in the Family and any other person in the world who suffers it on a daily basis. I am firmly convinced that the Family, as it is now, with the many guidelines as well as repercussions for stepping over them, is a completely safe environment to raise my children in, and chances for abuse are marginal compared to society at large. I trust the people I work and live with, which include my brother and his wife. If I thought for a moment that my family was at risk, I wouldn’t be here. I grew up in the Family, I was never abused, not to say that some others weren’t, but just to put things into perspective, it wasn’t nearly as rampant as some would claim. I want to ask people looking in from an outside perspective to please realize that in every memory and to every story there are two sides, please don’t fall victim to the sensational media coverage and vilify an entire group of people who you can not possibly know the individual stories of. I know so many awesome people who’ve given their entire lives for helping others and to see all of them smeared as child molesting, perverted, dangerous people is really saddening. I guess that would have to include my own parents, who were the most loving and protecting parents anyone could have, kudos to you Mom and Dad. I’m not surprised at peoples reactions, its natural for people to take what they see on the surface, take it as truth, and make their judgment on us collectively. Being in a controversial new religious movement doesn’t put us in a position to really garner a lot of support, nothing out of the ordinary usually does, but I just want people to know that most of us are decent people trying do a decent thing and wouldn’t dream of harming anyone. I look at the cases of abuse in the Catholic Church and wonder if all Catholics should have to suffer for the sins of some. Please feel free to check out more of my story and hundreds of other current young adults still in our movement at www.myconclusion.com Sincerely, Gabriel YoderThank you, Gabriel.
The validation you attempt to give in your post is a step in the right direction. You said "nobody has the right to say that I am brainwashed or programmed, or any of the terms used to describe me as a member of the Family". I fully agree. You have the right to believe whatever you like without being labeled for it.
In much the same way, I take offence to the labels given me by your leaders who say that I am vitriolic, bitter, vengeful, hateful and possesed by blood-dripping Vandari demons (http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Vandari) when I step forward and demand accountability for my abuse and that of my friends.
You and svereal of the current-Family members who have posted here, compare the issues being raised about The Family to those that were raised about the Catholic Church. When you make this comparison, keep the following in mind:
1) It took 20 to 30 years for some of the victims to come forward with their story. 2) You can accept the fact that high-ranking officials of the Catholic Church were guilty of this abuse. Can you also accept the fact that many of your own leaders are also guilty of similar abuses? 3) The Catholic Church has released the names of a number of the priests and bishops being accused. The Family leadership has repeatedly ignored requests for them to do the same. 4) The Catholic Church has had to make restitution for the abuse. Is the Family prepared to do likewise? 5) The Catholic Church has never produced writings condoning adult-child sexual contact. The Family's past publications contain numerous letters in which such behavior was promoted, condoned and encouraged.
You said, "I can’t say anything but I’m sorry to you who suffered abuse in the Family." If you could find it within yourself to add to that, "What can I do to help get you the closure that you need?", believe me, it would make a world of difference. |
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October 9, 2005, 12:09 pm PDT
Quote From: mryoder To whom it may concern, I’m writing in regards to the Dr. Phil show about The Family. I am a full-time member of the Family Int. I’m 24, have a wife and two kids and live in Romania. We are busy doing our part to help others and make each day count. It hurts terribly when I think of any child who has suffered abuse, I look at my own kids and I know I would protect them with my very life. Abuse is a horrible fact of life in the world we live in, regardless of being in or out of the Family. I’m not here to say that individuals who say that it happened are lying, how would I have the right to do that? By the same token nobody has the right to say that I am brainwashed or programmed, or any of the terms used to describe me as a member of the Family. I was not abused plain and simple. In other places I know it happened, I personally was never witness to it, in the many countries and homes I grew up in. I can’t say anything but I’m sorry to you who suffered abuse in the Family and any other person in the world who suffers it on a daily basis. I am firmly convinced that the Family, as it is now, with the many guidelines as well as repercussions for stepping over them, is a completely safe environment to raise my children in, and chances for abuse are marginal compared to society at large. I trust the people I work and live with, which include my brother and his wife. If I thought for a moment that my family was at risk, I wouldn’t be here. I grew up in the Family, I was never abused, not to say that some others weren’t, but just to put things into perspective, it wasn’t nearly as rampant as some would claim. I want to ask people looking in from an outside perspective to please realize that in every memory and to every story there are two sides, please don’t fall victim to the sensational media coverage and vilify an entire group of people who you can not possibly know the individual stories of. I know so many awesome people who’ve given their entire lives for helping others and to see all of them smeared as child molesting, perverted, dangerous people is really saddening. I guess that would have to include my own parents, who were the most loving and protecting parents anyone could have, kudos to you Mom and Dad. I’m not surprised at peoples reactions, its natural for people to take what they see on the surface, take it as truth, and make their judgment on us collectively. Being in a controversial new religious movement doesn’t put us in a position to really garner a lot of support, nothing out of the ordinary usually does, but I just want people to know that most of us are decent people trying do a decent thing and wouldn’t dream of harming anyone. I look at the cases of abuse in the Catholic Church and wonder if all Catholics should have to suffer for the sins of some. Please feel free to check out more of my story and hundreds of other current young adults still in our movement at www.myconclusion.com Sincerely, Gabriel YoderWith all due respect Mr. Yoder, you were born when I was starting to suffer the contact sexual abuse that I remember, and when your group issued its missive saying "no more adult sex with minors," my calculations indicate that you were 6 or 7. That missive was too late to save me from a couple of years of child sexual slavery and the severe and irreversible effects, although it seems it might have been in time to save you from what was done to me and what I saw done to all or nearly all of the children in my age group.
P.S.: I am aware of your group's penchant for saying that people who were abused and leave tend to exaggerate . I know that my characterization of having been forced to be a "child sex slave" will make cult members want to accuse me of exaggerating.
My response is simple. I am aware that your group would not consider what I suffered as a pubertal child to be "child sexual slavery" because of your "Law of Love" sexual "ethos" and the fact that when it happend it was doctrinally permitted and an accepted practice. But the realities of what I experienced would be unhesitatingly agreed to be such by most civilized standards.
If your group is so concerned with an altruistic humanitarian life, I don't understand the unfeeling responses posted on this board toward the young people who appeared on the show and bravely told of their abuse. How do you explain the glaring blind spot regarding the severe child abuse your leaders are responsible for, regardless of how long ago or whether it was subsequently contained?
I guess we are just "throw-away" for your leadership, and apparently for you.
As long as this callousness persists, your group will look to astute observers like it does all of this "christian counselling" in disasters, with websites and all, because without it your "living by faith" (for the layperson, this means not holding a typical job but depending on receiving money from those of us who do) and free-sex lifestyle have no veil for the obnoxiousness. |
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