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Topic : 10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

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Created on : Friday, September 30, 2005, 03:36:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Moms do everything from kissing scraped knees, to being taxi drivers to coaching soccer — all at the same time! Ginger says she is overwhelmed by all the cooking, cleaning, driving and disciplining she has to do for her five children. She says her husband doesn't pitch in because he thinks it's a woman's job. Next, Amy says that with three kids under the age of 6, her house is in utter chaos. Her husband, Jeremie, doesn't know how to help, so Dr. Phil sends in "The Mom Squad" to help Amy get her household in order. And, Lexi says the way her mom dresses embarrasses her, and she pleads with Dr. Phil to help. Learn how to organize your life and even enjoy some "Mom Time." Are you a stressed out mom? Tell us!

 

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October 4, 2005, 2:47 pm CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: kris42002

 I'm 21 stay at home mom with a 19 month old, which would not be bad except I also take care of 2 other kids and clean up after the kids, my husband, roomate and their friends. It dose not matter how many times I ask for people to clean up they never do except my husband,somtimes. no wonder I feel so stressed  all the time
 Tell your roomate you aren't the maid and he/she needs to clean up after herself!  (your husband too for that matter!)  Mothers have enough to keep up with.  There's no reason others can't carry their load. 
 
October 4, 2005, 2:48 pm CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

 I have three girls, ages 4, 5 and 4months.  I am a stay-at-home mom and also home school because the public school in our area has proven to be an unsafe environment for our daughter.  It can be very stressful managing the laundry, dishes, meals, cleaning, home school curriculum, breastfeeding, taking care of the dog, etc.  Luckily I am a naturally organized person so it isn't quite as bad as it could be, but still can get chaotic at times.  I try to get the kids out as much as possible (we went to the local Natural History Center today for a "field trip") so that the house can stay as organized as possible while I still teach the children. 
 
October 4, 2005, 3:37 pm CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: kris42002

 I'm 21 stay at home mom with a 19 month old, which would not be bad except I also take care of 2 other kids and clean up after the kids, my husband, roomate and their friends. It dose not matter how many times I ask for people to clean up they never do except my husband,somtimes. no wonder I feel so stressed  all the time
Remember, we teach people how to treat us. My husband has a friend who is staying with us at this time, (thankfully not much longer), I laid the rules down real fast to my husband, "I will do absolutely nothing for this guy, he is an adult and he will take care of himself", Well, this guy came and within a few days, he had dirty laundry in our pile of clothes, I took them out and placed them on the floor by his bed. I do not cook, clean or anything after him. Now, this guy has a hard time cleaning the bathroom up after he is done, I told him, you clean your mess or you leave and this is why the dead line has come sooner then he thought it would cause he is a manipulative person and thinks the world owes him. Now, my hubby, being the nice and compassionate person that he is, from the beginning thought I should offer this guy food, well, i say, "if he can't open the refrig or open a can of something, pop it in the microwave, that is his problem, and not mine. This guy knows i will not cater to him and he is uncomfortable around me casue he knows I don't want him here, My thougts on that,' I am not your wife, I am not your slave, you don't respect me in my home, so sorry about your luck". Stand up to these people and don't let them manipulate you. Set the boundariess and stick to your guns, your first responsibility is to yourself and the kids and to your hubby, don't worry about the others, make them take care of themselves. If you are doing their laundry, STOP. If you are cooking their food, STOP. If you have to cook and fix a plate for your family and put the rest of the food a way, start using paper plates if need to do, whatever the case, make those people grow up and quit giving in to them. If they ask you for something, tell them you are busy, you don't have time. Tell them you have a family and they are your top priority. If that doesn't work, You need to talk to your husband and figure out a new plan, he may need to talk to these people and lay down the rules, he needs to be on your side, my husband didn't like it when I gave his friend the time limit, but I say, it is my space and time being invaded therefore I had every right and since he wasn't doing it, I had every right to. stick up for your self. Another thing I do as well, if this guy is here at the time, I don't cook, I make sure my girls have food and I feed them, Thankfully I have a hubby who will help himself so that is not a problem with me. Now, I know there may be some people who think I am cruel but we do not have to be used and manipulated. There is a difference between helping a person out and being there in times of problems, whatever, but there are times when we just have to say NO and make the other step up to the plate otherwise they will never learn.
 
October 4, 2005, 3:52 pm CDT

soon to be stay at home mom

Hello! I have always been a working mom. I recently put in my notice at work and decided it is more important for me to be at home with my 20month old daughter and 3 year old son. I am very excited! I already posted signs in my neighborhood to start a playgroup. I would love to hear some advice of other stay at home moms. Thanks!
 
October 4, 2005, 5:34 pm CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: kelbel2000

Hello! I have always been a working mom. I recently put in my notice at work and decided it is more important for me to be at home with my 20month old daughter and 3 year old son. I am very excited! I already posted signs in my neighborhood to start a playgroup. I would love to hear some advice of other stay at home moms. Thanks!
being a stay at home mom is the best decission I ever made. I love every moment of it and i have done it since day one. Now, that my oldest is in preschool, I feel a little empty, I miss her while she is gone which is only 7 hours a week, but she certainly loves it. My girls and I have alot of fun together and it has been wonderful watching them grow and mature and for me, I was able to see every first that they achieved, mothrehood certainly is a blessing and I wouldn't trade it for the world and being home just added more pleasure to it. No, it isn't always easy, but I believe attitude is a big thing and can either make or break a person. Having a supportive and caring spouse helps a lot and when I feel that I need a break, I do it which is something every mothr needs, time to relax, hang out with friends and date nights with hubby. It certainly does wonders for my house hold. I think it is all about balance and knowing who you are and the desires of your heart. I believe you will be happy with your choice.
 
October 4, 2005, 5:47 pm CDT

soon to be stay at home mom

Quote From: jettav

being a stay at home mom is the best decission I ever made. I love every moment of it and i have done it since day one. Now, that my oldest is in preschool, I feel a little empty, I miss her while she is gone which is only 7 hours a week, but she certainly loves it. My girls and I have alot of fun together and it has been wonderful watching them grow and mature and for me, I was able to see every first that they achieved, mothrehood certainly is a blessing and I wouldn't trade it for the world and being home just added more pleasure to it. No, it isn't always easy, but I believe attitude is a big thing and can either make or break a person. Having a supportive and caring spouse helps a lot and when I feel that I need a break, I do it which is something every mothr needs, time to relax, hang out with friends and date nights with hubby. It certainly does wonders for my house hold. I think it is all about balance and knowing who you are and the desires of your heart. I believe you will be happy with your choice.
Thanks for the feedback! I also have a very supportive and wonderful husband who understands my needs and  I do not want to miss out on anything with my children anymore. I am looking forward to start this next chapter in my life!
 
October 5, 2005, 4:17 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

When I read these stories I said:  "I wonder what it would be like to just have your husband say Thankyou and just be happy with the way things are."  I have 4 school age kids.  I like my house tidy and organized, but not perfect.  NOW I AM BEING VERY SERIOUS HERE.  I am not joking ok.  This is real life.  If any of you all were in these situations what would you do?  I have a job list on the frig for kids for each day of the week that they TRY to follow, but do pretty good.  My husband helps around the house.  I almost wish he wouldn't.  OK.  One of his problems is the vacuuming problem. He vacuums everyday.  Now if we are all dressed up and ready to walk out the door say to a Christmas party..... He will say:  (this is truth)  "There is a spot on your face.  WAIT!  I have to vacuum the whole house!" and then he will vacuum it whether you are late or not.  Now if I had vacuumed it.... it wouldn't be good enough and he would have to do it again to make sure it is done right.  OK 2nd problem:  Our DINNER TABLE is CHAOS.  I blame him.  This has been going on for so many years it is not even funny.  I mean when we don't eat together there is peace.  BUT here is how it goes.  I cook and pass out all the food whatever it is. And he gets up in the middle of dinner and cooks something else for him and the kids or he gets a bowl of cereal or ice cream bar during dinner and gives it to the kids.  This happens every day we eat together.  If you ask him he will say Oh it happened one time.  Now I have tried to tape record our dinners.... but he keeps his trap shut and acts sweet and says things he would never say off the tape.  BUT our kids say the things he says and get ice cream bars during dinner.  If I asked him ahead of time what he wanted for dinner he would change his mind by the time dinner is on the table.  (I honestly need 24 hr cam which I am looking into.)  Now my mom suggested:  I cook one day and he cooks the next.  Which this is what we are doing, BUT he still does this to my meals.  I almost wish I had someone to call and just show up and argue with him for me at dinner because I just want a peaceful dinner. 
 
October 5, 2005, 4:52 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: kelbel2000

Hello! I have always been a working mom. I recently put in my notice at work and decided it is more important for me to be at home with my 20month old daughter and 3 year old son. I am very excited! I already posted signs in my neighborhood to start a playgroup. I would love to hear some advice of other stay at home moms. Thanks!

I am the SAHM mom of a 2 1/2 year old who left the workforce to raise her.   She's my joy.  

  

You are on the right track with starting a playgroup!   Check in your area paper to see if they have a local mom's club that you can also join.   These groups have "Mom's Night Out",  "Craft Night", "Poker Night", trips to the local attractions, and so on.  My group also has a website where we post to each other and get lots of tips and recommendations for fun places, pediatricians, dentists and the like!  Get to know the website of your local parks department.   

  

I also use my neighborhood babysitter's coop whenever I need a "break".   My daughter loves playing with her playmates and I get a break! 

  

Enjoy your babies! 

 
October 5, 2005, 5:53 am CDT

3 year old son...

Quote From: briphi2

I am a mother of 2girls and1 boy.  My son Triton has mood swings, he's only 3.  My husband says I baby him cause the middle child but I feel I'm harder on him. He's al time time hitting,biting pinching, throwing things at his older sister. I've done everything I could think of even throwing away every toy he owned. Time-out, spanking everything .  I feel I'm felling as a mom.  I can't stand taking him in public cause I know it's gonna be chaos. But his teacher says he is excellant in class.  Any advice   

Bridget 

Hi Bridget.  I agree with the 1,2,3.. method.  I have a time out space (just a chair in the corner of the living room) for my 2 year old.  When she hits mommy (only rarely, now) she immediately goes into the time out chair for 2 minutes.  (Turn the tv off, make sure it's not entertaining to sit in time out) 

  

At first, she tried to get up and run around, but I would pick her up and plop her back into the chair.  Then I would get right into her face and say "SIT! You don't hit mommy!" and then I walk away.  Then she would test me and start to get up and just peek a foot over the edge.  In response, I looked over there and say "SIT!"  Then she cried for a bit and yelled and then... she accepted it. 

  

After two minutes (from the time that she stayed in the chair, not the first time I put her in and she jumped up) went to her and put my face right in hers........   

  

Very calmly tell him that he can't hit (bite/pinch whatever) and that it hurts and makes his sister sad.  Then let him out of the chair. 

  

But above all, Be Consistant!  I can't stress it enough!   

  

Hope it works out for you! 

 
October 5, 2005, 7:24 am CDT

The grass isn't always greener

I am a part time all alone mom, now that my youngest son is 3, he now goes to preschool, half a day 2 days a week.  now instead of stressing about all the mess, never having a moment to my self, now I have two afternoons to my self.  the only hitch, I looked so forward to having this time, now I am sitting here worring about my boys. are they having fun, are they being good.  So my best advice to those stressed moms, take a deep breath and be glad you know your little ones are safe and happy dumping their toy boxes and apple sauce all over the floor, because its only a matter of timeuntil you have to turn over your kids to the education system, and beleive me, that is a whole new set of worries.
 
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