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Topic : 10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

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Created on : Friday, September 30, 2005, 03:36:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Moms do everything from kissing scraped knees, to being taxi drivers to coaching soccer — all at the same time! Ginger says she is overwhelmed by all the cooking, cleaning, driving and disciplining she has to do for her five children. She says her husband doesn't pitch in because he thinks it's a woman's job. Next, Amy says that with three kids under the age of 6, her house is in utter chaos. Her husband, Jeremie, doesn't know how to help, so Dr. Phil sends in "The Mom Squad" to help Amy get her household in order. And, Lexi says the way her mom dresses embarrasses her, and she pleads with Dr. Phil to help. Learn how to organize your life and even enjoy some "Mom Time." Are you a stressed out mom? Tell us!

 

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October 5, 2005, 7:48 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

I am a stay at home mom of three children. I have 3 year old twins and a 3 month old. On top of taking care of the children, cooking and cleaning, I am also trying to go to school to get a degree. I am so overstressed!! I am trying  to potty train my twin girls, and it seems that they just are not interested. My husband thinks it should have been done already. Is there a quick and easy way to get them potty trained? It just seems like I do not have enough time in the day. Is there an easier way to get everything done? 

 
October 5, 2005, 8:00 am CDT

I agree!!

Quote From: sarahjs26

I am a part time all alone mom, now that my youngest son is 3, he now goes to preschool, half a day 2 days a week.  now instead of stressing about all the mess, never having a moment to my self, now I have two afternoons to my self.  the only hitch, I looked so forward to having this time, now I am sitting here worring about my boys. are they having fun, are they being good.  So my best advice to those stressed moms, take a deep breath and be glad you know your little ones are safe and happy dumping their toy boxes and apple sauce all over the floor, because its only a matter of timeuntil you have to turn over your kids to the education system, and beleive me, that is a whole new set of worries.

  I agree that when we have to turn our children over (as far as starting school) it is oh so very hard.  I have been a stay-at-home mom since my son was born and really feel blessed that I have been able to.  My son this September started kindergarten. It was hard to turn him over and to trust that everything would be okay.  I mean, deep down I knew that it would be.  I now find myself thinking, "If only he could be 4 again so that him and I could have just one more year together at home."  I wish that the times that I did stress about the messes or the coloring on the walls that I just would have taken a deep breath and enjoyed the time.  Don't get me wrong I wasn't and still am not the type of parent where I stress about making sure everything is in it's right place every second of the day.  

       It's just that I realize now that children grow too fast and to waste those precious moments with them when their little by stressing out is a complete waste of time.   I'm not saying that I have been able to alleviate all  the stresses that come with being a mother but that my perspective is different now.  Time with our children is so precious and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world!! 

 
October 5, 2005, 8:18 am CDT

Helpful Husband

I am a full-time mommy. I have an 18 month old and a 7 wk old. They are so much fun to spend each day with. My husband works at a horrible job that pays little. Its physically taxing and finacially inefficient. The two days off each week that he has off, he spends doing the heavy lifting around the house and spends quality time with each daughter. Even though it is a hassle, he will sometimes strap the oldest into her carseat and take her on errands with him to give me a break from chasing her.  

My husband has kept me from going crazy since this house and my kids are my life. I don't go out  friends because they are spread across the country and my family lives hundreds of miles away, but i dont miss them because my life at home is so wonderful. THANK YOU to all the husbands that help out when they are most needed!! 

 
October 5, 2005, 8:22 am CDT

Busy mom

Quote From: jtherr2

I am a stay at home mom of three children. I have 3 year old twins and a 3 month old. On top of taking care of the children, cooking and cleaning, I am also trying to go to school to get a degree. I am so overstressed!! I am trying  to potty train my twin girls, and it seems that they just are not interested. My husband thinks it should have been done already. Is there a quick and easy way to get them potty trained? It just seems like I do not have enough time in the day. Is there an easier way to get everything done? 

  Hello,  wow...sounds like you have a lot on your plate.  I think that it is so neat that you are home with your children.  I too am a stay-at-home mom and love it.   My advice about the potty training for your girls is to not push it if they're not ready.  They say that girls take a little bit longer than boys.  What I did with my son was I made him a potty chart.  I then took him to Wal-Mart and let him choose a package of his favorite stickers.  Everytime he went to the bathroom he was able to place one of his stickers on the chart  and he would recieve MAJOR praise for his success!!  And at the end of the day (even if he did have an accident...because we all know those are bound to happen) he would get a sucker or some kind of reward for his efforts in using the toilet.  It made if fun for him.  He took to that very well and was within 4 to 6 days completely out of diapers.   There are a lot of people who think that their children should be out of diapers at a certain age.  But as we know every child is different.  I would, if I were you, start off by bringing your girls to the bathroom and to go through the whole routine of using the bathroom with them. If that particular day  they don't show any sort of interest. .. would then give it a few days or so and do it all over again until they grab onto it.   

     That's just some of my advice.  Hope it helps! 

 
October 5, 2005, 8:26 am CDT

Learn from these moms' problems

I certainly hope that this show was a wake up call for women who haven't yet had kids. Think it through and discuss it BEFORE you get married. Once you have them, you can't send them back when they become a lot of work or get ill.  

  

No one ever said that you HAVE to have children. That is your personal decision, not your mom's or mother-in-laws' decision. Don't be swayed by others because you are the one who will have to raise the kids you have. Also, don't assume that family members will babysit for you. Don't assume that people without children are dying to babysit for your kids, either.  

  

I chose not to have kids and life is wonderful. My husband and I have never regretted it. I get involved with my friends' kids instead. They are fun for a few hours. But I don't want them 24/7 ! 

  

As a result, we have had more time and money to do things for the community. We have noticed that we are healthier and look younger than our counterparts with children. Neither one of us is on perscription drugs. We haven't had the everyday stresses of parenthood. Our marriage bond in strong because we had the time to nurture it. We were able to weather some serious storms that life has thrown our way, but I don't think we would have made it if we had been distracted by  our childrens' needs.  

 
October 5, 2005, 8:29 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

I can understand why Lexi was not happy about her mother, Tara, driving her to school in pajamas. And that's she's concerned about her mother. But I can't help wondering why an 11-year-old child cannot make her own lunch. Maybe even do it the night before. I was making my own lunch at 10. It isn't that hard to do. It's one little thing that could help her mother out tremendously. And I know Tara would appreciate it.

As for the husbands that say, "I was raised with my mother doing all the work....", that's fine to say but now you are a grown man. Maybe the way you were raised wasn't the most helpful to your mother. Maybe she would have loved to have had a helping hand now and then. 

It's one thing to be grateful for all that your spouse does and to say it. That makes it so much easier. But to sit there and expect your spouse to wait on you hand and foot, that can indeed make you feel like a maid.




 
October 5, 2005, 8:37 am CDT

WOW!!!!!

Quote From: missjane2

When I read these stories I said:  "I wonder what it would be like to just have your husband say Thankyou and just be happy with the way things are."  I have 4 school age kids.  I like my house tidy and organized, but not perfect.  NOW I AM BEING VERY SERIOUS HERE.  I am not joking ok.  This is real life.  If any of you all were in these situations what would you do?  I have a job list on the frig for kids for each day of the week that they TRY to follow, but do pretty good.  My husband helps around the house.  I almost wish he wouldn't.  OK.  One of his problems is the vacuuming problem. He vacuums everyday.  Now if we are all dressed up and ready to walk out the door say to a Christmas party..... He will say:  (this is truth)  "There is a spot on your face.  WAIT!  I have to vacuum the whole house!" and then he will vacuum it whether you are late or not.  Now if I had vacuumed it.... it wouldn't be good enough and he would have to do it again to make sure it is done right.  OK 2nd problem:  Our DINNER TABLE is CHAOS.  I blame him.  This has been going on for so many years it is not even funny.  I mean when we don't eat together there is peace.  BUT here is how it goes.  I cook and pass out all the food whatever it is. And he gets up in the middle of dinner and cooks something else for him and the kids or he gets a bowl of cereal or ice cream bar during dinner and gives it to the kids.  This happens every day we eat together.  If you ask him he will say Oh it happened one time.  Now I have tried to tape record our dinners.... but he keeps his trap shut and acts sweet and says things he would never say off the tape.  BUT our kids say the things he says and get ice cream bars during dinner.  If I asked him ahead of time what he wanted for dinner he would change his mind by the time dinner is on the table.  (I honestly need 24 hr cam which I am looking into.)  Now my mom suggested:  I cook one day and he cooks the next.  Which this is what we are doing, BUT he still does this to my meals.  I almost wish I had someone to call and just show up and argue with him for me at dinner because I just want a peaceful dinner. 
    Oh my goodness!  How are you dealing with that?  Have you freaked out yet!?  Gee's it blew me away read that your husband does that to you.  How disrespectful of him.  My immediate thoughts on what he does to you at dinner time is to just NOT cook for him.  Let that be his thing to do.  I don't see where he thinks it's okay to hand out ice cream bars to the children right smack in the middle of dinner.  Would he rather be the one that cooks?  Cuz if that's how he feels you can totally arrange that...:)  right? Does he not like your cooking?  If that were the case he could politely tell you and do the cooking himself.  Even if he didn't like your cooking that still doesn't in any way shape or form jusitfy is outlandish actions toward you at dinner time. I'm sorry to hear this.  If I knew ya and was able to argue it for you...I WOULD!!!    I hope that things straighten out for you SOON!  Have a great day!
 
October 5, 2005, 8:49 am CDT

not easy

Quote From: serene

  

  I am a 24 year old stay at home mom with a 2 1/2 year old and a one year old. Both girls. I am in the midst of potty training my 2 year old and I can't seem to get her to go. Some people say that she'll go when she is ready, but I think she is old enough. If you ask her where she is suppose to go pee pee she will tell you on the potty. I am running out of ideas. What do I Do? 

Potty training is definitely not easy...my son (8) was almost trained when his father came home after being away for 6 months(he serves in the military) then he regressed and this made his father mad...he had never been around from day one and wasn't sure how to even be a father...needless to say we divorced and it was almost a year later when my husband (my sons stepfather) and I finally got him to use the potty but we let him do it in his own time...my daughter (3) was trained at the age of about 2 and she decided one day that she still wanted to wear diapers so w let her (much easier than changing her clothes or sending her to her grandmothers(daycare) and letting her deal with it...about a month later she asked to wear panites when she got dressed that day and has never had an accident since that day...I think you have to just let them do it in their own time...I feel if you force them they are going to see it as punishement or something they know they can intentionally use (accidents) to get attention...this is just based on my experiences though so you have to do what is best for you...
 
October 5, 2005, 8:56 am CDT

Breath deep and smile

Quote From: serene

  

  I am a 24 year old stay at home mom with a 2 1/2 year old and a one year old. Both girls. I am in the midst of potty training my 2 year old and I can't seem to get her to go. Some people say that she'll go when she is ready, but I think she is old enough. If you ask her where she is suppose to go pee pee she will tell you on the potty. I am running out of ideas. What do I Do? 

You are not going to believe this but I have a 16 year old son and a two year old daughter.  I too thought that my daughter should be potty trained by now because my son brought me his diaper at 18 months, yes he did, and told me that he was a big boy and only babies wear diapers and he wasn't a baby anymore.  From then on he didn't wear diapers.   

  

As for my daughter....we have spent hundreds of dollars on potty chairs, books, videos, dolls you name it.  I went to her pediatrician frustrated and broke and asked "WHAT???"  With all his degrees and experience he very calmly told me "She's not ready yet"  

  

Simple words, but he's right, sometimes she tells me when she has to go, sometimes she doesn't.  But I think the fact that I'm not stressing about it is stopping her from stressing and we are plugging along. 

 
October 5, 2005, 9:07 am CDT

10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

Quote From: utahgirl79

  I agree that when we have to turn our children over (as far as starting school) it is oh so very hard.  I have been a stay-at-home mom since my son was born and really feel blessed that I have been able to.  My son this September started kindergarten. It was hard to turn him over and to trust that everything would be okay.  I mean, deep down I knew that it would be.  I now find myself thinking, "If only he could be 4 again so that him and I could have just one more year together at home."  I wish that the times that I did stress about the messes or the coloring on the walls that I just would have taken a deep breath and enjoyed the time.  Don't get me wrong I wasn't and still am not the type of parent where I stress about making sure everything is in it's right place every second of the day.  

       It's just that I realize now that children grow too fast and to waste those precious moments with them when their little by stressing out is a complete waste of time.   I'm not saying that I have been able to alleviate all  the stresses that come with being a mother but that my perspective is different now.  Time with our children is so precious and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world!! 

Thats why my four are home with me!  I wouldn't trade our homeschooling life over for anything.  But even having them at home with me when many are having to send theirs to school, they still grow up TOO fast!  Deep breaths and remembering that one day far too soon that frustrating toddler will be grown up and gone.  My 16 1/2 yr old is a very good reminder of that for me!  My house is chaos on a good day, we won't even talk about the bad ones. :)  But - we have lots of fun together and we also work together to try and beat the chaos.  If only it stayed tidy... 

  

:) 

 
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