Topic : 10/05 Moms: Cut the Chaos

We seem to be on the road too much, leaving too little time at home to clean! Because of my MS I am always tired, so I need to nap in the afternoon.  The big kids (12 and 16) watch the little ones (3 and a disabled 10 yr old) for me a lot, which helps, but then I hate to ask them to do so much cleaning after they've done childcare! It's a challenge, without a doubt. 

We do "child led" potty learning.  They let us know when they're ready and we follow their cues.  My older daughter was days past her 3rd birthday.  My older son I tried to force into learning and it was a disaster.  My 3 yr old is hit and miss right now, he's interested but can't yet hold it once he st arts to go.   It's a very simple process when they are ready and when we, as parents, allow them to lead the process.  We put a little more money into diapers or pull ups, but oh well.  They grow up and eat you out of house and home later, whats the diff. LOL 

18 yrs married and going strong here, no drugs either! But four kids, six miscarriages, MS, a disabled child, plenty of stress.  Add to that that others seem to have problems believing I'm as old as I am and I think we're doing ok. :) 

 I find your *take* on parenting very different to be honest, but I think you feel we have it far worse than we do. Is it frustrating and stressful? You betcha.  but it's the most rewarding thing out there.  I wouldn't trade my every day stresses, 24/7 children for all the time and money in the world.  My contribution to my community is time, well behaved children, cookies for events, lots of good stuff.   

Yes, Dr Phil has some s truggling people on his show, but there are also many of us out here who, while we certainly have our stresses, are very happy as parents.   

Your husband sounds extremely passive agressive.  Ideally you two would have counseling to figure out why exactly he resents you and feels the need to undermine your efforts at dinner.  His behavior is very disrespectful.  If my husband did this, I would just stop cooking altogether.  If  he is going to prepare a second meal on your nights to cook, he might as well just be the only one cooking and save on supplies and effort.   

As far as the vacuuming, that sounds bizarre.  If you like to be on time, this could also be his passive agressive way of frustrating your plans to be punctual by manufacturing the sudden need to vacuum.  Or could be a symptom of obsessive/compulsive disorder.  If being on time is important to you, the next time he tries the vacuuming trick right as you are leaving, just keep on walking out the door, get in the car, and leave without him.   

He treats you this way because you allow it.  I think marriage counseling would benefit every couple no matter how happy and healthy their relationship, but your situation seems to me to be crying out for an objective opinion since your thoughts on the matter are apparently not worthy or your husband's consideration. 

Hats off to you dear dad. It is not to often you find the dad willing to be the homemaker.   

heck my guy got all bent out of shape one night I had to go to the store and he was to lazy to go, but the baby needed milk, so i left and was gone 20 minutes I came back and HE is all upset cause the baby cried the whole time  I was gone ..he went into our bedroom and didnt come out all night.... 

I wish you all the best as a SAHD... 

What sort of  trouble are you having with your spouse...seams to be a lot of women here that may offer some advice... 

      I read your message and although I do understand that it's a person's own choice as to weither or not they have children...I was disturbed by some of your comments.  To me, children and their needs are not distractions.  Raising a child with strong morals, values and self-esteem can be the most rewarding thing a person can ever do.  And hey, if you and your husband just don't want to go there that's fine.  But to me you almost make it sound as though a child places such a burden upon one success and happiness.  Yet my son is how I define my success and happiness!!!  No high dollar bank account, or CEO position, or beautiful house or car for that matter could ever outweigh the love, the happiness and fulfillment that comes through raising a respectable child.  I also thought it was quite strange that you said that you and your husband are healthier and look younger than your counterparts with children.  I beg to differ. There are those people that keep a healthy body and mind even while raising a child or having had one for that matter.   

      Yes, no one ever said that we have to have children and I do agree it's a personal choice that each of us get's to make.  You probably do have more money and time to do things for your community but who's to say that those of us with children don't or can't.  And believe it or not those of us who have chosen to have children can also sustain a strong, healthy bond in our marriages.  We, at times, might be a lil' strapped for time but then it becomes our responsibility to make time for the things that are important to us.  My husband and I have also been through some SERIOUS STORMS in our relationship but have managed to pull through everytime.  And most of the time our trials hit us was when we had already had our son.  I never said that you stated that it's impossible for those with children to do any of these things but I just wanted to show you my proof that with children, or for me...my only child....I am still successful.  Maybe not so much in my wallet but through my life and family. 

I am a stay at home mom of fraternal twin girls! They will be one october 19th! I am also back in college finsihing my degree! My life is hectic to say the least! My fiance works during the day and when he comes home he feels he has to do nothing because he works and when his day is over thats it. I RARELY get any help from him and if i do he complains the whole time. He NEVER watches the girls so i can go out and have time to myself i have 3 hours a week to myself and that is when im in school. The only time i get to relax is when the girls are sleeping and that is when i am usually doing my homework and then bed. My fiance feels i dont contribute anything so i have no room to speak up because i dont work. HUH!! If he only knew! On the weekends he sleeps in and does not wake up with me and the girls because that is his only time to sleep in is on the weekends! When do i get to sleep in? NEVER! It is so frustrating because i dont know what to do. We have been to counseling and that worked for awhile until it got too expensive and we had to stop going. We had three sesions a week, each of us single and then one together and we were paying almost $100 a week, We couldnt afford that anymore with twins and only one income. So we are right back to where we started. I just hope one day it gets better! Any advice! 

Tired mom of twins 

Stephanie 

I'm far away from potty training these days but it's something I remember vividly. My first son was 2 1/2 when I tossed some cheerios into the potty and told him to dunk 'em. He took to potty training instantly and within a few days we tossed the diapers. I remember running into a friend who had a 3 1/2 year old and she was buying diapers with a look on her face like she was committing a criminal offense. She explained that "he only wears them at night" and he piped in to let me know that he had one on right then. I was surprised that such an intelligent woman and good mom could have a 3 1/2 year old who wasn't trained yet.... oh how naive we can be.  

I learned with my 2nd son that I had NOT toilet trained our first son, he just decided it was time. My li'l guy liked his diapers and wouldn't be parted from them. I tried everything and was mortified when someone "caught" me buying diapers when he was over 3. Suddenly, a lot of friends who'd been sure that they'd had their kids "trained" by 2 were admitting that one or all of their kids were older. I relaxed until he was 3 1/2 and then I sat him down and asked why he wouldn't stop wearing his diapers. He told me he liked the way they heated up his bum when he peepeed... eeewwww. He went into underoos the next day and for a week he asked for his diapers because he hated being wet. Today's diapers don't let kids feel that they are wet so there's no real need to get out of them other than when vanity or peer pressure kicks in.  

My advice to you is not to worry. Lots of kids are 2 1/2 or older when they're out of diapers which is why they make them in gargantuan sizes now.  

For anyone who is past the diapering stage, I'd remind you that diapers are INCREDIBLE at sucking up spills. I've always kept them on hand for those times when a cup of juice spills and I can attest that a good diaper can suck up a full cup of grape juice from a beige carpet without leaving a mark.