Topic : 10/07 The Latest Debates

I personally think that you are imposing upon yourself by paying attention to these breastfeeding women, and renting the space in your head to worry about it. The fact that you are more concerned with being offended at an ages-old and natural process than that child's wellbeing doesn't say much about your personal character. Are mothers suposed to be shut aways who stay home all day long simply because you cannot help yourself and find it necessary to watch?? You have the option of NOT LOOKING. It's just like music... I am sure that there is a genre of music that you do not like, or that may offend you - so why would you listen to it? You wouldn't. If a breastfeeding mother offends you, then don't watch. Why is that so difficult? It is not imposing, it is necessary. Young babies must eat every 2 to 4 hours, depending upon the age of that baby, and as a mother of a 5 month old, I can tell you that scheduling a trip out around that 2 to 4 hour window is nearly impossible. I do not breastfeed anymore, but when I did, I covered myself with a blanket, and never seemed to have a problem with anyone staring or making comments. In fact, I cannot think of one instance where I even NOTICED a mother breastfeeding in public... but then again, I am not concerning myself with picking them out of a crowd to gawk and shrew at. Perhaps the real issue is with you, not with the breastfeeding mothers. 

I would also like to know how someone can find it offensive for a mother to feed and nourish her child in public, but it is socially acceptable for girls and women to walk around with their tush hanging out of their "shorts" or their breasts popping out of their shirts. Turn on MTV sometime, if you want to complain about innapropriate? Oh wait, if you don't like MTV you probably CHOSE NOT TO WATCH, right....... ? 

Anyone every hear of a breast pump? 

I have been breastfeeding my now 2 year old son as a first time mother.  I know that before I became a breastfeeding mom, I was a little taken back by seeing breastfeeding in public.  I just was not that educated on the subject.  In fact after now successfully breastfeeding for two years, I find many, many people who are not educated in this country regarding the subject.  I do try to be discreet, however...I have found that in order to be out and about with society with your baby...you will have to breastfeed in public places at times.  In fact I have found that most public places  DO NOT have suitable places that you can adequately feed your infant/toddler.  For those of you whom have not breastfeed....It is very hard to feed a infant/toddler in a public restroom.  Most restrooms don't even have chairs for a mom to sit on for the 15-40 minute duration (average time).  I have dragged many chairs in restrooms just to make it comfortable for others, and less comfortable for me.  In some cases, chairs can't be easily dragged into tiny bathrooms.  Also...think about the fact that when a mom needs to breastfeed and chooses to go in the bathroom and can't get a chair in there...what is she supposed to do...sit on a toilet (as a chair) with her clothes touching the dirty toilet and then expose the baby to a unclean situation while they are eating.  It is just not always the most sanitary thing to do for the mom and baby!!!!  I THINK THAT IF SOCIETY WANTS US TO BE MORE DISCREET THAN THEY SHOULD PROVIDE MORE SUITABLE FACILITIES TO HELP US OUT...I have found some places that specifically have a nursing room or area (THANK YOU) BUT i have found many, many, many places that have nothing (DISNEY WORLD for one).   

In summary...I have been breastfeeding for two years and have loved every minute of it.  I have tried to be as discreet as possible, trying not to make others uncomfortable...but in some cases it just has to be done at a particular place/time to meet the needs of your baby, due to the lack of understanding of breastfeeding in this country.  I have put my baby's needs in front of mine and have had to learn to do what is necessary for my baby...even if it meant making others and myself a little less comfortable.   

Sigh* Talk about a brick wall... Come on. Why not respond to the rational questions many have asked you. What do you consider discrete? Is it the breast or the act of breastfeeding you find repulsive? What is your position? Please don't say you just don't agree with me that is not an argument. Please lay your cards on the table. What don't you approve of about breast feeding precisely?  

Some background on me:  I am a breastfeeding mother to a toddler, he is almost 2 years old.  I plan to breastfeed him until he is ready to stop (which he currently shows NO signs of being ready for).  I am also expecting #2, and If my son has not weaned himself by the time the new baby arrives, then I will be tandem nursing both of my babies!

Dr Phil, I have to say that I was very surprised at your comments about breastfeeding on the show and it really pointed out your complete ignorance of the whole situation!

When my 2-year old toddler comes to me at a play group and says to me "nurse please mommy", it would be completely inconvenient for me to cover up with a blanket! First of all, I don't HAVE one! Second of all, he would just throw it off anyway. I *could* choose to tell him "nurse later" and deny his request, (and then make a complete and total scene because he would fuss and complain and scream and cry) but I *choose* not to!  We sit down in a comfy chair, I "whip it out" and he nurses to get his comfort back.  In 5-10 minutes he is off to play again!

NIP has NEVER been an issue for me! In the situation that I described above, usually no-one even notices, and I have never had any ill comments about NIP. Anyone who has noticed us or made comments to me has been very positive and supportive. They say things like "It's so great that you are still breastfeeding your toddler! Good for you!". (Probably because I live in Canada, and its different up here for BF mommies.)

Babies and toddlers have a physical and emotional NEED to nurse! I don't do it because it is "attractive", I don't do it because I want to make a statement. I do it because my child NEEDS to nurse! It is much more convenient for me to "whip it out" anywhere, anytime.   I don't see any reason why my son can't have his lunch at the same place where I am eating MY lunch!   

Breastfeeding in general is a very useful parenting tool to help calm a stressed or upset toddler, and I am NOT going to give up that tool because some people find it "unattractive". I analyze the situation, I make my choice about what my child needs, and then I fulfill his needs if possible. This is no different than any other parenting tool that other people choose to use! I would never presume to tell another mom how to parent HER child, and basically that is what you are doing when you talk to me about breastfeeding!  If someone has a problem watching me breastfeed my son, then it is THEIR problem, not mine!   They need to find a way to get over their hang-ups about breastfeeding.

I NEVER breastfeed my toddler to make a statement, and honestly I don't really care what other people think. In the end, I am using the parenting tools that nature gave me and fulfilling my child’s needs.  That is really the only relevant aspect of the whole discussion. 

I did respond to that post, but of course you chose to ignore that. You never outlined an argument. How can he comment on "I don't find it attractive."  Please outline your argument. 

Dear Dr. Phil: 

After reading through the postings of your guest Shelly on the show, it amazes me that you have not offered some kind of input here. Oh sure, I realize you are a busy man and you have the weekend off, etc., but surely you have read or been informed of the fracas this subject has caused!   

Your guest Shelly has now made it clear that not only does she consider it unattractive for a mother to breastfeed in public, and she clearly feels that a restroom would be a perfectly acceptable place for that mother to feed her child, but now she has stooped to the opinion that restaurants are for ADULTS who eat their food off of plates.  Can you possibly have no response to the inane, childless individual who is trying to spread her poison via your message boards that an infant should not be in a public restaurant??  If she has her way about it, she would have us believe that you invited her to the show because she was "so intelligent" and that you support her opinions!  Please weigh in on this.  Thanks! 

(I read the post, Shelly, so you can't deny that you said it.)