Topic : 10/07 The Latest Debates

For myself, if my kids are at someone else's house or are playing outside with other kids and I am not there and they are not behaving appropriately. I would want someone to tell them that they either have to behave appropriately or have them go home. And then come and tell me what they did so I can take care of it and find out the whole story. I don't believe that someone should lay their hands on someone else's child. If I am there and I don't see what happened, I would expect the person to come over and talk to me and tell me what they saw so I can take care of the problem myself. I am the one that had the kids and it is my responsibility to make sure they behave and if they don't, then I leave the public area so that others are not subjected to the bad behavior.

This is probably a separate issue,  but  does tie in with the breast feeding debate.  I honestly don't mind women feeding their babies in public.  But when women breast feed children, I have a problem with that.  If the child is considered to be a toddler and the legs are hanging off of the womans lap, that child is too old to feed in public and is actually old enough for real food.  That child should be sitting at the table with a spoon.  I find that highly upsetting and somewhat gross.

If you feed by breast only for months, of course the baby will only be used to the breast. But if you start with the alternating of breast and bottle from the first month or so, then they will be used to both. Some bottle nipples are very breast-like now and with a little patience and practice, the child should take it eventually. And yes, he/she may throw off the blanket and that's okay. The point is, when you can try to compromise, to so. In the special cases when you can't, like breast pump infections, a fussy baby, etc., the first priority is to nourish your child and if it HAS to be in public and straight from the boob, then that's fine.

I am a mom of a 3 year old and a 1 month old. I breastfed my older child and I am breastfeeding my infant. I think that while breastfeeding mothers need to be socially aware of others insecurities on the issue, others need to be more tolerant of this natural, beautiful event. I will admit, I do not wear any special clothing, or use a blanket to cover up while feeding in public. I also refuse to sit in a public bathroom, most of which are so dirty I wouldn't use them to wash my hands, nevermind feed my infant. What I do is find an area that is fairly empty, and usually turn my back to any people that are present, and discreetly position my son. Once he starts feeding, most people wouldn't even know what I was doing, they would assume I was just holding him.  There really shouldn't be a debate about this, everyone needs to just be a bit sensitive to each other's feelings and beliefs. 

  

As far as condoms in school.....   we teach our children about drugs in school, does that mean we are encouraging drug use? Absolutely not. We are teaching them what is out there and to be able to make decisions for themselves. I feel that sex education needs to be addressed in the same way. You can't just hand out condoms and expect teens to make good decisions. They need to be educated on what the options are, what the consequences are, and that they will have decisions to make. As parents that is are job... educate our children and let them make the decisions... if we have done our jobs, they will make the correct decisions for themselves. Let's be honest, abstince is rare. I consider myself to be intelligent... I have a doctorate degree and had good grades all through school and I think I have street smarts and commonsense as well. I started having sex at an early age, 14, looking back I would agree that it was way too young, but no one had talked to me about the consequences other than pregnancy. If I had known about the emotional strings attached, I would definately had waited. I was 1 of the lucky ones, I never got pregnant. Why? Because I had condoms. Of course I knew it was best to abstain, but I was a teenager who had the ability to make the decision myself and condoms were not given out at my school. We just walked into a pharmacy and bought them ourselves. So will giving condoms out at school really make sex that much more available to teens? Probably not.  

I strongly believe that breastfeeding is okay in public. I am a mother of two children - both breastfed. I try my best to be discreet when feeding in public because I simply don't want to show the world my breasts. For those of you opposed to the idea then don't look. I think Shelly (on the show) had poor arguments for her opposition to the issue and failed to answer Dr. Phil's questions. Her arguments were extreme ("taking your shirt off to feed", having it in "her face" when she's at a restaurant, ...etc). I don't know of one breastfeeding mom who chooses to breastfeed because "it's attractive". Should we outlaw everything we find unattractive??? What if you don't like tattoos? Should others have to wear clothing to cover anything with a tattoo? Or piercings? Or someone who dye s their hair bright green? Just because one person doesn't find it "attractive" doesn't make it bad. I don't know how many times I have desperately tried to time my feeding around going out to dinner or going shopping - trust me - I'd rather feed at home than in the middle of a nice dinner at a restaurant. But you can't always count on your child being on a schedule. I certainly don't want to sit on a toilet and feed my child - (and I don't want to eat a sandwich there either - but certainly Shelly no one said anything about wiping a sandwich, or a breast, on the toilet seat first - I still wouldn't want to eat my meal in there!) I've seen plenty of women breastfeeding in public and quite honestly I've seen more exposed areas of breasts from everyday clothes some females wear than I ever have from a woman feeding her child!

On breastfeeding in public...I believe that if a mother is discreet about feeding her child then it can be appropriate. When I see a women feeding her child with no kind of "coverage" then I think it is inappropriate. As a mother you have to do what you have to do but be prepared to do so.  

  

The condom issue I am for 100%. I am 26 years old. I had my first child when I was 18. I got pregnant while in high school at 17. As a teenager it was embarassing to go to the store or ask an adult to buy something for you. Maybe if they passed condoms out during the time my age was in high school there would not have been so many teen pregnancies. Teaching the students about not having sex is good but who is to say these kids are going to listen? We didn't and suffered the consequences. Handing out condoms is not giving them permission it is just telling them to be careful of their decisions. I think we should do everything it takes to protect these kids that choose to do what they want.  

  

The issue about other people telling your kids how to behave...come to me as the parent first. Let me deal with my kids. I have three kids ages 8, 5, and 18 months. If any of them misbehave we leave. Sometimes they do get out of hand and it is embarassing, but they are young children and it is normal for a child to get bored when you're running errands. For someone to snap at my kids...hmm no not right! Now if a child is doing something to harm that person we will deal with it together. I think that person should address the child (with the parent) as to what they have done and the child should have to apologize. I see parents everyday that have kids running all over the place. But I can't throw stones at them I know how they are feeling but you are the parent and you should be incontrol of your children. 

My opinion about breastfeeding is one shared by many: we as mothers need to feed our children when they are hungry but there is no need to invite the public to the table.  Whatever happened to discretion?  Did it go away at the same time parenting skills were lost?  What is wrong with using an attractive, stylish scarf or other type cover to shield one's breast from public view?  Honestly, I was left thinking that most of the women who talk about their "rights" to feed their babies are basically seeking attention for themselves.   

  

Condoms?  If a person is old enough to want to use them, he/she should purchase them, not expect the schools to hand them out like a free lunch program.  Again, this is where parental skills are needed.  Too many parents are waiting until "after the fact" to complain rather than having meaningful discussions with their children that would remove the need for secrecy in sexual matters.  I would not want to shift my responsibility as a parent to anyone else, whether it's a teacher, a minister, physician, etc.   

I see both sides here. As a mother of 4 and a determined successful past breastfeeder, I believe wholeheartedly in breastfeeding and will fight a woman's right to do so. I believe it is important to do this confidently and openly at home so my children see it as a normal function of moms. I remember being curious as a child and this caused me to be a little nosey. Now as a mom of teen boys, I appreciate other women being discreet. I don't mind if other women breastfeed in public but please appreciate my position as a mom of now teen boys that are experiencing new hormonal transitions. No this 'shouldn't' be considered a sexual act but boys are boys and exposed nipples can't be flashed without considering their effect. I do not feel that a mom has to go to the back room but I do expect her to keep things covered a bit.  

I think the woman on the show that was against breastfeeding in public, looked at it as gross and 'unattractive'. It isn't supposed to be attractive. No one is supposed to look at it as 'attractive'. Perhaps if as a child, she was exposed to this properly, she would feel comfortable about it.  

 I just had to comment on the idea of putting condoms in school.  I am 23 years old and graduated from high school just 5 years ago.  I remember health classes teaching about sex education, but in reality, I was very lucky that my parents cared enough to teach me about it at home.  In high school we had people come in from the local teen health center to talk about sex and stds, and the availability of condoms annonymously at their center.  It did not encourage sex by any means, but instead was a way of saying "if you are going to have sex, which some of you will, here is what you can do to be safer about it."  Sex in teens is a reality and I remember throughout my high school years having at least a dozen girls at my school leave because of pregnancies.
People who think that teens are not having sex are being naive.  People who think that a parent should teach their children about sex are really onto something but the reality is, some children do not live in a house hold where their parents will do that.  My high school was in a lower-middle income area. Some of the students were living with parents with drug issues, and awful habits, so where else are they going to learn about sex and the risks that are involved but at school?  School should not be the only place to learn about sex, but it should play a part in teaching the facts about stds and pregnancy.
I remember my first day of University learning that you could go to the health office and pick up condoms annonymously right at the entrance to the hall.  I made a decision long ago to wait until I was married to have sex, but it is still nice to know that if it should ever come up, I could find the resources I need around me, and not feel that I have to put myself at risk. 
I completely agree that condoms should be part of health and sex education in schools.  Kids are going to have sex no matter what anyone does, and it is better to arm them with protection then send them out to risk life and death.   No one would be promoting teenage sex, but talking about it is a must as it is a reality, and if we pretend it is not, that just leads to teenage pregnancy and kids feeling they have no place to turn with sexual concerns.

I breastfed my boys-one would take a bottle of pumped milk, one wouldn't. As for me giving my baby a bottle, I see no reason for that. Why would I buy a pump and bottles, and worry about storing my milk when we are out all day when I can breast feed? This can also cause supply issues, as the breasts don't respond to a pump as well as to a baby. I breast fed in public when I needed to, discreetly. I could have conversations with people face-to-face and they thought the baby was sleeping when he was breast feeding. 

As far as how long is too long, I believe that each baby has different needs. I personally allowed my sons to breast feed until they were ready not to--child-led weaning. They are both much healthier and more secure as a result. I wish more people would parent by watching their children's cues instead of watching the calendar, and by trusting their own and their babies' instincts instead of "expert" advice.