Topic : 10/07 The Latest Debates

I have just recently I had a child of my own.  So I can understand why other mothers don't want perfectly good strangers come up to their children and getting on to them.  But being a mom I understand that it is my responsibility to make sure that I tell my child what to do not the other way around.   

    I have a sister that has to kids and they are what you would call wild.  My sister has tried every thing and in between to get on to them, and nothing worked.  Then she tried one more thing.  Soap!   Some people may find it cruel but it works.  Now we can go any where with my niece and nephew and enjoy are selves.  If they start acting up you just ask  "Do you want soap?"  They will quickly reply "No!" and act right.   

      For years people have told me that "Oh your opinion will change once you have your own."  Nope no change here yet.  My son start to cry and I take him out of the building.  I don't set there and quietly say "Now honey we don't want to do that."  Please I have yet to see that one work.  And for those mom who wants to go out to eat with their 3 wild kids, find someone that will go with you so they can help out.  So while you are dealing with the one pitching a feat  the other ones are being looked after.  And if you kind find a friend to go wait till your husband to go with you.  To me there is nothing worse than going out to eat watching these kids pitch feats, run around the tables and taking food off of other peoples plates.  Parents I believe needs to teach there respect, and they don't do that like they did when I was young.  My parents would never let me act like that.   

    So all you parent out there lets get together and teach our kids some common courtesy.   Because it isn't very courtesy the way most children act today. 

I wouldn't be upset if my child caught a glimpse of a mothers breast while she was breastfeeding her baby.  I'd just explain to my child that the mom is feeding her baby.  How hard is that to do?  As someone else said, if you tell a child what the mom is doing matter of factly, most kids will accept that and think nothing of it.  If you get all upset and make a big deal about how awful you think it is, your kids will think that there is something wrong with breastfeeding.....when in fact it completely natural normal behavior. 

This message is not just for the breastfeeding mothers that don't care what other people think, It's for all of the guest on the show and all of the people with the same attitude:  If we can't learn to compromise, we will never be able to live in a civilized world.  We all have to watch what we do and say as a part of society.  Not all behavior is acceptable just because it is what you  believe.  Nursing mothers:  I nursed twins for several months and managed to do so without having my breast exposed in public, and making others uncomfortable.  Ever heard of a Breast Pump???  That is one solution that did not even come up on your show.  And if your child is big enough to throw the blanket off of their head and complain, maybe they should be eating some other form of food.  They do sell cereals and other varieties of  baby food. 

Condoms??  My parents promoted abstinence, but that did not keep me from being influenced by my high school boyfriend..Once children become teens and form strong bonds with their peers they are more willing to do things that their parents disapprove of..  Know any teens that drink or do drugs??? I do! 

And finally, If you don't have kids don't try to be a parent.. If you do have kids, being a parent is not an option, get involved and take control.. That's your job, you signed up when you had that baby... 

All these "anti" folks use the same adjectives -- "whip it out", "in your face", "waving in the breeze", and so many others that have NOTHING to do with reality.  In reality, as anyone who has nursed can tell you, the most you are going to see is the very briefest flash, and then the baby covers the whole deal.    

So these "anti" folks aren't really offended by what they SEE (which in general is nothing), but the VERY IDEA that a baby is nursing.  That is just how twisted this country has become.  

I was asked to stop breastfeeding my baby at the YMCA (a place that is supposed to be about HEALTHY CHOICES, pretty ironic).  I was by the side of the pool, but get this -- I was sitting in the bleachers, being so careful to be modest that I was sitting backwards -- WITH MY BACK TO THE POOL.  So whoever complained certainly wasn't complaining about anything they could SEE.  

You want to know what I told the Aquatics Director who came to tell me to take it to the bathroom?  I said, "You know what, I don't mean to kill the messenger, but not only 'No', but 'No, and bite me!"  

I further told her that if she decided to push me on this issue, I would call the press and organize a protest.  She left very flustered, bless her heart. lol  

Unfortunately, not every mom has that confidence -- I've been nursing for most of 16 years now, thanks to extended nursing and having my children (five of them) three years apart.  I feel for new moms who may not know how to handle situations like that.  The policy there has since changed and moms are welcome to nurse their children anywhere in the Y.  

I hope Dr. Phil will decide to explore this subject further.  

Response 

Actually the first post I saw that used any adjectives like that was a BF mommy who said it was her right to "pop the boob" anytime, anywhere she wanted to.  She was only trying to instigate a fight.  

Actually, no one needs to use those types of words just to incite a riot.  

I agree that women have the right to BF in public, what that person did at the Y was totally unacceptable, you were exercising discretion.  Whether you cover up or not, as long as discretion is used it is perfectly okay.  At first I was saying cover up, but then I noticed how many women can BF discretely without covering up.  Like they said, you can't see anything.    

From reading these posts for many days now, I have noticed that the BF and non BF mommies have mostly agreed.  

To everyone:  Don't bother responding to those who are here just trying to instigate fights.  

  I have read other people's posts that say this and no one seems to listen.  They just keep arguing.  

One thing I don't agree with is the right to feed our children in the middle of a church service.  When my child got hungry in the middle of the service I went into the foyer to feed him. I bottle fed and did not feel it was appropriate to feed him in the pew while people are trying to concentrate on the message. Hence, went to the foyer. I don't know, maybe I am wrong about this.    

I think a good way to look at formula vs breast milk is processed food verses fresh fruits and veggies. No one would argue which is better or what would make you healthier. Some how powder in a can made by a company with so much money to advertise it as "good nutrition" has become normal. And breast feeding which has little to no money to advertise all the good that it has to offer is mostly word of mouth.  

No, most studies don't say "on the whole" at all.  And that's the problem.  Most studies clearly disregard "the whole".  They don't account for the other factors besides breastfeeding that have gone into those studies.  

If breastmilk "on the whole" made kids smarter (which, by the way, isn't even what the studies claim, it's what the extremists who are twisting the data claim) or healthier, then none of the children in third world countries who are breastfed exclusively for two years would have health or learning issues.  But they do.  In horrifically overwhelming numbers.  And the converse would be true, too -- the majority of wealthy, American bottle-fed babies would be unhealthy and doing poorly in school.  Again, this isn't the case.  They are overwhelmingly the healthiest and developmentally and educationally more advanced group in this country.  

It's not the breastmilk.  It's that, in this country, white, middle and upper middle class women are the most likely to breastfeed for any length of time, and other factors are playing into the statistics.  These women usually have more time to spend at home with their kids, they are better educated than their poorer and minority counterparts, they have good health care and take advantage of it, they live in healthier environments, they are able to provide their children with much greater educational opportunities, and they're more likely to live a healthy lifestyle themselves.   These are the factors that make a real difference.  

Breast is not always best.  And there are going to be breastfed kids who are as dumb as dirt no matter how you slice it, and there are going to be non-breastfed kids who get scholarships to every Ivy League school in the country.  There are breastfed kids with allergies.  There are breastfed kids with chronic health issues.  There are bottle-fed kids who never get sick or sneeze or have a single health problem.  It can't be the breastmilk alone.  Anyone can see that.  

Breast is not best in a marriage where the breastfeeding is causing tension between the husband and wife, it is not best if it only causes frustration for a new mother, especially if she's already just barely keeping it together due to postpartum depression, and it is not best for women who are taking certain medications.   

To say so is to incriminate those who are unable to breastfeed for any number of reasons -- reasons which, btw, are no one else's business but hers, her husband's and her doctor's.   

"Breast is best" is just another of those stupid slogans that trivializes and dehumanizes real women with real issues.   

Frankly, I've come to think that women who get this militantly obnoxious about breastfeeding are more about convincing themselves.  It's jealousy.  They see other women not breastfeeding and having perfectly intelligent and healthy kids (maybe even healthier and more intelligent than their own), and who aren't overweight or who don't have leaky, bloated, stretched out boobs, and who have more freedom than they do, and they make some kind of weird cult religion out of breastfeeding and start accusing bottle-feeding moms of all sorts of things.   

GREAT POINT!!! 

I'm still so hung up on the fact that Dr. Phil actually cited Planned Parenthood in his show, the very organization that thrives and depends on distribution of condoms, birth control, and abortion rights.  Talk about biased! 

Dogs and cats need to be neutered.  But teens, who we trust to drive cars on highways, who at 18 protect and serve our country in the armed forces and vote to elect our government officials...  can be (and have been) instructed how to exercise self-control and respect.  We should not treat our young adults like little animals in heat... they deserve so much more dignity!   

You obviously haven't seen a formula ad in a very, very long time... 

Sorry, but you're out of date here, and I think you're just spouting propaganda you've been programmed with.  Every single formula brochure in my gynecologist's office spoke of breastfeeding.  The current ads that run on TV speak of breastfeeding (in a positive light).   

The point is that you cannot prove at all that breastfeeding alone will create good health and superior intelligence, and that's exactly what the extremists are pushing. 

The truth is that my kids' IQs, test scores, and grades are all among the highest percentiles in the country.  The truth is that you couldn't possibly find healthier kids than mine in this country.  Yet I never breastfed.  How can this be so if breastfeeding is the make-or-break factor you're painting it as? 

I've seen the statistics, I've read them, and the truth is that the proponents of breastfeeding are usually comparing the worst-case-scenarios of bottle-feeding (dirty water supplies, low-income families, etc.) to best-case-scenario breastfeeders (wealthy, educated suburban American familes with a stay-at-home mom) in order to make these claims.  Truth is, if you took a breast fed kid and a bottle fed kid, and the parents lived in the same wealthy suburb, their income levels, educational levels, access to health care, and commitment to good health and nutrition were all the same, the kids would pretty much turn out the same.  The breast milk just wouldn't make a difference.  I see it around here all the time.  There is no measurable difference between the health and intelligence of the breastfed and bottle-fed kids here.  None.  You won't be able to tell which is which in either the classroom or the doctor's office, yet you insist that breastmilk is this huge factor.  Not so.