Topic : 10/07 The Latest Debates

I am not at all surprised at the attitude of the woman on the show whose children run wild.  I am in a profession where I see and hear woman of all ages, ethnicities and with anywhere from 1 to 10 children constantly making excuses for THEIR failure to raise their children in a society-appropriate fashion.  The fact that this woman's MINISTER told her to leave her kids at home is pretty clear evidence indicating that she's not in control of her children.  What has come of this world where a mother can sit (as I have experienced on far too many occasions) within inches of her child on an airplane and allow him or her to kid the seat in front of them without consequence.  Although I don't condone disciplining another's child, I certainly don't hesitate to turn around in my seat and talk to the mother, kid present or no kid present.  How else is the kid going to learn if the mother just sits there with a blank look on her face!  Why should my rights as a paying customer in a movie theater, at a restaurant, or on an airplane etc. be violated because some mothers sit there grinning like the happy idiot as their children torment others.  And by the way, the woman on the show had that happy idiot grin - sorry, but it's true!    

The favourite excuse that always gets me going is when a mother (the mother on the show was no exception) says "You don't have kids - you don't know what it's like".  I used to get this ALL the time before I had children, as if all of the sudden, the onset of motherhood gives you some excuse to stop behaving appropriately in public.  If you are that overwhelmed with the responsibility of raising children that behave appropriately, then you shouldn't be in the motherhood game in the first place!!  It is your JOB, your BIGGEST JOB, to raise socially adjusted children!  Shrugging your shoulders, whining that it's tough, and letting your children go nuts around others is tantamount to saying "I couldn't care less about anybody else in this world".    

My kids are not always well behaved in public.  I've had my fair share of spoiled evenings.  That's the cost of being in this business!!  When they are not behaving, rights and privileges that they enjoy are taken away and earned back upon re-gaining our trust.  And, they are removed from the situation as soon as is humanly possible in order to minimize the disruption that they have caused in other's lives.  It is totally MY job to ensure that my children can function age-appropriately and politely in society.  If they act up, they're out of there.  It's fair not only to others, but in the long run to your children who need to learn what's right and wrong! 

The comedian that appeared on the show has my vote.  Please continue with your humour to get the word out to the public that there are rules of etiquette in society (or are there??) - that's what separates us from animals!!!  Maybe you can build a sketch around an experience I had at a restaurant last weekend where a child approximately 5-6 years old relieved himself while standing in line for the buffet brunch in front of all to see.  (Really, I'm not joking!!)  His mother said "Oopsy Jimmy, you shouldn't go pee-pee here", zipped the kid up, and proceeded in line indicating to the rest of us that "she was hungry and didn't want to lose her place".  What a nut-bar!!  Oh yeah, this kid is going to be well-adjusted!!  Hmmm, there are some real parallels here to the "breastfeeding" debate on the same show!!  Would much rather see a boob than a penis emitting urine at a restaurant!!   

To the "whoa is me" mother on the show, If you can't teach your children to behave appropriately, then maybe, yes, you SHOULD stay home until you can.  When you said you "tune your kids out", I thought  "Well, lady, time to tune back in"!!!!  Furthermore, if you can't handle the 3 you have, why in the name of God are you pregnant with a fourth and grinning about it!!   

Breastfeeding in public:  What is wrong with this country???  Who decides these social rules?  My daughter was born at the end of June so covering up was very uncomfortable for both her and me.  Also, restricting a woman to a bathroom in impractical, they are unsanitary and uncomfortable and anyone who's spent any time in a public bathroom knows it can become very smelly if someone has a stomachache.  Also, Dr. Phil, your guests’ argument that it's "not attractive" is a weak argument.  I think she, like many opponents, is just projecting her own insecurities with her body on what other women are doing with theirs and that's her problem; not theirs!  Besides, why is it that it's OK for a man to show his nipples but a women's are dirty or indecent?  I personally feel its ridiculous this country is one of the few that makes such an issue out of the breast.  Really guys, it's not that big a deal! 

As a successful nurser of 3, I was appalled by some of the suggestions made by the con nurser.  First of  all she is not a mother, so what does she bring to the table?   I nursed my first child once in a public bathroom and was so mortified, I never did it again.  I did not flap my breast out onto the table to nurse my children.  Most mothers become quite adept at nursing and most people don't even know what is going on.  For those have oggled at me, thankfully I had my husband's and families support and they would cast the dirty looks for me.  I should not, nor other mothers, compromise my child's nutrition and well being just because others may think that what I am doing is disgusting.  I nursed in theaters, beaches, restaurants, public schools, grocery stores etc etc etc.  How is feeding my child, nuturing and loving disgusting....maybe those who are judging were not breastfeed babies.  Why should I compromise for my child...never have, never will. 

A friend took a health class last spring, and the results of that class would keep me from ever breastfeeding in a bathroom again.  Feces travel through the air - and if the child is not in a separate room, that child is going to be exposed to the ill effects of being in a feces filled environment. 

I nursed all three of my sons.  With the twins, I ended up with bottles because I did not know enough about breastfeeding.  With my youngest son, I nursed him whereever he became hungry.  After all, that's one of the benefits of nursing - you don't have to find somewhere to heat a bottle when baby is hungry.  I will admit that I was discrete when nursing, and used private facilities when they were available.  I would ask for a booth in a restaurant - not only for the privacy in nursing, but to control the twins.  I NEVER considered the restroom as an option.  Not only are restrooms not the cleanest places in the world, but there are far too few facilities available for women anyway.  We should expect our sisters to wait for 20-30 minutes while we tie up an unsanitary, open toilet to feed a child? 

On the issue of uncontrolled children in public, I have a few thoughts.  First of all, the woman with the children whose pastor asked her not to attend worship, Young Lady, Please bring your children to church, and I'll help you with them.  Mine are grown, and I can't express my sadness that your pastor was not more helpful.  When my twins were small, they were a handful.  I never quit working on the problem, but there were times that they were out of control in public.  They were thrown out of story hour at the library, so I understand your pain and embarassment that there is a public area that you feel is off limits to you.  Secondly, there are far too many people who want to control other people's children these days.  Some of them are dangerous to children, and we teach children to be leery of strangers.  Some people just don't want to be bothered with the sights, sounds and actions of small persons.  However, when children are exposed to civilization, they become civilized.  Every experience a small child has shapes how that child develops into an adult.  Do we want children who think that a restaurant meal equals a trip to McDonald's, or are we willing to be flexible and have restaurants available with times that are better for children?  Mind you, this was over 20 years ago, but I used to take my children to restaurants for dinner early in the evening (between 5 & 6 pm) so that we were gone before the date night crowds arrived.  We also tried to go to restaurants during the week (off-peak hours) instead of Friday and Saturday nights.  The smaller the crowd, the easier it is to control the children.  My children are now adults, and fond of going out to dinner.  They use appropriate manners in public, and are not an embarassment to others.  Without early exposure to the possibility, my children would still be eating all home cooked meals. 

On the topic of condoms in the schools, Dr. Phil was correct when he said that expecting teens to pay for condoms would result in early shoplifting.  I had a student admit to that just last spring.  If we as parents do not teach our children how to protect themselves against STD's and early pregnancies, we will be raising our grandchildren.  Now, I am not an advocate of teen-aged sexual practice, but I have worked in a middle school environment for several years.  The results of that experience are that MOST 7th grade girls are sexually active, and MOST 8th grade boys are "benefitting" from that activity.  It is a sad situation, but expecting teens who still are not working to pay for birth control generally means that they use none, and end up with a pregnancy in their early teens.  If the young lady carries the child to term, she will have significantly affected her health for the rest of her life.  If she chooses to abort, she will have to carry the emotional scars for the rest of her life.  I am NOT an advocate of early sexual practice, but I cannot help but think that teaching teens to protect themselves is better than coping with the results.