Topic : 10/07 The Latest Debates

Hi Dr. Phil.  I just HAVE to weigh in on these great debate topics. 

*Breastfeeding in public.  I have three young kids, and I nursed all of them.  Only once did was my actual breast on display, and that was b/c my daughter decided to flirt with the man sitting next to us.  She was looking at him, and he was checkin out the goodies.  Breastfeeding is a wonderful, natural process and our babies have a right to eat what we choose to feed them.  When I was breastfeeding at home, I'd do it topless.  When we were out in public, we'd cover up.  If it was too hot for a blanket, we'd go to the car.  BUT A BATHROOM IS DISGUSTING.  It was rare that people even realized I was holding a baby, much less feeding it.  I feel that breastfeeding is a personal decision and a personal physical sacrifice.  Breasts ARE multipurpose, more so in the US than anywhere else.  I think that it's fine to breastfeed in public if you're discreet.  It is RUDE to impose your beliefs on others, especially if it makes them uncomfortable.  It is also a good way to START imposing values of appropriate public behavior and private behavior. 

*Condoms in schools make me nauseous.  Hollywood has hijacked our sexuality.  It has mainstreamed sex and made it nothing but an animalistic act.  Teenagers are NOT capable of dealing with such a life changing act.  Sex outside of marriage is wrong.  What we, as a society need to do, is show kids why it is good to wait.  We need to bring families back together.  Kids need to see Mom and Dad showing each other affection.  And kids must be taught that sex is wonderful when it's appropriate.  I'm not stupid, I realize that the gradual decline to "free love" has been worsening.  We need to find a way to get back to the olden days, when a woman waited to give herself to her husband, and a man respected her enough to support 'their' decision. 

*Disciplining OTHER peoples' kids in public?  Dr. Phil, you nailed this one.  I'm a young mother with three kids.  It's hard to get out with them.  My oldest is four, my youngest is 18 months and I have an almost 3 year old squeezed in there.  My husband is gone a lot, and most of the raising is left up to me.  And I know of several times I've jerked a screaming kid out of a restaurant or grocery store...and I also apologize to other people.  In fact, just last week we were walking into church when my 18 month old son decided he needed to throw a fit.  So he collapsed on the sidewalk and cried, and people had to step over him.  One gentleman commented that he'd been "overtaken by the spirit of the LORD".  When he was done, I asked if he was ready to go in.  We walk in the foyer and he does it again.  So, back out we go, and repeat the sidewalk scene.  He did not disturb anyone.  Yes, it's embarassing, yes, it's difficult, but it is NOT appropriate for ANYONE to comment on my parenting styles.  My neighbor across the street is always giving me "pointers" and I wanna smack her.  It's rude, it's degrading and it's WRONG.  Perhaps a better approach, if a "discipliner" sees a mom having a tough time, he or she could say, "Really looks like you have your hands full, can I help?"  It's not that HARD people.  Reach out, be friendly, make someone's day easier.  Sometimes just talking to a crying or screaming kid is enough to scare them out of a good scream. 

Thanks for the great show, guys.  I'm a devoted watcher.  I generally agree with the good Doctor.  I love his ability to get immediately to the heart of a problem.  Keep up the great work! 

Casey 

If being a mom is a hassle, then maybe you need counseling.   Yes, when something unexpected happens, you just have to do the best you can and take care of the child. 

I am for breastfeeding in public, just be descreet. 

Yes, Mom, great strategy! You're teaching your boys to be filled with fear and disgust upon seeing a female's breast. Wow. I'm sure they'll all be great getting dates and not to mention those lucky ladies that eventually might choose to marry them one day. I am sure they will go on to someday have uncomfortable sex after much therapy and counseling, and perhaps even have children of their own. Then they can in turn feed those babies in shame and discomfort too. What's even better those children will learn too to be afraid and uncomfortable about their own bodies and so repeat the entire cycle for generations to come. Good idea. 

Angela 

PS. I am being SO very sarcastic here, I can't even express it enough. 

PPS. Children are born pure hearted, innocent and uncorrupted. The responsibility of a parent is to teach their children. You essentially start with a clean slate. Parents make choices everyday about how to influence, teach and guide their kids. I know I will be very careful and aware of what I decide to teach my kids. I will strive everyday to make sure my lessons are positive in nature. (IE, naked people are not evil, just merely naked.) I am not willing to pass alone my negative, destructive and corrupt "hang-ups" and impose my will upon theirs. Did you perhaps stop to consider that when your children say they are uncomfortable with any particular situation that it leaves you an open window to discuss it frankly and openly with them first? To explore the possibilities and teach them with loving guidance all of the possible positive ways of framing their concerns, and then letting them decide for themselves what they think or feel? Kids are very smart and not dumb by any stretch of the imagination. They don't need adults to think for them. They sure don't need narrow minded negative adults imposing their ill wills on them. The only reason why a child would ever be ashamed of nudity of any degree is if it was somehow TAUGHT that way to them. By you or anyone else. (It's understandably common for sexual abuse victims to have this viewpoint for example.) I don't think that truly your children are uncomfortable with Nursing in Public, anyhow. I think YOU are. I think you should seek out help if you are infact threatened by a nude human form for whatever reason. Especially if all it takes to send you over the deep end is just the sight of a tiny portion of a BF'ing mothers breast that is only exposed temporarily and only for a very practical (and essential,) use. Get help for yourself if this seems so. If your children have been corrupted and taught that boobs are disgusting for whatever reason, again, find them help. It could be quite serious. (No kidding here, I mean this.) 

I LOVE YOUR PICTURE! HOW LOVING AND BEAUTIFUL! 

Angela 

Breastmilk may be better, but why make people who can't breastfeed for whatever reason, medical, for example, why make those mothers feel like they aren't giving their children the best?  Its not fair.  Many children weren't breastfed and ended up happy, intelligent, healthy adults, should they be made to feel bad because they weren't breastfed?  Its a choice.  And for those who cannot breastfeed, I think its cruel to go on and on about how much better breastfed babies are.  And as for those who shouldn't say things because they don't have children, maybe they can't, so rubbing it in their face a little more is just mean.   

Women who choose to breastfeed in public, as long as they are well covered and discrete, its fine, but women who don't want to 'cover up' are just doing it to get someone to stare or 'make a statement'  in which case, I'd just ignore them anyway.   

My Mom taught me to keep my top on in public too. I always do too, imagine that. Even when breastfeeding, somehow with the magic of being a Mom I figured out that breastfeeding does not require disrobing in any matter. Infact no Mom feeding their baby via the breast to my knowledge has ever removed their top to perform this task. If you were ever witness to this act once upon a dream, then I do deeply sympathize for how traumatic that must have been for you. I RESPECT how that must have made you FEEL! Pray tell... where is this place that the naked person was sited breastfeeding so that I can warn others to avoid this place at all costs, okay? Thanks muchly. 

Angela