Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

Maybe you misunderstood.  My husband sometimes works a lot of hours, but because he owns his own business, he can usually tailor his hours to whatever is going on at home.  In fact, he is always home in the mornings, when the kids are getting ready for school, he is home all weekend, and is my son's little league coach.  He is also involved in whatever is going on with my daughter and the baby. 

  

I don't think in a 20 minute interview, you can really judge somebody's lifestyle.  My children are well cared for, both their parents are involved with them, and I am involved in every aspect of their daily life.  I am my daughter's brownie troop leader, and I attend mommy and me classes with my baby. 

  

Please don't tell me what you think of my mothering when you have no idea who I am.  My husband and I show our kids a good relationship, and the value of hard work but still making time for the family. 

  

Diana 

I used to have a husband like this.  I married very young, and he expected me to be the perfect wife, but he didn't want to be a good husband.  It was an abusive relationship, and I had the good sense to get out.  As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I left.  I knew the child would be abused.  I have remarried to a great man.  He's in the Navy and gone alot.  If I know anything, it's that he loves me, unconditionally.  We do argue, all couples do, but at the end of the day, we stand together.  He knows how hard I work at being a stay at home, and I know how hard he works.  He has told me that his greatest joy is to know that at night, I can sleep peacefully in the home he has created, and that I curl up to him in love.  Eight years and 3 children later, our relationship is stronger than it was when it started.  Some men need to learn that the relationship isn't only for them, but for their wives as well.  I wish all the women out there the love of a man, like the one I have. 

I'm glad somebody agrees with me! 

  

Diana 

Its very difficult for men and women to come together in a marriage without some loss to each others personalities. I have been married twice, each time with losses. The first was controlling, and I ended this within a year. Second time, a child was blessed to us, but the talks we had prior to the birth went out the window. I was to be a stay at home Mom. Through job changes and financial problems, I had to return to work within three weeks after the birth. I was burnt out, resented my husband for this. 40 hr job, home to clean and care for a newborn, I am sorry, but you cant do BOTH jobs 100%. I gave at work. I gave at home. I gave the MOST to my son. But then when my husband still expected me to GIVE to him, without giving back, I left him. At the time, I figured if I had to do it ALL, then I would do this in a less stressful enviroment. 

  

Why am I added my 2 cents to this discussion? Because Grant could have been MY husband. Nothing I did was good enough. I was pushed back to work, when it would have been more prudent for HIM to take a second job, or to work harder at keeping first one. He was immature, looking back now. If jobs didnt suit him, he left them. No thought to me or how it would affect marriage or raising a child. 

  

So, not wanting to be downtrodden, not wanting to raise TWO children, husband and newborn, I left to do this alone. I was happier, never had alot, but if the house wasnt cleaned enough, dustbunnies had names, I DID have quality time with my son. 

  

I never trusted after this. I have had violence in marriage. I have had the lack of maturity in marriage. I left this unhealthy instituion in 1982, never to return. I watch Dr Phil daily, seeing how others are answered, seeing my past time and time again. Cant blame the marriage failures totally on ex's, just didnt require enough from them ( or myself) to start. This comes back to finding me again. 

  

Dr Phil once said there should be a "marriage test" prior to marriage. When the "glow" of first love starts to fade, you need to know how compatible you REALLY are, what you would choose in the future, when this isnt a thought at present. 

  

Thanks for listening. 

  

Single for 25 years now, happily 

I tell you, I was not so disturbed with the Grant thing because I have met guys like him.  The lady who said she will never get married bothered me though.  It is nice that she sat there and said women can make it on their own...no one said they couldn't.  She just needs to realize that just because people get married doesn't mean they will end up a housewife with no life.  I hope she sits down and watches the taping of the show....maybe she will wake up and say, "Wow I sounded like an idiot on the show."  Has she never met anyone who liked her for her or any guys that have treated her like gold?   

  

Marriage is what you make it, you choose what happens next in life.  Only you can choose a positive outcome, even if it means falling over a few bumps in the road.  

I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM, BUT-- I'M  NOT GOING TO CHANGE  MY SHIRT, PUT ON MAKEUP JUST CAUSE HE'S ON HIS WAY HOME FROM A LONG AT WORK, I'VE BEEN WORKING,TOO. THIS WOMAN IS IN A DREAM WORLD, SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S BOWING DOWN TO HIM, DOES HE REALLY DESERVE THAT MUCH ATTENTION.  WHAT DOES HE DO FOR HER, IN THAT RESPECT. THAT CRAP WOULDN'T FLY AT THIS HOUSE.

 Here so many topics come up about the physical aspects of what a wife is suppose to be and nothing about emotional support for the husband. Being there for each other when one is down or has a hard day is just as important as helping each other put dinner on the table when one gets off of work.
I think that it is a two way street I see no difference between a Mr. and a Mrs. except for the intruding S.
Many people cannot afford to only have one partner work while the other stays home so "miss who ever" who says that the husband makes all the money while she stays at home and does the domestic housechores is unreasonable by todays works standards. Many jobs out there do not let one side support the family and many are forced to both work just to pay the rent.
Both parents should involved in child rearing. Seriously kids need a father figure as well as a mother figure to take them to special events or sports games.
How I can be a good partner is to be there for him when he needs me most emotionally and physically and it should be equal the other way around.

I couldn't agree more! He sounds just like my soon-to-be-ex husband. Nothing was right about anything I did. I finally woke up back in March. I had two little boys, ages 3 and 20 months and was 5 months pregnant. But, I set his behind on his way out the door. It was very, very hard. But, now I can do things however I want to do them and that is good enough for me.

Prior to getting married to my husband, we attended a marriage encounter.  It was the best thing we could have ever done.  It taught us that we don't always see things the same way, however we need to see the others opinions and hear their thoughts and then discuss it together.  Not yell or name call.  My husband knows how hard I work each day with taking care of the children, making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning and making things nice for his arrival at home.  You have to work together as a team to make life more enjoyable for everyone.  It shouldn't be just about how one person thinks it should be.   

  

There is 2 definitions in the dictionary 

  

1.  Marriage:  mutual relationship of husband and wife, an intimate or close union, the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family. 

  

2.  Marriage of convenience:  a marriage contracted for social, political, or economic advantage rather then for mutual affection. 

  

You need to decide which one you want.  I myself prefer the first. 

I might be a bit old fashioned, and I learned the way I think from my mother.  My mom did everything.  I was also a single mom for a while and did everything around the house and worked.  Maybe it has just stuck with me.  I do a lot around the house.  Since I have been working part time in the evenings my h has to do more things around the house.  He has always been a big help with cooking the meals and I appreciate that.  He rarely does the dishes and never cleans the bathroom.  I used to get frustrated with always having to clean and look after the kids, and sometimes I still do.  I enjoy cleaning the house and after supper I do the dishes and I use that time to call my family and friends back home to say hello.   

  

One person said something abou their h becoming distant, the reason for that could be their job.  She would run a hot bath for her hubby and that made him happy.  It is fine to do stuff like that.  Just because you are a wife that doesn't make you a queen.  Maybe he would do stuff for you if you did stuff like that for him.   

  

If you came home from work everyday to find your h sitting on the couch in his pj's wouldn't you get distant to that?  Sure that is why I would change my clothes do my hair and put some makeup on.  I feel better about myself when I do that and I am sure my h liked it as well.   

  

I dont' believe we should be slaves to our h's but I do beleive that when I am staying at home their is no reason I can't have the bacteria removed and a meal on the table after spending some time at the park with the kids.   

  

What would you like done to you? Just because I stayed home all day and felt as though I worked my butt off inbetween phone calls with my friends, doesn't mean he didn't work his butt off at work with out phone calls from his friends.   

  

I know everyone has different views to marriage, and this is just my opinion.