Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

 I am proud to be a stay at home mom and nothing will convince me that I have made the wrong choice.  

  

I haven't seen anyone here that has tried to convince someone that they made the wrong choice to stay at home.  I haven't seen anyone call the SAHMs doormats or Stepford Wives (the only time I saw those words were when they were referring to what they perceived Grant wanted Kelly to be).  Actually, most of the criticism has been either at working moms or at people who are saying that working moms don't "put their kids first", by their definition.  I think it's great that you're proud to be a stay at home mom.  You should be.  Nothing can convince me that my family suffered in any way by my working, either.  So we both win. 

 My wife and I have been married for 34 years on nov 22. We knew each other for only 6 weeks when we got married. She is now a  stay at home wife. I work full time. Jan is her name. She is my best friend. She does a pretty good job on the house work. I do help some and take care of all outside items. I help some with cooking, dishes, trash, housecleaning etc. We travel a lot together. We go a lot on my days off together. To the store, riding the motorcycle, trips, to visit our daughter and grand daughter. I know she is maybe not the best  skin looks to some. I have the attraction that looks at the real whole person and am very happy with her. I think and hope she is as happy with me as I am with her.

Just wondering....(seriously) 

  

When you decided to go to medical school, you knew it was going to be a huge committment, right?  Did you work through medical school?  (Not internships or residencies).  If you didn't, why not?  If you did, did you find yourself being able to be committed 100% to school?  If you thought you couldn't be present in your schooling, would you have still done it?  Would you have still gone to school all those years if you weren't serious about it?  Or, did you just apply yourself part of the time and it happened to work out? 

I don't think anyone tries to convince SAHM's that they shouldn't stay at home.  I think they have too much time on their hands, and dream up stuff that doesn't exist.  Who cares if they stay home?  So what?  Stay home!  Just shut up about it.  Go to work, stay home.  What do we care?  This is bordering on the absurd.  I don't know why anyone is entertaining the idea that a stranger has and credance whatsoever about what someone they don't know should do. 

  

What a waste of time.  Goodness, if a grown adult isn't able to decide what is best for her and her family, then at least find someone who has a degree in psychology, some credentials and experience in successful couples counseling and go get your head screwed on straight.  Or at the very least, see your pastor WHO KNOWS YOU and can sit with you and go through the pro's and con's of working with kids in the home.  It's not for some person who isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer to come along and issue blanket statements involving other family's major life decisions.  Whatever works for you and yours if your perfection.  Everyone who isn't a prisoner or slave of some kind has the right and responsibility to plot their own course. 

  

It's ludicrous to me that someone who's failed one marriage and not lasted in one of her marriages as long as we've lasted in ours to come along and tell me, you or anyone else how to live.  I could go on t.v. and tell all women not to get as fat as some guests I've seen on the show this week, and get a job.  But that isn't right -- it's not up to me to tell someone else they are not good at being a mom or wife or anything if they don't do as I do. 

I have to say, Diane, that maybe you and I live in different types of towns.  I live in an extremely conservative town, and SAHM's are all-it.  Working moms are looked down upon.  So this claim that SAHM's are shamed or forced back into the workfoce, I've not experienced nor heard of this before.  Is this true, other SAHM's?  Have you really been shamed for being a SAHM and forced back into the work force?  This sounds odd to me. 

  

"Come on!  For the last thirty years, women have been shoved back into the workplace even if they don't want to be there.  Maybe they do it for the money, maybe they do it because they feel they have to prove something, I don't know.  But, I do know this.  It takes a much stronger woman in today's day and age to stand up for her convictions and stay home and be a wife and mother, then it does to run back to work and ship off your kids." 

Somebody gets it!  Yippee!!

I live in California, and there is a lot of pressure here for women to be out in the work force.  The county I live in is more conservative, but in general you are looked down upon if you stay home.  In fact, there have been several posters on here who have said the same thing, that when they're asked what they do, and they tell them , they immediately then want to know what their husband's do. 

  

Why do you think a lot of SAHM's feel worthless?  Maybe you don't experience it as much as I do, but with the moms I work with, that's the first thing they say consistently. 

  

I guess it depends on where you live....but here there is a definate push for women to out working. 

  

  

Yes, Diana, you are the "shoulder" and you think everyone else is "shoulding " on you if they even dare to choose an alternative way to arrange their family life.  How is this black and white thinking good for you, or your loved ones for that matter?  How about removing the plank in your own eye before attempting to look for splinters in other mom's eyes?

'My bad.  I' m sorry.  I had no idea you SAHM's were looked down upon.  I always looked up to you SAHM's because we tried to have kids & couldn't & I felt like I wasn't like the "normal" mom who stays home.  I don't know....I thought looking down on SAHM's was something that happened 20 years ago.  But the swing is so family and conservative these days, I picked up vibes that SAHM's just rock.  That's how it feels in my town.  Could they be asking you what your husband does to try to find something to talk about?  People are shy these days with so much online time & try to find a topic.  What if they just can't think of anything else to ask you about that.  I wouldn't know what to ask.  I'm not a mom.  We've got animals & they are our kids, but I feel silly comparing pets to real kids.  I wouldn't know what to ask next.

lol, ok. 

  

Look, I went on the show to talk about husbands and wives, and somehow you and others only can focus on the fact that I think it's better for a parent to be home with the kids. 

  

We've gone round and round, you know my opinion, I know yours, and so what's left to debate?  If I have used the word "should" then that's my opinion, take it or leave it.  If you feel good about your decisions (as I do mine) then arrange your life however you want.  I stated my opionion, everybody else has stated theirs, but I will tell you this:  Just from the show, I have received tons of emails from women who thanked me for my message, and even more from women who feel enlightened.  Even a few from working women who said that I made them think a little bit about why they made the decisions they did.  It's not about ME being rewarded, it's about their own families being rewarded. 

  

Again, take it or leave it.  No reason to beat a dead horse......... 

  

Removing the plank....what?  What am I doing that's so bad?