I am a single Palestinian Muslim woman and for me I'm supposed to want to be married and have kids. And it isn't a bad thing but where i come from arabic culture is oppressive to women (not Islam, there's a big difference and a lot of people make that mistake. even my own kind). We are taught to depend on our men and that that's the only way to have a fulfilling life. I'm not sure how that makes sense but I do believe finding love and giving life are wonderful things but not when your husband and children become your masters. The woman on the show said that scrubbing floors isn't degrading but if you asked your husband to do that he would consider it that way. Why? because somewhere at sometime somebody decided that it was the woman's role to clean and raise children and it's the man's role to bring financial security. My problem isn't with why should woman be happy maintaining and raising the family but why she should do it alone. Since when is it so wrong to ask your partner to share the burden and if it brings you such enjoyment to care for others than he should take part in helping you create that enjoyment because if you remember marriage is a partnership.
Husbands don't work as hard as woman do, they think that because they work outside the home that this gives them the right to kick off their shoes and relax. But men don't realize that it's hard enough alone to raise kids not including all the housework, homework and other responsibilities and chores women must go thru. Alot of children feel like they have one parent because usually the only one nurturing them is the mother. The father's presence is felt but not so much. If a man helped his wife even a little bit, she'd be a better wife and mom because she would be able to have time for herself. and many mothers/wives are so busy trying to make others happy they forget about themselves and that leaves one to feel like there's something lacking. A man who helps his wife is doing more for her as a husband than going to work and bringing the check. i'm scared of marriage because i don't want to be stuck with someone who feels that his role is seperate from mine and that he shouldn't include himself in the family because most of that stuff should fall under my role. Even if i did do all the work in the home, he shouldn't sit in front of the t.v., because no matter how tired yoa person feels, any open window with your children is more beneficial than a sports game. i feel like i could bond with my husband more if he puts himself in my shoes and helps me around the house or if i find that he's bonding with the children and plays an important part in their development. Alot of woman can go on and on and make excuses for why they can do it alone or why they shouldn't work outside the home but excuses are just excuses.
Statistics show that working woman can be better moms. A working woman usually has a husband who also works and understands that they both need to share the housework and raising of the kids. So children interact with both parents. A child who is sent to daycare because his mother works learns social skills at an early age and learns about independance and trust. Not to mention daycare children learn to talk earlier and develop cognitive abilities faster because their environment forces them to. Also working woman feel guilty for not being with their child and usually make it a priority to make up for it. Mothers at home are always there so there presence is not as appreciated and also parent child interaction is less since chores and other things come in the way. Husbands have a better bond with working wives in most cases because they are forced to be involved in the family and in scheduling of important things that the family needs.
This situation is not always true but it is shown that it is a better option to be a working mother. Alot of people will disagree with this but I've seen it and there's nohing wrong with being an at home mom--just as long as your husband understands how hard it is to be one and why he should ease the burden. The reason why i advocate working as a mom is because it forces the situation in which your husband has to be more active in his role as a parent and husband. I'll tell you a joke i once heard:
A man was complaining: Oh Lord, please have mercy on me,
I work so hard, meantime my wife stays at home. I would give
anything if you would grant me one wish, "switch me into my wife."
She's got it easy at home. I want to teach her a lesson of how
tough a man's life is.
As God was listening he felt sorry for this soul and granted his
wish.
Next morning the "new woman" wakes up at dawn, makes lunch
boxes, prepares breakfast, wakes up the kids for school, puts a load
of clothes in the washer, takes the meat out of the freezer, drives the
kids to school, on his way back stops at the gas station, cashes
a check, pays the electricity and phone bills, picks up some clothes
from the cleaners, and then quickly goes to the market.
It was 1:00 o'clock already, he made the beds, took the clothes out
of the washer and put another load in. He vacuumed the house,
made some rice, went to pick up the kids from school, and had
an argument with the kids.
As soon as he got home he fed the kids, washed the dirty
dishes, he hung the damp clothes he had washed on the chairs
because it was raining outside, he helped the kids with their homework,
watched some TV while he ironed some clothes, prepared dinner,
he gave the kids a bath and put them to sleep.
At 9:00 o'clock he was so tired and he went to bed.
Of course even though he was tired he was expected to do extra duties, like the mattress mambo,
and somehow he managed to get that done and finally fell a sleep.
The next morning he prays to God once again:
"Oh Lord, what was I thinking when I asked you to grant my wish?"
I can't take it anymore. I beg you please switch me back to myself,
please oh please."
Then he heard God's voice speaking to him, saying: "Dear son, of
course I'll switch you back to yourself but there's one minor detail,
you will have to wait 9 months because last night you got pregnant.
Nothing is more beautiful than being a parent and spouse but it is more beautiful when the role is shared and trust alot more gets done so you have more time to have fun and enjoy life. When husbands help their wives, it's very romantic. I'd pick doing the dishes side by side, over receiving flowers that will eventually die, any day. That kind of gift stays with a person, it just lasts longer. men need to become more aware of this and need to appreciate the woman, If i find a man who can be my partner in everything i do, I'll feel comfortable in being the best mother, wife, sister, friend,etc. I can be. because there are not so many worries and your life has balance.
(Original Airdate: 10/10/05) What makes a good wife? Is it cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and having great sex? Dr. Phil says too few couples understand what it means to be a "Mrs." His first guest, Grant, says his wife, Kelly, is in desperate need of "wife lessons" when it comes to her cooking, cleaning and the way she dresses. Kelly says trying to be the perfect wife while raising three kids is overwhelming, and she fears she'll never be good enough. See what happens when she puts her hubby to the "wife test." Will he be able to do it all? Then, Diana says a good wife must serve her man instead of trying to balance a career and a family. Plus, a woman who thinks "wife" is a four-letter word! Join the discussion.
