When I got married, I expected a life full of love, happiness and togetherness. Before we were married, we did things together as well as apart, but we were happy. Now I've lost most of our friends (and most of his family) because after we were married, it was 'us' and 'he' didn't want to be bothered socializing with friends or family. He did, however, continue to socialize with his friends at the local bars.
I work full-time in a stressful environment; my work is tedious and sometimes mind boggling. He works on construction and always says how 'hard' he worked........not (to which he admits). I usually come home mentally exhausted; on occasion, he will come home physically exhausted. He expects me to listen to how his day went, but turns away when I want to tell him about mine.
I am expected to make a home cooked meal and clean up after my day's work. (When he's layed off, I get the Campbell's life.)
When the husband and the kids have no clean clothes, it's 'mom' to the laundry. On occasion, they will put a load in the washer, but it could sit for days before I hang them up. To make matters worse when it comes to laundry, the dogs go into the laundry room and 'retrieve' clothing and bring it into other parts of the house. Needless to say, I have to go from room to room to collect pieces of laundry because they can't put the laundry in the baskets designated for it. The kids will keep their dirty clothes in a pile in their bedrooms and after 2 weeks or so, dump all the clothes and expect them to be washed. Right!! Did I mention that I have to wash 'clean' clothes, too, because they take something out to wear and decide that's not what they want, so it goes in the 'dirty' pile on the floor? Never an offer to fold the clothes and put them away.
Nobody picks up after themselves. A spilled drink here, dirty dishes there, dirty clothes everywhere. My house looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years, but I just can't do it all by myself. I only pick up after myself anymore. I'm hoping for the Health Dept to say it's uninhabitable.
For years, my husband treated me like I was a slave. When he demanded something, I was expected to do it. I did this for years to keep the peace, but I had enough. More than 10 years ago, I made a New Years resolution.........every time he yelled at me or treated me like one of the kids, he'd go a week without sex. I got tired of tracking the weeks, so now he's cut off completely. I haven't had sex in over 10 years and can honestly say I don't miss it because when you walk into my home, there is absolutely nothing there to 'turn you on'.
My philosophy was to treat people the way they treat you. I have trained myself to ask them just once to do something. If I have to say it again, I snap at them. It's what they would do to me. Lying is a big problem with them, too. I have learned to lie, too. I lie to them over the simplest thing, like 'are you working tomorrow'; I tell them 'no' even though I am working.
In the last 5 years, my husband went on vacation with us just once. He had better things to do than to spend some time with his family. I feel like I've raised my kids to the best of my ability as a single parent. The only time he was there was when they got themselves into trouble. And then all he did was scream and beat them. It was always my fault.
I have said time and time again that I'm not going to live like this anymore. I want my own place so bad that I could taste it. It wouldn't take much more for me to pack my bags.
Would I do it again? NEVER!! I could never trust any man to treat me the way I should be treated. I rather have a life than be a wife (and mother).
So much for love, happiness and togetherness.
(Original Airdate: 10/10/05) What makes a good wife? Is it cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and having great sex? Dr. Phil says too few couples understand what it means to be a "Mrs." His first guest, Grant, says his wife, Kelly, is in desperate need of "wife lessons" when it comes to her cooking, cleaning and the way she dresses. Kelly says trying to be the perfect wife while raising three kids is overwhelming, and she fears she'll never be good enough. See what happens when she puts her hubby to the "wife test." Will he be able to do it all? Then, Diana says a good wife must serve her man instead of trying to balance a career and a family. Plus, a woman who thinks "wife" is a four-letter word! Join the discussion.
