Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

First of all, my heart went out to that beautiful, red-headed woman married to that man, probably a good man, who has no concept of how he is damaging her with his constant criticism.  On the other hand, having raised 5 children and kept a very orderly and attractive home, I don't understand why she can't rise to the occassion.  I wanted our home to be orderly and attractive and he never overtly criticized me, but neither was I appreciated for the 5 loads of laundry each day, the meals for 7 people, the housekeeping and groundskeeping, securing of provisions, etc. and looking good all the while.   

Needless to say, he is VERY sorry now as I am  no longer married to that man whose house I kept so well and I'm sorry for that.  I would have kept a lovely home (and do) with our without him.  We simply didn't communicate and I never felt we were friends.  He is a former marine and, when the garage door went up at 7:30 at night, we all sprang to attention.  He treated me like one of the troops and that is a recipe for disaster.  Now he is in a miserable marriage and afraid to exert himself whatsoever lest he lose his money.  It's just sad.  We could have had it all if we had been able to be friends, not just lovers.  We are friends now. 

If only this guy knew how dumb he looked up there acting like he was so right in very thing he said. the sad thing about it is that he truely believes everything he says. The thing that bothered me was that she was more worried about what he said about "settleing for her". I was just sad about that. I could never imagine my husband saying something like that to me. He may want to be a perfectionist, but I guarantee you that at work they wish he never made a mistake that way they never have to go back and fix it. He really made me angry. He just sounded dumb. He didn't even hear what Robin said. I was sad for me to watch.  

This Grant guy has no clue, but he needs to get one. 

It sounds like my former husband and yours were clones of each other.  Thank God I found someone who was completely different and had a later, happy marriage that lasted until his death. 

He certainly came across the same way to me.    After knowing many engineers I think that I can safely say that at least the majority of them think that everything has to be done precisely and planned far in advance to the nth degree. They also have one-track minds and don't seem able to multitask like women have to do. That may be fine in their professional lives but it doesn't work well if small children are involved.  No matter how well organized anyone is somethng will happen to upset the plan because small children are not capable of doing things precisely and planning ahead.  They live in the moment and the mom has to be able to adjust immediately to their needs.  I really feel sorry for Kelly.  Grant needs to recognize that his job and her job are completely different. 

My First thought when watching Wifestyles was how fast I could refer her to a divorce lawyer.  I felt terribly sorry for her.  Nobody deserves to be treated with such disrespect.  I wonder if Grant has ever sat down and added up what it would cost him to have a full time nanny for all those kids, Personal Cook, Maid and a "madame of the night" day in and day out.  He certainly wouldn't be able to afford it!  However, there is sort of a small point here.  This is no way to support Grant just to make a tiny point.  As a luxury, I GET to stay home with my children.  But it is my job as well.  I am a housewife.  My job is to cook, clean and take care of the kids.  That is what I do.  I do it ok.   My husband provides me with the luxury of seeing every movement my kids make.  Things I could never in a million years re-create.  So in some sort of funny and sick way if he has some mild reasonable expectations, I wouldn't find it a terrible inconvenience to oblige.  Fortunatly, I don't have a Grant in my life.  I am not perfect and thank GOD neither is my husband!  I still feel sorry for her.  I can only hope and pray that he will see what he has in front of him and cherish her.   

And one more thing.....I have noticed some comments in regards to creation.  I will pray for all of you.  The Christians who are Bible believing Christ loving that you may have a Blessed New Year and that God will pour out blessings on you and your family for having the courage to stand up for Him and his Son.  The "Christians" who don't have that personal relationship with Christ, I will pray for you that you find your way and you experience your "moment" that brings you to your knees and you closer to God.  And I will pray for the non-believers, that you too have your "moment".  God Help you when you do as for some it may be too late.  As you can tell, I am a CHRISTIAN.  I believe in God, I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe he suffered and died a terrible death so that I will not one day have to suffer for my sins, and I will be eternally grateful for that.  I am NOT a doormat to my husband but I am submissive.  There is a difference. 

Although this question wasnt posed to me specifically, wanted to throw out my opinions. 

I can think of a few things that I would say are more important then raising your children full time.  Being a happy fulfilled woman/mother/wife,  is one.  If youre staying home with the children because you feel you have to,  but are miserable doing it, then you cant be a good mom.  An unhappy mother can not be a good mother.   

Protecting your children financially, physically, mentally and emotionally is another thing I would say is more important than staying home full time.  Some woman can do all this while staying home, others cant.  All are different and not all  will feel or act as you.  

I caught an earlier post that made sense to me.  They were speaking about you being young and in an early place with your marriage.  I think they called it the "muffin cooking" stage.    That particular poster was saying it would have been better if they had someone who had been at this longer and wasnt such a "newbie" at it all.  Not to demean what you are and have done(I did it too so that would be silly ;)  but I do think this was a good point.  Alot of the posters you are replying to have been married longer then you, raised their children longer then you, and proabably feel a bit as if "who are you to say this is the right and proper way when my way has been working for 10-15-20 years?" 

I do understand where you are coming from and am glad this works for you.  I only would wish that after the first airing of this show and all the responses you received on this board, you would have backed up off your position of all mothers must stay home if financially feasable.  It seems you still are in this mindset and I find that a bit unsettling, myself.  Its as if you are unwilling to hear and acknowledge all of the mothers who did work, whether they had to or not, and still managed to raise healthy happy exceptional children.  Those women do deserve recognition.  Just as do the mothers who stayed home.  In the end, all of us women need to stick together and back off the "My way is the right way" stance.  It simply isnt true.  Not everyone is you therefor your way will not be right for everyone.   

Seems rather simple to me. 

 Its as if you are unwilling to hear and acknowledge all of the mothers who did work, whether they had to or not, and still managed to raise healthy happy exceptional children.  

I guess that was my only point. But in the end it really doesn't matter, because I suppose I'm pretty stubborn on some things, too. What I do know for sure is that I can't imagine my children turning out any better, and I love my work.  I wouldn't change one thing.  God has blessed me in so many ways and has led me in whatever choices I have made.  And now, I am done with this particular message board topic.  All of you have a wonderful New Year.