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Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

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Created on : Friday, October 07, 2005, 03:34:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 10/10/05) What makes a good wife? Is it cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and having great sex? Dr. Phil says too few couples understand what it means to be a "Mrs." His first guest, Grant, says his wife, Kelly, is in desperate need of "wife lessons" when it comes to her cooking, cleaning and the way she dresses. Kelly says trying to be the perfect wife while raising three kids is overwhelming, and she fears she'll never be good enough. See what happens when she puts her hubby to the "wife test." Will he be able to do it all? Then, Diana says a good wife must serve her man instead of trying to balance a career and a family. Plus, a woman who thinks "wife" is a four-letter word! Join the discussion.

 

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October 8, 2005, 11:26 am CDT

Know your place

Looks like all you ladies have some issues within inside your self,  

  

Do you go to your husbands work and help him during the day? I think not. If it wasn't for your husband you would be taking care of your kids and working because I'm sure your the type of woman that would keep your kids from you husband for the sole purpose of receiving child support. So maybe you should get off your butt and stop watching TV and surfing the NET all day.  

  

If you are such a caring and loving person you would be able to look past all of this and accept your position in life. Remember your the Mommy, NOT the Daddy. So put on a nice dress and cook some muffins for your kids and you husband, and have them ready for him the next time he walks in the door. 

  

Bill Jinkens 

 
October 8, 2005, 11:28 am CDT

I AGREE COMPLETELY

Quote From: jettav

Wives are meant to love and to honor their husbands just as husbands are to love and to honor their wives. Husband, if you want respect then you must also respect your wives. I am a stay at home mom with a wonderful husband. We work together as a team because we love and appreciate each other. Yes, my hubby worksa paying job and I am home with the children, but parenting is a 24/7 job and there is absolutely no way the wife/mother can do all this on her own. Knowing that she has a husband who loves and respects her and has no problem reaching out and giving a hand does wonders for the wifes self esteem, it certainly boosts her ego and desire to be the best wife that she possibly can be. My husband is a hard worker and gets his breaks and outings but he also knows that he helped create our children and has the responsibiltiy to make sure that he does his part in taking care of his family. My children love their daddy and loves it when he walks in the door, They don't cry and fuss when mommy leaves all by herself cause they know their daddy loves then enough to play and spend time with them. They have a great bonding relatoinship and I believe it is becasue of the attitude that my husband has. We are helpmates and we are there for each other. Some husbands need to get off theri high horses and love and honor their wives and step up to the plate in helping with the home and kids. You might actually enjoy the bonding and positive attention that you get from your wife and even your children. Of course wives need not to hound their husbands and tell him often that she loves him, don't expect him to come straight home and to start working, let him have some time to relax and to get settled in. Marriage is about two people and both of them have an obligation to love, respect and honor the other. It isn't about who is suppose to do what and who gets the privelege of being boss, it is about being helpmates and being there for each other. It is my wifestyle to love and cherish my husband to encourage and build him up and in return I get the same, our marriage is not perfect but we have a strong foundation and that foundation is our Lord and our love for one another.

  

  

   Not sure I could have said it better myself.  Amen for husbands like ours and I hope that maybe one day the husbands that believe their wives were put on earth to treat them like kings wake up and face reality.  Because it is inevitable that one day their wives will wake up and realize that they don't have to put up with it.   

  

GOD BLESS 

 
October 8, 2005, 11:48 am CDT

Being Happy

I grew up with unhappy parents who drank and fought and beat us kids.  I decided as a child that I would not be like this with my husband or my kids.  I decided that my marriage would be a partnership with a good man who would treat me as his equal and not as his servant.  But I also knew that I could not go around treating my husband like he was my personal ATM machine or my dumping ground when I'd had a bad day.  I also decided that I'd make sure I kept a healthy balance of time spent with my husband and with friends so that my husband and I would not be co-dependant and/or drive each other nuts.   

  

My fiance is a farmer.  He's very traditional and lives in a very traditional community in Scotland.  It is ok for a woman to be a housewife and stay at home without seeking a career.  We have both decided that I will be a housewife and my career will be that of taking care of the house, the meals and the kids (with his help!)  He would run the farm.  I am comfortable with this choice because while he toils on the farm I toil in the house and we both respect one another's hard day of work.  Neither of us feels superior to the other.  He busts his hump fixing fences and comes home to a hot meal laid out in a clean kitchen.  It's such a delight to provide him with the comforts of home while he provides me with a home!!  It's a team effort.  I do the laundry, he digs out new drainage ditches.  I scrub the floors and he shovels cow poo out of the barns.  Together we make it happen because on our own we'd get hardly anything done.  When he needs my help with the farm work I go and give him a hand but it's ok with him if I'm not strong enough to do something.  And it is also ok with him if I say, "I need to go back to the house because it's time to get dinner started."  It is ok with me that I'm not strong enough to do all of the work and that I will be returning to the house to cook our meal.  I never feel inferior.  There are days when he comes home after 12 hours of hard work and sees me up to my eyes in housework.  He'll roll up his sleeves and do the dishes or vaccum the floors without giving me any grief or making me feel guilty.  This way I can accept his help without worrying.   The entire community of farmers respect the housewifes (farmwives?) who work hard all day long.  I have never been made to feel inerior by any of the men I have met or hosted at the farm house.  Many times farmers get together and rotate amongst the farms for harvesting crops and other big jobs.  The farmwives at each farm cook up a big meal and feed them all.  I suppose someone could look at me as I rush about the house desparately throwing together a big meal for five or ten hungry men and think, "What an oppressed woman she is!"  But that is not the case.  The case is: it is perfectly ok for me to be a Woman.  I do not have the pressure of "keeping up with the boys" yet at the same time I don't have the irritation of being "just a woman."  I have worked some tough jobs: helicopter mechanic in the U.S. Navy, firefighter and EMT in Alaska.   I am not some brain-washed woman that has no idea what it means to be "free."  I have made the choice to be a housewife without anyone pressuring me or convincing me that it was the right thing for me to do.  It was more of an agreement between me and my fiance rather then an expectation.  I told him I wanted to be a housewife and he smiled and told me he wanted me to be a housewife too.  We were both very happy with the choice. 

     As for dressing up, I have to admit that I really enjoy treating my man.  I really love it when he comes home and there is a nice table set for him with napkins and food laid out in pretty dishes.  He comes in and scrubs himself clean and takes off his coveralls so that he comes into the house fresh and clean.  I enjoy washing up and changing into some nice clothes and fixing my hair and maybe dabbing on some perfume and a bit of makeup so that I can see his eyes light up when he walks through the door.  His eyes light up regardless but it's still nice to take him by surprise every now and then.  And why not be fresh and clean after my own hard afternoon of working and sweating?  He does the same for me! 

    I'm in America waiting to visit him again in the winter.  I really miss my life there on the farm.  We are going to get married this summer and I am really looking forward to moving to be with him permanently.  We do have our problems and we do butt heads but the key to our sucess is that we are both willing to listen to one another, compromise with one another, work out our problems so they don't rule our lives and, most importantly of all, we are capable of backing off and allowing one another to have the last word or to make the decison.  Sometimes it's ok to "get your way" as long as getting your own way is not done by playing games and manipulating.  We just decide to be selfless and let the other person do or have what they are asking for when we know we aren't going to suffer beacuse of it.   

 
October 8, 2005, 1:01 pm CDT

Oh Bill Ur gonna start a fight

Quote From: chadswick

Looks like all you ladies have some issues within inside your self,  

  

Do you go to your husbands work and help him during the day? I think not. If it wasn't for your husband you would be taking care of your kids and working because I'm sure your the type of woman that would keep your kids from you husband for the sole purpose of receiving child support. So maybe you should get off your butt and stop watching TV and surfing the NET all day.  

  

If you are such a caring and loving person you would be able to look past all of this and accept your position in life. Remember your the Mommy, NOT the Daddy. So put on a nice dress and cook some muffins for your kids and you husband, and have them ready for him the next time he walks in the door. 

  

Bill Jinkens 

  

  

Mr Bill Jinkens, 

  

   How many times have you stayed at home with  kids?  And when you did....did u put on a nice suit and make some muffins for the kids??  Or was it just a bowl of cereal???  What about the mom's that are married and working too...are they supposed to come home from work just like their husbands do and cook and clean or should it be a two way street???  If mom's work and came home and sat their butts on the couch waiting for Monday Night Football to start there sure would be some hungry people in that family.   

  

And the whole "keeping the kids from the husband for the sole purpose of collecting child support"  I hate to break it to you but there isn't a whole lot of men out there willing to take responsibility for their kids so they should have to pay child support.  Just for your info...i don't watch TV and surf the net all day..and I am a SAHM (Stay at home mom) just incase you couldn't figure it out.  There is more to staying home than baking muffins and caring for kids.  I do laundry, straighten up the house, wash dishes, fix lunches, pay bills, give baths, and make sure that something is out to be made for dinner.  So until you walk the shoes of a SAHM..I advise you keep the baking muffins remarks to yourself.....U want muffins....learn how to bake them yourself.   

  

MAN I HOPE YOU AREN"T MARRIED 

 
October 8, 2005, 1:54 pm CDT

An Apple for An Apple

The thing that makes a good wife is a good husband. There are many issues that a couple should agree on before marriage such as religion, children, values and  goals. If the two are a fit then a good wife will have a good husband, and visa versa, a good husband will have a good wife.
 
October 8, 2005, 3:18 pm CDT

wifestlyes

Quote From: luvnmykids

  

  

   Not sure I could have said it better myself.  Amen for husbands like ours and I hope that maybe one day the husbands that believe their wives were put on earth to treat them like kings wake up and face reality.  Because it is inevitable that one day their wives will wake up and realize that they don't have to put up with it.   

  

GOD BLESS 

I agree 100 percent.  I have only been married eight years, but when I said our vows I knew that we would have the best relationship that two loving people could ever have.  I am a stay at home mom of two and my husband pretty much works seven days a week.  Second shift two.  I hardly see him except in the mornings because he has to drive an hour to and from work  But I try my best to do the best I can at being a perfect wife, I home school our children, cook, clean and make sure our home is as nice and tidy as possible.  I deffently don't hear him complaining.  We go to church every time the doors are open and we base our foundation on God as well.  I think there is no way in the world that we would be as blessed as we are if it weren't for God.  My children are 6 and 4 and they know that their father loves them a lot even though he works alot.  I leave them here when I run errands and do the shopping and I do not worry at all.  I can honestly say that men should deffently appreciate their wives.  Especially if they have children.  It is not easy sometimes and it makes us wives feel good to hear great compliments and deffently have respect.  And as long as I have God and my husband I will not have to worry because he is truly a wonderful man and I will try my best to show him that all the time.  So husbands love your wives, respect them and honor them.  Don't take us for granted because sometimes it isn't easy being the perfect wife.
 
October 8, 2005, 4:02 pm CDT

Wow!

Quote From: chadswick

Looks like all you ladies have some issues within inside your self,  

  

Do you go to your husbands work and help him during the day? I think not. If it wasn't for your husband you would be taking care of your kids and working because I'm sure your the type of woman that would keep your kids from you husband for the sole purpose of receiving child support. So maybe you should get off your butt and stop watching TV and surfing the NET all day.  

  

If you are such a caring and loving person you would be able to look past all of this and accept your position in life. Remember your the Mommy, NOT the Daddy. So put on a nice dress and cook some muffins for your kids and you husband, and have them ready for him the next time he walks in the door. 

  

Bill Jinkens 

  

Bill, Bill, Bill. It would appear that you, not the women that have responded to this topic, are the one with the issues.  These women were merely stating their values, their beliefs on what makes their husbands and in turn, themselves happy.  

  

You assume that all they do is sit on their butt, watching television or surfing the Internet all day, is that the example that you had in your household? Or are you an insecure man who feels the need to assert his supposed superiority on the woman that he married? I believe that it is the latter. 

  

Very few women, or men for that matter, today stand by the ways of gender roles.  Men and women are equals in most households. We share child rearing and we share the work load.  You need to come off the mindset that a woman's place is at home, barefoot and pregnant, happily awaiting her husband with a fresh tin of muffins. 

 
October 8, 2005, 4:43 pm CDT

OH MY GOSH....

When you are raised in a house with an abusive FATHER and a passive aggressive Mother and no FAMILY role models (everyone lives out of State)  and your basically held  captive as to what normal v abnormal is I think it is really great that Dr. Phil had the insight and brain energy unlike a lot of men who posted here to be OUR HERO!  Us the woman who do not know what is goodvBad behavior! 

  

Believe you me there's a hell of alot more to do at home then WATCH TV,  surf the net,  butBill....I wont even waste my time....I am sure your wife has already High tailed it out of DODGE  if not I am sure she will AFTER watching THE GREAT DR. Phil's Show on MONDAY. 

  

Your post made me feel Yukkie.......  

 
October 8, 2005, 4:48 pm CDT

Oh what a MAN

Quote From: blupoet

  

Bill, Bill, Bill. It would appear that you, not the women that have responded to this topic, are the one with the issues.  These women were merely stating their values, their beliefs on what makes their husbands and in turn, themselves happy.  

  

You assume that all they do is sit on their butt, watching television or surfing the Internet all day, is that the example that you had in your household? Or are you an insecure man who feels the need to assert his supposed superiority on the woman that he married? I believe that it is the latter. 

  

Very few women, or men for that matter, today stand by the ways of gender roles.  Men and women are equals in most households. We share child rearing and we share the work load.  You need to come off the mindset that a woman's place is at home, barefoot and pregnant, happily awaiting her husband with a fresh tin of muffins. 

  

  

      I can tell from your response that you have never had any hand in raising children. Babies require 24 hour 7 days a week. There is no time off! To sit back and have a cool one. Who gets up during the night for feedings? Who changes diapers? I feel all new dads should have to look after the babies for at least a week. With no help at all. Then and only then will you ever understand the work involved. My husband had to look after my son while I was in the hospital. He said he wouldn't trade even! 

 
October 8, 2005, 5:05 pm CDT

To all husbands out there

Quote From: chadswick

Looks like all you ladies have some issues within inside your self,  

  

Do you go to your husbands work and help him during the day? I think not. If it wasn't for your husband you would be taking care of your kids and working because I'm sure your the type of woman that would keep your kids from you husband for the sole purpose of receiving child support. So maybe you should get off your butt and stop watching TV and surfing the NET all day.  

  

If you are such a caring and loving person you would be able to look past all of this and accept your position in life. Remember your the Mommy, NOT the Daddy. So put on a nice dress and cook some muffins for your kids and you husband, and have them ready for him the next time he walks in the door. 

  

Bill Jinkens 

When was the last time you told your wives that you love them and when was the last time you took your wife out on a date, when was the last time you told your wife that you appreciate her and when was the last time you told her to sit down and relax and not to worry about the dishes, laundry, whatever? when was the last time you got up to change your babies diaper or to take care of a sick baby? when was the last time you asked your wife if there is anything you can do for her? When was the last time, you told your wife to take a break and go take a shower and you would read the bed time story and tuck your child into bed? when was the last time you encouraged your wife to go out with a friend and enjoy her evening while you spend qualtiy time with your child? When was the last time that you went out and brought dinner home for the family to give your wife a break from the kitchen? Yes, you might work a paying job and you may deserve to come home and relax and be waited on by your wife, and yes you may deserve to get to bed at a decent hour and get a good night sleep and yes, you may deserve a night out with the guys and to enjoy your time away from work, and yes, you may deserve that brand new tv, video game whatever it might be but what about your wife? Is she worth all that as well, does she deserve a break, time out to herself or out with a friend, does she deserve to be waited on once in a while, does she deserve maybe that new outfit that she has been wanting, does she deserve a good night sleep? My point here is that husabnd and wives are to love one another and with love which comes with appreciation and respect and if spouses honestly and truly loves one another then they would be more then willing to give a hand now and then. for one to manipulate and to degrade the other is just plain wrong and a shame and how many HAPPY COUPLES (those who have these qualities as well as so much more) do you see getting divorced? The divorce rate is out rageous and I wonder why? Could it be that one or both partners is so self centered in the relationship that everything is about them and only them and could it be the lack of respect and appreciation for the other, that one feels more like a slave or a sex object instead of a wife?(husband) Could it be that the needs of one is not being met becasue the other is too concerned about themselves and would much rather please himself then the other or maybe it could be becasue of the rotten attitudes of the other( I am so much better then you becasue I do this and I do that and I bring home the pay check, so what if your tired, I don't have time to listen to you or to help you out at this moment?) Any way, whatever, love, respect and encourage one another and be help mates instead of enemies and competitors, you would be surprised about how happy and fullfilling your marriage really can be. And yes my husband is a worker and an encourager, he does all those things that I mentioned plus more, yes there are times when he aggravates me some but there are also times when I aggravate him, we may have our off moments but I know for a fact that my husband loves and adores me and he isn't ashamed to be the kind and considereate husband that he is and becaue of the loving relationship that we have, we will be married for many more years casue we are a team.
 
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