Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

If Grant thinks he can do a better job at managing the home then he should try it for a week with the same expectations he puts on Kelly. I think Grant is a very lucky man by having Kelly in his life and should get down on his hands and knees and thank God.  I hope that Kelly realizes that she will never make him happy, to be happy you must first be happy with yourself and Grant has serious issues. I think Kelly deserves much more, someone who appreciates her for what she is.

 I  will not be longwinded but get straight to the point!!The reason relationships don't work is  

because one person wants to be the "BOSS".In this case it is Grant with his critical attitude. 

This is a power trip.The bible says when a man marries he obtains a helper not a SLAVE!! 

As far as the housework,It's not the house that makes the home but the people inside. 

Grant does not respect his wife and WILL drive her away.Marriage is two people respecting 

each other and intimacy follows.Grant is task orientated and he missed something in his life called LOVE and I pray his wife has lots of patience!! 

Why is there sometimes a tendency to overgeneralize what a "woman" is or a "man" is or "should" be?  People of the same gender vary greatly so why is the "Role of a Wife" even a valid topic?  Wouldn't that role depend on so many factors such as whether or not a woman is working and is she working full time or part time?  How many children does she have?  How much income is available for external resources?  What type of job does her husband have?  For example, a woman who does not work outside the home and has few or no children and whose husband has to work heavy labor, in my opinion,  should perform alot more household duties than say a woman whose situation is very different.  A woman who works outside the home, has children, possibly parents that need alot of care or attention, little resources for external help and a husband who is not so tasked at his job should expect that her husband would carry some burden.   Isn't this all as simple as a human relationship that needs to be give and take and not gender based?  It doesn't matter whose doing the giving or taking, whether it's the husband or wife, as long as it makes sense in their lives and both parties are putting forth an honest and loving effort.  To me, it makes more sense to ask what is our role in our particular relationship as defined by the needs of the people involved.  Dr. Phil says many insightful things, as most of us know.  Some are so simple and basic it makes you wonder how many people miss that common sense aspect and end up in a turmoil.  One simple piece of advice that he gave that would eliminate so many of these silly issues is to really know the person you marry.  Learn their expectations, dreams, goals, etc....   Sure would make life easier down the road.   

  

Good luck to the guests on this show.   I loved Dr. Phil's advice to Gary to live in a messy house for a while!  It's so true!  No one will write on his tombstone that he was able to get his wife to give him a perfect house.  If he's not careful, he may have to pay someone to even give him a tombstone!(Sorry, Gary!). 

After three years of therapy and tons of growth I can say I feel bad for Grant doing it public. He went through understanding 101 in front of millions. The first time you really, really hear that you are the only one you can control, it is so unbelievable. Dr. Phil ask his national audience to let him know via message boards what we think makes a good wife. WELLLLL..... 

  

I have been a stay at home mom for three children and my husband, yes I said my husband, for over 18 years. I include my husband because he becomes part of the "core of care", you are expected to provide. It wasn't long after quitting a successful job that I became a full time on call, full needs, you name it I'll do it, clean it, cut it, fix it, call it, sew it, cook it, organize it, doctor it, drive it, wash it, honey/mom where is it kind of woman! I thought I was equipped, maybe I was. I do know that I had many underlying issues and expectations that were influencing my "performance".  My mom stayed at home but she slept till noon, she cooked and cleaned, but never did PTA or car pool. My dad had a his own business and earned a good living. Because my husband was earning the "living" I felt my responsibility was to do virtually everything else!!! Guess how that worked for me. 

Being a wife has very distinct points as well as being a husband does. If Grant wants Kelly to watch movies and learn hip  hop dancing, what is he willing to do or give up for her to make time to do that? When she said she was cleaning the bathroom and realized her three year old was bike riding naked down the street, it reminded me of when my next door neighbor brought my daughter home naked carrying her diaper , all the while I was nearby in the front yard gardening.  We all want to be perfect, wonderful wives and mothers. Maybe just wanting that and doing our best to make our family warm and comfortable is all that should really be expected. 

  

I worked at it. Really hard. I got the attention of all our family and friends, the neighbor's children went home and told their moms about my house being pretty and clean. In turn those moms would ask me, how do you do it? I wanted to do it! I made it a priority and my husband worked late so I had extra time.  

I also ended up depressed and suicidal. My therapist said I was the hardest working patient she had! All because I had underlying issues. I am guessing Grant had very disciplined parenting that had little room for error. He has too much anger and is too ambivalent about his reasons for not wearing his wedding ring. My opinion is one or both of his parents withheld love if he did not perform to their expectations. Dr. Phil got to the crux of it at the end of the show and finally began to address some of Grants issues. Kelly seems to be trying hard to be a good mother. Grant has never said that! He appears to be absorbed on the fact that the swiffer is in the way, instead of, Kelly had to chase our naked three year old down the street today.  

  

I watched Kelly as our "sister" sold her out and dissed her for not observing her husbands needs. I was rooting for her to rip her throat out, but in Kelly's calm, lady like way she let her know whats up. Rising above it almost always pays off, as it did for Kelly on todays show. She is already giving so much, when Grant settles down and gives up the unrealistic desire to control, he will know that.   

  

O.K. so what makes a good wife. She should support her husband in his life and career choices, as long as it is legal and conducive to their well being. Give him the respect that he earns. Love him for what he is, assuming you knew what he was when you married him. Nurse him when he is sick and when he is down. Lend a hand when he needs help. And in my opinion, sex is important and should be as wild as both parties find acceptable. 

  

Dr. Phil I am waiting patiently for the husband shows. I am old enough to remember Phil Donahue and all the shows he did on how to make your husband happy. OH MY GAWD!!! Please, please once and for all as only you can, tell em' like it is! Any wife and mother that has heard, meet them at the door naked, wrapped in Saran Wrap or a French Maid outfit is sick to death of being told that S---! I want my husband to meet me with a paycheck that I can use for more than a trip to Walmart. I would like his mother to STOP telling him to not work to hard. I would love, love, love for him to give me, touch me, tell me without being asked!!!  

  

Give it to us DR. PHIL style!  And Grant put the ring back on. 

The one thing Grant does not seem to find fault with is Kelly's raising of their children.  If the housework is neglected one week, you can dust up 2 weeks of dust just as easily as one week.  Neglecting one's children, however, can never be made up. 

  

It would be wonderful if we could all be superwomen.  Since that is not going to happen and since Grant is far, far, far from being superman, i think he should quit being so blind.  He should be glad he has a wife that loves him (as he is--which to me is surprising all by itself) and loves their children.  Many people do not have that. 

  

The world is full of examples of what happens to neglected children.  Not having an organized pantry just doesn't stack-up. 

I've watched both shows.  It's so frustrating to watch because Grant doesn't understand or appreciates what and who he has in his life.  Simple. 

  

My husband is a successful mechanical engineer for a notable world wide company.  He does have a analytical way of thinking and wants to solve problems whether it's technical or emotional. (Sometimes I have a hard time communicating with him because he explains things the long way and takes a while to get to the point.)  BUT...as soon as he walks in door from work, the first thing he does is gives me kiss and tells me he loves me.  He respects me as his wife and a mother.   

  

Whether he's trying to figure out how to make a product or a piece of electrical equipment to work, I'm at home cleaning up dumped crayons for the 5th time or cleaning up spilled milk and endless toys and other household chores.    

  

We define our roles with respect for each other.  We want our children to see how to love and respect one another.   When my husband compliments me, sometimes for no reason...it's makes me feel so energized to be attractive, clean the house better,  or just be an all around better person.  I remind myself to tell my husband how I appreciate him, I'm attracted to him and ask what can I do to help him relax or just listen about his day and even if it goes way over my head.   And we don't always have those perfect days.  But we try and it just comes natural. 

  

My husband and I were both in relationships prior to ours and were treated with disrespect and always trying to be controlled.  I was critized for not cleaning the base boards in the bathroom and endless petty things all the while I was working full time.  I became resentful.  I learned that was a form of mental abuse.  Eventually over time you lose yourself and self esteem.  Until I met my husband now...I was happy to be alone.   

  

My husband has spent time home alone with the kids and no matter how book smart and technically savy he is...he has a problem of multi tasking kids and housework and endless duties at home.  He appreciates that I just make it through the day sometimes not going insane with an awnry 6 year old and toddler.  Yet, there's not a day that doesn't go by that I think how can I be a better wife and mother.  It's a work in progress and I know my husband loves me no matter what. 

  

Grant needs to spend a weekend home alone with his children and his house and set those same expectations for himself.  

All I need is to watch 5 minutes of news and I'm so grateful to have a healthy family, my husband has a job and we have a home.  It's all about priorities.  

  

It's insulting to Kelly he won't wear his ring.  How heart breaking.  He's playing with her emotions and he knows it.  He's too smart not to.  He has his own self esteem issues otherwise he wouldn't try to control her's. 

  

I hope he learns from this experience and is grateful he has a loving beautiful wife and mother.  

Kelly I'm blessing you with energy and patience to deal with this.   

  

  

  

  

My definiton of a wife has nothing to do with cooking and cleaning.  I work full time just like my husband and we share our household responsibilities 50-50. Since our work schedules are opposite when I'm working he's at home with our baby and maintains the house, and when he's at work I do the same.  When I became his wife I committed myself to loving, respecting and honoring him not making sure he's got a clean house and a hot meal.   Also, marriage should be the ultimate gesture in acceptance.   Knowing that your loved unconditionaly whether your shave, shower, fart, wash the dishes, wreck your car, make a fool out of yourself, gain weight, loose weight, or whatever.  There should be no fear of rejction. 

  

  

PS-Grant not wearing his wedding ring shows that he isn't fully committed and already has one foot out the door.   

      My three children are young adults now. However, years ago,  when I found myself with great expectations of getting it all done, with 3 children under four years of age, I asked
my husband what his expectations were, given our circumstances. He said, " I would like a clear
path to my side of the bed!  My husband could see how over my head I was at times, to just get
a meal on the table with all of my daily responsibilities of three children so close in age. He went
off to work and knew I was going to be doing the best I knew how to do.  Looking back, he
has said to me, "my only regret is, I wish I had gotten you more help when the kids were young".
That could have gone another way too - I could have been more demanding of him, or hiring help,
even though times were financially tight then.
    I also remember back about that time, a dear friend who was older, now passed, walked into the
house and caught me reading to the children and toys all over the family room. I said, oh... please
excuse the mess. My friend said, "I never sat and read to my children when they were small like this; my husband had to have the house completely cleaned and toys put up before he got home from work".  I could defend either situation; both seem correct in my opinion.  I will say, I have
three adult children with college degrees (one an attorney); I feel sure to say, that my friend would
love to have had one of her 3 children graduate from college. With most of these family situations,
the big picture has to be observed. Your advice to the husband to relax more, was a good one and
I hope he is able to do that. 
 Jeanette

I saw the first show that this couple was on and would have bet on Grant making a second appearence with a whole new attiude. Was I ever wrong!! If Grant were as dense in college as he is in his marriage, he would still be struggling to get his degree. I visualize this guy  becoming an old man, alone and living in a spotless surrounding.He will surely become a thorn in the side of his children as they too grow up not being able to meet their Father's expectations. How sad that this guy has no comprehension of what is important in life and relationships  If I were Kelly, I would end this nightmare and move on to better things. This woman is setting herself up for a lifetime of misery and pain. Life is too short to spend it with someone who cannot stand himself and puts others down to elevate his own feelings of inadequacy. This is not about Kelly. This is about a guy who really cannot stand himself. I would bet she has a list of her own that would outnumber the one he had for her. Her chances of having him meet those would be zero. I really wonder how this guy would handle a REAL crisis in his life. He needs a crash course in the world of real life!!!  Life is not all black and white. Ther are so many grey areas and Grant does not have the skills to handle any of them.Rita

 I seen on the show where u want kelly to do more and to be perfect. Well guess what everone isn't perfect so u need to be nicer to her then u r now. If i was in her place and u told me things like that I would just have to tell u that if u wanted the things done right just do it yourself. My husband don't say things like that to me cause if he did that  and  i would have told him the same thing. I'm a house wife myself and i take care of everything. And if the food wasn't just right and he complained I would tell him to fix it hisself for now on. We r not like your mother's cooking but we do have supper on the table some times. Also if the house work wasn't just right either I would have told u to clean it the way u wanted to be clean. I'm just that kind of person. I don't let no one run all over me like that.  

  

Also with the ring problem don't look like u love her cause u don't wear it. Show her u love her and to put your ring back on. I do get mad and take mine off too but after awhile I put it back on. My husband has never tooken his off of his finger like i do sometimes. But i been married almost 11yrs now and have two kids myself and sometimes it's hard to be alone just me and him. What u need to do is take your wife out to eat one night but first get a babysitter and just have fun when u r out together. U might want to have the whole night together. Just pick up the kids the next following day. Just show her u love her. U might have to take her out once a month but it will help your marriage cause me and my husband has to do that ourselfs. 

  

So hopefully back off a little and give her credit for what she does don't get so upset with her. Just help her out from time to time. Listen to her, care for her and always love her. Like I said everyone ain't perfect in life. Thanks for listening to me and what I had to say.