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Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

Number of Replies: 2314
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Created on : Friday, October 07, 2005, 03:34:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 10/10/05) What makes a good wife? Is it cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and having great sex? Dr. Phil says too few couples understand what it means to be a "Mrs." His first guest, Grant, says his wife, Kelly, is in desperate need of "wife lessons" when it comes to her cooking, cleaning and the way she dresses. Kelly says trying to be the perfect wife while raising three kids is overwhelming, and she fears she'll never be good enough. See what happens when she puts her hubby to the "wife test." Will he be able to do it all? Then, Diana says a good wife must serve her man instead of trying to balance a career and a family. Plus, a woman who thinks "wife" is a four-letter word! Join the discussion.

 

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October 8, 2005, 5:20 pm CDT

To Bill, are you married and do you have children(and this message is for all husbands reading this)

Quote From: chadswick

Looks like all you ladies have some issues within inside your self,  

  

Do you go to your husbands work and help him during the day? I think not. If it wasn't for your husband you would be taking care of your kids and working because I'm sure your the type of woman that would keep your kids from you husband for the sole purpose of receiving child support. So maybe you should get off your butt and stop watching TV and surfing the NET all day.  

  

If you are such a caring and loving person you would be able to look past all of this and accept your position in life. Remember your the Mommy, NOT the Daddy. So put on a nice dress and cook some muffins for your kids and you husband, and have them ready for him the next time he walks in the door. 

  

Bill Jinkens 

If so, look past at that fact that you have a job and you can come home and sit on your but and sleep the rest of the evening, did you forget the fact that you married a helpmate and that you helped father your children? My children have a bond with their daddy and can't wait to have him home, why? becasue he doesn't come home just to sit and be waited on, he has a family that he loves and adores and wants to spend time with. And while on that subject guess what the daddy is doing, he is sitting in the recliner with his two little girls on his lap watching Monsters, Inc and he did two loads of laundry this evening while I bathed the girls and cleaned the kitchen. How did you help your wife to day, or are you sitting on your recliner all by your self watching a show and relaxing while your wife is doing the laundry and bathing the children and baking your muffins? oh yea, did I mention that the laundry that my husband did is the laundry that my little girl puked on. Yes, I took care of my little girl but I have the privelege of having a husband who OFFERS his service, get over your self and be the husband that your wife can brag about to her friends and would never even consider the word divorce in her vocabulary.
 
October 8, 2005, 5:33 pm CDT

AMEN!!

Quote From: luvnmykids

  

  

   I am in no way trying to start an arguement with anyone.  I was just a little bothered by one of your remarks.  "IF you honestly believe everything you read, for instance that woman was actually made from Adam's rib, then maybe you don't have a problem being told what to do by your man."  I do firmly believe this because it is in the BIBLE.  And I wholeheartedly believe the bible.  With that said, I am in no way a doormat to my husband.  I choose to do all the laundry and cook all the meals but that is because I stay home with our kids.  It's the least I can do for him.  But when he gets home if I haven't felt well or had a rough day and dinner isn't made there is definitely no fights.  He is more than willing to come home and make dinner or at least help with making dinner.  He understands that just because I am a "Stay at home MOM" doesn't mean I sit around all day and watch soaps or the DR Phil show.  I actually record the show and watch it later in the night while I am in bed.  And just another note...Woman actually means.."from man" so yes dear you were made from man.  God created Eve WITH Adam's rib.  If you weren't made from man what were you made from??  Just a question.  I am happy that you are married to a caring individual and that he is willing to help.  But just because I believe what you don't doesn't mean that My husband isn't willing to help.  He is more than willing.  We share all the household cleaning equally.  Yes during the week I keep the house neat and clutter free, but come the weekend we are BOTH cleaning the house.  I wish you the best of luck in your marriage and GOD BLESS 

I just wanted to say AMEN sister!!  It is so nice to see someone standing up for God's word.  The bible is the only truth we have.  Ive been married 9 years and we are still a work in progress, but i believe with God's guidance we will build a strong marriage.  God created us FROM man FOR man...we would be nothing without each other....doesnt mean we are to be mistreated or walked all over...we are to love and we are to be loved.  We stay at home moms have the most difficult and most important job in the world....GOD BLESS US!!
 
October 8, 2005, 5:42 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: rd4629

  

  

      I can tell from your response that you have never had any hand in raising children. Babies require 24 hour 7 days a week. There is no time off! To sit back and have a cool one. Who gets up during the night for feedings? Who changes diapers? I feel all new dads should have to look after the babies for at least a week. With no help at all. Then and only then will you ever understand the work involved. My husband had to look after my son while I was in the hospital. He said he wouldn't trade even! 

What in my response says that I have no experience raising children?  I have two children, who I stay at home with, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I know that there is no time off. When I do have a that rare moment to myself, I enjoy it.  As far as night time feedings, when I was nursing exclusively, it was I who woke up on in the middle of the night, when I pumped breast milk for a bottle, it was my husband. My husband changes all the diapers when he is home. He takes an active role in our children's lives. When I was hospitalized last year for a week, he, not anyone else, cared for our children.  So please do not tell me that I do not know the amount of work involved.
 
October 8, 2005, 5:49 pm CDT

a proude wife

i am proud to be called a wife. it is not that you are to cook, clean, or be his sex slave. to me it means honer respect and pride. i am a stay at home mom, my hubby works at a job that brings him self worth. it is not a chore it is what i can do for him that makes his job essayer. no i do not dress up all the time but i do my darnedest not to let my self go ether. i love being with him he is my best friend. if you are not happy or expectations are to high for ether one of you there needs to be a give and take here. on the weekends it si my time off, if the house gets dirty every one gets in and picks up so it dose not take me all day to do it.cooking i love cooking. that is my place in the house that no one is aloud in when i cook. sex that is good to my hubby has been together for 8 years and still going Strong. yes it is hard to be everything at once. i tell my hubby i have three modes mom mode, wife mode, and me mode. i tend to all thoughs things at a deferent time a day. if you can find away to do this it will get easier. thank you Sarah 
 
October 8, 2005, 6:45 pm CDT

Hey Bill

Quote From: chadswick

Looks like you have some issues within inside your self,  

  

Do you go to your husbands work and help him during the day? I think not. If it wasn't for your husband you would be taking care of your kids and working because I'm sure your the type of woman that would keep your kids from you husband for the sole purpose of receiving child support. So maybe you should get off your butt and stop watching TV and surfing the NET all day.  

  

If you are such a caring and loving person you would be able to look past all of this and accept your position in life. Remember your the Mommy, NOT the Daddy. So put on a nice dress and cook some muffins for your kids and you husband, and have them ready for him the next time he walks in the door. 

  

Bill Jinkens 

Actually, I HAVE been to my husband's work and have helped him with projects. In fact, just recently he called me from work cause he was stressed about a deadline and was having problems with a computer program. He just wanted to hear my voice and needed some encouragement. No, I couldn't help casue I had absolutely no idea, I was clueless but I did try to encourage him and by the time we were finished talking, he felt better and was home within the next two hours and we had a wonderful evening together. WE decided that we BOTH deserved a nice quiet evening together as the girls were snoozin away so dishes were left in the sink and laundry was folded but still in the baskets but that was no big deal. Would you have been able to call your wife for encouragement or would that have interfered with her duties as your wife? Would you have been ok with the dinner dishes setting in the sink and laundry in the baskets just to spend some alone time with your wife,(and by the way, all we did was talk and discussed some future plans)Does your wife have any say in future plans as a couple or do you make all those decissions? Any way, just wanted to add more wonderful things about my hubby. I wonder how often your wife brags about all the wonderful things that you do and how good she has it living with you and how much you help in taking care of the children, for your sake as well hers, I really do pray that you have a great marriage relationship and that the two of you are on the same page for it would be ashame to have your marriage end because of your self righteous attitude, maybe I have gotten the wrong impression of you through your post and for that I do apologize but if I what I understand is true then you need to lighten up some and enjoy and encourage your wife.....
 
October 8, 2005, 6:54 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: striple

That being a 'good wife' or a 'good husband' is something that one is supposed to learn watching their parents.  So what about those of us who grew up without their real father, and alcoholic step-father, and a mother, who had the best intentions, but didn't set a wonderful example?  I am almost 29 and have been married six years now.  I have two beautiful children and one on the way.  I grew up learning how to be selfish, controlling, and manipulative.  I made a choice (very bad one) at the age of 19 that drastically reinforced those charactertraits.  I have had one example in my life of what a 'good wife' is, but it was fleeting.  I am currently saving up the money to get Relationship Rescue for my husband and I for Christmas.   And when I saw the preview to the show that this topic was started for, I thought, "Finally!"  While it is great that y'all have loving husbands, and seem to have a good grasp on who a 'good wife' is supposed to be, what she is supposed to do, and all of that, some of us don't.  You would be surprised how many women out there don't know.    And to start the first post in this topic with : 
good grief! who came up with this subject?!!
seems really judgemental to me.   I'm not trying to start an arguement or anything, that was just my first reaction to that question.  I understand that  you probably were not intdening it that  way.  But I am definately coming back here in hopes that those of us who don't know, or aren't sure, about being a good wife can come together and talk to other women, like yourself, who do.  We can talk to each other and learn from each other. 
I really didn;t mean to offend and I do apologize. I know and understand exactly what you are talking about as I was a littel scared of marriage myself as I grew p ina very unstable home but luckily I did have good role models and they were people from my church. Marriage is a scaryt thing as we really don't know what to expect. Maybe I shouldn't have started my post the way I did, but the topice caught me a little off gaurd I think because there are men who do think their wives are nothing but their sex toys and slaves buit they are so wrong, we are human just like they are and we have dreams and needs as wellas they do, we need relaxation and friends just like they do and I think it sad that so many wives feel that they are slaves to their husabnds and that their children can rule theri every move. It is spelled out in the Bible on how husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and CHrist did not mistreat, abuse or manipulate the church, He loved the church and even died for it (meaning the people) Any way, marriage is about two people honoring and respecting each other, not to take away ones value. A good wife will honr her husabnd and respect and appreciate his efforts and will boost him up and will treat him with dignity and help take care of his needs the best way that she can, and she will value his love and will have the desire to please him in the marriage but without a loving and supportive husabnd that can be very hard, it actually can drain a wife and casue her to not be all she can be. Being married is about working to gether and being their for each other and if you have all this and so much more, you would make a wonderful wife. It doesn't mean perfection from either side as none of us are perfect, but forgiveness and confidence in each other are great assets in a marriage relationship.
 
October 8, 2005, 6:58 pm CDT

People, Relax... It is simple

 It is obvious that Bill J. is saying that if you are a stay at home mom, you have certain "job" requirements just as your husband does at his place of employment.  He is gone all day long and bringing home the bacon, when he does, it is your "job" to fry it up in a pan.  Yes, he needs to be active in the family unit , too.  But seriously, if the roles were reversed, you worked all day, made your way home, exhausted and ready to relax and wind down for a moment  and your husband meets you at the front door with a kid in tow and basically says "here, you take them for a while, I have had it".   Lots of women do that and it is just not right. You stay at Home.  Home is your job.  

  

I believe that this show is about women that do not work. You cannot relate this concept to the working mom that is in equal partnership with her husband.    

  

I was a working mom and would have loved to have been able to stay at home with my son. He is now  19 years old and I am sad to say that I missed a lot of valuable time and precious moments.  

Time goes by so quickly and before you know it your children are all grown up.  If I had to do it again, I would gladly give up the extra money that I was making, stay at home, keep my house in order, put some lipstick on  and wait for my husband by the door with muffins. 

  

If you are a stay at home mom, appreciate it. You are very lucky. 

 
October 8, 2005, 7:35 pm CDT

Husbands and Wives

Let me give you my take on husbands and wives.  I believe very firmly in traditional roles, as there are several benefits to them in a home especially when children are involved.  I am an advocate of stay at home moms, and have a column in my community newpaer dedicated to them.  I believe husbands should respect their wives, and I believe wives should respect their husbands.  I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things for eachother, such as putting your make up on IF that's his thing.  You want the mortage paid, he wants to see you in makeup..sounds like a fair trade to me.  My husband could care less, but he does like to have dinner when he gets home.  Everytime I see the electricity is still on, I think, "yeah, I can make him some dinner."  It's a give and take.   

  

I struggled for a long time with my role as a wife and mother.  In some ways, I felt degraded and unappreciated.  But you know what?  My husband felt unappreciated, too.  We took each other for granted.  When we both took a deeper look inside ourselves as to what we were doing together and for our family, we became reponsible for our roles and accepted them and have learned to embrace them.  So, my husband goes to work, pays for everything, and I take care of the home and the children.  That's not to say that he doesn't help out around the house with the "manly" things (he does) and he does help with the kids at night and on the weekends, but the bulk of it falls on me.  And I am ok with that.  That's my job.  When I stopped complaining about the decision I made, it became that much easier.  I now have systems in place to help me through the day and I write in my column tips and advice for women just like me. 

  

It's not as hard once you're organized and accepting to run your household and please your husband.  And the more you please him, the more he will please you.  Like I said, it's a give and take.  There is nothing wrong with being a gentle, sweet wife either.  The more you show that you love your husband and want him there, the more he will do for you when you need help.  As much as we hate cleaning toilets and changing diapers, he hates going to work and doing his thing too.  So, lighten up on your man, ladies!  Be a great wife and watch him be a great husband.  Take the time you have alone at night and make the most of it, without complaining and without making him feel like you don't appreciate him.  Because if you do, he will stop appreciating you, too. 

  

Diana 

 
October 8, 2005, 7:46 pm CDT

Tired of non understanding men

I am so tired of non understanding husbands, my own included. He is a wonderful man but he do not get how much work it is for a SAHM. I am basically on call 12-13 hours a day. 7 days a week 365 days a year. If god forbid I am sick I have to get over it and still do everything that has to be done. Taking care of our child, cleaning the house, make sure the laundry is done. It is a ongoing job and you never get done. My husbands favorite line  to me when I tell him  that it is too much sometimes is "Ohh just sit down and relax for a while" All you SAHM knows how impossible that is with a 2 year old running all over the place.  I have tried to tell him what it's like but he don't have a clue.   The thing that pissing me off is that he does not see what needs to be done.  Sometimes I feel like a maid instead of a wife. If I am doing everything alone now why not be alone. this is just frustrating to me that I have to nag him to do things. 

  

Arggggggggghhhh 

 
October 8, 2005, 7:51 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: blupoet

  

Bill, Bill, Bill. It would appear that you, not the women that have responded to this topic, are the one with the issues.  These women were merely stating their values, their beliefs on what makes their husbands and in turn, themselves happy.  

  

You assume that all they do is sit on their butt, watching television or surfing the Internet all day, is that the example that you had in your household? Or are you an insecure man who feels the need to assert his supposed superiority on the woman that he married? I believe that it is the latter. 

  

Very few women, or men for that matter, today stand by the ways of gender roles.  Men and women are equals in most households. We share child rearing and we share the work load.  You need to come off the mindset that a woman's place is at home, barefoot and pregnant, happily awaiting her husband with a fresh tin of muffins. 

Very few women, or men for that matter, today stand by the ways of gender roles.  Men and women are equals in most households. We share child rearing and we share the work load.  You need to come off the mindset that a woman's place is at home, barefoot and pregnant, happily awaiting her husband with a fresh tin of muffins.  

  

  

I don't think we are as equal as we think we are. As long as woman are making abour 70 cent to a dollar compare to men we are not going to be equal. As long as the sociaty basically forces woman to stay at home (me included) because child care is so expensive we can not be equals. When men can and will take out paternity leave and stay at home so they know what it is all about we can get closer to being equal.  The majority of households in the US the woman are doing the housework chores.  As long as we are doing that we will not be equal.  When I was working I still did the majoriy of the household chores. As long as moms (me included) raises our sons that they don't have to learn any household chores we will not be equal. I think my generation is changing a lot of this old gender roles ( I am 32)  but we have a long long way to go.   

  

  

 
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