Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

My question is for Dr Phil; when addressing and discussing with your 3rd guest on the show today (Monday) you tried to share with her that a woman does not give up herself with in a marriage. I agree with that completely, and I agree with all the comments you made on the show. She was afraid of losing her dependence if she were to become a wife. You assured her it should not be that way. I have watched your show pretty religiously for 3 years. I have sent friends in trouble links to your web-page and I admire you very much. I think it is so cute to see your beautiful wife admire your work daily. She appears to be a partner on your show as much as she is in your life. Here is my question: Today you told your 3rd guest that she would not lose her dream or her independence. Is this true for Robin? Has she got to live her dream, and if so what is that? Just curious. I would believe of all people that you would not hold your wife back, but promote her happiness. I am just wondering how this plays in your own home.

my husband told me the definition of wife was wash, iron ,etc.  I made a wrong choice in picking my husband.  I think this is still the going idea between husband and wife.  The lady that was on the show today said that to be independant means not to be married, I agree with her 100%.  When you are married you are always trying to make the other person happy, for fear they will not be nice to you.  When you are single you only have ot please your self.  It is your life, money, house, etc.

As I watched the show, I began to feel for this young mother and wife. She obviously thought she was what he wanted in a wife, but once the children and chores set in, it became obvious he wanted and some how expected more! Reality is that once you are married you become a partner. You join emotions, dreams, ideas, goals, and even friends. I agree that the husband can begin to build his wife with confidence by telling her that she is appreciated. Another reality is that God created man and women to do what He intended them to do. Men were not created to be mother's, even though in some unfortunate circumstances this has happened. Same with women, God did not create woman to do a man's job. Although again some have had to step up and do that too. But as the title states... there has to be BALANCE! And marraige as a partnership can have balance. Each couple will vary in their opinion as to who does their share in this balancing act, and it all depends on the  way things work for you as a couple. As the other wife stated, she does not mind doing for her children, home and husband. But she also made it clear that he appreciated her and respected her. She took on the role of wife, mother, and home maker and it seems to fit her perfectly. But I can assure you that all her days do not run as smooth as you would think. I am sure her husband steps up, and helps her out, and therfore this can create... Balance.  I believe that the first couple can create balance but not without some serious counseling. I think that with hard work they can survive. Now as for the lady who said that she did not want to become a wife.... I can respect that as her choice. But she was not right when she said she did not want to give up who she was for any one. Unfortunately, if you have any kind of relationship with anyone, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands, you will inevitably loose a part of yourself at one time or another, because not everyone will always act the way you want them too. And if you want to maintain the realtionship, you can set boundires, but you will at some point have to give in, submit in some way, or else you will be a very lonely person throughout the rest of your life. It is all about choices, and also balance.

Hi, look I am 21...so im not much older.  I got married at your age and I love my husband.  I'm sure you know of the divorce stats....i mean HALF?!?  Its crazy.  I dont think you HAVE to choose, unless he is intent on holding you down and in that case, you dont need someone like that anyway.  MI have been married about 2 years and it's harder than I thought,  I was never the naive type, thinking it was gunna be a "rose garden party" but I was in over my head for a while...maybe it was the sudden transition from a daughter to a mother and a military wife away from family....i dont know.  But its not easy...and thats cus my husband and i dated since high school and beyond....7 years before we got married!  Dont let it scare you, marriage is also a wonderful experiance and SHOULD be a bond that last FOREVER.  But you, like me, are too young.  I'm sure youre mature enough, but go for what YOU want first because after marriage, you cant be selfish anymore and giving half of yourself to someone else is hard when you just barely discovered who you are as a whole.

 My  ex fiance was always critisising me. He once told me if I cannot do better, he would never want to live with me.  So I told him to take his ring and put it somewhere. I would like to know how the blonde lady manages to do what she does, because I can even get close.

Was the guy on today's show for real?  What was he thinking?  He couldn't even answer Dr. Phil's questions with a straight face.  I felt embarrassed for him and sorry for her.  I hope he'll do what Dr. Phil said and watch the tape AT LEAST 10 times.  If this guy is capable of holding a job, then he should eventually be able to understand the message Dr. Phil was trying to pound into his thick skull.  Good luck to the wife.

This guy today, needs to get real & grow up, he's living in a world of fantasy.  Being male, I too enjoy looking at a nice looking, well dressed female.  But, this really is the 21st century & both my great wife & I haven plenty to contend with.  Setting a long list of rules & do's & don't up on the board, is pure insanity.  Our world gets so much better in a NY minute, when I bring her a small bunch of flowers.  Her smile tells me so much.  Hey turkey, try it, you'll be surprised. 

Probably you're right that no home can function properly without a woman staying at home full-time.  But I'm not willing to give up my mental health to do it.  Staying at home is too depressing.  It feels like being burried alive.  I used to work and dream of being a stay-at-home wife.  And it would be great if I could stay on task and just robot-ize my way through the chores.  But I can't stand the routine and isolation.  I have to get out and be with adults in a job kind of setting.  It's hard, grimey, boring, icky work at home.  There is no group of people to go to lunch with or chat with.  No "breaks."  There is so much to do to maintain a home, you feel like a slave often.  Working outside of the home is like a walk in the park compared to this.  Heels?  We don't have time for heels -- it's not like the movies in real life.  Stilletto heels around the house would ilicit, "Did you spend money today?!!!"  I mean, I used to say what you're saying and feel like you do about the idea of staying at home.  But having done it, I think it's not like what a single working woman imagines it to be.  On the other hand, it's nice to have a chance to try it.  I can't do it forever -- it's not exciting enough.  But on days when I'm ill or feeling like I can't think that day -- it's perfect.  During paramenopause and menopause, I and some friends and relatives confide we feel we can't think at all some days.  I would really be tense at work & making lots of mistakes on those days.  At home, I don't have as much stress about my "off" days. 

  

"The only person that has a realistic take on this is Diana - she understands that no home can function properly without the woman staying at home. Her husband earns the money and she runs the empire at home - one of the most noble and probably satisfying things someone can do. Who wants to work all day, leave your children, be stressed out and come home and have to take care of the family? You are a very very lucky woman Diana and I think you know it!! I am 30 & single and have a very satisfying career. I would give it up in a second to have a loving family and stay at home and take care of everyone! I would even wear hot stilettos everyday if that's what it takes!   

Karen  

ps-who ever said that the kitchen is a prison???" 

That's very heartwarming. 

  

  

But what about people (like me) who are agnostic, or athiest? 

you say that being a devoted wife and mother will take away alot of who you are, maybe for you and some others but I would have to disagree with you on this one. I married at the age of 29 and I am very happy and content with my life as a wife and a stay at home mom. When I was single, i went trhough college and then of course after I graduated, some one had to start paying on loans so of course that some body had to be me, At one point, I was working three jobs, had bolls to pay, car insurrance, rent, medical bills and whatever else, in my profession, not a whole lot of money is it but I enjoyed my work and I worked hard. I was happy being single,meaning I was never one to dwell on wishing that I could find a man and be married and all that, I enjoyed life as it came but I will say that I was always busy working, if I wasn't working I was in church working wioth the little ones which was the most rewarding job at that time that I could think of but to really be able and to go out with friends and to develop a hobby that was next to impossible, I honestly didn't really know what my hobby was, I always thought it was working with the kids at church which is actually a good thing and very rewarding but to be able to go home and relax with something fun in mind, forget it, I usually just went home and lounged around.then I met my now husband and we started dating and though I was still working hard and doing my stuff at church, I did mange to get to see him some in the evenings which was basically doing the same thing that I always did, get some dinner and go home and watcha movie (we took a lot of car rides together) but of course I would have to get into bed at a decent hour so i could start my day. After a year of dating we married and I will say that it was the best thing that had happened to me in my life, I still worked and still paid my own personal bills but I had a partner who helped with the living expenses and had even more time to go out and enjoy each other, the we had children and it got even better for me, We decided that I would stay home with the kids as it was a great desire for me to be a wife and stay at home mom, I have actually gained hobbies that I never knew I would develop. scrap booking and having some time to play softball has been a joy in my ife. I may not be able to do these things on a daily basis but I will say that since I have been married, I have been able to relax more and to deveop interests in my life, I have always pretty much enjoyed my life and am pleased with the accomplishments in my life but I will honestly say that I am now complete.I have not lost any part of me but I have gained a better me and I have no regrets. Always easy? no, but what is? Being a wife and mother is wonderful and I am sure it is becasue of my husbands role in our marriage and children's life, I have been able to discover the real me, and I have never been happier. My husabnd and I work together as a team, we love and respect each other and for couples with this kind of a marriage, it is awesome. i am not a supermom nor am I a super wife, believe me, I do not have the qualities of what some husabnd would expect in a wife, I am just an ordinary woman with some flaws, far from perfect but content with who I am and cullfilled in the calling of my life, to be the best wife and motehr that I possible can be but yet know who I am as an individual and a woman. I am blessed.