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Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

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Created on : Friday, October 07, 2005, 03:34:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 10/10/05) What makes a good wife? Is it cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and having great sex? Dr. Phil says too few couples understand what it means to be a "Mrs." His first guest, Grant, says his wife, Kelly, is in desperate need of "wife lessons" when it comes to her cooking, cleaning and the way she dresses. Kelly says trying to be the perfect wife while raising three kids is overwhelming, and she fears she'll never be good enough. See what happens when she puts her hubby to the "wife test." Will he be able to do it all? Then, Diana says a good wife must serve her man instead of trying to balance a career and a family. Plus, a woman who thinks "wife" is a four-letter word! Join the discussion.

 

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October 8, 2005, 7:53 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: nikann11

  I think that the mind set that we are seeing here from men is the last effects of the womens rights act.  I am 27 and I know that my husbands mother waited on her husbands and sons like a maid.  She only had 4 boys.  Even to this day when we go visit my husbands family, his mom makes all the meals, does all the cleaning and when everyone is done eating - they plop down in front of the TV while she does all the dishes and all with her make-up done and her high heels on.   The husbands wives however are all expected to help with the cleaning and the cooking.  I refuse to bend on this one, so I get all the dirty looks and whispering because I clean my own plate, then go plop down in front of the TV with the guys.  This generation of men are grown up and expecting the same things.  Hopefully, we can raise our children to all be on a level playing field and finally break free from the past.  I am willing to bet that any man that has these expectations had a mother like this one. 

  

Ya, a stay at home wife has responsiblities to raise her kids in a clean house.  I don't mean immaculate for the husband - I mean clean of bacteria, any choking hazard, mold and so on.  A CLEAN HOUSE.  However, a wife should not ever have to run her house according to her husbands expectations.  My husband had to really let go of the roles he learning growing up.  He now realizes that his way isn't always the only way, and to fight with me and put me down over my hair not being done and the sink not shining is knit picking and hurtful to me.   

It sound like you described my mother in law and my husband :)     

  

 
October 8, 2005, 8:08 pm CDT

You got it

Quote From: chdsgrl

Let me give you my take on husbands and wives.  I believe very firmly in traditional roles, as there are several benefits to them in a home especially when children are involved.  I am an advocate of stay at home moms, and have a column in my community newpaer dedicated to them.  I believe husbands should respect their wives, and I believe wives should respect their husbands.  I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things for eachother, such as putting your make up on IF that's his thing.  You want the mortage paid, he wants to see you in makeup..sounds like a fair trade to me.  My husband could care less, but he does like to have dinner when he gets home.  Everytime I see the electricity is still on, I think, "yeah, I can make him some dinner."  It's a give and take.   

  

I struggled for a long time with my role as a wife and mother.  In some ways, I felt degraded and unappreciated.  But you know what?  My husband felt unappreciated, too.  We took each other for granted.  When we both took a deeper look inside ourselves as to what we were doing together and for our family, we became reponsible for our roles and accepted them and have learned to embrace them.  So, my husband goes to work, pays for everything, and I take care of the home and the children.  That's not to say that he doesn't help out around the house with the "manly" things (he does) and he does help with the kids at night and on the weekends, but the bulk of it falls on me.  And I am ok with that.  That's my job.  When I stopped complaining about the decision I made, it became that much easier.  I now have systems in place to help me through the day and I write in my column tips and advice for women just like me. 

  

It's not as hard once you're organized and accepting to run your household and please your husband.  And the more you please him, the more he will please you.  Like I said, it's a give and take.  There is nothing wrong with being a gentle, sweet wife either.  The more you show that you love your husband and want him there, the more he will do for you when you need help.  As much as we hate cleaning toilets and changing diapers, he hates going to work and doing his thing too.  So, lighten up on your man, ladies!  Be a great wife and watch him be a great husband.  Take the time you have alone at night and make the most of it, without complaining and without making him feel like you don't appreciate him.  Because if you do, he will stop appreciating you, too. 

  

Diana 

Way to go Diana. I am glad that you are setting the record straight and making it clear to everyone what your thoughts and feelings are.  Thanks for the great advice.
 
October 8, 2005, 8:32 pm CDT

You go lady i agree!

Quote From: chdsgrl

Let me give you my take on husbands and wives.  I believe very firmly in traditional roles, as there are several benefits to them in a home especially when children are involved.  I am an advocate of stay at home moms, and have a column in my community newpaer dedicated to them.  I believe husbands should respect their wives, and I believe wives should respect their husbands.  I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things for eachother, such as putting your make up on IF that's his thing.  You want the mortage paid, he wants to see you in makeup..sounds like a fair trade to me.  My husband could care less, but he does like to have dinner when he gets home.  Everytime I see the electricity is still on, I think, "yeah, I can make him some dinner."  It's a give and take.   

  

I struggled for a long time with my role as a wife and mother.  In some ways, I felt degraded and unappreciated.  But you know what?  My husband felt unappreciated, too.  We took each other for granted.  When we both took a deeper look inside ourselves as to what we were doing together and for our family, we became reponsible for our roles and accepted them and have learned to embrace them.  So, my husband goes to work, pays for everything, and I take care of the home and the children.  That's not to say that he doesn't help out around the house with the "manly" things (he does) and he does help with the kids at night and on the weekends, but the bulk of it falls on me.  And I am ok with that.  That's my job.  When I stopped complaining about the decision I made, it became that much easier.  I now have systems in place to help me through the day and I write in my column tips and advice for women just like me. 

  

It's not as hard once you're organized and accepting to run your household and please your husband.  And the more you please him, the more he will please you.  Like I said, it's a give and take.  There is nothing wrong with being a gentle, sweet wife either.  The more you show that you love your husband and want him there, the more he will do for you when you need help.  As much as we hate cleaning toilets and changing diapers, he hates going to work and doing his thing too.  So, lighten up on your man, ladies!  Be a great wife and watch him be a great husband.  Take the time you have alone at night and make the most of it, without complaining and without making him feel like you don't appreciate him.  Because if you do, he will stop appreciating you, too. 

  

Diana 

I agree with you on your comments.  I too a stay at home mom.  I do things out of goodness of my heart to make this household a comfortable home.  I respect my husband and he respect me.  But if a woman wants to work outside of her home that is up to the individual. If it's ok with the husband. 

It's hard now days for the husband to make the living for the household no matter how much income they make.  Unless your a millionare lol. 

 The lord direct us in his directions if he doesn't want you to work then don't work if he wants you to work then help make the living. It's up to him not us. 

Phyllis 

 
October 8, 2005, 8:36 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: blupoet

What in my response says that I have no experience raising children?  I have two children, who I stay at home with, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I know that there is no time off. When I do have a that rare moment to myself, I enjoy it.  As far as night time feedings, when I was nursing exclusively, it was I who woke up on in the middle of the night, when I pumped breast milk for a bottle, it was my husband. My husband changes all the diapers when he is home. He takes an active role in our children's lives. When I was hospitalized last year for a week, he, not anyone else, cared for our children.  So please do not tell me that I do not know the amount of work involved.
Actually I think she responded to chadswick (Bill) with that response.
 
October 8, 2005, 9:15 pm CDT

Bill - you're pathetic

Quote From: chadswick

Looks like you have some issues within inside your self,  

  

Do you go to your husbands work and help him during the day? I think not. If it wasn't for your husband you would be taking care of your kids and working because I'm sure your the type of woman that would keep your kids from you husband for the sole purpose of receiving child support. So maybe you should get off your butt and stop watching TV and surfing the NET all day.  

  

If you are such a caring and loving person you would be able to look past all of this and accept your position in life. Remember your the Mommy, NOT the Daddy. So put on a nice dress and cook some muffins for your kids and you husband, and have them ready for him the next time he walks in the door. 

  

Bill Jinkens 

I have helped my husband at work B4 when it was allowed. 

I'm in school you dolt and taking care of my child when my husband is working.  Face it, life with a partner is about give and take. You can't just work outside of the home and expect to do zip for your spouse (goes either way) 

What does child support have to do with keeping kids from their father?  Child support was instituted so that mothers or fathers could run the household financially as if the parental unit were still in tact.    

Sounds like you have a problem with women period.  I suggest you wear the dress and get some nice pumps to wear the dress out on the town in. 

 
October 8, 2005, 9:27 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: chesnutt

 It is obvious that Bill J. is saying that if you are a stay at home mom, you have certain "job" requirements just as your husband does at his place of employment.  He is gone all day long and bringing home the bacon, when he does, it is your "job" to fry it up in a pan.  Yes, he needs to be active in the family unit , too.  But seriously, if the roles were reversed, you worked all day, made your way home, exhausted and ready to relax and wind down for a moment  and your husband meets you at the front door with a kid in tow and basically says "here, you take them for a while, I have had it".   Lots of women do that and it is just not right. You stay at Home.  Home is your job.  

  

I believe that this show is about women that do not work. You cannot relate this concept to the working mom that is in equal partnership with her husband.    

  

I was a working mom and would have loved to have been able to stay at home with my son. He is now  19 years old and I am sad to say that I missed a lot of valuable time and precious moments.  

Time goes by so quickly and before you know it your children are all grown up.  If I had to do it again, I would gladly give up the extra money that I was making, stay at home, keep my house in order, put some lipstick on  and wait for my husband by the door with muffins. 

  

If you are a stay at home mom, appreciate it. You are very lucky. 

That's exactly what I was trying to say!!!  Maybe Bill J. needs to express himself better, but the end  message is the same.
 
October 8, 2005, 9:31 pm CDT

The Bible was written by men

Quote From: luvnmykids

  

  

   I am in no way trying to start an arguement with anyone.  I was just a little bothered by one of your remarks.  "IF you honestly believe everything you read, for instance that woman was actually made from Adam's rib, then maybe you don't have a problem being told what to do by your man."  I do firmly believe this because it is in the BIBLE.  And I wholeheartedly believe the bible.  With that said, I am in no way a doormat to my husband.  I choose to do all the laundry and cook all the meals but that is because I stay home with our kids.  It's the least I can do for him.  But when he gets home if I haven't felt well or had a rough day and dinner isn't made there is definitely no fights.  He is more than willing to come home and make dinner or at least help with making dinner.  He understands that just because I am a "Stay at home MOM" doesn't mean I sit around all day and watch soaps or the DR Phil show.  I actually record the show and watch it later in the night while I am in bed.  And just another note...Woman actually means.."from man" so yes dear you were made from man.  God created Eve WITH Adam's rib.  If you weren't made from man what were you made from??  Just a question.  I am happy that you are married to a caring individual and that he is willing to help.  But just because I believe what you don't doesn't mean that My husband isn't willing to help.  He is more than willing.  We share all the household cleaning equally.  Yes during the week I keep the house neat and clutter free, but come the weekend we are BOTH cleaning the house.  I wish you the best of luck in your marriage and GOD BLESS 

The Bible was written by human beings.  Some said they were told what to write by God.  Other people have said they were told things directly by God, yet they are considered crazy. 

I questioned what my parents raised  me as (Catholic) because the church teaches that God hates some people and loves others.  We are to tolerate those people even though they are going to hell, only many people do live with hatred in their hearts.   God doesn't need us to go to church and tell our "sins" to another human being, he wants us to look up toward him and tell him ourselves.  I was made the same way man was. God had the design for women from the female god that sits beside him.  You belittle women and put yourself in a lower place just saying that aloud. The God most of us were taught about is vengeful, but that is not true. There is a hell, but it is on Earth.  I'll see you on the other side. 

BTW, I was using the bible reference as an example of how we learn to believe things are true.  I wasn't implying that all god fearing folk are still backwards in the household. 

 
October 8, 2005, 9:35 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: ulrika

Very few women, or men for that matter, today stand by the ways of gender roles.  Men and women are equals in most households. We share child rearing and we share the work load.  You need to come off the mindset that a woman's place is at home, barefoot and pregnant, happily awaiting her husband with a fresh tin of muffins.  

  

  

I don't think we are as equal as we think we are. As long as woman are making abour 70 cent to a dollar compare to men we are not going to be equal. As long as the sociaty basically forces woman to stay at home (me included) because child care is so expensive we can not be equals. When men can and will take out paternity leave and stay at home so they know what it is all about we can get closer to being equal.  The majority of households in the US the woman are doing the housework chores.  As long as we are doing that we will not be equal.  When I was working I still did the majoriy of the household chores. As long as moms (me included) raises our sons that they don't have to learn any household chores we will not be equal. I think my generation is changing a lot of this old gender roles ( I am 32)  but we have a long long way to go.   

  

  

  

Well, perhaps I am speaking solely for my household.  My husband and I are equals.   I own and operate my own business, so my earning potential is not based on societal norms, it is based on the amount of energy I put into it.  I don't have to worry about child care because I am able to work from home if I so choose to.  My husbands company offers men paternity leave and some, my husband included, have used it. My husband's mother wasn't  very traditional, she taught him to take care of himself and how to be responsible. So, yes, my statement may have been a clouded by what goes on in my home.  And you are right, we do have a long way to go in changing how society views gender roles, but I think eventually, it will happen. 

 
October 8, 2005, 9:52 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: chesnutt

 It is obvious that Bill J. is saying that if you are a stay at home mom, you have certain "job" requirements just as your husband does at his place of employment.  He is gone all day long and bringing home the bacon, when he does, it is your "job" to fry it up in a pan.  Yes, he needs to be active in the family unit , too.  But seriously, if the roles were reversed, you worked all day, made your way home, exhausted and ready to relax and wind down for a moment  and your husband meets you at the front door with a kid in tow and basically says "here, you take them for a while, I have had it".   Lots of women do that and it is just not right. You stay at Home.  Home is your job.  

  

I believe that this show is about women that do not work. You cannot relate this concept to the working mom that is in equal partnership with her husband.    

  

I was a working mom and would have loved to have been able to stay at home with my son. He is now  19 years old and I am sad to say that I missed a lot of valuable time and precious moments.  

Time goes by so quickly and before you know it your children are all grown up.  If I had to do it again, I would gladly give up the extra money that I was making, stay at home, keep my house in order, put some lipstick on  and wait for my husband by the door with muffins. 

  

If you are a stay at home mom, appreciate it. You are very lucky. 

AJust want to make clear that though I am a stay at home mom I AM an equal partner to my husband and I thank God that I have a husabnd who feels the same way. I may be home doing all the household chores and taking care of our children and doing the grocery shopping and whatever else and I may not be getting paid with money but I am still an equal partner to my husband. I do know some working mom's who are lousy at house keeping and taking care of their children, does that still make them an equal partner to their husbands. Whatever the case, working or stay at home moms, it doesn't matter, we are equal to our spouse as long as each one is pulling theri weight and doing their parts in maintaing the home and the family which includes giving a helping hand at times......
 
October 8, 2005, 10:00 pm CDT

10/10 Wifestyles

Quote From: mlrocz

The Bible was written by human beings.  Some said they were told what to write by God.  Other people have said they were told things directly by God, yet they are considered crazy. 

I questioned what my parents raised  me as (Catholic) because the church teaches that God hates some people and loves others.  We are to tolerate those people even though they are going to hell, only many people do live with hatred in their hearts.   God doesn't need us to go to church and tell our "sins" to another human being, he wants us to look up toward him and tell him ourselves.  I was made the same way man was. God had the design for women from the female god that sits beside him.  You belittle women and put yourself in a lower place just saying that aloud. The God most of us were taught about is vengeful, but that is not true. There is a hell, but it is on Earth.  I'll see you on the other side. 

BTW, I was using the bible reference as an example of how we learn to believe things are true.  I wasn't implying that all god fearing folk are still backwards in the household. 

I do not believe nor do I remember ever reading that God hates people, but he does hate sins and how we live our lives and treat others will determine our eternity so the only thing I am going to say on this subject is to love one another and for me, I will ask myself on accasions "what would Jesus do if he were in my sitution right now or what would he advise me to do in my situation"? As far as the topic of the board, I do believe that we will be judge according to the choices we have made and if we mistreat and do not honor and respect our spouses, I do not think the Lord is gonna say to us, "well done good and faithful servent", after all God IS the creator of the husband and wife concept. Any way, believe as you believe just know that there is only one God and His Truth will some day be revealed.
 
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