You may not think that this has anything to do with today's subject, but read on...
I have been married for almost 8 years, and 4 months ago my husband and I separated.
He was just a little bit critical at first about little things...sometimes he would comment on the way I dressed or wore my hair...I thought nothing of it at first...as the years rolled on, the criticisms became pickier and more frequent...not only was the dinner not good enough, the house not clean enough, the kids not well fed, but I couldn't park the car the right way, pack the diaper bag good enough, or even purchase the right things at the store, the car wasn't washed often enough and on and on and on....my instinct was to say, 'well then do it yourself" but of course the answer to that was "that is your job not mine, I work all day" but a "good wife" just doesn't say that sort of thing (according to him)
Well, with a house and three kids, one in school with activities and 2 at home under the age of 4, didn't I have a job and work all day as well??? (24 hrs a day?)
He would barely give me enough money for the groceries, then complain that I didn't take the kids anywhere...I couldn't even buy an ice cream or a bottle of water for them at the park if I had wanted to, and forget the mall..the gas in my car was always half full -- he would say "you have enough for where you need to go" Later I found out out that if he left work early, he would not come home to be with the family, but go look at cars, look at tools, buy tools or buy whatever he needed..all the while the rest of the family waited around a year (no kidding) for new underwear...he was a huge hypocrite, obviously, and would form opinions not based in reality, but based upon his own paranoid thoughts...
When we were first married, I of course was happy to oblige with whatever he wanted...I loved him and wanted to be a "good wife" ...I would have dinner on the table for him when he came home, I did take the time to make sure I looked good, smelled nice, and was in a pleasant mood for him...I would have greeted him in a " French maid outfit" if he had wanted, as one of the guests stated he would have liked his wife to have done...
Let me tell you the key to this whole thing...RESPECT...MUTUAL respect....
If I had gotten back half as much as I gave things would have been ok, but my husband was not that type of person, and neither is any man who says he wants a Stepford wife.
There is nothing wrong with a woman who wants to stay at home take care of the kids, the house, and her husband...BUT the husband must respect the woman for it...she is holding HIS life together...he must remember this and take the time to make HER feel as loved, cared for, wanted and respected as she does with him.
Money has nothing to do with it. He doesn't need to buy her things (money, such a common cop out excuse of the man) It is respect. Any man that wants a Stepford wife, NEEDS a maid, and a prostitute he can visit once in a while, not a wife.
A woman can be happy doing all the things a man wants her to do, but she needs to feel respected, loved and cared for....and if she is, she will happily do all these things for him.
Any woman that is with a man who is anything like the one I was married to will just end up feeling hopeless and depressed....and the kids will suffer because of it....separating from my husband was the best thing I could have done for myself and my kids...I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders....
When the come times that I do actually find my "Mr. Right" I will be happy to be the "good wife" as long as there is that mutual respect.
(Original Airdate: 10/10/05) What makes a good wife? Is it cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and having great sex? Dr. Phil says too few couples understand what it means to be a "Mrs." His first guest, Grant, says his wife, Kelly, is in desperate need of "wife lessons" when it comes to her cooking, cleaning and the way she dresses. Kelly says trying to be the perfect wife while raising three kids is overwhelming, and she fears she'll never be good enough. See what happens when she puts her hubby to the "wife test." Will he be able to do it all? Then, Diana says a good wife must serve her man instead of trying to balance a career and a family. Plus, a woman who thinks "wife" is a four-letter word! Join the discussion.
