Quote From: flthomcatFirst, I don't think Grant is a bad guy. I just don't think he GOT it, but now he does. Let's hope so because his wife appears very beaten down. Humans aren't perfect and now Grant can see the pain in his wife's face. I bet he changes and the couple goes on to have a beautiful partnership!
The stay-at-home-mother was cool; she made her choice and she loves it! I was worried how she would come off, but she did agree that Grant was wrong to treat his wife the way he did. I just wish Dr. Phil would have applauded her when she said that she should treat her husband with respect, he should treat her (his wife) with respect and that's what marriage is all about. It's give and take. I worked full-time and tried to raise our first child. I was sick all the time and passed the sickneses on to her. She was stuck in daycare from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. and then it was rush, rush, rush. I was inpatient and nothing was done very well...there simply was not enough hours in the day. We women CAN'T have it all unless we want to do some things just plain crappy. Perhaps some of what is contributing to the 57% divorce rate is the fact that everybody (men and women) are stressed, sick, tired and feeling guilty. Kids come first. If we can afford it, why not give them 100% of us until they enter school (when we can work parttime) instead of allowing strangers to raise them. If we can't afford it, let's simply try our best to put their wants and needs before ours (and part of that is having a healthy marriage so they have a great mom and dad in their home).
As for the single lady, more power to you! You obviously want to keep YOU first. That's your choice. You are smart not to get married. However, I have a wonderful partnership and I am very independent....own savings (along with joint savings), own thoughts, own opinions, own fun nights out with the girls, etc. But what is the best part is the support, love and affection I get from my husband DAILY. We are a team that will last until death. And we have 2 great children who benefit from our partnership. I'll check back with you in 20 years to see how you are faring alone. If you're doing well, great. If you're not, perhaps you shouldn't have viewed marriage as all give or all take. It doesn't have to be that way. My marriage is super and it's great to wake up next to a warm, soft body each morning! It's also the way our wonderful God intended:)
Hello - I appreciate your comment for the most part. I find the point about checking back with me to see how I am faring in 20 years perhaps the most interesting part of all for many reasons, and it may even be difficult to write them all here.
First, I said that I have chosen to be single and enjoy my life this way. I think it is a valuable, valid, and fulfilling lifestyle decision just as those who choose to marry must certainly find that valuable, valid, and fulfilling. Now, if I were to meet a newlywed woman who says that being married was the path she has chosen and that she enjoys being married and I was to respond, "well, let me check back in 20 years and find out if you're still happily married or even married at all," I believe that I would be in actuality, negating or denying the validity of her choice.
Let me explain why: I don't think that the outcome, over time, of a choice can be the factor that validates that choice as an acceptable or unacceptable one. Consider the war in Iraq or war in general. I think, morally, that countries need to have reasons to go war that do not depend upon the outcome of the war. In other words, it shouldn't be, "well, that war wasn't justified because we weren't the victors." Or "well, yeah, it was justified to invade that country because look how well it turned out." Countries need to have reasons powerful enough and compelling enough to go to war independent of the outcome.
Similarly, the decision to get married and to feel that marriage is the lifestyle for you should precede and be independent of the outcome of your particular marriage. Even if your marriage ended in divorce or something worse, that should not, in my opinion, change your overall perception of the value of marriage for your life or for other people's lives.
The same is true for my being single. Being single, I believe, (and I'm sure other women who have chosen this life as well believe, ) is a legitimate path for a woman to follow. Whether I am doing well or poorly in 20 years does not have even the slightest effect upon whether or not my choice is legitimate. If you really think about it, people of all walks of life sometimes do well one year, another year not so well, and it vacillates, undulates, and fluctuates throughout any one person's lifetime. That is the journey of life.
In fact, what I perceive as I read beneath the lines of your comment about how I will be doing in 20 years is that you are invoking the concept of the "old maid" or the "spinster" - the lonely old single woman stereotype that has long been a staple of U.S. culture. Add 50 cats and a small apartment and you have completed the stereotypical image. So you are using a traditionally negative concept, and you may not be aware of it even. I do see some progress here though because while a woman used to be a lonely old maid at the age of 23, I guess the age has moved up now. I am 33, and you want to check back with me in 20 years. So, apparently, you predict that by age 53, I could have finally become the lonely old maid, weeping in the corner of my apartment, in the fetal position, with my 50 cats on top of me, moaning, "Why, why, why didn't I get married? What was I thinking? Being single??"
I truly think that how I am doing in 20 years is irrelevant, so I won't even speak to my image of my own future except to say that I am certain that I will live a rich, full, and meaningful life as a single woman just as married women do. But if I fall upon hardship, something that is an acknowledged part of life, that doesn't reflect upon whether being single was an important path to follow for me and/or any other women.
Sincerely,
(Original Airdate: 10/10/05) What makes a good wife? Is it cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and having great sex? Dr. Phil says too few couples understand what it means to be a "Mrs." His first guest, Grant, says his wife, Kelly, is in desperate need of "wife lessons" when it comes to her cooking, cleaning and the way she dresses. Kelly says trying to be the perfect wife while raising three kids is overwhelming, and she fears she'll never be good enough. See what happens when she puts her hubby to the "wife test." Will he be able to do it all? Then, Diana says a good wife must serve her man instead of trying to balance a career and a family. Plus, a woman who thinks "wife" is a four-letter word! Join the discussion.
