Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

I have wrote you messages before about PTSD that I am dealing with. But today I watched the show today and I think that Grant needs to get a grip on life. She is a pretty woman dealing with three little ones. We all saw what happened when he tried it. so for him to criticize her for the way she does the work at home is stupid. Maybe he is bringing his work home with him or maybe he isn't satified with himself. Grant needs to start respecting her as a person.

I was like the husband on todays show for many years.  We had both thought about divorce many times but we did not get married to have it end that way.  One night I was thinking about our marriage and how miserable we both were.  Thats when it clicked that I was the problem.  I had taken the fun and enjoyment out of our marriage and our life.  I have since made many changes in what I do and how I treat my wife and daughter.  We are all much happier now.  I can only hope that the husband on todays show will finally see the lite and he makes the changes that will make all the differance.

I was in a marriage similar to the couple on the show.  I never felt what I was doing was good enough.  Sadly, I would obsess about the things my husband would tell me I needed to correct or improve on, but he would always find something else to nit pick.  For example.....I smoked at the time.....(I don't now!!!!) and he didn't like the way I smoked my cigarette, he complained when I wouldn't tuck in my chair at the kitchen table, he called me a SLOB because sometimes I would leave a pile of clothes in the corner instead of dealing with it right away.  From there it went to different aspects of my personality, manners, thought processes and full circle to the way I made right turns in my car.  After two years of this inundation of criticisms, I no longer believed in myself.  My spirit was most definitely broken.  I doubted everything that I did, especially my interactions with others because he told me repeatedly I was socially unacceptable.  I feel for that woman, hopefully things work out for them. 

  

I'm glad to say I am no longer in that relationship and I have found myself once again and I've taken back my spirit and will most definitely recognize when someone is trying to tear it down in the future. 

The only two people on the show today who had any sense at all were Robin and the woman who said she wouldn't get married. That husband needs to realize he bought the ring not the woman. The wife needs to tell him that if he's so perfect and can do everything right then he can stay home and do everything right and she'll go and work. Dr. Phil should have told him that also scince she wouldn't do it herself. Finally, the wife who said do everything your husband wants is just sending us all back in time. NEWS FLASH TO EVERYONE IT'S 2005. 

  

  Marriage is a partnership & the respect should flow both ways! I would have to say as the husband in the marriage I was the one that was criticized & treated poorly. I was never thin enough, did enough around the house no matter how hard I worked. My wife was the major breadwinner & treated me like I was the slave. I worked, I just worked graveyards & slept during the day. But according to her I should have been up cleaning & taking care of business. I am not saying I am perfect but if she had treated me with respect & as an equal partner the marriage might have worked. Sometime I wonder how our children turned out so well & how on earth we stayed married for 10 years. So people, the morale of the story is: "treat each other as you would like to be treated". No one is THE BOSS, you are PARTNERS.   Chris E OKC, OK

LOL! Finally...it all makes sense. 

These SQV (status quo vehicle) driving soccer moms want to make those of us with a brain feel worse because they don't have the aptitude or ability to do any more than what they are doing! 

Geez...we should clone our eggs in an effort to bring intelligence back to the female gender! 

  

Personally, I don't think you're being the best mother you can be if you don't do something outside for yourself.  I think it sets a bad example for children to see women in such a confined context.  It doesn't have to be working outside the home.  It could be devoting time to a creative hobby or doing volunteer work.  Having come from one of those classic fifties homes wherein women were largely servants, I can tell you it's a painful message to have to grow up with.  My horizon seemed extremely claustrophobic when I thought about my options.  I grew up pretty depressed just contemplating that I might meet the same fate.  Much better to have a balance.  I rebelled and decided to become a "bachelor" and followed my dreams.   I have no children, which is more than fine with me, but my best friend does, and she has managed to do it all very well.   Of course, you have to have a cooperative husband, so don't go marrying a traditional old-school guy and expect to get any support at it.  Marry someone who likes your versatility and will support it.

Appears like Grant wants total control of his life as well as Kelly's. He may be a very insecure person to be so critical of Kelly. Grant, Remember that what you see in those night time soap opera's are all a fantasy.  

 

When my husband nags about how something is done in the house, I remind him that he does his job the way he deems appropriate, and also,I do not go into his garage and tell him how to clean it or where to put things (I wouldn't be able to get in the garage anyway as it is full of junk!)  

and he doesn't need to tell me how to do my job.  

 

Each person in the marriage needs to feel that they are contributing and that what they do is worthwhile. Wives, as well as husbands, need to know that they are important and valuable. Words mean nothing if not backed up with action. So if you say you love your spouse, but then you criticize and demean her, she will not believe your words.  

 

Marriage is to be a committment of mutual respect and love. Helping and supporting--not tearing down one another. 

 

A married person cannot live for him or her own self. Each person in the partnership needs to give and compromise, and work toward making their spouse happy and secure. 

 

I hope Grant gets a clue. Seems like he has a good heart, but his method just doesn't work. 

 

 

I cannot say that a woman can be fully independant while married. But she can be rather somewhat independant, the way she dresses and makes her own decisions that only affect her are a form of independance. When you make a committment to marriage you trade some independance in for companionship. While its certainly not for everyone I understand but the ones who decide it is should be happy with what they have recieved. As far as the limited amount of independance.  

I would like to say that the last woman who stated she was happy not married is great for her. But I got the feeling she was more scared of being hurt or rejected in one way or the other rather than just not wanting to be bothered by a man and all that that intails!  

As far as the first couple, I feel so sorry for the wife for the fact that she seems to let him control how she feels about herself. I know everyday a man telling you you are not up to par is a big tearjerker but stand up and say to him, " If there is something I am doing wrong or not to your taste, feel free to step in and take over in that area" I hope everything changes for her and she gets her confidence back...it saddens me she seems like a very sweet gentle woman.  

As far as the second lady whom wants to please her man. Thats great, if thats the glue that keeps your family going and it makes her happy to be that way then its great.  

  

Point is, we are all different, we all have our ways that we need to live by and we all get our happiness from a variety of methods. If you find the right one, stick to it and don't let anyone rain on your parade.   

This message is directed toward the comments of the last guest on today's show. I was a very independent woman, the artistic type, but underneath the confident facade I was insecure and uncertain. Enter the most wonderful man I've ever known. My husband has never placed restrictions on me or required anything of me, but his constant faith in me and belief in my abilities and my potential has truly set me free. I was unsure about what to do with my life and pondered graduate school. He encouraged me by saying, "It doesn't matter what you study, but you are too brilliant not to go back to school." While in school I often felt as if I was neglecting my duties at home, he never placed any expectations on me, I placed them on myself. Every meal made is a blessing to him, every clean stack of folded clothes is a treat, as is a clean bathroom, or kitchen, etc. His gratitude in my every effort, and his willingness to compensate for me when my schedule just doesn't allow me to be superwoman makes me want to strive all the harder to meet his needs. That is my choice, as an independent woman, to serve my husband. He believes in me and works for me, I believe in him and work for him. Along the way, we search one another and find all the buried treasure that makes us each unique. As we find those hidden deposits of individuality, and release them we become more "ourselves" than we ever were before. No, my marriage did not put me in a prison, it gave me wings to fly.