Quote From: maddog13Dear Dr. Phil,
At the end of your show today, you posed the question what wives think marriage should be all about, or at least I believe I remember that was the question (am getting a day older too!).
After nearly 28 years of marriage, I am more than ever convinced that it boils down to a solid partnership with very personal touches. My husband and I are partners in just about everything, maybe in everything, period. We are partners in love and lovemaking, in friendship, in stewardship of our material things, in our social lives, in preparing our future, etc. It has not always been this way, but it has grown into this ultimate and intimate partnership. A partnership can never exist as a full partnership if not some and hopefully all of the conditions of a partnership are fulfilled: respect for one another, for one another's tastes, opinions, feelings, emotions, thoughts, expression of feelings, desires, abilities, traditions, customs, needs, personality (not necessarily in this order); appreciation of one another's talents and efforts to add to the partnership; willingness to compromise once in a while to benefit the partner (which then ultimately again benefits the one who compromises, is my experience); willingness to take on task chores of the other one, recognition of the state of mind and energy of the other one, etc., etc. The e-mail would become too long to list it all. I love my husband with all I got in me and he loves me too, as far as we both are concerned, unconditionally. Of course, we fulfill certain obligations, not only for ourselves, but also for one another: he works to make us an income, I take care of the home front, including administration, house cleaning, yard work, etc. but ONLY because I choose to do that. If it gets too much, I ask him to take over some of it and he'll gladly do that. He polishes my personality with cherishing me, and I believe I do the same to him. It is not something that we feel we MUST do, we do it because we LOVE to make the other one feel so good, so worthy, so special and so irreplaceable. And yes, we fight at times, but then we both imagine how the other one must be feeling in that particular argument, how would you feel if he said that to you? How would she feel if I did that to her? And then everything gets really good again in no time at all. After all these years we have learned to try to imagine what our words would mean to the other partner , what our actions would have for effect on the other and if they would hurt, well, jeez Louise, then don't say them to the other, or don't do that to the other, or whatever the situation is. We are not perfect and will never be, but I can tell you one thing: we love being with one another and feel so blessed with what we have. I sometimes tell my husband, do you know how secure you make me feel, how self confident I am because of you? Do you know what it means to me to feel and know that you love me, just me, as your partner for life? He tells me I am his sunshine, the reason for his tenacity in his work situation, his princess, the apple of his eye, the reason he wants to wake up every day again. What more can you wish for as a wife?
I so wished everybody who desires to be married, could experience this kind of relationship.
This is what we sort of have here too & it's been 23yrs.! It's hard to explain to people what it means to be a partner with your spouse when the lines of partnership aren't even definable because we're just equal partners with it all & no matter what we're doing. I found myself wanting to write a book to continue the list you'd started of the ways we're partners to each other but in short we're partners in that we're making a life together & supporting each other in that shared life. We're certainly individual & support each other in all that entails but that usually comes back to us as a couple.
I agree it's wonderful when you love & value each other & you remind each other of it. It isn't a "perfect" world & we're not "perfect people" but that's the great part because we know there other will still be there & perfection isn't required for the other to continue loving & valuing.
I have to say thank you because there's so much anger & pain around us & so many failing marriages it's nice to hear there are others out there. It's difficult when I hear spouses speaking so disrespectfully to & about each other. & then in some ways it makes we wanna hug mine even tighter & say "thanks for loving me the way you do." I tend to think like you I wish all wives could experience this kind of relationship/love but then they'd have to be just like us too. :) I mean if another was with our hubby's they probably wouldn't see them the same as we do. & that's the key & the reason why we're all so very lucky. & that brings me back to why I always wanna tell him thank you & to thank my lucky stars for my hubby in my life. It's kind of sad that the people who are happy don't make any of the show topics. I have to wonder how many stories like us are out there.?
(Original Airdate: 10/10/05) What makes a good wife? Is it cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and having great sex? Dr. Phil says too few couples understand what it means to be a "Mrs." His first guest, Grant, says his wife, Kelly, is in desperate need of "wife lessons" when it comes to her cooking, cleaning and the way she dresses. Kelly says trying to be the perfect wife while raising three kids is overwhelming, and she fears she'll never be good enough. See what happens when she puts her hubby to the "wife test." Will he be able to do it all? Then, Diana says a good wife must serve her man instead of trying to balance a career and a family. Plus, a woman who thinks "wife" is a four-letter word! Join the discussion.
