Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

The reality is this.. The average family income in the USA is $44,000.  Not much money.  So most women do not have a choice but work.  But if you are blessed to have a choice, why do you need to justify your choice by criticizing those who make a different choice.  All stay at home moms are NOT Stepford wives, controlled by thier husbands, just as all working mothers are NOT selfish women trying to have it all.  We do what is best for us and thank the Lord some of us have the choice. Women, instead of knocking one another down, lets support each other, whatever we choose (or most often dont have a choice) to do. 

Dr. Phil, 

One important lesson I've learned from my Mom is never lose who you are, you always need something for yourself & that's not being selfish.  It can't all be for your husband like the one woman today thought.  My Mom & Dad were married for 34 years, they were still in love until the day Dad died.  My Mom lived for my Dad but she was happy doing it, all my friends enjoyed being at my house there was lots of love there.  My Dad was diagnosed with Leukemia when I was three & when I was 21 he passed away.  My Mom was devastated & that's 15 years ago now & my Mom has never really recovered.  My heart aches inside for her because I know she's never been truly happy since then.  She had no interests of her own, nothing that she did for herself just for Her!  Everything was for the family or for him & that works great as long as he's there.  But one day one of you isn't going to be there anymore for the other & you have to have friends & hobbies - things that you've done before. It's hard to discover who you are @ the age of 60 or 70.  Dr. Phil; it's important to love your spouse, but you have to love yourself first & then you can strive to be the best person you can be.  I love my Mom! I've learned to value my friends, my health, my interests & my family - they all have their place. 

I am writing to speak about my opinion on todays should about wifestyles: I am 43 yrs old. I am a licensed contractor and have my own business.  I may not be the perfect wife but none of us are perfect wives, we all make mistakes, in a marriage. But my main piont is this, for years before I re- married, I was independent, And even though I am married now, I am still independent. Yes I try my best to be a mother and a wife. But I am not perfect. As far as being a wife and taking a back seat to the man like they did back in the old days, well this is the 21st century.  I think that if a woman wants a career and a marraige they can have them both. Its a matter of balancing out your life and schedle to deal with it all.  My husband that I waited on for almost 16 years to come into my life, helps with the cleaning around the house, laundry, and other things, he even cooks ocassionally. 

But I strongly believe this day and time that unless your husband makes about 50,000 a year on his job, that is about the only way a woman can stay home and have kids and take care of them and give them all they need in life. Financially  when I had my girls it was hard as heck to make ends meet when I was a stay at home mom.  

I guess basically what I am tring to say is...1st its okay to try to have a career, but if you want to stay home with your kids its okay too. but as far as they bondage of being under a mans foot..so to say.. or waiting on him to carry all the wait of paying the bills, or giving you the money for groceries for the week, I myself do not want to have to depend on  a man for that.  It takes two to make a relationship work, and if theres that happy medium between the two ..fine. 

the guy on the show with the red headed lady,  I feel its a shame a woman has to go thru that. Men in some cases are just dominate, and cruel.. I know because I have couseled many battered,verbal, and mentally abused women,  dominate-males or females-- its wrong, and no one should have to feel fear of another in a relationship. 

I think what makes a good wife is having a good husband. 

I was married for 4 years to a man who sabotaged every attempt I made to improve myself. Then I was in a 10-1/2 year relationship with a man who was intensely critical of everything I did, and no matter how hard I tried to please him and to be perfect, it was never good enough. 

I have been single longer than I've been with anyone, and I have achieved more in my education and career than I ever would have been able to while in the type of relationships I've had in the past. I am very proud of those achievements, but I get very lonely because I don't have anyone to share my life with.   

When I'm with friends I envy the lives they have with children and husbands and the whole "Father Knows Best" lifestyle. It always amazes me that while I'm envying their lives, they ALL tell me how lucky I am!  They all wish they were in my single shoes, making all decisions for myself and doing what I want when I want to do it.  My best friend is 57 years old and has been with her husband since she was 15 years old. There's no question that she loves him, but she always tells me that if anything happened to him she would never re-marry because she had to give up too much of herself in the marriage.  To see them together, though, seems like they have the "perfect" marriage!  I am always struck by how young they look when they are together, and it makes me want a relationship like theirs. 

I have come to the conclusion that people get married with the hope of having the "perfect" life, without really thinking about what that means, or how difficult it may be to attain.  I think very few people are truly realistic about what it is like to share your life with someone.  I would love to have a companion to share my life with, but I'm not sure at this point in my life if I could live with another person. In a way, that scares me because I want a partner to share things with and to do things with. I just don't want to give up who I am.