Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

I am 60 years old.  I was a stay at home mom until I was 45.  I was lucky financially we could do that, and both my husband and I thought that for me to stay home was the right thing to do.  We did without fancy things that others had, but to be with the children was the best for them.   It is not easy to be a stay at home mom if you do it right.  It sounds like Kelly was doing everything she could do to be a good mother and good wife.  I would resent the way her husband treated her, and possibly consider separation until he got some counseling. 

However, when you are young and considering whether to stay at home or not - you probably aren't considering your retirement.  As a stay at home mom you work as hard as anyone in the work place, but the government treats you as a deadbeat!   When my youngest was in high school, I got a job because I felt that society looked at me as lazy.  Since I had not been in the workforce before and because of my age, it was a low paying job.  Four years later, I became serious depressed and was put on disability.  Do you know how much Social Security I get - $200 and then you take away part B and there is virtually nothing.  You are punished by the government for being a stay at home mom.  Even if I was able to work until I was 66, my Social Security would not even be enough to buy the groceries.  I don't know how things can change, but I feel there is more drug usage and violence because there is no one home to take care of the children.  But, today as a stay at home mom you are treated as an outcast by society and the government.  I applaud Kelly for staying home! 

What makes a good wife?  Well, the day we were married our pastor gave us some advice during the sermon of our wedding ceremony.  He said that marriage is sometimes sacrifice.  And you need to be a willing spirit.  You need to be willing to "die a little death" for each other every once in awhile.  I took that advice to heart, and so did my husband.  And so far, so good. 

His mother drives me crazy.  She can't run her own household effectively as a Stay At Home Wife, while I manage to maintain a career AND keep our house in order.  But, when she visits I'll sit there w/ a smile on my face & just listen to her yap about what I "should" do.  Yup, I die that little death for my husband. 

I love my mom, dearly.  But she's a bit high maintenance.  And when she visits, for a week at a time, my husband dies a little death for me.  Wheel of Fortune will be on instead of Sports Center.  A day trip will center around the local craft fairs, instead of the sporting goods stores.  And he takes it all in stride...because he loves me. 

I do not allow housework to become a battle of the sexes.  I'm a better cook than him and I enjoy cooking more.  Plain and simple.  I'm also a better speed cleaner.  I'm an organized planner type, whereas my husband is more "fly by the seat of his pants."  We acknowledge our strengths and weakness and split our responsibilities accordingly.  I manage our finances, I keep track of our social calendar, I clean and I cook.  I do these things for him because it makes ME happy and I'm better at it.  He does the laundry 'cause he's better at that. 

Am I good wife?  I tend to think so.  I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes.  But I wake up every morning with one goal in mind...to make my husband's day a good one.  He, in turn, is happy.  And he shows his gratitude by waking up every day wanting to make MY DAY a good one.  Someday I may become a stay at home mom and I'm fine with that.  Someday my husband may become a stay at home dad (while I'm off working) and he's fine with that too.  We don't bring gender wars into our household.  We do what we can for the good of the team (ie, our marriage) and we die a little death for each other every once in awhile. 

Its as simple as that, really.  And we both win in the long run. 

Just to defend "that gal" (her name is Diana).  I don't believe she was scorning anyone.  I believe the point she was making was that many women choose to work even though they don't need to.  Instead of staying home and taking care of their families they go into the work force when their husbands are bring home plenty of bacon to support them.  I agree with everything she said.  If women CHOOSE to stay home to take care of their household it is their job to do just that.  I stay home and I keep our house cleaned, laundry done, meals complete, kids bathed and dressed, bill payer, etc.  My husband works out of the home 10-12 hours a day and he is also getting his masters degree to be in the ministry.  He brings home the paychecks, and takes care of the yard.  Now, don't get me wrong ... yes my husband lifts a finger to help out when I need him to with the baby or with a load of laundry, but I don't expect him to.  He just does it.  He has playtime every evening with our children before they go to sleep.  I have my personal time each Sunday after church in the afternoon to go shopping, lunch with friends, to get my nails done, whatever, but 6 days a week my job is taking care of him and my 3 year old and 5 month old, and I love it.  My husband and I respect each other and after almost 6 years together we are still very much in a blissful state of our marriage.  Like I said I don't believe she was condoning women who have to work and don't have a choice, but if we do have a choice our job should be to be at home with our children and be a wife to our husbands. 

-Lauren 

Just to defend "that gal" (her name is Diana).  I don't believe she was scorning anyone.  I believe the point she was making was that many women choose to work even though they don't need to.  Instead of staying home and taking care of their families they go into the work force when their husbands are bring home plenty of bacon to support them.  I agree with everything she said.  If women CHOOSE to stay home to take care of their household it is their job to do just that.  I stay home and I keep our house cleaned, laundry done, meals complete, kids bathed and dressed, bill payer, etc.  My husband works out of the home 10-12 hours a day and he is also getting his masters degree to be in the ministry.  He brings home the paychecks, and takes care of the yard.  Now, don't get me wrong ... yes my husband lifts a finger to help out when I need him to with the baby or with a load of laundry, but I don't expect him to.  He just does it.  He has playtime every evening with our children before they go to sleep.  I have my personal time each Sunday after church in the afternoon to go shopping, lunch with friends, to get my nails done, whatever, but 6 days a week my job is taking care of him and my 3 year old and 5 month old, and I love it.  My husband and I respect each other and after almost 6 years together we are still very much in a blissful state of our marriage.  Like I said I don't believe she was condoning women who have to work and don't have a choice, but if we do have a choice our job should be to be at home with our children and be a wife to our husbands. 

-Lauren