Topic : 12/28 Wifestyles

Quote From: nikann11

  I think that the mind set that we are seeing here from men is the last effects of the womens rights act.  I am 27 and I know that my husbands mother waited on her husbands and sons like a maid.  She only had 4 boys.  Even to this day when we go visit my husbands family, his mom makes all the meals, does all the cleaning and when everyone is done eating - they plop down in front of the TV while she does all the dishes and all with her make-up done and her high heels on.   The husbands wives however are all expected to help with the cleaning and the cooking.  I refuse to bend on this one, so I get all the dirty looks and whispering because I clean my own plate, then go plop down in front of the TV with the guys.  This generation of men are grown up and expecting the same things.  Hopefully, we can raise our children to all be on a level playing field and finally break free from the past.  I am willing to bet that any man that has these expectations had a mother like this one. 

  

Ya, a stay at home wife has responsiblities to raise her kids in a clean house.  I don't mean immaculate for the husband - I mean clean of bacteria, any choking hazard, mold and so on.  A CLEAN HOUSE.  However, a wife should not ever have to run her house according to her husbands expectations.  My husband had to really let go of the roles he learning growing up.  He now realizes that his way isn't always the only way, and to fight with me and put me down over my hair not being done and the sink not shining is knit picking and hurtful to me.   

Quote From: chdsgrl

The mere fact that you have feminist as part of your ID name here just leads me to believe that you're not as open to this topic - in regards to really hearing me out.  I don't know, but some of the posts have been hostile and without asking me pinpointed questions on my position, I don't feel like I can give you a fair answer.

Quote From: momofkmd

It saddens me that you have been so misguided by biblical teaching. Being created from the man's rib by our Heavenly Father is a glorious and beautiful thing. What part of that has anything to do with evolution? God created man from dust and breathed life into him, He created women from the rib of a man and breathed life into her, how much more beautiful can you get! We are both glorious and wonderfully made in the image of GOD!!! I do not think that this makes me narrow minded- I think that it makes me open minded to the blessing that God has given us. You can take anything out of context and use it to your own advantage or someones else disadvantage. God created women to help their husbands not be a doormat to him but to be his helper. Men and women are equal in the sight of God, it is our sinful society that has made men and women unequal. The bible in the truth spoken from God to a few lucky and choice men. God did not put pen to paper but He spoke it to these men's hearts they lived it, they watched Jesus die for their and our sins! I ask that you please do pray for my children, pray that they will grow up to be godly men that sever and bring glory to our awesome heavenly Father.

Quote From: duckie7

This is going to be my last post on this topic, so these are my final thoughts. 

  

I don't know how or why this topic ever became an argument between women.  We are all so different and we all need different things.  I understand that SAHM want respect....and they deserve every last bit of it.  I admire women who find their fulfillment in staying at home.....heck, I admire women who find fulfillment PERIOD.  But it seems a little hypocritical for someone to say "I deserve respect" then turn around and disrespect the very people they are trying to reach.   

  

When someone makes a statement that mothers shouldn't work unless they have to......yes, I'm going to take that statement personally, because basically they're talking about me.  When someone says that women who work are putting their careers ahead of their family......yes, I'm going to take that personally, because they're talking about me.  Sweeping generalizations are offensive and disrespectful, and really quite ignorant, because no one knows whats best for everyone.  I can prove those statements downright wrong, because I DO work despite not needing the money, I DO put my family first, as indicated by the reduced schedule I have, the quality in-home child care I work hard to provide my kids, and the reduced schedule my husband can have so HE can spend more time with the kids, because I share the breadwinning. 

  

Talk all you want about how God made woman from Adam's rib.  I know what gifts God gave ME and my decisions have all been made through prayer and discussion with my husband, and I am doing God's work in the world through my work.  I'm also raising great kids. 

  

See, when you take us individually, we can prove that sweeping statements are wrong.  Every SAHM mother on this board would take my comments personally if I said that they "should" be working.  Why would you expect anything different from us working moms? 

  

Certainly the proof is in the pudding.  I would put my intelligent, kind, compasssionate, church going, self-confident, secure children up against any other children any day.  They are not latch key, they are not out committing crimes, this world is a better place having them in it.  So my life proves all of those generalizations wrong.  I will just never understand why any woman would criticize any other woman for their choices if those choices are working for their individual families.   God forbid if some of you have a daughter or daughter-in-law who decides to work outside the home.  Are you going to judge them like many of you are judging us? 

  

Good bless all of us 

Quote From: doitby40

I enjoy making sure our home is clean (not spotless, but germ free and healthy) and ready for my husband when he gets home after a long day at work. He deserves a nice meal. I work hard during the day, but lets face it, I can take a rest if I want, I get to set my own schedule and be my own person for most of the day. I don't have to follow anyones time frame but my own. He has to listen to others,meet deadlines, and work for others who really don't respect him for what he does all day to make them richer. I am stay at home mom with 4 children (ages 12,10, 9, 6)and would not think to go back to work in the real world. I have it made...it is the best job in the world, even if I don't make a cent...hugs, smiles, kisses and being respected by my husband and children is all I need to be happy.

Quote From: judyblue22

I agree with you totally and I wish I could have said it half as well. I also think this topic has consumed too much of my time and energy. Diane'sslams against choosing to have a career and parentwould have provoked most working mothers.And watching Kelly's broken spirtit and dead eyed look broke my heart for her.

But no one will convince Diane that women who work outside their homes aren't raising the next crop of jailbirds. No one is going toconvince Grantto change how he treats hiswife. We know we can do what we do and that has to be enough.

Quote From: swfeminist

I am just a bit unclear if you are suggesting that my posts in particular have been hostile or if 'the posts have been hostile' is referring to more than just mine? 

  

I am most certainly a feminist and its in my name so that i am completely open with all on here about my academic standing within the community and therefore, yes, perhaps you could argue my bias.  However, i don't think that i have been hostile to you in any respect about your decisiona nd dedication to being a stay at home mother--rather i have said repeatedly, that the labour mothers (and fathers for that matter) do int he home in an effort to successfully raise their children should be rewarded and appreciated.  I have said repeatedly that it is not a job that i know i could do well or would want to do--i love my children more than anything in the world and have spent extensive hours locating and researching more than adequate childcare facilities where they are well taken care of and loved.  I arrange my work day so that i can be home with them as much as possible.  However, i am aware that i cannot be healthy and happy being a stay at home mother----this is not solely due to my single mother status because even when i was with their father i chose to work outside of the home. 

  

I think that i have been more than open to the topic!  I do however have strong beliefs about what men's role should be in the childrearing process--   

  

I think that the fact you and your husband have worked out such a nice situation for yourselves is fantastic--i have never said here that you were under a man's control or succumbing to patriarchal notions of family---sentiments that are usually and often wrongly associated with feminism.  the point that i have repeatedly tried to make is that a) not all women can choose whether to be stay at home moms or working mothers--life often dictates which they will become, b) women who pass judgement on other mothers employment status (whether working in the home or for pay) are causing feelings of inadequacy amongst perfectly capable women and c) women could have career and family if men picked up more of the slack (if thats what the chose to do).