Topic : 10/11 College Chaos

This is such a wonderful time in your daughter's life.  Don't hold her back.  You raised her right, now you have to trust her.  Get a hobby or find a new friend to go places with.  re-discover your husband. 

And things could be worse.  My son is half-way around the world, with people aiming car-bombs at him.  

I really appreciated you comments concerning alcohol and the college experience. You make some very valid points that I wish more students would consider. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be very popular to NOT drink to excess in college. 

I went to a "party" school in the late 80s and early 90s because it had the best journalism school in my state. I transferred from a community college. It was the difference between night and day. At the community college, we all went to class and then left to go to jobs. At the university, many of my classmates made drinking their hobby. Many didn't have jobs and drove around in BMWs and Mercedes. I got bored with just my classes and got an internship. 

On the bus, many a conversation I overheard started with, "You won't believe how drunk I got last night." I can remember going over to a guy's house with some friends and watching my roommate's boyfriend drink shots until he got violently ill. It was a total turn off to me. I don't like the taste of alcohol beyond a glass of wine with dinner so as you can imagine, I didn't go to many parties in college. I had friends but we didn't drink. From an economical standpoint, I couldn't afford it either! I wanted to remember my college experience, not lose it in a haze of beer. 

It's easy to think that hard drinking is only a phase that young people go through, but as you point out, it can become a dangerous habit that can ruin your life. There is wisdom in moderation. And those that don't care to partake should not be made to feel like outcasts, either.  

As for the rat, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to get one but I'm glad Petra made you so happy.  

First I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. 

But, good grief folks, why are we putting up with all the drinking that is going on with college kids? Most kids are underage when they first go to college and very few are of legal age when they graduate. So where in the hell are they getting all the booze? The girls on the show were very immature and to think they were drinking all the time was frightening. Don't they have some rules against this and where are the dorm "moms"? Colleges need to get "tough" on underage drinking but probably won't until a kid dies and the parents get "big dollars" after they sue. 

Not all college kids are drinking their lives away as one of my grand-daughters moved out of a shared house because she needed to study and they wanted to party all of the time. She is cramming and will have an associate decree in 14 months so no time for parting. Her room mate now doesn't party either so everything is fine for her now. But then, she is one of the smart ones. 

I was appalled by Becky.  Why would you think it is healthy for your daughter to transfer your issues to your daughter.  You are instilling a fear in your daughter!  I hope you realize that!  Your behavior is very controlling!!  You would not want your daughter to be involved in a controlling relationship, so why allow yourself to be that to her?! 

Don't get me wrong.  I know as a parent - after 18 years, it must be hard to see them go.  However, that is what growing up is all about.  We all had to do it.  That is the great thing about being a parent- being able to see your work manifest itself. 

Obviously, Becky has some other issues going on with her.  It is not normal to have your child be your everything.  What is lacking in your life?  You need to figure that out and FAST!  

Let your daughter be free! 

One of the choices my husband and I made was to move to a small city (less than 30,000) to raise our children.  There is a college here, but our children are both most likely to attend university. Because I know they will be out on their own at a young age, I have planned for them to practice making decisions now. 

I have annually increased their allowances and with the increased money, I have handed over the responsibility for an aspect of their expenses.  This year, my 12 year old daughter has been responsible for purchasing her own entertainment, gifts for others, clothing and toileties. I added toileties this year.  Her decision making has matured over the years.  When she does go away, I think I will be able to trust her to manage her financial life well. 

In the next 6 years, I will give her more choices about her activities and her social life.  This is the scary part, but I don't want her to taste freedom for the first time when she is away.  if we make mistakes, hopefully she will make them here. 

My son is 5 years behind her, but he is already showing that he can understand that his choices have consequences. 

Dear Dr. Phil and Robin, I want to thank you for this show. We took our oldest son (first of four) to college in August and I have been the biggest cry baby since June when he graduated High School. Though my separation anxiety is getting better, it was very hard for me the first few weeks. He goes to school about 3 hours away and comes home to do his laundry every two weeks. We are a very close family and it has been an adjustment for us to not have him at the dinner table. But we know this is the best opportunity we can give him to have a life that is fitting for a young man.  We are happy and proud to say that he is studying history and religion, we may have a minister in the family in the future. Thanks again and keep up the great shows.  

I am a Resident Manager at a rental property in a college town. Each year we get about 150 new residents straight from the dorms. I love my job and I love working with these young adults, but there are certainly some challanges. 

Usually within the first week of move-in, (after the parents have moved them in, made their beds, bought their groceries and quizzed the management about their childs safety) these kids are off and running on a party that doesn't end till they go home for summer. These residents are only 18 or barely 19 years old. They have liquor cabinets that rival the corner bar and I have no idea where they are buying it. They have "gatherings" that grow into raging parties.They quickly become intoxicated and loud, and when we have to shut their party down, they get in their cars and drive to the next hot spot. The town has a free cab service that is designed to keep them from drinking and driving, but it is mostly used as a shuttle between one party and another.  

What these party animals do to the apartments is another story. We often see liquor stains in the carpets, holes in walls and doors, filth from lack of routine cleaning, cigarette burns in countertops and carpets, dents in refrigerator doors (from fists), and the list goes on. What consfuses me is that the parents who are so involved prior to move in become strangely absent afterwards. They show up in the beginning to make sure their kid's apartment is clean and safe, but are seldom around to see the damage that was done when it comes time to move out. These are usually the one's that accuse the manager of stealing their security deposit.  

I'm not saying that all our residents are this way, actually it's probably less than 10 percent. But there's enough of them to make a good showing and a lot of noise. I just don't understand why the college officials arent doing anything to stop the problem?