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Topic : 03/14 Overprotective Moms

Number of Replies: 310
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, October 07, 2005, 03:41:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/12/05) They won’t let you walk down the street alone.  They call your house five times a day, screen your calls, and monitor your every move. It’s not the FBI; it’s mothers! When 14-year-old Ashlee was on the show nearly two years ago, she said her mother, Teresa, was embarrassing and strict, and she wanted it to stop. Now she’s back and says her mom still won’t allow her to have any freedom. See the assignment Dr. Phil gave them that brought Teresa to tears. Plus, meet a 43-year old woman who says her mother is so overprotective, she calls the police if she comes home late. Can her mom learn how to let go? Share your thoughts.

 

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October 12, 2005, 7:37 am CDT

I think one of those emergency reponse bracelets, watch or necklaces would help mothers with there fears. It also would be a good idea for the child. Especially because there are sexual predators close.

 
October 12, 2005, 7:37 am CDT

i feel for the kids and moms

I have a 9 year old and i live 2 blocks from the school and i will NOT let her walk. She has freinds who do. and that is fine for them. But i have seen and heard of  kids missing on there way to school. I have worked my job around them to be here with them. I love them to much to let  them get hurt .  

  

 
October 12, 2005, 7:40 am CDT

so strict!

my mom is so strict.she and i argue all the time.my friends are allowed to the mall by themselves with out a adult.why cant i?!my mom always has to go to my school dances like geez ma you have friends go play with them and let me play with mine!she seems to not trust and i never do anything.like now in 6th grade i had a very high angermangement problem and all she did was pull surprise visits in me to make sure i wasnt misbehaving now that im the new kid in where i live now and she pulls the same visits even at my dance and all she saw me doing was chilling at my locker talking and dancung.why WONT she leave me BE!?
 
October 12, 2005, 7:57 am CDT

10/12 Overprotective Moms

I am a 26 year old mother of three. I came from a "normal" family and I am the oldest. I was very sheltered growing up and my parents were overprotective. When they finally cut me loose, I made wrong decisions. I ended up pregnant at 17. After I had my daughter, I split with her father and met my husband. My parents once again were trying to control me and gave me an ultimatum which resulted in my moving out and marrying at age 18. I was not taught how to make smart decisions, I was just told what I wasn't allowed to do. My husband and I are still together today, but it has not been easy and it still isn't. I still have a lot of issues with my parents. I have never felt good enough in their eyes. I still don't. My brother is three years younger than me and he was given many more liberties than I was. Even my younger sister was allowed to do things that I wasn't. Perhaps my parents learned from seeing what it had done to me, but it still hurts. We don't have a good relationship. I struggle every day with not feeling good enough and it spills into my marriage.  

  

Now that I am in their shoes, I can understand why they didn't want to let me go. My father asked me what I would do if my daughter did the same things I did and I have no idea what I would do. I just hope that I can draw on my experiences and make the right decisions for her.  

  

 
October 12, 2005, 8:21 am CDT

Same Situation

I am very worried about my little cousin who will be 14 in Nov. and has an overprotective mom and grandmother who will not let her be a child/teen. She is not allowed to go to a sleep over a party nothin without her mom or grandmother there to make sure she is ok. It drives me nuts because she is just starting high school and i dont want her to rebel and get in with the wrong crowd. Also to make the situation worse my cousin has NO guts as she sleeps in her mom's room every night as she is scared to sleep in her own room which by the way is literally around the corner. To me this is not morally right kindof nasty. My cousin is scared of her own shadow and i feel it is because of her mom and grandmother always telling her NO. When she does go to the mall with a friend my grandmother makes tem meet back up with her 10 times during the 3 hours there. What is gonna happen to her when she is 16 and wants to date is her mom gonna follow and hold her hand? Please my aunt grandmother and cousin need help before things get bad.
 
October 12, 2005, 8:32 am CDT

Protecting our children

I grew up in the 60's/70's with an overprotective mom.  She would never allow me to spend the night at a friend's house because she was so afraid of fire.  At the time, I didn't like her decision but respected it.  I have 2 children and 2 step children now.  I am just as overprotective as she was.  I can definately see her logic.  You protect the ones you love.  That is why we are all still here today.   

  

The big issue is we have many sex offenders that live among us.  Children are not safe in school, church or even at home sometimes.  Here in Florida 9 year old Jessica Lunsford was kidnapped from her bedroom late at night.  She was held by her neighbor in his closet for many days.  He then buried her alive with the stuffed animal she had taken with her.  She was raped and tortured.  All because her family left the front door unlocked one night. 

  

I refuse to let that happen to my children.  I give them freedom still but I require them to check in.  Out of respect, I still check in with my 70 yr old father (I am 39) every couple of days or so.  My mom's over protectiveness just told me that she loves me more than anything and wants me to be safe.  How can a child argue with that? 

  

  

 
October 12, 2005, 8:36 am CDT

You are still a child

Quote From: helena309

my mom is so strict.she and i argue all the time.my friends are allowed to the mall by themselves with out a adult.why cant i?!my mom always has to go to my school dances like geez ma you have friends go play with them and let me play with mine!she seems to not trust and i never do anything.like now in 6th grade i had a very high angermangement problem and all she did was pull surprise visits in me to make sure i wasnt misbehaving now that im the new kid in where i live now and she pulls the same visits even at my dance and all she saw me doing was chilling at my locker talking and dancung.why WONT she leave me BE!?

I can understand that you get upset with your mom about your lack of,freedom.  But coming from the Mom role I totally agree with your mom on you going to the mall unattended.  You are in 6th grade, none of my children have been allowed to just go to the mall at your age.  I agree you should be allowed to attend school activities with other adults present without your mom.  But what you do not realize is we are watching this nations children being taken, raped, molested and murdered.  Just last year in my state a 13 yr old was taken while walking home from her friends house 4 blocks away.  She called her mother to tell her she was on her way home and never made it there.  4 BLOCKS, you would think it would be fine for her to walk that distance.  Unfortunately in the day and age it isn't safe. Another girl 9 was taken from her bedroom at night.   

  

My oldest children are 18 & 15 boys, my youngest are 9 yr old twin girls.  I have always been very protective and will continue to be.  I would love to give my children the freedom of walking to the store or to a friends house as I did when I was a child, but unfortunately we cannot take that chance.  Because if we do we run the risk of identifying their bodies in a morgue or possibly never knowing what happened to them.    

  

It is not that your mother doesn't trust you; she doesn't trust the sick perverse world in which we live.  The predators are there and they look like every other person around, you can't tell who they are until the damage has been done.  It's sad but true. 

  

As my oldest showed responsibility and maturity he was given more freedoms, but he was still required to tell who, where, when and what.  As well as my 15 yr old is now.  We do not do this to make their lives miserable, we do this hoping we insure they still have their lives and are not scarred from abuse or torture.  When I was growing up I thought my parents were nuts just like you, until you have children you cannot possibly understand. 

  

Give your mom a break and maybe you can make her realize that there are some things you can do without her as long there are other adults around to keep an eye out.  If you will show her that you at least understand why she worries then maybe, with that level of maturity, you could strike a compromise for your schol dances.  BTW sometimes we just like to pop in when you are not expecting us just to see that you  are making good choices, that helps us to see that you are being responsible, and we can loosen the strings a bit.  If you aren't doing anything wrong then don't worry about it, she sees you being a good kid.  If she thinks that you don't want her around then she's thinking you have something to hide.  Let her "catch you being good" a few times, without you going nuts about it and maybe then she'll relax.  I know when my kids don't want me around then they are usually up to something I wouldn't aprove of, so you being defensive about it only makes it worse.     

  

If you show her maturity and responsibility she will respond by trusting you.  But that has to be earned and most of it is up to you.  But we still must do our best to safeguard you from some dangers and that has nothing to do with trusting you as an individual, it's the rest of society we are worried about.       

 
October 12, 2005, 8:42 am CDT

Overprotective ?

The mom on the show was definitely over the top, and the teenager was doing what teenagers are supposed to do.....trying to gain some independence. 

  

I do have a problem with people who let their kids run amok, I used to work at a Mall and the biggest complaint from store owners was people who dumped their teens off for the day...... 

No money to spend, just there hanging out and causing trouble. 

  

I do want my child to be where they say they're going to be, I want them to call when they get to their destination. I will not just drop them at the Mall, I'll take them and stay there and probably have 2 way radio's. But I will go my own way and have a target spot to meet at a certain time. 

  

I think there should be a happy medium that keeps both, parents and kids happy AND safe. 

 
October 12, 2005, 9:03 am CDT

Overprotective moms

Well ive just became a mother myself on sept 21st and my little girl is only 3 weeks old and well i understand where these mothers are coming from. I cant stand it when she is out of my site for less then 5 minutes. I want to know what she is doing and what the person is doing and are they doing it right. My mom is one of this protective moms i wouldnt call her a overproctective mom cause she isnt. She lets me do things and only calls to check in once in a while, i call her sometimes to check in cause ive got in the habit of doing it. I believe with all the kids going missing and turning up dead, thats what some mothers are changing the ways they look on some stuff. I wouldnt want my 12 or 13 year old daughter or son walking by theirself at night or during the day cause its to many people out there that would love to get them. I know im basing my facts on people and the news but you never know about someone these days. When my daughter gets older and wants to start going out with friends your darn right im going to be overprotective cause really i dont want nothing to happen to her and dont say it want happen cause in this time and day you dont know whos out there and you dont know what they are thinking or planning on doing. So i feel sorry for the moms thats getting bashed for being overprotective cause its their job to be this way cause its their children and if they want to call let them. You know i wouldnt be saying all this if i wasnt a mother but now that i am im seeing things more different each day and i understand where my mother was coming from all those years of trying to track me down and bugging me when i was with friends and not letting me down some of the things i wanted to do when i was younger.  

 
October 12, 2005, 9:25 am CDT

Kudos to You :-)

Quote From: tselb2

I believe the biggest problem with overprotective parents is that the child never learns to make decisions and is thus, unable to live on their own or will forever second guess their decisions.  

  

I am a Mom of three boys.  They are 11, 9, and 7.  My oldest has freedoms the other two don't simply b/c he has had more life experience and has shown his responsibilities to be honorable.  My 9 yo has special needs, but is still allowed to ride his bike around the neighborhood b/c he has been taught (by me and Dad) how to do it honorably and has shown to be responsible.  I believe taking these freedoms away would cause them to second guess their independence.  Plus, I will not be here for the rest of their lives (I believe at this point) so if I don't empower them, who will?  I don't want them learning from the world, so I believe it is my job as their Mom.  They have never been in daycare, as well, b/c I didn't want someone else spending more time with them than myself (this is my choice, of course, not meant to offend anyone reading).  I believe if we teach our children right from wrong, when they get to that critical moment in life, they will have the knowledge to make a good choice.  If they choose otherwise, it is their consequence to suffer, not mine.  All three of my boys have been given consequence as a result of poor judgment, so they understand that consequences surely follow poor judgment. 

  

Tselb2 

You're teaching your boys caution not fear of the world as well as taking responsibilty for their own actions and poor choices.  

  

I watch the situation with my nephew and am nearly brought to tears with each new development. Charles is 6 months older than my son and the two of them could not be more different. Physical appearance, they could pass for twins but their approach and view of the world are polar opposites. Charles is afraid of his own shadow, Gar (my son) could use a "leash" to keep him from barreling into situations. Charles parents have kept him under their thumb so firmly , often times it seems he's trying to become invisible. We tried to get him to come out (Pennsylvania to Colorado) for 2 weeks during the summer when he was 14 so he could just be a kid. Charles wouldn't get on the plane by himself, I'm looking at Gar who took his first plane ride at 8 yrs old and Gar was telling the pilot how to fly the plane! Charles parents are keeping him safe but they're also keeping him scared of life. I hate it, I really hate what they've done to the poor kid. He will be 18 next month and I pray Charles will go as far away as he can get to go to college. 

  

Yes you do have to evaluate the situations your kids will be exposed to but you also have to keep in mind, from the day of their birth you're begining the process of eventually letting them go. Gar leaves for college next and I'm sure I'll be bawling in the car after I leave him in the dorm but that's what we've been working toward for all these years.  ----I'm thinking I need to buy stock in Kleenex Corp..... ;-)   

 
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