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Topic : 03/16 Cheerleader Scandal

Number of Replies: 3116
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Created on : Friday, October 07, 2005, 03:42:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/13/05) In a heartbeat, your entire life can change. No one knows this better than the families of Brandi and Daniel. Seventeen-year-old Brandi was a cheerleader, an excellent student and an all-American girl. She was in love with athletic 18-year old Daniel. Now he’s dead and she finds herself behind bars serving a 12-year sentence, all because of what happened in just a split second. Was it murder or simply a horrific accident? Hear members of both families describe how the tragedy unfolded, and the struggle to put together the pieces of their shattered lives. Plus, Dr. Phil visits Brandi in prison to ask some very hard questions. She has an emotional message for Daniel's mother -- and for Daniel. Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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October 12, 2005, 3:31 pm CDT

10/13 Cheerleader Scandal

I am anxious to see this show. I don't know really what to expect. I am a big believer that your life can change in a split second. It will be interesting to see how their lives are, and how much they have changed over the years. I give my sympathy's to both families, and I hope that you are able to cope with your loss.
 
October 12, 2005, 7:31 pm CDT

Lost of a Child

My heart goes out to the mother who lost her son.  My heart goes out to the parents of the girl who was convicted of the other childs death.  As the girl has been processed by the judicial system - she has been judged, we do not need to keep judging her.  She will live with this experience for the rest of her life. 

  

I lost a son fifteen years ago.  I beat myself for his death over a six to seven year period.  I was angry, and avoided people because I knew I I truely believed it was wrong he had been taken from me.  I had two other children but, he was my youngest.  The day of his death my mother told me, "remember, you have two other children who need you".  A woman at work said to me a few weeks later that God took him from me to protect me.  I became angered because children are innocent and should never die.  In the end, I realized, none of us ever expect to lose a child.   

  

One day a friend who's life I dropped in and out of said , "Have you stopped beating yourself for his death, you know, it is time".  The day I let go, a ton of weight was removed from shoulders.  I look back at those years and now see how selfish I was.  My sons soul could not rest because I was angry holding on to him trying to reason  why it was not his time to go.  Yes, I know he will never graduate high school or college, get married, give me grandbabies, but I have two other loving children who will do some, if not all, of these thing.  These children were so strong during my selfish pain.  To this day, they are the most giving people I have ever known.  I wonder how I kept myself from making them angry people too.   

  

To both parents, don't allow the children you have at home to become filled with the anger and discontent you are feeling for you lost child.  The children living in your home ought to be happy - they will have a life time to deal with anger and discontent as adults, don't encourage bitterness and keep your children beautiful for as long as you can. 

 
October 12, 2005, 8:11 pm CDT

Key word is- FORGIVENESS

I think that we ALL have made mistakes that we pay for in some degree or another and its not only us who pay for them but others around us as well.  When somebody has been hurt by our actions or our choices it is soooo easy for that person to become bitter and angry at us rather than deal with the true source of the pain inside.  By taking out their hurt onto us, they find a place to direct their pain and energy in a negative way, rather than to heal its easier to let the wound continue to fester and stay infected.  If somebody were to push you down on the sidewalk and as a result you skinned your knee, would it help the wound at all if the only thing you did about it was sit in that same spot everyday and point your finger at that person saying " look what you did? look how you hurt me?".  NO OF COURSE NOT, the wound wouldnt go away on its own, it would need aniseptic and bandages.  Just like a real wound that hasnt been properly cared for our hearts can become infected, smelly, contagious, and it grows with everyday.  Before you know it you are eaten alive with infection and its too late.  It takes a strong person to heal from a blow like what Daniel's family has taken but it also takes a much stronger person to forgive, move on (which i am sure he would have wanted his family to be free and healthy), and heal.  Also, to Brandi and her family, I know that there are different levels of consequences for our choices and that we should accept them, but when you can forgive yourselves and find peace in that then you can live your life to the fullest no matter what the circumstance may be.  I do believe it is uneccessary for us to pay for our mistakes for the rest of our lives but the consequences will always be there, in our hearts, and that is what makes you a stronger person than you were yesterday.  Wishing that Brandi will be home soon and wishing both families love and support for the days ahead.
 
October 13, 2005, 12:21 am CDT

What is warong with people?

I am currently watching today's show and I am so angry.  If Brandi was innocent, then why take a plea bargain?  She agreed to the plea bargain so now she has to live with the choice she made.  I feel for her family, but we all live with the choices we make...even the "accidents" we cause.  We live in Italy and their law states that if you are at fault in an accident resulting in death due to negligence, you may be sentenced to  12 years in prison and large fines.  Anything that empares your ability to react to your surroundings, is no different than drunk driving.  For her to think that she would serve only 120 days for a HIT AND RUN was ludicrous.  Her HIT AND RUN was no accident.  That may be why her plea bargain was for VOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER.  Live and learn...
 
October 13, 2005, 12:40 am CDT

Hold on... has anyone thought about THIS?

Dr. Phil said that the young man had threatened to "commit suicide" if she left him. He threatened to kill her and her younger brother. After fighting, she went to leave him and he stepped out in front of her car. Sounds like SUICIDE to me. She has served more time than child rapists and first-degree murderers. Let her go home. 

 
October 13, 2005, 12:50 am CDT

Healing hearts

Quote From: ascanbe19

My heart goes out to the mother who lost her son.  My heart goes out to the parents of the girl who was convicted of the other childs death.  As the girl has been processed by the judicial system - she has been judged, we do not need to keep judging her.  She will live with this experience for the rest of her life. 

  

I lost a son fifteen years ago.  I beat myself for his death over a six to seven year period.  I was angry, and avoided people because I knew I I truely believed it was wrong he had been taken from me.  I had two other children but, he was my youngest.  The day of his death my mother told me, "remember, you have two other children who need you".  A woman at work said to me a few weeks later that God took him from me to protect me.  I became angered because children are innocent and should never die.  In the end, I realized, none of us ever expect to lose a child.   

  

One day a friend who's life I dropped in and out of said , "Have you stopped beating yourself for his death, you know, it is time".  The day I let go, a ton of weight was removed from shoulders.  I look back at those years and now see how selfish I was.  My sons soul could not rest because I was angry holding on to him trying to reason  why it was not his time to go.  Yes, I know he will never graduate high school or college, get married, give me grandbabies, but I have two other loving children who will do some, if not all, of these thing.  These children were so strong during my selfish pain.  To this day, they are the most giving people I have ever known.  I wonder how I kept myself from making them angry people too.   

  

To both parents, don't allow the children you have at home to become filled with the anger and discontent you are feeling for you lost child.  The children living in your home ought to be happy - they will have a life time to deal with anger and discontent as adults, don't encourage bitterness and keep your children beautiful for as long as you can. 

I believe that forgiveness is a wonderful thing.  I'm very sorry for your loss and think that you did a great job explaining your situation.  My heart goes out to you and your family as well as other families that have endured this same pain.  I also believe that both families need to start the healing process and cannot dwell on what they cannot change.  I have never lost a child, and hope I never have to, but I can understand the pain they must be going through.  I don't think anyone should ever have to endure that pain.  But, I'm a believer that everything happens for a reason and people can become stronger from things that have happened in the past.  The family of Daniel should put their faith in God knowing that their son is in his hands now and taken care of.  They cannot bring him back to life and should somehow come together and move forward just like Dr. Phil said on the show.  I don't think by continuously pointing fingers at Brandi and her family is going to help matters any.  This is only going to cause more family fued and neither families are going to ever truely be happy, or healthy.  Daniel's family should start leaning on eachother for support and realize, like you had said, that there are other children in this family.  My heart goes out to them.   

Brandi was a young girl who obviously made some bad choices in her life.  Who hasn't?  Yes, she took a life and should serve some time in prison for it.  The reason I say that is because our justice system cannot and should not make exceptions just because people don't agree.  Our justice system has to remain strong or other people who may be guilty of more severe crimes will walk our streets.  We have to have some kind of structure to hold our society together.  Do I think that she can be rehabilitated and has learned from her mistakes, absolutely.  I think it's time for her to be released.  I know it sounds harsh, but I have to believe that our legal system is doing the right thing.  I feel that Brandi's family should go through some kind of counseling and heal themselves as well.  They have a daughter that is very much alive and needs their support in every way if they plan for her to lead a somewhat normal life when she is released.   

Thank you ascanbe19 for sharing your story.  You are a brave woman and I commend you for being so strong.  I'm not sure I could be and hope I never have to be.  Thanks again. 

 
October 13, 2005, 4:56 am CDT

Wait a minute...

Dr. Phil stated that Daniel threatened to commit suicide if Brandi left him. She made it clear it was over and, while LEAVING HIM he stepped out in front of her car. It sounds like a suicide to me!  She has served more time than child molesters, child rapists and murderers. Let her go home.  Daniel got what he wanted... her and her brother's lives virtually over, and forever scarred, and he wanted to be dead. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's what I heard on the show. It's a sad, sad story.
 
October 13, 2005, 6:19 am CDT

Forgive to live

To all the families involved, the need of forgiveness needs to occur in each and every individual.  You can't let your lives be destroyed or come to a halt because of what happened.  Whats that saying, "Life goes on."  And as hard as it may be, that's what everyone needs to do.  To the mother of Daniel,  your hatred is going to eat you up inside and take over your day-to-day life.  Until you can come to terms with what happened, accident or not, you'll be miserable inside and out.  Even people who make mistakes, that 'one' bad decision that can be made in a split second, can change their lives forever!  I say this from the heart, knowing this because of a family member in a similiar situation.  The person behind bars can be the victim too, just need to read between the lines.  Overall, in order for everyone involved, forgiveness needs to happen.  The families need to be able to forgive eachother, and forgive Brandi and Daniel for their actions that resulted in this tragic situation!  Hatred tears people apart and forgiveness makes the heart whole again.  Think about it, would Daniel or Brandi want their families to be full or rage and hatred, NO!  So, please forgive!!!
 
October 13, 2005, 6:56 am CDT

My heart

my heart and soul goes out to both familys i hope maybe someday they can come together as one and deal with this accident together
 
October 13, 2005, 7:02 am CDT

she killed him

Well I feel Brandi knows she killed him. But at 17 I feel she may not have known the complete consequences for her actions.

  

 

I feel if she or her family believes she is all so innocent they would have gone for a trial.

  

 

I also feel she is only just scratching the surface of what she has done. So she in the right place. And her sentence is not what her or her family thinks she should get or even Daniels. That’s what courts are for, so judgment can be from people who are not affected
 
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