I first would like to express my heartfelt sympathy to each family. I always have agreed with Dr. Phil when he said "I will never say I know how you feel". He can simply offer support and some suggestions that have worked for others. In my practice I do the same. In this case I can say I can empathize, with each member, on their feelings of anger, sorrow, loss and many others.
I lost my brother in a car accident when I was 15. He was seventeen. This tragedy happened the day after Christmas in 1991. Three teenagers total died in this accident, the driver lived. I am not going to get into the legal piece of this because the point I would like to make is first of all you are not alone in your situation. Yes, every situation is unique however the range of emotions experienced from a loss are all very similar. My family just like the ones on the show were angry the driver lived, bad talked about his bad boy reputation however it was not until I went to Grad School and learned about Kubler Ross's five stages of grief and loss. I highly recommend the book because the five stages she explains are anger, grief, guilt, denial and acceptance. She explains the importance of going through each stage, no specific order, some stages maybe twice and she gives suggestions on how to work towards acceptance of the loss. This is pretty much the quick version but it was this book and philosophy that helped my parents(especially my mom) move towards acceptance. She was stuck in the anger and denial phase for six years and she could not get out. My mom was resistant to therapy, or medication she just insisted on being negative.
I have an older sister as well, who still to this day carries alot of guilt because our brother called her the night of the accident to ask her to pick him up because he was tired and ready to go. Well it is obvious that she did not go pick him up and that was the last time she spoke to him.
As we approach another anniversary of his death(#14) in December, as a family we do just what you do at other anniversary's. We celebrate his life and all the good memories we have. He is no longer this taboo subject, instead he is still very much apart of our family. Believe me this took many long years to make it to where everyone of us has accepted his death. And when I mean accepted, I mean have been able to move forward with each day with a greater appreciation of the little things.....
I try in practice especially with children to ask themselves what they want their life to look like from this day forward. I say yesterday has already happened, and for you yesterday was not a good day. Today is a new day where we will begin to celebrate our own lives and the lives of those near and dear to us, alive or deceased.
Brandi in today's show will never be the same person she was on the day before the accident. She has to live with this nightmare for the rest of her life. Let her do it outside of the walls of prison. Think about all the people who get out of prison and because of what they have been through have a whole lot to offer the world. Life experiences teach life lessons.
To Daniel's family: take a moment to reflect on his life, he needs you to keep his memory alive. My thoughts go out to you....
(Original Air Date: 10/13/05) In a heartbeat, your entire life can change. No one knows this better than the families of Brandi and Daniel. Seventeen-year-old Brandi was a cheerleader, an excellent student and an all-American girl. She was in love with athletic 18-year old Daniel. Now he’s dead and she finds herself behind bars serving a 12-year sentence, all because of what happened in just a split second. Was it murder or simply a horrific accident? Hear members of both families describe how the tragedy unfolded, and the struggle to put together the pieces of their shattered lives. Plus, Dr. Phil visits Brandi in prison to ask some very hard questions. She has an emotional message for Daniel's mother -- and for Daniel. Talk about the show here.
